Sculpting for Dummies
by demonrubberducky
Summary: chap. 362 spoilers Deidara finds himself in trouble, and it's up to Tobi to come to his rescue. Just how far is he willing to go for his sempai, especially when Deidara doesn't want to be saved? TobiDei
1. Chapter 1

Sculpting for Dummies:

Rating: M, eventually

Pairing: Tobi/Dei, mention of others/Dei

Spoilers up to chapter 362, and usage of the Tobito theory.

AN: because the fangirl in me is in denial about the latest chapter. Deidara is immortal, damn it!

…………………Chapter 1……………..…

The forest was in turmoil. Animals were scurrying left and right, foliage was flying, and every few minutes, a faint "Katsu!" could be heard in the distance, followed by another explosion. Dirt and bark and burnt up chipmunks were raining down. Tobi, the newest member of the Akatsuki and resident 'good boy', paused amidst the fray.

"Deidara-sempai told me to get out of here." He reminded himself, and started to run again. He stopped when he heard another furious explosion. "But the battle should have ended by now…sempai might be in trouble."

The masked man tried to use his arithmetic skills, which were scant, and his observational skills, which were much keener than anyone who knew him suspected, and made a mental calculation of how much chakra Deidara had left. Even though he knew it was only a rough estimate, the result wasn't good.

"He might try to use 'it' soon." Tobi whispered to himself. He wasn't sure what 'it' was, only knew from a passing conversation with the blond what he was supposed to do in the event of Deidara's last resort jutsu.

_'If I'm ever running low on chakra and have to use 'it', you'd better make sure you get your dumb ass out of the way, un. Ten kilometers at least. Understand?' Deidara had told him. _

_And Tobi had nodded. 'What about you, sempai? How will I find you if I run that far away?' _

_Deidara hadn't answered right away, but after a moment said, 'If it comes to that, I'll find _you_, dumbass. With your crappy ninja skills, it's not like you could hide from me anyways, un.'_

Tobi should have been following his sempai's advice and high-tailing it out of the forest. But he was worried. He turned on his heels and headed back toward the source of the blasts. Surely the battle wasn't going to come to that last resort, not when Deidara-sempai had been so certain of victory. In fact, he'd probably already won; he was, after all, the strongest shinobi that Tobi knew.

Tobi decided he would just go and have a peek, to make sure Deidara didn't need any help. And Deidara would definitely be done with the battle and dusting himself off and would berate Tobi for running away and then for coming back before he knew it was safe. _'Did you think you were gonna show up at the last minute and be my knight in shining armor, un? Dumbass!_' He'd say.

At least, Tobi hoped that was how it would be…

………………………………………………………

Uchiha Sasuke was beginning to think that telling the crazy nin who had attacked him out of nowhere that none of his earth-based jutsu would be effective against him might have been a mistake. The teen had hoped that the revelation that the battle was over would lead the Akatsuki member to surrender quietly. Sasuke was not having that kind of luck, though. Instead, the enemy nin's eyes lit up with a psychotic glow, and he started raving about his final, artistic self-destruction.

'Great, he had to pull this one _after_ I finished up the last of my chakra.' He thought to himself.

After everything was over, he'd never admit to it, but in the heat of the battle, there was a moment when Sasuke felt panic take over. The blond shinobi across from him had ripped off his shirt, stuffed that damned annoying clay into a mouth over his heart, and started glowing white-hot. For a fraction of a second, Sasuke was terrified.

It was a flash of orange out of the corner of his eye that stirred him to action (and wasn't it always?); this time, though, it wasn't his dead-last former friend. Nope. It was the second ninja Sasuke had ever encountered in his fifteen years that thought orange was an acceptable color for a shinobi. Briefly, Sasuke wondered if this Tobi person and Naruto would get along if they met.

"Deidara-sempai?" Sasuke heard Tobi whimper. Then, with dawning realization, "Crap! Deidara-sempai, stop! You won't survive this!"

"He doesn't plan on it." Sasuke shouted at him. "If you want any of us to get out of this alive, you have to use a lighting jutsu on him now!"

The heat from Deidara's body made the air crackle around him. "Sempai?" Tobi whispered again.

Sasuke wondered if he could escape in time if he used the wings from his cursed seal form. Probably not. "Listen, use a lighting jutsu or all three of us die!"

For the first time since his arrival, Tobi turned and faced him. Sasuke wondered what kind of half-assed ninja he was to keep his back to the enemy for so long. He'd definitely get along well with Naruto.

"Will he live if I do it?" The masked man asked, as if they weren't all facing impending doom.

"I don't know! He has a better chance than if he blows himself up!" the Uchiha hissed. That seemed to be good enough for the Akatsuki member, who turned and started forming seals. He stepped forward, ignoring the waves of scorching air coming from his partner even though they doubtlessly burned him. And to Sasuke's utter amazement, the jutsu he slammed into his comrade's chest was a perfect copy of his Chidori.

………………………………………………….

Tobi felt Deidara's jutsu fizzle out as soon as the lightening came into contact with his body. His sempai flopped to the ground, unconscious and smelling like burnt flesh. He didn't look like he was breathing.

"Crap! Sempai, please don't die." He begged. Tobi tried to remember if he was supposed to do mouth-to-mouth to get Deidara breathing again, or use medical jutsu first to ensure his system could support him once it got restarted. 'I can't remember the first thirteen years of my life. How am I supposed to remember how to save a life?'

A sickening burning smell wafted up from a hole in Deidara's chest. Strange, Tobi hadn't even noticed that. That seemed a good a place to start as any; Deidara definitely wasn't going to heal with sizzling hot clay over his heart. Ignoring the temperature of the clay glob, which burned through his gloves, and the teeth of the unnatural mouth that snapped at his fingers, he scraped the clay away and flung it to the side.

Tobi placed his singed hands palm side down on Deidara's chest and performed a healing jutsu he didn't know he knew. The ninja often found his suppressed memory supply him a long-forgotten technique when he needed it. He forced his chakra through Deidara's system, flushing away the clay residue, and started regenerating burnt-out cells.

The boy Deidara had been fighting, Itachi's brother, approached him, but he was too busy trying to force his sempai's lungs to inflate. He leaned over, pinched Deidara's nostrils shut, and placed his mouth over his partner's. Without even a thought to how many different ways Deidara would murder him for this if he survived, Tobi expelled all the air he could into his sempai's mouth. He took a second breath and blew it past Deidara's unmoving lips.

"Where did you learn that jutsu?" Mini-Itachi (Tobi couldn't remember his name, and had more important things to concentrate on) demanded. Tobi ignored him in favor of a third breath for Deidara. With relief, he watched the blond's chest rise and fall, and felt a faint pant of air against his lips. He pulled away and focused on repairing the burn damage that spanned his partner's entire body. Mini-Itachi grabbed his collar and jerked him away from Deidara.

"How did you know that jutsu?" He growled again. Tobi smacked his hand away. He really should have been quivering in fear- the ninja boy had defeated Deidara, after all- but healing was a delicate operation, and he wasn't going to let a distraction from the Uchiha leave his sempai permanently scarred.

"Most of this is basic healing. I assume I learned it in my old village." Tobi remarked. He really had no clue where most of his jutsu came from; his forgotten past seemed like a whole different life. Deidara's face was beginning to blister; now wasn't the time to worry about his amnesia. He combined a water jutsu with wind without thought and used it to cool down Deidara's reddening skin.

"Not that. The lightning jutsu from before. No one but myself and my old sensei know it, and neither of us are known to share. How the hell did you know how to use it?" The ex-Konoha nin sounded frustrated by Tobi's lack of response.

Well, Tobi was frustrated too! Didn't the Uchiha realize that his sempai was going to die if he didn't heal him in time? Couldn't he see that Tobi didn't have time to deal with his possessiveness over that damned jutsu? Didn't he know how important it was that Deidara live? No, Tobi admitted he probably didn't.

Tobi was relying in instinct alone to save his sempai, so his thoughts were free to wander. He forced the cooling jutsu into Deidara's chest to counteract some of the damage that the stolen lightning jutsu had done. The Uchiha snorted impatiently, but Tobi left him waiting for his answer. Deidara was the most important thing. The blond was his partner and his mentor, and Tobi had been admiring him long before Deidara even knew he existed. Tobi didn't know much about art (a fact that his sempai reminded him of constantly), but he knew that his sempai was a masterpiece on his own: strong, talented, and beautiful, even if he did hurl exploding clay at anyone who mentioned the last one. Tobi wasn't about to let the ex-stone nin die. Zetsu-san and Deidara-sempai were the only friends Tobi had in the world, and he would fight to protect them. Deidara would live, even if Tobi had to regrow every cell in his body. And if Mini-Itachi was going to interfere, Tobi wouldn't hesitate to kill him. He was just a good boy like that.

……………………………………………………….

Sasuke was really starting to hate this 'Deidara-sempai'. He had been planning on going easy on him, and would have gladly let him and his partner go after he received his information on Itachi's whereabouts. But no, the blond had to go suicidal on him, and now his idiot partner was too busy trying to patch him up to even tell Sasuke how the hell he knew Sasuke's private jutsu.

He was going to find out, even if it meant breaking his policy of not killing anyone who wasn't a body-snatching pervert or a clan-killing psycho. His katana was too far away for him to fetch at his current state (he'd used a Chidori on himself, and his jutsu was something to be reckoned with), so he drew a kunai instead.

From what he could see of the masked ninja's priorities, he'd get an answer faster if he threatened the unconscious Deidara. He held the point of his knife on the burned skin of the stone-nin's throat. Before he could react (once again, with a Chidori to the chest, he was moving a little slowly), Sasuke found himself being tackled by the orange-wearing healer.

"Touch Deidara-sempai and I'll kill you." He growled; his voice sounded much fiercer than the normal, goofy way Sasuke had heard before.

"You actually think you could defeat me?" Sasuke bluffed. Despite Tobi's ability to pull jounin-level jutsu out of thin air, Sasuke could tell he was a weakling, and hoped to intimidate him into submission.

"I think I could right now. If you didn't have the chakra left to diffuse Deidara-sempai's bomb, I'm sure you don't have enough left to fight me." Tobi stated bluntly. Then he hopped off of the Uchiha and scrambled back to his partner. "I'll give you all the information you need, _after_ I've made sure Deidara-sempai is ok."

It wasn't exactly what Sasuke had been hoping for, but under the circumstances, Tobi's offer would have to do. The avenger picked himself up off of the ground and knelt down to watch Tobi work. The jutsus that the man was turning out were fascinating, now that he thought about it. Yes, most of them were basic healing techniques, but he was combining two or three at a time. That was unheard of by anyone without bloodline jutsu or below kage-level strength. And every once in a while, he'd throw in an extremely advanced jutsu, as if he didn't even notice the difference.

"Hmm, breathing, circulation, organs, burns…damn, I know I'm doing these out of order…what else…?" Tobi muttered to himself. He fidgeted nervously. Only because he wanted to find Itachi as quickly as possible, Sasuke decided to lend a hand.

"There's a wound on his back you'll need to fix. I made sure not to hit anything vital, but there's still a chance of shock, and it could get infected if you don't clean it out right." 

"Shock…right." Tobi muttered, and continued his healing.

……………………………………………….

It took about two hours of half-remembered techniques before Deidara was stable enough for Tobi to consider talking to Mini-Itachi. The Uchiha had been impatient, but he had redeemed himself in Tobi's eye by pointing out where his sempai was injured. He'd even used his sharingan once or twice to monitor his chakra flow and make sure it was healing correctly. So as Tobi began to sooth the superficial skin wounds that laced his partner's body, he spoke to the other nin.

"I probably copied the lightning jutsu from you. It's something I've always been able to do, see a jutsu and know how to do it." He explained. The Uchiha looked startled, but that might have just been because he had broken the eerie silence of the last two hours. Deidara's bombs had scared away every moving organism for at least three kilometers, so there weren't even birds to sing or bugs to buzz annoyingly.

"Do you have a bloodline limit or something? Because your ability sounds like something only my clan could do." Mini-Itachi looked wistful as he spoke about them. Tobi had heard in passing that they'd all been slaughtered, but didn't know much about them, since Itachi had the tendency to mangekyo sharingan anyone who mentioned the Uchiha clan.

"Not that I know of." Tobi told him truthfully. The burns on Deidara's face and arms were now reduced to pink healing skin. He moved onto the smooth chest, avoiding the mouth on the left side. "But, then again, I don't remember any of my life from before I was thirteen. I can recall jutsu from the past when I'm in a situation that I need them, but I don't know who I copied them from or where I came from. Strange, huh?"

The Uchiha tilted his head as if he were trying to see though the eye hole of Tobi's mask. The gaze made Tobi uncomfortable, so he leaned down over Deidara's chest and examined the mouth hole there. He fingered the stitch marks in the skin around the mouth.

"Was this sewn shut before?" He asked Mini-Itachi. "We've been partners for months, and I've never seen sempai without his shirt before. I guess this is why." The tongue lolled half out of the mouth in question shuddered as Tobi traced the opening with his finger. He tucked it back inside.

"Yeah, it was. So, those healing techniques, you don't know who you got them from?"

Tobi pulled out a needle and thread from his belt pouch and quickly sealed up the mouth once more. Deidara's breaths were a little less shallow now.

"I think the regeneration one was from Zetsu-san. He mentioned using it on me when he found me, but I wasn't really coherent at the time. The rest are from the past." He traced the opening in Deidara's chest one last time before he moved on the burns on his lower stomach.

The Uchiha furrowed his brow. "Who's Zetsu? That jutsu is very advanced; the Hokage herself might not even know about it. He's Akatsuki, isn't he?"

Tobi figured the information wouldn't hurt (and he was a little distracted by the blond hairs that disappeared under Deidara's waistband), so he told him. "Zetsu-san is one of the older members. He sponsored me. Turn around."

"What?" The Uchiha gave him a funny look.

Tobi wished for a moment that he wasn't wearing his mask, so that he could give Itachi's little brother an intimidating glare to make him comply.

"Turn around. I need to take Deidara sempai's pants off to treat the rest of the burns." He put a hand on Deidara's chest protectively (and also because he found he liked touching the smooth skin and feeling the hard muscles underneath).

"Fine." The Uchiha said, and turned around. Tobi sliced away the singed pants gingerly, and healed the reddened skin underneath. His legs at least had faired a little better than his arms, since they'd had the added protection of his pants. Finally, with a nervous gulp, he cut Deidara's underwear. He was afraid to look for a moment. What if the two layers of cloth hadn't been enough of a shield for Deidara's more delicate parts?

Finally, Tobi gathered up his courage and looked. He nodded as he appraised the damage- it was nothing he couldn't fix right up. He put his palms down flat over the burned skin, and then blushed as he realized what exactly he had his hands on. His relief at the relatively light damage gave way to embarrassment, and a little lust. "Deidara-sempai, you really are a work of art." He whispered to his unconscious comrade. "I just wish it hadn't taken such drastic measures for me to get you naked."

Mini-Itachi coughed awkwardly. Tobi had forgotten for a moment that he was still there. Well, he hoped the Uchiha was a little more open-minded than he seemed. If he couldn't handle Tobi's attachment to a shinobi as sexy as his Deidara-sempai, what was he going to do when he finally encountered his nail-polish wearing, devoted-to-a-shark-man brother? Tobi stifled a giggle as he imagined the kid rocking in the fetal position. 'I bet he wouldn't look so infinitely cool then!'

"Itachi's little brother, go find Deidara-sempai's cloak." Tobi ordered. The Uchiha bristled at the name.

"Don't call me that." He hissed. "I'm Uchiha Sasuke, and I no longer consider that traitor my brother." Mini-Itachi…Sasuke looked around, though Tobi noted that he made sure not to look backwards toward the naked man, and then sighed. "I think that cloak is gone anyways. Your partner destroyed half of this forest."

Since Deidara's mesh shirt was burned beyond repair, and Tobi had cut his pants and underwear to avoid jarring him as healed the wounds underneath, the masked man striped his own Akatsuki cloak off and wrapped it around his sempai. He covered up his partner just in time, it seemed. As soon as he finished sliding the black and red cloth under Deidara's body and fastening the hooks in front, he heard voices drawing near.

…………………………………………………

Sasuke supposed there was one thing he couldn't hold against the ninja Deidara: the fact that his subordinate practiced less than ninja-ly abilities. He could hear his own comrades stomping through the forest, any pretense of stealth long abandoned. He decided that the old saying about not being able to find good help was true.

"Karin, are you _sure_ he's here? This place looks like a dump!" Suigetsu whined.

"I've told you three times, you idiot, he's here! Now shut the hell up and let me find him!" Karin hissed.

"Heh…heh…I think I should kill a redhead…no, it should be a brunette. Definitely a blonde. Silver hair? I'll kill them all! Yes, all of them! Hehehe!" Juugo giggled.

"Shit!" Sasuke heard Karin and Suigetsu swear simultaneously. "We'd better find him soon." Suigetsu said through clenched teeth.

"I'm hurrying!" Karin replied. Juugo continued his maniacal giggling.

When his subordinates finally came through the bomb-cleared section of the forest where Sasuke and Tobi (and the unconscious Deidara too, he reminded himself) were seated, the Uchiha heir considered greeting them with a few well-placed shuriken. He decided against it at the last moment only because he considered it a waste of a few good projectiles. Now that they weren't being supplied to him by a Hidden Village, Sasuke was starting to realize how expensive his equipment could be.

"Sasuuuuuuuuuuke!!!" Karin squealed, and threw herself at him. "I've been looking all over for you." Sasuke took the glomping in stride. If he hadn't learned anything else from his years in Konoha, he had learned how to ignore fan girls.

"Sasuke, you'd better do something about the big guy here." Suigetsu said, motioning to Juugo. The said giant was eyeing Deidara and giggling.

"Juugo, what would Kimimaro have to say about that?" Juugo looked at his feet and pouted. "Well?" Sasuke pressed.

The giggling stopped and Juugo looked browbeaten for a moment. Then, the huge man regained his control. "Thank you, Uchiha Sasuke. I needed that."

Sasuke nudged Karin out of his lap and stood up. He turned to Tobi. "Tell me where Itachi is." He ordered once again.

Suigetsu slunk past him and began circling Deidara like a panther stalking its prey. "Woah, boss, I didn't know you had it in you. Who's the blonde bombshell?" The watery man leaned down as if to touch the ex-stone ninja, and found himself staring down the end of a kunai.

"Lay one finger on my sempai and you die." Tobi snarled. He kept his body firmly planted between the swordsman and the artist. Suigetsu took a step back.

"Sasuke!" Karin pressed her body up against the Uchiha and tugged on his sleeve. "I can't believe you! I get stuck with these two brutes and here you are with another woman? I thought you were supposed to be the serious one here, but you're…dallying with this trollop while those Konoha nin are creeping up on you."

"What Konoha nin?" Sasuke asked, ignoring Karin's accusations. Karin huffed.

"You didn't know? Those brats you warned us to look out for, the annoying pink one and the little one in orange, they're in town looking for you." The redhead smirked and put her head on Sasuke's shoulder. "See, aren't I much more useful than that blonde tramp?" She cooed.

"She's way hotter than you, though." Suigetsu laughed. Karin's face flushed bright red and she flung herself at the silver-haired swordsman.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!"

Sasuke tuned his warring companions out. "They're here already? Damn it! We've got to move." He looked at Tobi, then at his cohorts. "You two will have to come with us for now." He said to Tobi.

With a wave of his hand, Juugo scooped up Deidara and tossed him over his shoulder.

"Careful!" Tobi hissed, and followed closely behind him to protect his partner. Sasuke figured the mother henning would get old very quickly, but at least it assured the shinobi would come with his group quietly.

"Hey, Sasuke, why does Juugo get to carry the hot chick?" Suigetsu griped.

"Because 'she' is a guy." Sasuke replied, and couldn't help but smirk at the devastated expression on the Mist nin's face. "Now, back to the hideout." He ordered.

……………………………………………………..

AN: Chapter one complete! Tune in for chapter 2, to see Tobi and Deidara in Hebi headquarters. And beware, some smut lies ahead in the next chapter or two…I think.


	2. Chapter 2

Sculpting for Dummies:

AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Your comments are always appreciated, and they always spur me on to update faster. wink wink

Disclaimer: I forgot to put this on chapter one, so here it is: Naruto isn't mine, otherwise chapter 362 would have ended much differently.

Chapter 2:

By the time Sasuke and his Hebi comrades reached their temporary base, their leader's patience was drawing near its limit. Really, he'd just narrowly survived a battle, his chakra was depleted, his captives weren't telling him where Itachi was, and Karin wouldn't stop oogling his ass as he walked. The fact that Suigetsu kept riling Tobi up by trying to peek under Deidara's Akatsuki robe wasn't helping matters either.

"What? I just want some proof. There's no way a guy could be so pretty," The swordsman shrugged after Sasuke finally snapped at him to stop it.

"Deidara-sempai is manlier than you, fish-breath," Sasuke heard Tobi mumble to himself.

"You must be pretty desperate to be drooling over a _guy_, Suigetsu!" Karin taunted. She was still clinging to Sasuke's arm like a leech. The Uchiha lost count of how many times every day he considered poisoning Suigetsu's water and stabbing Karin with his katana. He'd fantasize about journeying on with just Juugo, who at least knew how to keep his mouth shut when he wasn't going on a murderous rampage. He attributed the fact that he controlled that urge and endured their presence to his amazing self-control.

"That's because I haven't seen a decent girl since before Orochimaru locked me up!" Suigetsu growled. He made another dive toward Deidara, where he collided with Tobi's fist and fell to the ground.

"Whadda mean, _decent_!?! A bastard like you wouldn't know class if someone beat you over the head with it!"

Sasuke was pretty sure tackling someone and holding them in a headlock while yelling "nya nya nyaaa!" in their ear wasn't considered 'classy', but he kind of in the mood to let the two just finish each other off, so he didn't interfere. The Uchiha walked past the scuffling pair and motioned Juugo and Tobi to follow.

"It's not much farther," He told his captive (who seemed, by the way, much more likable than any of his crew).

"Good," Tobi replied. "This bumping and moving isn't good for Deidara-sempai."

Sasuke wondered what act of heaven it would take to engage Tobi in a conversation that didn't eventually lead back to 'Deidara-sempai'. Probably something on the impossibility level of his genin sensei renouncing porn.

……………………………………………………………

The house that Sasuke's Hebi organization had made their temporary hideout was a traditional looking wooden house with sliding doors and two floors. Its most positive feature was that it had nearly a mile of cushion space from any other civilization in any direction you could choose to travel. The crudely dug out basement was a close second, though.

When Sasuke and his team first moved into their humble base, they found the reason that the former occupants had chosen such a secluded location. Hidden underneath of the kitchen floor was a dark little cellar with rough plywood floors and walls that no professional architect had ever touched. When Hebi finally got around to cleaning out the space down there, they recovered five kilos of contraband drugs, two barrels of moonshine, and three boxes of porno magazines. Suigetsu was still thanking God for their bountiful discovery.

Now cleared of illegal and semi-legal items, the basement made a perfect cell for Sasuke's impromptu prisoners. The Uchiha opened up the trap door in the floor and lowered the spindly wooden ladder down into the cellar.

Tobi took one look at the dank hole and shook his head. "Deidara-sempai is recovering. He needs a bed." The masked nin crossed his arms and stood stock-still. Sasuke decided the matter wasn't worth the potential headache, and waved Karin off to fetch one of the dusty futons they'd discovered in the closet.

She came back with the futon and a grey blanket that later revealed itself to be blue. Tobi looked at the pitiful pile as she dropped it at his feet. It was clear from his body language that he wasn't pleased, but he was Sasuke's captive and would have to adjust.

A cloud of dust flew at himself, Suigetsu, and Karin, and all three fell into coughing fits. Tobi beat the dust out of the futon, carefully wafting it towards the three nins and away from his comatose sempai. When the futon was nearly restored to its original white color, the blanket was blue once more, and Sasuke had swallowed enough dust to fill a museum, Tobi stood up and politely said, "I think these will do for now."

Suigetsu sipped furiously from one of his water bottles to clear his throat. "Um, Sasuke…why are we making these two cozy? We're supposed to be interrogating them, right?"

Sasuke shot Suigetsu a dismissive glare. The mist ninja turned and went to the bathroom, probably to use up all the hot water with an excessively long shower. Sasuke turned back to Tobi. He was fussing over his companion, who was still draped obviously over Juugo's shoulder.

"We won't keep you here any longer than we have to. Tell me where Itachi is, and we'll release you as soon as we can confirm your information. You'll be free to go by tomorrow," Sasuke told the Akatsuki member.

Tobi didn't look at Sasuke. "I'm not telling you anything until Deidara-sempai wakes up," He said quietly.

Karin lunged at him. "You bastard! Sasuke has been more than generous to you, but don't think you're in any position to make demands." Tobi held his ground as she spat her words in his face.

"We could kill the blond and torture the masked one until he tells us," Juugo suggested with a calmness that belied the evil glint in his eyes.

Sasuke, as always, ignored his companions. He wanted, if at all possible, to avoid unnecessary deaths and torture. He'd seen what Orochimaru did to his captives, and he had no desire to become like his old mentor.

"Why should you wait to tell me? You don't want to stay in that basement longer than you have to, do you?" He asked. Tobi kept the eyehole of his mask turned toward Deidara, obviously sensing the growing instability of the one holding him.

"I don't want to, but I won't risk Deidara-sempai's life. I have only your word that you won't kill us after we give you what you want, and if you betray us, I'd rather have Deidara as an ally, not an invalid."

Sasuke respected the shinobi's healthy paranoia. "You'd better make sure he wakes up quickly then. My comrades want to find the Akatsuki lair as well, and they aren't as patient or as hospitable as I am."

And to make sure Tobi didn't carry any false image of him as soft or friendly, Sasuke kicked the futon and the blanket into the cellar and pushed Tobi to the edge. The ninja had to scurry down the rickety ladder in order to catch his companion, who was half lowered and half tossed into his arms. The last Sasuke saw of them as he lowered a battery powered lantern (he shuddered to think what the explosion-happy Deidara could do with an oil lamp when he woke up) into the hole was Tobi carefully setting his partner down on the rough wooden floors and fluffing up the futon to lay him on. Then Sasuke pulled up the ladder, lowered the trap door, flipped the latch on it, and went to his room to sleep off his chakra exhaustion.

……………………………………………………………………

Sitting in the dark, listening to Deidara's rhythmic breathing, Tobi realized just how much torture boredom could be. The adrenaline from the battle had long since faded, but he was too worried about his sempai to fall asleep. At first when he'd climbed down into their cell, he'd managed to occupy himself by getting Deidara settled in. There were only so many times he could reposition a limp body on a futon, though. After that, he'd tried cleaning the battle grime off of them. He had only met with minor success, since he only had his clothes and a dusty blanket to use as cleaning rags, and not even any water to wet them with.

Deidara was as cared for as he could be, under the circumstances. Tobi paced the cellar, tested the trap door for weaknesses, combed Deidara's hair out with his fingers, and practiced his handstands. Finally, he settled down in the floor and made shadow puppets on the wall in the dim light. He stopped when the lantern began to flicker. He switched it off; he needed to save the last of the batteries in case he needed to check on his sempai, and he didn't know when or if his captors would supply him with replacements.

So he sat in the dark, twiddling his thumbs and humming quietly to himself. By the time ten minutes had passed, he was ready to pull out all of his hair in frustration. Deidara slept on, blissfully unaware.

…………………………………………………………

About three hours-that-felt-like-days later, the trap door opened. Tobi, who had been trying to pull a splinter from the rough wood floors out of his finger in the dark, blinked as light filled the basement. He restrained a groan as the silver-haired ninja who kept eyeing Deidara-sempai lowered the ladder and descended into the cellar.

"Yo, pumpkin-face, boss wants you to strip," The swordsman told him. He grinned maliciously, showing every one of his sharply pointed teeth.

Tobi stood up and complied. He and Deidara had already been relieved of weapons and scrolls, and Tobi had entertained the hope that they'd be allowed to keep the rest of their things, but it was a standard procedure for captive nins, and Sasuke apparently was not one to overlook it. One never knew what sort of innocent looking knickknack a shinobi could utilize as a weapon, and if the jailers wanted to know where their captive came from, as Sasuke's group did, any traces of dirt or twigs caught in the fabric of their clothes could hold valuable clues.

Tobi loosened the fastening of his sleeves first, and pulled his shirt over his head. He folded it carefully, making crisp creases just to make his captor wait longer and keep the trap door open. It was refreshing to have light.

"That lantern needs new batteries. Or a new bulb. I'm not sure which," Tobi explained as he bent down to slip off his sandals. His socks were neatly rolled up and inserted into the foot holes of the sandals.

"This isn't some luxury hotel. You're a prisoner. Rough it." The ex-mist ninja deadpanned. He gestured at Tobi's pants. Tobi unhooked his belt and let his pants drop to his ankles. He stepped out of them and folded them up.

There was a bit of hesitation after that. All that Tobi had left was his orange smiley-face boxers and his mask, and he wasn't sure which one he'd feel more naked without. Sasuke's lackey gave him a pointed stare. Tobi stepped out of his boxers. At least his mask would hide the blush…

The lackey held out a hand and wiggled his fingers. Tobi took a breath and pulled off his mask. As he did, he slipped his prized Akatsuki ring into his mouth. His hands only shook a little as he handed it to the shinobi. The silver-haired man didn't seem interested in seeing Tobi's hidden face or any of his other parts, and didn't notice or care about the disappearance of the ring. As soon as he had all of Tobi's clothes bundled up in his arms, he turned toward the futon where Deidara slumbered. Tobi, forgetting his embarrassment at his nakedness, interposed himself between his partner and the hungry-looking henchman.

"I'm gonna need that robe too," The ninja smirked. If Tobi hadn't been such a good, polite boy, he might have flipped the man an obscene gesture or two. Angering his captor wasn't at the top of Tobi's priorities, though; protecting Deidara-sempai was. Tobi managed to maneuver Deidara's uncooperative body out of the robe without letting the blue blanket fall past his sempai's neck. He tossed the robe at the swordsman's face without bothering to fold it.

"You know, your secrecy only confirms my theory that that ninja is a chick. If 'he' were really a he, there'd be no reason for you to keep him all covered up," The man said. "Hair tie too," He added.

Tobi pulled Deidara's favorite red hair tie out of his hair and shot it at Sasuke's lackey like a rubber band. Deidara's old hitai-ate was thrown at the man with the same disregard. "I'm protecting Deidara-sempai from perverts and psychopaths because he's not awake to do it himself."

The mist ninja looked like he was going to say something more, but a shadow fell over the both of them. They looked up and saw a silhouette standing over the trap door. When their eyes adjusted, they saw it was the female lackey.

"Suigetsu, you idiot! You forgot the clothes for the captives to change into." She tossed down a tangled up bundle of fabric. That was when Tobi realized that he was still naked and mask-less, and backed up into a shadowy corner. Then the redhead hurled something else at the henchman's head. It hit with a thunk and landed on the wooden floor. It was a pack of batteries.

"Sasuke said that lantern would need those soon," The woman said. She giggled at Tobi, who was covering his face with one hand and his groin with the other.

"Geez, Karin, did you have to throw them at me?" Suigetsu hissed. He scrambled up the ladder still holding Tobi's Akatsuki uniform.

"I didn't _have_ to," She drawled. Both of Sasuke's comrades seemed to have forgotten Tobi and Deidara even existed.

"Bitch," Suigetsu growled, and let the trap door fall closed.

In the pitch darkness, Tobi had to grope around to find the batteries for the lamp. At least it was something to do.

………………………………………………………………….

A few more hours later found Tobi dressed in the loose draw-string pants and baggy shirt that the redhead lackey had tossed down to him. Underneath the blanket, Deidara was similarly clad. His golden hair spread around his head was the brightest thing in the sparse room, and each time he moved in his sleep, it caught the light.

Tobi's Deidara-watching had only been interrupted once since their abrupt wardrobe change, by the big, quiet lackey that had carried Deidara-sempai to the hideout. He had brought down a pitcher of water, a bowl, and an empty bucket. Without a word, the giant man had climbed back up the ladder and locked them in. Tobi had been grateful for the water (it wouldn't do for Deidara-sempai to get dehydrated on top of everything else), but he had a sinking feeling that the bucket was going to be the closest thing the two of them saw to a bathroom as long as they stayed in the cellar.

Settling back into the corner, Tobi tossed his Akatsuki ring up into the air and caught it again and again. Watching the ring glimmer in the light made Tobi remember his joy at finally receiving the ring and joining the ranks of Akatsuki. Tobi didn't care about the power of the tailed demons or world domination or anything else that the other members hoped to attain. He'd wanted the ring for a different reason.

……………………………flashback…………………………………..

_Tobi followed Zetsu-san into the mansion that served as the Akatsuki hideout. He'd been there a few times before, to water Zetsu-san's plants and deliver messages to the leader and run errands, but he still felt nervous walking into the place. He tried to make his footfalls silent and keep his head down to avoid accidentally pissing off any high ranking missing nin. _

_"I need to speak with the leader, Tobi. Go wait in my room. _You'd better not break anything!" _Zetsu-san told him. "Tobi won't break anything. He's a good boy. _If he touches my plants, he dies!_ See if there's anything you can tidy up, Tobi."_

_Tobi was used to the way Zetsu-san argued with himself, so he didn't worry about the occasional death threat from his master. He tiptoed down the abandoned hallway, stepping over empty nail polish bottles and the occasional puppet body part. The poor masked boy froze mid-step when he heard voices coming down the hall. _

_"You bastards disrespect my art, un! I'll kill all of you!" An unfamiliar voice yelled. _

_"Do I have to partner with him? He's really annoying," Sasori-san asked. _

_Tobi watched as the group turned the corner and came into sight. Itachi-san was walking in the lead, ignoring the bickering behind him with the same aloofness that he always displayed. Kisame-san came next, with his huge sword Samehada strapped to his back. He nodded at Tobi politely. _

_"You might want to get out of the way, Tobi-kun," He cautioned. Out of all the Akatsuki members, Kisame-san was the only one other than Zetsu-san that Tobi wasn't terrified of. When he wasn't in battle, the shark-man was surprisingly nice. He always spoke politely, and was the only one who remembered Tobi's name, despite the fact that Tobi had been following Zetsu-san around years. _

_Tobi pressed his back against the wall as Sasori-san and the mystery person finally came into sight. Sasori must have had the other wrapped with his chakra strings, because the strange blond ninja was clearly being dragged. _

_"Let me go, you uncultured freaks, un! There's no way that any of you could ever appreciate my art!" The captive man thrashed around, but couldn't untangle the threads that bound him to the puppet man. _

_When the Stone shinobi's wild eyes met Tobi's for a moment, the masked man's breath hitched and his heart began to race. 'Wow,' he though to himself. Whoever this man was that Sasori had snared in his strings, he was the most perfect being that Tobi had ever seen. _

_"I'll rig this place with so much of my clay that they'll see the explosion in Suna!" The ninja growled. His struggling limbs knocked a pouch loose from his belt, and Tobi fell over himself as he scrambled to pick it up for him. _

_"Here," he said in a love-struck voice, "you dropped this." The ninja couldn't move his arm to take the offered pouch, so Tobi clipped it back onto the man's belt for him. The whole time, the self-proclaimed artist never looked at Tobi or acknowledged his presence. _

_Sasori-san continued dragging him toward the leader's office. Tobi hoped that they didn't plan on hurting the stunning ninja. He hoped that he'd get to see him again. _

_"What is Tobi doing in the hallway? _That bad boy didn't listen to his orders!_ No, Tobi is a good boy. There must be a reason." _

_Tobi turned around and saw Zetsu-san's head emerging through the wall. His meeting with the leader must have been a quick one. The plant-man looked in the direction that Tobi had been staring at and sighing. _

_"Ah, I see they've finally brought Deidara. _It's about time," _Zetsu-san said. Tobi watched Deidara being pulled into the leader's room._

_"So that's the new recruit?" Tobi asked, feeling a little giddy that the beautiful stranger wasn't going to disappear._

_"Yes, _she's very pretty, isn't she?"_ Zetsu-san asked. Tobi chuckled. _

_"Zetsu-san is so funny. Deidara-san is a man," he explained. A man that Tobi couldn't wait to find out more about._

……………………………unflashback………………………………

Tobi tossed the ring and caught it again. He had gotten to find out more about Deidara-sempai, although the other hadn't known about that until much later. Deidara hadn't seemed to notice Tobi's existence until he'd become a member of Akatsuki.

That isn't to say Tobi didn't try to catch Deidara's attention. The masked man did everything he could think of: he carried in Deidara's bags whenever the artist came back from a mission; he baked him cookies and cupcakes on every holiday; he cleaned up the clay-spattered art studio more times than he could count; he tried numerous acrobatic tricks in sight of the Stone nin; and even serenaded him once. No matter how he tried to make Deidara look at him and notice there was a living, breathing human taking up space where he stood, the blond always looked right past him as if he were invisible.

_"Why doesn't he notice me?" He had wailed once after Deidara had walked right past him without even seeing the huge gift basket Tobi was holding out for him. _

_"_Deidara doesn't pay attention to anyone who is weak_. It's not Tobi's fault. Tobi is a good boy. _Deidara just likes bad boys," _Zetsu-san explained. _

_"…Bad boys?" Tobi asked. _

_"Strong ninja like Sasori and us Akatsuki members." _

Tobi had noticed that after Deidara's induction into the Akatsuki, he had warmed up to most of the other members. Sasori-san had shown the artist his collection of puppets, and Deidara had admitted that Sasori might not have been _quite_ as uncultured as he first appeared. The grudge against Itachi-san had remained and grown with time, but Tobi had seen Deidara converse civilly with Kisame-san on occasion, and he didn't regularly threaten any of the others with death by explosion.

"_So, if Tobi joins Akatsuki, Deidara-san will notice me?" Tobi had asked his master eagerly. _

"_Yes, of course. _If Tobi could get in…" _Zetsu-san had agreed. _

And as it turned out, the moment Tobi got his hands on Sasori-san's ring, the veil of invisibility had lifted, and Deidara-san was there strangling him with his legs…which Tobi thought were very finely shaped. Once he'd gotten over the light-headedness (he wasn't sure if it had been caused by the lack of air or the fact that he was nestled in between Deidara's thighs), Zetsu-san had talked the leader into allowing him to join the organization.

The ring had been the answer to his dream to get closer to Deidara-sempai, and Tobi didn't want it to fall into the hands of the enemy. He threw it up and caught it one last time before he slipped it back onto his left thumb. Deidara-sempai shifted on the futon and Tobi hurried over to brush the hair out of his face and trickle more water down his throat.

Exhaustion began to outweigh his anxiety. Tobi checked Deidara-sempai over one more time before he switched the lantern off, climbed under the covers, and fell asleep with his arms wrapped protectively around his partner.

…………………………………………………………………..

AN: Man, I had hoped to have them out of Hebi headquarters by the end of this chapter or the very beginning of the next, but Tobi had to have a damned flashback. He's just too cute for me to say no to him…Oh well, they'll have to work on trying to get out of their cellar in the next exciting installment. Thanks again for all the wonderful feedback, and remember, canon is only as real as you let it be. Yay for denial!


	3. Chapter 3

Sculpting for Dummies

AN: Is anybody else really starting to get annoyed with Manga!Sasuke? 'My emo-ness makes me invincible! I can summon up a huge friggin' snake when I have _no chakra left_'

Damned main character shield.

But on a happier note, I got really excited when I watched the new Shippuden end song last week. For a moment, I thought it had school-girl Deidara, before I realized that although Kishimoto-sama has been very kind with his fan service, he wouldn't go quite so far as that. Besides, the hair was parted on the wrong side, so I think it was supposed to be school-girl Ino. Oh well, I can most definitely pretend that it's not.

And sorry for the delay for this chapter. I got distracted by Harry Potter seven…then an amazon book order…then two new releases on looseId that I'd been waiting for. I'm easily distracted.

Warning: umm, this fic _is_ rated M…and this chapter is the beginning of the reason…

Chapter 3:

The near silence in the basement cell, which for hours had consisted only of hushed breathing, was broken by a heavy wooden creaking. Light streamed through the hole overhead and blinded Tobi. He blinked sleepily as his eyes adjusted to the change. He jolted when he could see clearly; a figure, rendered unrecognizable by the light behind him, was crouched low over his bed.

"Shh. I'm monitoring his chakra," The figure whispered. The voice was familiar, and Tobi realized the silhouette was one he recognized as well. The Akatsuki member wondered why Sasuke was leaning over _him_ if he wanted to check Deidara-sempai, before he remembered exactly where his partner was. Strange, their position felt so natural to Tobi that he'd forgotten that Deidara was sleeping right behind him. Tobi's cheek was nestled in Deidara's golden hair, and his longer frame molded to the contours of his sempai's body. His arms, now fallen asleep and beginning to tingle, were still wrapped around the unconscious shinobi.

"Shit." Sasuke cursed softly as his sharingan eyes swirled and watched Deidara's shallow breathing. "This is taking too long. He'll sleep through the rest of the week at this rate." The end of the week was really only three days away, but the Uchiha rose from the floor and huffed. "Just like sensei, using up all his chakra and putting himself out of condition," Sasuke mumbled to himself.

"You're sure you won't tell me where Itachi is yet?" He asked Tobi suddenly, red swirling eyes staring at Tobi's mismatched black and faded-out brown ones. Tobi shook his head as much as could without disturbing Deidara. Sasuke snorted and looked away (Tobi wasn't sure if it was because he was angry at the refusal or if he was uncomfortable with how Tobi was currently wrapped around the blond).

The Uchiha walked over to the ladder out of the basement and stopped with his foot on the first rung. "I'll have one of my men bring you breakfast. Be sure that he eats it, or he _will_ be all week recovering, and I'm not that patient." Sasuke ascended the ladder and flipped the trapdoor. He didn't bother taking the ladder with him. With four high ranking nin lurking on the floors above, it wasn't the cell itself keeping the two Akatsuki members trapped.

…………………………………………………………..

The soup the kunoichi Karin carried down for them a few minutes later was murky and green. When Tobi scooped up a spoonful and let it drip back down into the bowl, it didn't flow so much as plop down all at once. It was most definitely not up to Tobi's standards for what a recovering Deidara-sempai should be eating.

"Maybe it tastes better than it looks," Tobi declared at last to his unconscious partner. "I bet this is going to be the best meal we've ever eaten, Sempai."

Not quite brave enough for a full spoonful, Tobi let the gelatinous matter plop back into the bowl before daring to let the spoon near his mouth. He stuck his tongue out and gave the green-coated utensil a tentative lick. Gagging, he made a dive for their water bowl. He made rinsing out his mouth a noisy affair, mainly to fill up the silence of the room and get out some of his pent-up energy. Tobi even made a show of rolling around on the wooden floor, clawing at his tongue.

"I thought hunger was supposed to make everything taste good," he mumbled grumpily, finally ceasing his theatrics. He coughed and looked at Deidara.

"I mean, I'm sure it's not really _that_ bad. It must be packed with vitamins and nutrients and all kinds of things to help you recover." Placing one bowl of the steaming soup next to the futon, Tobi knelt down with the second bowl and blew on the soup to help cool it down.

"Oh, don't give me that face, sempai!" Tobi scolded, although Deidara's expression hadn't changed in the slightest since he'd first fallen unconscious. "There are starving children in Mist that would be happy for a nice bowl of soup like this."

Deidara's lips were parted slightly, so Tobi pressed the cooled green mixture in with little trouble. "Now you just need to swallow, sempai," he told the blond. Deidara didn't respond. Tobi frowned; how was he supposed to feed his partner when the other nin couldn't respond? He turned to get the water bowl and trickle more water into Deidara's throat to help the soup go down. As he looked away, he heard a loud slurping sound. He whirled around eagerly, but Deidara's face was still the same as he'd left it. The slurping persisted, and Tobi followed the sound down the futon.

Deidara-sempai's arm had worked its way out from under the blanket and was buried palm-down in the second bowl. The liquid was draining quickly, and when the bowl was emptied and Tobi lifted the hand up, one of his sempai's miniature tongues licked its lips.

Tobi blinked. The mouth opened, made a yawning motion, and closed. A few seconds later, it opened again and spewed the soup back in the bowl.

"Sempai, I warned you that it wasn't that good. That's what you get for eating too fast," Tobi said, mainly to hide his surprise. He looked at the rejected soup. It only filled up half of the bowl, and the color was different, paler somehow.

Tobi looked at the bowl a litter closer and sniffed it. It didn't stink (it hadn't been exposed to any stomach acids, so there was no vomit smell to it), and it lacked even the strange scent the soup had had before. Now, it didn't smell like anything. The dark haired ninja gave the mixture a prod with his chakra.

"Amazing, sempai!" He told his partner. "There's no energy left in here. You pulled out all the stored energy from the food and left the rest here in the bowl. I didn't know you could do that."

Tobi wiped the hand clean and set it back on the futon. He knew that Deidara's hands could pour his chakra out into things, but he wasn't aware they had the ability to extract chakra from outside sources. However he had managed it, though, it had restored a nice amount of chakra, and his face was starting to show a little more color.

"Hmm," Tobi hummed to himself, "if you can keep this up, sempai, you could be recovered before Sasuke and his group expects it. As long as he doesn't check you too closely, we'll be ready to leave by tomorrow." 'And it's probably best that you're eating this mess with a tongue that doesn't have taste buds…' Tobi moved the second bowl into the reach of Deidara's other hand and began to plan their escape over the sound of a slurping hand.

……………………………………………………………………………

Sasuke paced the length of the Hebi headquarter kitchen. He didn't want to hurt anyone not directly involved in the Uchiha clan massacre, even if they were S-ranked criminals, but he was loosing patience. He _needed_ to know where Itachi was, and he had waited almost three days for Tobi to tell him. Sasuke had been more than understanding to the Akatsuki member; he'd ordered Karin to send them down food that Deidara would be able to eat for every meal, and he'd made sure that no one but Tobi touched the recovering shinobi. He had let Tobi take care of inspecting his sempai, and each time the man reported that he was recovering normally.

Sasuke hoped that Tobi realized just how kind he was being towards his prisoners. He could have let Juugo try to beat the information out of them, or give one of them to Karin for the redhead to carry out experiments on, or let Suigetsu down into the basement so he could confirm Deidara's gender. He'd been practically protecting those two, and it was a thankless job.

'I don't have to actually hurt them,' He argued in his mind. 'I can just bluff.' He paced the room again.

"He should be well enough to wake up by tomorrow. We wouldn't start out traveling at night anyways," he said at last. He'd need a good night sleep before setting out after the traitor, and he didn't trust himself to wait after he received the information of Itachi's whereabouts. "One more night," he declared. "One more night and I'll get my answers with their cooperation or without."

The young Uchiha gave the latched trapdoor a final look and then turned on his heels. He went up to his second story bedroom to prepare for his final confrontation with Itachi.

………………………………………………………………….

As the creaking of the floor above finally ceased, two deep blue eyes opened into tiny slits. Deciding the effort to hold them open was too taxing, they slid closed again. In the brief moment of sight, Deidara blearily wondered how he'd ended up under water; everything in wherever-he-was swam around like swirling fluids.

Everything hurt. As an S-ranked missing nin, and an Iwagakure orphan before that, he was used to pain, but he thought this time was exceptional. He could feel places that he normally didn't feel: the arch of his feet, his forehead, the tips of his ears. Everywhere hurt. His mouth felt gummy, and he had a god-awful taste in his mouth.

His sleepy, half-working brain dredged up a memory of the last time he'd felt this awful. He'd still been a student at Iwa academy, and a group of graduates who were being sent to the front lines of the 'armed conflict' (the hidden villages hadn't escalated to war yet, though the casualty rate was through the roof all the same) had thrown a party the night before they left. A chuunin a few years older than him had given him some sort of drug, and he'd woken up in the state he was in now: aching, head swimming, mind foggy, with a bad taste in his mouth and an all-encompassing desire to take a hot bath and scrub it all away.

He tried again to make his eyes work. Deidara couldn't pry them open any further than last time, but he at least managed to keep his lids up to get a decent look around the room. He wasn't under water after all, but the room did twirl and shake like it had been built on the back of a rickety mule-cart. Deidara giggled as he imagined a mule trying to pull along a house.

There was a lantern shining on the floor. Deidara liked shiny things. If it hadn't been so far away, he would've picked it up and held it over his head and watched the shadows sway along the wall.

A ladder lurked in a shadowy corner. Deidara glared at it, and it shuddered in fear (or was that just the mule-cart room shaking still?) and decided not to attack him. And it was right to do so. Deidara's magnificent art always triumphed over ladders and other sordid riff-raff.

There was a warm, ugly blanket covering him up, and Deidara patted it reassuringly. It wasn't the blanket's fault it was ugly, and it was trying so hard to keep Deidara warm. Poor thing probably didn't have anyone to tell it that it was doing a good job. No one to hug it, or tell it they were proud of it, or reassure it when it got scared. The blanket was probably an orphan too. Deidara sympathized.

Despite its inner beauty and will to persevere, the blanket really was very ugly, though. It had lumps where a blanket should have lain flat on a futon, and it even had a strange, dark head growing out of it. Hmmm, it must have grown an arm too, since there was one wrapped around Deidara's waist. At least it was warm. Deidara liked being warm; he'd spent far too many nights cold in his youth not to appreciate warmth.

When it finally stopped moving around so much, the blanket's head wasn't quite as ugly as it had seemed. It had dark hair that fell into its closed eyes, pale skin with a faint scar that started at the hairline and continued down past the neckline where it disappeared underneath the blanket. It was like the face had its own jagged line of symmetry. Thin pinks lips curved up in a vacant, goofy-looking grin. The pale cheeks were dimpled and the chin was slightly pointed. The blanket's head was almost pleasant, if one liked the blue-fabric-body types.

Feeling satisfied that he had surveyed his surroundings, Deidara let his head fall back onto the futon in exhaustion. The blanket made an 'umph!' sound, and the unsightly lumps shifted around. Deidara turned his head slightly and watched the head's eyes open from behind his bangs. A good shinobi is always stealthy, after all.

One of the head's eyes was pitch black and alert, while the other, faded brown one looked sleepy and slightly out of focus. They both widened when they looked at Deidara.

"Sempai! You're awake!" the blanket squealed in Tobi's voice. Hmmm, Deidara wondered where Tobi was; he didn't see flashes of orange and black anywhere.

"Did Tobi survive?" he slurred, although he couldn't quite remember what his partner may or may not have survived. Whatever it was, he hoped his annoying partner was all right. He let the blanket's arm curl around him tighter.

"Deidara-sempai, I'm right here," the blanket's head cooed, its black eyebrows furrowing.

Deidara sighed. Count on him to get the clingy blanket. "I know you are, blanket, un," he said gently, "but where is Tobi?"

The blanket's head leaned forward until its nose brushed against Deidara's. "Sempai, I am Tobi. Tobi is right here. Me." The arm around him tightened again. Deidara snorted. What, did this clingy blanket think he was stupid?

"Tobi isn't made of blanket," Deidara pointed out sagely. "Tobi is orange, un."

The blanket gasped. "You must have hit your head harder than I thought," it muttered. "Sempai, I am Tobi. I lost my orange mask. And I'm not made out of blanket. Watch."

Blanket-Tobi changed one of the blue fabric lumps into an arm ('what an artistic jutsu,' Deidara thought) and peeled back the blanket. Underneath was Tobi's body.

"Oh," Deidara said. Then he screamed.

"Sempai, what's wrong?" Maskless Tobi asked. Deidara pointed down. There was a _second body_ there! Didn't Tobi see?

"Sempai, that's _you_," Tobi explained. "Now, you have to be quiet, or else Sasuke and his group will hear us."

Deidara nodded. Why did 'Sasuke' sound familiar? Maybe he'd had a cat named that once. A fluffy white cat, with a bell on the collar…

Maskless Tobi leaned over Deidara's head and muttered, "stay still," and did something warm with his hands and his chakra that made the throbbing in his head die down. It was so much easier to think now.

Yes, Sasuke wasn't the name of his cat. Deidara hated cats; they made him sneeze! Sasuke was that bastard he was fighting when he used his…

"That son of a bitch survived? _I _survived? What the hell happened, un?" he yelled.

"Sempai, please be quiet!" Tobi begged. "I'll tell you what happened, but we can't let them know you're awake."

"It couldn't have failed, un. That was my greatest artistic jutsu! My masterpiece!" Deidara wailed. "How did he stop it? What did that snake-bastard do?"

"Sasuke didn't do anything, sempai," Tobi whispered, trying to convince Deidara to keep his voice down. As if he, the greatest artist in the Akatsuki had anything to fear!

"Then how, un?" Deidara challenged. Tobi flinched and looked away.

"It was me," he mumbled, making his body into a pathetic, miserable ball.

Deidara had always known that rage gave him an extra boost of strength. This time, the boiling anger inside of him leant him the energy to rise off the mattress, tackle Tobi, and began pummeling him with his fists.

"Tobi, you dumbass! I'll fucking kill you!"

……………………………………………………………………

Tobi had seen a lot of scary things in the short portion of his life that he remembered. He'd seen Zetsu-san eyeing him hungrily after a week of not eating. He'd seen Hidan staggering back to headquarters, bloody and grinning from a gruesome ritual. He'd even seen the epic tantrum Kakuzu had thrown when Itachi had told him just how much over-budget they'd gone on their matching robes and nail polish.

This particular moment in Tobi's life, however, dwarfed all of those other terrifying moments.

If Deidara had chosen any other time to hurl himself at Tobi and begin writhing on top of him, the scarred ninja would have laid back and thanked the gods in heaven. Now, though, Tobi was too petrified to respond.

So here he was, pressed down into a futon with Deidara straddling his waist, quaking with fear. His sempai had his hands around Tobi's neck, trying to strangle him. Luckily, the six bowls of soup Deidara had absorbed since that morning had given him enough chakra to finish healing, but not to use any jutsu against his partner. Instead, when his still weakened fingers couldn't finish the job, he shook Tobi's neck, making the raven-haired head hit against the futon repeatedly. The cushion wasn't so thick that he couldn't feel the hard wooden floor underneath. 'I think I like sempai better when he has a concussion,' Tobi thought.

"You bastard, how could you! You ruined it! That was my one chance at a glorious, explosive death, and you stole it from me, un!" Deidara's eyes trained onto Tobi's, and the poor choking ninja could feel the murderous rage radiating from them.

"Sempai, please!" he rasped. Deidara continued squeezing and thrashing. The mouths in his palms gave his skin harsh nips.

"It was my one dream in life to go out with a bang, un! I could have killed that Uchiha brat and shown the world that my art is superior to any bloodline jutsu! You ruined it! You fucking, incompetent moron!"

"Sempai, Sasuke'll hear you and we won't be able to escape!" Tobi hissed with the last of the breath in his lungs.

Deidara-sempai stopped his flailing for a moment and loosened his hands just enough for Tobi to breath.

"Sasuke's here?" The blond asked quietly. There was a strange light in his eyes.

Tobi nodded. "His subordinates too," He added.

"And you have a way to escape without them knowing?"

Tobi nodded again. Deidara smiled a disarming smile. He leaned down and whispered into Tobi's ear. "Could you get out and get back in, Tobi?" The way his partner dragged out the syllables of his name and let his lips move across the shell of his ear almost made Tobi faint.

"Yes, sempai, I think I could as long as we're quiet," Tobi whispered back.

"Good." Was that just Tobi's wishful thinking, or had a tongue just darted out and licked his ear? Now that Deidara wasn't thrashing around trying to kill him, it was getting hard to ignore the fact that his sempai's body was on top of his own, heavy and warm and making his blood sizzle.

"Could you do a favor for me, Tobi? If you do it, I won't be mad at you anymore, un," Deidara's lips were so close Tobi could _feel_ the words on his skin.

"Anything for you, sempai," Tobi replied, breathless.

"I _need you_," the other man said, emphasizing the words to make Tobi shudder in delight, "to go fetch me my clay."

The heat that had been boiling in Tobi's blood flushed with ice. He froze.

"Please, Tobi? Be my hero?" Deidara begged, the seduction still heavy in his voice.

Tobi pushed the blond away from him. "You still want to use that jutsu!" he accused. "You're going to get yourself killed!"

………………………………………………………………………

Sasuke had washed his hair, cleaned his nails, laid out his clothes for the day, and was just lying down to sleep when someone knocked on his door.

"What?" he growled as the door slid open. Karin leaned her disheveled head into his room.

"Sasuke, Suigetsu says he heard noises in the basement. We think the prisoner might have woken up." She said, smiling at him. Sasuke realized he was wearing only his pajama pants, and grabbed a robe before the kunoichi could ogle him any more.

"Come on. Let's go see," he said.

…………………………………………………………………………..

Deidara growled. He knew Tobi wanted him, so why hadn't he listened when Deidara was seducing him?

"Tobi, I need my clay, un. This is my chance to finish what I started. Even if it's not as flashy, I can still take out that bastard and his lackeys before I die!" Didn't Tobi understand that if he let the battle stand as it was, if his art lost, his life wasn't worth living anyways? His art _was_ his life.

"I'll give you time to escape, Tobi. You can live and go back to Zetsu, un. Go frolic around in fields or do whatever it is you do in your spare time. Please, un."

That cowardly bastard had the nerve to look guilty as he shook his head. "I'm sorry, sempai, but I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, even if it's you."

The sculptor saw red. The dumbass thought he could take away Deidara's spectacular death, make him loose in a battle, and still pretend to look after Deidara's best interests?

"Bastard! I hate you! I fucking hate you!" He hissed. The blond felt a wave of triumph at Tobi's face. He looked like someone had stabbed him with a kunai.

Then the world did a summersault and Deidara was on his back, looking up at Tobi's livid face. The maskless man grabbed his wrists roughly and pinned them over his head. He pressed his face uncomfortably close to Deidara's.

"Don't say that!" He ordered. Deidara struggled to free his hands, but Tobi must have been stronger than he'd figured. The thought had a strange effect on him. Pinned on his back by the weight of another body, feeling the near tangible anger and pain and lust made him recall being tangled up like this with Sasori no danna. His body began to forget that it was Tobi on top of him and not one of the strong, forceful guys he was usually attracted to.

"I'll kill you!" he gasped. He bucked and tried to throw Tobi off of him, but ended up with one of the taller man's legs between his thighs, pressing against his awakening groin. The intake of breath wasn't quite a moan, but it was a near thing. Deidara felt the instant reaction that Tobi had to it. Maybe he could use this, if he couldn't stop himself from feeling it. Tobi's expression had softened a little, even though Deidara was still glaring daggers at him.

There was almost a wicked grin on Tobi's face as he aligned their bodies and gave an experimental rock. Deidara's startled gasp changed it into a smirk, before Tobi pressed their lips together and Deidara stopped worrying about expression completely.

…………………………………………………………………

Sasuke and Karin walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. Suigetsu was there already, lying on the floor with his ear pressed to the trapdoor. There was a smirk growing across his face.

"This is great, guys! You won't believe what they're doing down there," Suigetsu sniggered.

"You better not have opened that door yet, Suigetsu!" Karin taunted. "You know Sasuke said none of us are allowed to open it without permission."

"I _know_, you've got to come listen to this." Suigetsu beckoned them closer. "I'm pretty sure they're screwing each other down there! I told you the blond's a chick!"

Sasuke listened. Through the wooden planks, he could hear muffled gasps and moans. His face felt hot.

They couldn't be…not in enemy headquarters…

"I hear near-death experiences make for some kinky sex," Karin mused. Both of Sasuke's subordinates crept closer to the latch.

Tobi was too…innocent to do something like that…and that other one, Deidara, was unconscious…

"So, boss, can we take a peek?" Suigetsu prodded.

There was no way…Suigetsu must be mistake about the noises. Sasuke flipped up the latch and three pairs of eyes looked down though the tiny crack of the open door.

_Oh God, they really are…_

"Holy shit, it _is_ a guy!" the mist ninja whispered.

Karin cooed, "That's so hot!"

There were clothes scattered around the small room, and tangled up in the blankets were the two ninja; one that reminded Sasuke of Naruto, one with blue eyes and blond hair like his old friend. The thought of Naruto and sex made Sasuke's burn ever hotter. Not that he _thought_ about it, it was just…

Feeling very flustered, he let the door fall shut and latched it back into place.

"We'll interrogate them later," he said, practically running out of the room. His comrades groaned.

"Sasuke, I need to speak with you," a deep voice said. Juugo popped up in front of Sasuke from out of nowhere. The Uchiha wondered how distracted he must have been not to have noticed his arrival.

"Those Konoha shinobi who were following us are on our trail. Unless we intercept them or divert their path, they'll be here in an hour." The large man hovered over Sasuke.

"Thank you, Juugo. Suigetsu, get in here!" the ex-Konoha ninja called. "You and Juugo will come with me and take care of them. Karin, you stay and finish analyzing the prisoners' clothing. I want to be able to confirm any information they give me when I get back." Looking one last time at the redhead, who was still giggling as she watched the trapdoor, he added, "And don't open that door until I say so."

……………………………………………………………………..

Tobi still wasn't sure what was going on, exactly, but he wasn't about to voice any complaints about it. He grunted and let his tongue brush Deidara's lips.

"Shit!" the blond cursed from beneath him. "The door just opened. They saw us!"

Not much of Tobi's blood was in his head, which didn't make much for intelligent replies. "So?" He let his hand slide down Deidara's thigh. The cool metal of his Akatsuki ring was heating up quickly from the contact.

"They just saw me…getting topped, _oh_, by the most incompetent ninja…to ever exist!" The tongue from one of his hands traced a wet line up and down Tobi's back. The dark-haired shinobi ignored the insult and kept rocking back and forth, reveling in the feel of his sempai's skin against his own.

"You'd better…get me my clay…_yeah, right there_…after this, bastard!" Deidara gasped. Tobi shook his head angrily. "I'll let you do this again…un!" the Stone nin pleaded.

"No clay," Tobi managed to pant. Somewhere in the back of his mind, his plan for escape was changing drastically. There was only one way to make sure Deidara's suicidal tendencies didn't mess up his plans…

"I hate you!" the blond hissed again, interrupting Tobi's thoughts. He hated when Deidara said that. It hurt more than any blade had ever hurt him, and the pain made him angry, irrational. It made him do strange things like pouncing on Deidara to try to force him to take it back.

Tobi gave a certain part of Deidara's anatomy a harsh squeeze. "Is that what you used to say to Sasori when he did this to you?" he growled. Deidara moaned and wrapped a leg around Tobi's waist. It was confusing. Every time Tobi got angry and was mean to his partner, Deidara seemed to become more wild and aroused. Zetsu-san hadn't lied when he said Deidara liked 'bad boys'.

Their grinding and stroking became more forceful and urgent. Deidara's mouths bit at Tobi's skin wherever they could reach: lips, neck, back. Tobi thought he might even have a hickey on one of his ass cheeks. Tobi risked the danger of his sempai's teeth to capture Deidara in a kiss as they finally shuddered and collapsed back on the futon.

The blond lay panting on the futon. He looked like he was about to pass out again. Tobi pushed himself off of the mattress and crouched over him. If he let his sempai recover his chakra, Deidara would only use it in his final jutsu, killing himself and anyone within ten kilometers. Tobi couldn't stop his partner when he was at full strength, but now, in this weakened, exhausted state, Tobi had the advantage.

Deidara-sempai would hate him for it, but Tobi cared about him too much to care what he thought. The stone-nin's life mattered more than his affections.

"I'm sorry, sempai," he murmured. Deidara opened a blue eye and watched in horror as Tobi began forming seals. The signs of the five elements glowed on Tobi's fingertips, and a look of realization flashed across Deidara's face. Tobi slammed his hand down on Deidara's stomach, sending droplets of their shared fluids flying. The Five Element Seal burned its way through Deidara's skin his control over his chakra instantly disappeared.

…………………………………………………………………….

AN: Tune in soon for the next installment: Will Deidara and Tobi escape? Will Deidara kill Tobi for sealing his chakra? Will Sasuke ever stop repressing his sexual urges? What will happen next?

I love concussion!Deidara. Actually, I love Deidara in all of his forms, but concussion!Deidara is fun to write. And I tried to keep the sex as non-graphic and tasteful as I could. I don't think this fic itself is going to have any lemons in the future, but there may be a side fic or two that is a little more graphic. Um, yeah, so let me know what ya'll thought!


	4. Chapter 4

Sculpting for Dummies:

Spoilers!!

AN: So, chapter 364…wtf? If Tobi's an evil mastermind, then, well…I'm pretty sure the apocalypse is near. I still think he's Obito, though. When I was reading, I interpreted 'Uchiha Madara's power' as possession of the Mangekyo sharingan. But whatever. There are so many evil-Tobi plotbunnies in my head now…but not for this story. I guess it's officially AU now (if the pairing wasn't enough to qualify it before).

/Spoilers!!

Chapter 4

For a moment, Deidara didn't react. He blinked, then blinked again, not quite believing that Tobi would have the _audacity_ to pull a stunt like that. When the moment passed and Tobi hadn't undone the seal and begged Deidara's forgiveness, the artist realized that this wasn't some ill-timed prank. He grabbed a handful of Tobi's dark hair and twisted harshly until the other ninja was whimpering. The angle he pulled Tobi's head forced him to crawl off of Deidara or cracking his neck.

"Sempai, I can explain!" Tobi wailed. Deidara gave the fistful of hair another rough jerk.

"I don't want an explanation, un. Release it, now!" he ordered.

"The seal stays if you want to escape from here, sempai. I have to use a jutsu, and it won't work if your chakra interferes." Deidara growled at the other man, but it didn't seem to shake Tobi's resolve. And, if he couldn't use his final jutsu here, Deidara did want to escape…

Another tug of his hair had Tobi's creepy, mismatched eyes staring straight into Deidara's. "As soon as we're on the outside, you release this seal, un," the blond commanded.

Tobi nodded. "Of course, sempai."

"And if you're lying to me, Tobi," Deidara paused dramatically, "I won't just kill you, un. I'll invent new methods of murder for you, and I'll make it last for hours. Is that clear, un?"

The dark-haired man shivered. "I believe you, sempai," he said.

………………………………………………………………………………

After years of devoted service to Zetsu-san, Tobi had learned a useful jutsu or two. One of his most prized was the jutsu that allowed the plant-man to phase through …anything. It had taken Tobi months to master it under Zetsu's tutelage.

"You understand that every atom is made up of mostly empty space. The way this works," he explained to Deidara-sempai, parroting the lecture that Zetsu had give him years before, "is by pushing the atoms closer together with chakra to make the space between bigger. By rearranging this wall and by compressing the atoms in our bodies, we can pass through."

Deidara gave a vague nod. He obviously didn't care about the method, as long as the result was freedom. "If it takes chakra, how am I supposed to get through, un? Thanks to you, I can't control mine." The blond gave Tobi a nasty glare.

"Sempai, this jutsu is very dangerous. If you push the atoms together too quickly or apply too much pressure, you can cause an explosion." Deidara's eyes widened when Tobi said the 'e' word. The dark haired ninja quickly shook his head. "I'm definitely not letting you use this jutsu, sempai. Besides, even if I could trust you not to blow us up on purpose, if you falter even for a second, you can end up mingling your body and the wall. Zetsu-san said people have lost limbs and even died when attempting it."

There was a moment of silence. Deidara snorted and looked away, and Tobi shivered a little when he thought what could happen if his sempai attempted the jutsu. It was about that time that he remembered that he was still naked. He slipped back into his baggy shirt and pants, and soon the blond reached for his clothes too. He glared at Tobi until the other turned around and let him dress in privacy.

"So, if I'm not allowed to use the jutsu, how exactly am I getting out of here, un?" he asked at last.

Tobi turned back around to face the Iwa shinobi. He held up his Akatsuki ring. "When Zetsu-san and I phase through objects, we take inanimate objects, like this ring, with us. We pour our chakra into it and manipulate its atoms just like we do to the wall and too ourselves. I should be able to control your body too, as long as your chakra isn't interfering."

Deidara's face paled instantly. Ninja didn't let other ninja mess with their chakra. Not only was chakra a highly internal, private power, a ninja with any skill could instantly kill another if they gained access to their chakra channels. For his sempai to allow Tobi to go through with his plan, he would have to, quite literally, trust Tobi with his life. And Tobi kind of doubted that Deidara had ever trusted anyone that much. He waited for Deidara to come to some sort of decision.

"No," the blond said at last. "I'm not doing it. Find another way."

Tobi crawled closer to Deidara and held his hands up together. "Please, sempai. There isn't another way. Trust me," he begged.

"_Trust_ you? Like hell I will, un! I _trusted_ you to stay away from my battle, and you showed up and wrecked the jutsu I've spent my whole life preparing for! Then, then I let you touch me, and don't think I'll ever let _that _happen again, and look how that ended!" He made a frantic gesture at his stomach where Tobi had placed the seal. "Trusting _you _has left me fucked over, Tobi. Give me back my chakra and I'll get out of here on my own, un."

Tobi looked away guiltily. He could understand how his sempai could feel betrayed. He wished Deidara could understand that Tobi cared about him, and was only trying to help him. 'I wonder if anyone's ever cared for him before?' he wondered sometimes.

"Sempai, if I undo the seal, you'll try to blast your way out of here, right? But if you do that, Sasuke and his group will hear you and you'll get captured again. We have to sneak out, and to do that, you have to let me help you."

Tobi leaned forward and tried to put a comforting hand on Deidara's shoulder. The blond's foot shot up out of nowhere, and made contact with his face before Tobi's hand ever reached its destination. The maskless ninja sailed through the air and landed with a thud.

"I meant what I said about not touching, un," Deidara hissed. He drew his leg back up towards his body and sat curled up in an almost-ball for a full minute. Tobi rubbed his aching head, but stayed silent. He let Deidara mull over his options.

"Fine," he told Tobi at last. His body language made it clear that he wasn't happy with the idea; his eye twitched and his clenched fists shook with rage. "Do it quickly," he ordered. "The sooner I can get away from you, the better."

……………………………………………………………………………….

Having another's chakra flowing through his system, manipulating his cells, was incredibly invasive; it felt like the feeling of a bug crawling along his skin, only on the inside, and everywhere. His body screamed to him to expel the foreign energy, but he couldn't protect himself even if he wanted. His own chakra lay dormant beneath the seal, a useless, stagnant pool. Deidara hated it.

He had consented, after a whispered argument, to let Tobi hold his hand. The jutsu required physical contact, and Deidara had relented. Both ninja could sense their time to escape running out, as if a clock ticked away each passing second. He was still murderously angry, though, and he squeezed Tobi's hand hard enough to bruise before the taller man could begin his technique.

Deidara watched as Tobi pressed his other palm flat against the planks that formed the walls of their cells. The wood rippled gently and soon a hole appeared and widened to the size of the hand. Tobi took a step forward, pulling Deidara along behind him. As the idiot's hand passed through the hole, it narrowed to the size of his wrist, enlarging as needed as Tobi pressed more of himself through.

"When you start to pass through, close your eyes and breathe out as much air as you can, sempai. I'll squeeze your hand when it's safe," Tobi whispered. Soon his head and body were disappearing into the wall, and Deidara was left holding a hand that dragged him along with it.

If having Tobi's chakra in him was weird, the cellular manipulation made it seem like a standard practice by comparison. At first it only affected the hand that Tobi grasped, condensing like an invisible arm was crushing it, only without the pain. The strange sensation spread to his arm as he was hauled further in, and he barely had time to force the air out of his lungs and screw his eyes shut before the rest of him passed through the planks.

Traveling through the wall was…cold was the closest description that Deidara could think of, though it didn't seem right. Tobi's chakra burned inside of him as he stumbled along blindly. He didn't trust that moron to lead him, and the compulsion to open his eyes was almost too much to resist. Only his fear of loosing his sight kept his eyelids firmly over his eyes.

There was a jerk upwards. His hand felt weird again, only this time it was being stretched out. His arm ballooned up, his shoulder swelled, and soon his whole body was out of the cellar and back to normal. Tobi squeezed his hand and Deidara opened his eyes. He took a breath. Nothing happened. His lungs wouldn't respond. Cool night air surrounded him for the taking, but try as he might, Deidara couldn't draw it into himself.

His eyes widened and he turned to Tobi. This was _his_ fault, he was sure. What the hell had that idiot done to him?

"Sempai, what's wrong? Take a breath! Sempai?" Tobi hovered over him, and the blond batted him away. He wanted to tell the man what a moron he was, but he couldn't force his voice-box to cooperate with no air.

The world swirled and Deidara staggered. Tobi grabbed him and held him up instantly, completely ignoring the fact that Deidara had told him expressly _not to touch him_, the bastard!

Floating black spots obscured his vision, so he didn't see Tobi's lips seeking his own until they were there, forcing his mouth open and blowing air in. That one long breath filled the artist's lungs, making them swell up and work again. In a flash, Deidara was breathing and yelling and pushing Tobi away from him.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you, un?" he yelled at the other man.

"No, I swear I didn't sempai! I miscalculated and I condensed your lungs too much. I'm sorry!" Tobi whined. "I would never try to hurt you."

"Hmmph. Just release this seal, dumbass."

Deidara waited. Tobi shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and suddenly made a dive for the ground.

"I need to get supplies for us, sempai! Be back in a flash!" he called as he sank into the soil. Deidara started brainstorming new and exciting ways to kill Tobi.

…………………………………………………………………………….

Tobi phased through the wall and landed on the floor of the cellar with relief. There had to be a way to convince Deidara-sempai not to kill him. He just hadn't thought of it yet.

He folded the tattered blue blanket and tucked it inside his shirt. Then he climbed the ladder and pressed his ear to the ceiling. When he heard no noise in the room above, he phased through the trapdoor. The kitchen offered little nonperishable food, but there was an abundance of water bottles that he helped himself to. He wandered carefully through the house, pilfering anything he thought might be useful. He only sensed people in one room, which he avoided, but he couldn't find his and Deidara's possessions. 'Whoever is in that room must be examining our things still,' he decided. Once he found what he needed, he tiptoed back to the kitchen and used his jutsu to climb back into the basement.

He wrote a quick note in a stolen scroll with a borrowed pen. Then, he summoned two shadow clones and gave them their orders.

"Deidara-sempai and I are escaping from here," he explained, "and I need our captors to think we are here for as long as possible. When they do come down here, give them this scroll, and then disappear. Understood?"

The clones nodded. The one closest to the real Tobi pocketed the scroll.

"What should we do to keep them fooled?" The second clone asked.

The original Tobi blushed. "I need one of you to henge into Deidara-sempai, and then you have to…" Tobi made some vague hand gestures and looked away, flushing. The two clones stood in shocked silence.

"You don't have to really do it, of course. If you just make noises-"

The clones cut Tobi off as they tackled him and gave him the biggest hug he had ever received.

"We will follow your orders 'til the end!" they promised together. Then they turned to one another.

"I'll be Deidara-sempai first, but we have to switch places after the first time," Clone One said.

"Ok, as long as we keep switching. And we'll have to be fast. We won't be able to fool them for too long, and we both want to spend as much time with Deidara-sempai as we can!"

The clones continued plotting. Tobi was glad Deidara-sempai wasn't around to hear them talking. Despite being summoned by Tobi, his clones were not good boys…

………………………………………………………………………………

Deidara resisted the urge to kick Tobi's head as soon as it began to emerge from the ground. After all, if the idiot got distracted and released his phasing jutsu too early, he could end up stuck in the ground and then Deidara would never get the elemental seal taken off.

Tobi rose from the earth, brushed himself off, and turned to Deidara. "We need to get out of here before Sasuke notices we've left," he stated. He walked into the forest surrounding the house and beckoned for Deidara to follow.

"Take this seal off of me, bastard!"

Tobi held his finger up to his lips. "Shhh! Sempai, we need to escape. We don't have time for undoing jutsus right now."

Deidara shook with anger. That, that _incompetent barbarian_ was trying to weasel out of his promise.

"I'll be able to escape faster when I can use my chakra," he growled. Tobi shook his head and kept walking.

"Undo it now, you son of a bitch, un!" Deidara yelled. He dove at Tobi, who danced just out of his reach. The ninja sped up, forcing Deidara to follow.

"Get back here, un!" the Iwa shinobi panted. Running without chakra was harder than he remembered. Usually, he could just direct energy to his legs to boost his speed or allow him to leap from tree branch to tree branch. Relying solely on his leg muscles was tiring. "I'll make you regret this!"

"What's wrong, sempai? Can't catch me?" Tobi taunted. The dark-haired man led Deidara further and further away from Sasuke's hideout. The blond decided that Tobi's murder wasn't going to last for mere _hours_; he'd let that bastard roast for days for what he'd done!

………………………………………………………………………….

Sasuke stumbled back to his headquarters in the wee hours of the morning. He'd had to travel halfway to Suna and back setting up a false trail for Naruto to follow. All he wanted to do now was get his information from his prisoner, then curl up and sleep.

Suigetsu and Juugo followed him to the kitchen.

"Karin, you bitch!" the mist nin shouted suddenly. "You stole my water bottles again, didn't you?"

The red haired kunoichi appeared in the doorway. "I did not. I've been researching, just like Sasuke asked. Maybe _they_ took your water," she gestured down at the trapdoor. "They've certainly worked up a sweat down there."

Suigetsu smirked. "How long have they been at it?"

"Off and on since you left. They're like a couple of bunnies!" she giggled.

Sasuke didn't want to catch them in the act again, so he listened through the floor before he opened the trapdoor.

"_Up for another round, 'sempai'?"_

_"I'm exhausted. Aren't you?"_

_"Yeah, but we're not gonna last much longer. We've gotta make our time count!"_

'What the hell?' Sasuke wondered. He opened the hatch and peeked inside.

Tobi and Deidara were tangled up together, much like before. This time, though, they formed hand seals, and with a little puff of smoke, Deidara was Tobi and Tobi was Deidara. Damned clones!

The Uchiha flung the trapdoor open. It crashed against the kitchen floor, startling the two clones. They broke apart guiltily.

"Here," said the Tobi-clone, and fished a scroll out of his discarded pants. The clone gave the Deidara-clone a quick peck on the lips and both of them dissipated.

His subordinates peered down into the cellar.

"Oh, shit!" Suigetsu whistled. Karin cringed. Juugo sat calmly by.

Sasuke unrolled the scroll and read Tobi's note. He flipped it over and gasped.

"Sasuke…this wasn't my fault!" Karin whimpered. Sasuke reread the scroll.

'_Sasuke,_

_Many thanks for your hospitality. Deidara-sempai and I are leaving a little early, and we would appreciate it if you didn't follow us. I've left the coordinates of your brother's location on the other side of this scroll. We don't plan on rejoining the Akatsuki, so we won't meet again. _

_Tobi'_

"They can't have gotten too far, with the blond one injured. We can still catch them, boss." Suigetsu offered.

Sasuke shook his head, and then looked up at them with a rare grin. "There's no need," he told them.

"So you're not mad at me?" Karin asked shyly.

"Not if you can confirm this information for me by sunrise," the Uchiha replied. He climbed the ladder and handed the scroll to the redhead. As his subordinates mused over the note, Sasuke headed up to bed with a satisfied look on his face.

…………………………………………………………………………….

AN: Sorry this chapter is a little short. I had planned on it being longer, but I wanted to get it up before I leave for vacation. The rest of what would have been in this chapter will be in the next one, though. Don't expect an update for at least 9 days, though, as I will be out of town. I'll be brainstorming, of course, but I rather doubt I could ask my missionary brother if I could borrow his laptop for a while to type up a yaoi fanfic. Alas.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, by the way. I love hearing what you think of the story so far!


	5. Chapter 5

Sculpting for Dummies:

AN: well, I'm back from my vacation, and relaxing more now than I did then. My mom is a complete vacation-nazi, and the weather rules of summer apparently don't apply to northern California. It's the middle of August and I've got a cold now. 'Bring a jacket' they said. They never said anything about a winter coat, hat, and gloves. Bleh. Now I have the sniffles. But whenever I got too stressed or cold, I just started mentally writing the next chapters of my fic and found my happy place.

Chapter 5

As the sun sank into the horizon, the light in the forest began to fade. Tobi and Deidara had stopped running hours ago. Tobi kept a little ahead with a brisk walk and Deidara lagged slightly, as he traveled without chakra.

Behind the brunet, Deidara's steps sounded a little bit lopsided. Stealing a quick glance backwards, Tobi saw his sempai's legs shaking with exertion, and his steps had become a limping gait. The taller man almost kicked himself for not stopping to rest sooner. He'd asked his companion once if he needed a break, but the touchy blond refused to admit he was tired. The escape from Sasuke's hideout had been easy on Tobi; any break would be for Deidara's benefit only, and the artist didn't take charity. Still, Tobi felt he should have tried harder, should have insisted on a brief rest at the least.

"Why are you stopping, idiot? I _thought_ we were in a hurry, un," Deidara huffed.

Tobi turned around and looked closer at Deidara. The blond's feet were covered with dirt and blood. 'I wish I could've found you some shoes, sempai,' he thought to himself. 'I'm sorry.' Tobi ignored his own bare, bleeding feet and flopped down on the ground.

"I don't know about you, sempai, but I'm beat!" Tobi lied. "I don't think I could move another inch. We'll rest here for the night."

Almost predictably, Deidara stayed on his feet just long enough to suggest he was still good to go for miles before he sat down on a log and began rubbing his feet.

"Fine," he said, the annoyance clear in his voice, "we'll set up camp here."

By 'we', the artist obviously meant 'Tobi', but Tobi was a good boy who didn't mind doing all the chores while his sempai rested. He tossed the blond one of the water bottles he'd pilfered from Hebi headquarters and started gathering wood for a fire. Deidara didn't comment on the enthusiasm with which the beat, couldn't-move-another-inch ninja set about his work.

Tobi skipped around his newly started fire and warmed up the borrowed food, courtesy of Sasuke's kitchen. While it heated, he laid out blankets for the two to sleep on.

"Should we really be stopping for the night, dumbass?" Deidara asked as Tobi smoothed out the wrinkles on the blankets. "I'm surprised we haven't been caught yet, at the pace we were going, un."

Tobi froze, and his half-remembered life started to flash before his eyes.

"Umm…about that, sempai…we…we need to talk," he stuttered nervously.

"Damn it, Tobi, what the hell did you do now?"

With lightning speed, Tobi changed the conversation. "Oh, look at that! Dinner's ready, sempai! Wouldn't want it to get cold, now would we?" He placed the food right in front of his partner and let the smell waft enticingly up at him. Neither man had eaten since before the escape, and the meal smelled and looked a hundred times better than those last bowls of soup.

Deidara took his portion gingerly. "You'd better tell me what the hell you did after we eat, you bastard. And take care of this jutsu, too, if you value your miserable little life."

The fire crackled and popped. Crickets chirped. Deidara chewed his food lazily, trying to keep his eyelids from drooping too heavily. Tobi watched and waited for a moment when his sempai might be slightly less homicidal.

Choosing to act when the artist was three quarters done with his food and swaying with fatigue, he stepped forward and kneeled by his partner's feet. Deidara let his right eye open slightly to look at the man in front of him.

"Why aren't you eating? You'd better not be stalling," he half-growled, half-yawned.

"I'll eat in a minute, sempai," Tobi murmured. He took a second water bottle out of the pack he'd procured and uncorked it. The water inside was luke-warm, but clean. Tilting the bottle over, the ninja let the liquid pour out on his sempai's bloodied feet. He cleaned them up the best he could with only water and his hands to work with, and healed the blisters and cuts up with his chakra.

When he glanced up, Deidara was looking at him, stunned. Tobi grinned at him. Then his stomach growled.

"Time for that food!" he proclaimed. He used a little bit of water to wash the grime off his hands and began shoveling food into his mouth.

Deidara continued staring. "Aren't you…don't you need to take care of that?" he pointed to Tobi's bleeding soles. Tobi looked down at them and made a dismissing wave with his hand.

"I can take care of it later. It's not as bad as it looks," he said between bites.

"But…you did mine." Deidara still looked bewildered. Tobi wondered how long it had been since someone had done something nice for the artist for Tobi's actions to baffle him so much.

"Yeah, but that was for you. You're special," Tobi explained. "I don't mind getting a little dirty if it's to help you, Deidara-sempai." He was smiling at his sempai, but inside he thought it was one of the saddest things he'd ever encountered, the fact that he needed to explain kindness at all.

……………………………………………………………………..

Deidara waited until his partner was finished eating before he pressed his questions again. It wasn't because he was extending any courtesy; he just didn't want the barbarian spitting food on him or anything. Inexplicable gestures of goodwill were Tobi's idiotic specialty, not his.

"So, tell me again why we aren't running right now, Tobi?" he asked. He should have put more hostility in his voice (it was the only way to get a point across to an organism with as small a brain as Tobi's), but he was too exhausted to make the effort.

Tobi looked away sheepishly. "Because we aren't being chased," the pale man admitted.

Deidara snorted. "Tobi, you honestly expect me to believe _you_ took care of that Uchiha bastard and his group? You couldn't even take out a half-dead puppy, un."

Tobi's brow wrinkled as he spoke. "I didn't say I killed them. I just said we aren't going to be chased."

The idiot couldn't really be that dense…ok, he could. How the hell had Tobi survived those years before Zetsu and Deidara had been there to tell him how to function?

"Tobi, Sasuke isn't going to just let us walk away when we know where his brother is. I hope you aren't counting on his goodwill, un."

Fidgeting nervously, Tobi said, "It's not his goodwill I'm counting on, sempai. It's his impatience to find his brother. If he already knows where Itachi is, we aren't worth his time to pursue."

He couldn't have. No one, _no one _could possibly be that stupid, not even a ninja who wore an orange, depth-perception killing mask and bounded around like a drunken lamb.

"Tobi," Deidara said slowly, in that voice normal people reserve for small children caught misbehaving, "Sasuke doesn't have that information, _does he?_"

The other ninja squirmed and looked away. "He does."

Continuing with the calm, firm voice, the blond asked, "And where exactly did he get that information?"

Deidara wasn't sure if Tobi's quiet answer was a 'me' or just a terrified 'meep!', but it made that temper that Deidara hadn't had the energy for before flare up with a new intensity.

"You fucking moron!" Deidara's hands trembled with uncontrolled rage as he gripped Tobi's shirt collar and hauled him up close. Their noses were almost touching, and their breaths mingled. "Do you even realize what you've done? You just betrayed the strongest group of missing ninja in the world! Now we can't go back! Fuck!"

The sight of Tobi's face disgusted him. He shoved the dark haired man away. "Damn it, now where am I supposed to go? How am I supposed to perfect my art? Tobi, you asshole, you've stolen everything I had, and it didn't even take you a week. I hope you're fucking happy, un!"

"Sempai," Tobi pleaded, "sempai, please listen. I had to tell him, otherwise we couldn't have escaped. I would've told him eventually anyways; I'll protect you before I protect the Akatsuki."

"Maybe if I bring them back your head, they'll let me back in," Deidara muttered to himself.

Tobi drew up near the artist again and looked into his sky-blue eyes. "Do you really want back in, sempai?" he asked.

"Of course I do," the blond hissed. "They're a group of master artists, and they find me opponents worthy of my jutsu. _They_ offer me everything I want," making sure Tobi could hear the contrast between himself and their organization. Tobi offered him nothing but faked sentiment and obscurity.

"Akatsuki is falling apart, sempai. Can't you understand?" Tobi begged. "We used to think we were invincible. Now three of our members are dead, and you almost died, and the shinobi responsible are still coming after us to finish the job."

"The rest of us are stronger than those idiots who got themselves killed. And don't group me with them. _I_ didn't lose. I was ending the battle on my own terms, un."

Tobi ignored him and continued talking. "We're losing members faster than we can replace them. Itachi is almost completely blind, so he won't be able to fight much longer, and we'll be at half our original number. If we go back to them, we'll just end up dead."

Deidara decided not to point out that that was his intention. He tried to imagine how spectacular those final battles would be. His explosions would elevate those epic skirmishes to perfection.

"Do you even care about Akatsuki's goals, sempai? The biju, world domination? You don't seem interested in things like that."

"What I'm interested in is my art. To reach my full potential, I need Akatsuki. I'll go back alone if I have to, but I am going back, un" the blond said.

Tobi shook his head. "If you walk into headquarters without your chakra, they'll eat you alive, sempai." Deidara hoped Tobi wasn't saying that literally, but with Zetsu there was always a question.

"That won't be a problem because you're going to release this seal, un." Deidara stated.

Tobi didn't say anything.

Deidara stared open-mouthed for a moment. "You bastard!" he said at last. "You lying, scheming spawn of a bitch! You _lied _to me!"

The reply Tobi made sounded like an angry snort. "You lied to me too, sempai. You said you were going to come back from that jutsu."

The artist's anger was alive in him now, a tangible entity just waiting to loose itself on Tobi. Deidara had been partners with the other ninja for months, and by now he knew what words would hurt him the most.

"I was actually starting to like you, Tobi. I didn't want to upset you, because I thought it was kind of nice having someone looking up to me. I almost enjoyed being your partner, un." Deidara paused for a moment, letting the look of surprise play across Tobi's usually masked face. As soon as the pure shock faded and a smile began to creep on his lips, Deidara struck.

"But _you_ ruined it, Tobi. You showed me how stupid it was to trust you. And you know what? I don't need your help, un." The blond stood up and steadied himself as his legs shook with the strain. When he was sure he wouldn't fall, he hobbled away from Tobi's hastily pitched camp.

Tobi ran after him. "Sempai, where are you going?" he wailed.

"You think you're the only ninja in the world who can undo a Five Elemental Seal, dumbass?" Deidara asked, smirking at his own genius. "There are thousands of shinobi out there with enough chakra training to take care of this," he gestured at his stomach.

Tobi ducked in front of him and drew himself up to full height. He was taller than Deidara by a few inches, if one didn't count the blond's ponytail, or at times like the present, when his hair hung down unrestrained. Deidara always hated being shorter.

"Out of my way, un," he ordered. The dark-haired man didn't move.

"It won't work, sempai. You aren't going to be able to just walk into a hidden village and ask them to help you. You're wanted as an S-ranked criminal in every country, and anyone with enough training to remove the seal will be able to recognize you. You'd be caught in an instant, and you can't even defend yourself right now."

Even more than he hated him being tall, Deidara hated Tobi being right.

"That doesn't mean I can't find a rogue ninja to help me. They'll do anything for a price, un."

Deidara didn't mention that he knew that from experience.

………………………………………………………………………….

Tobi knew he was losing control of the situation, so he grabbed his sempai by the wrists and escorted him firmly back into the camp. Even after Deidara grudgingly seated himself on a blanket, Tobi hovered nearby, making sure he didn't try to venture out again.

"So, you're my jailor now?" the blond hissed.

"I said I would protect you sempai, and I didn't just mean from this," he jabbed his finger at the artist's chest, where he knew the sealed-up mouth to be. "It's not safe to walk through woods at night if you can't defend yourself."

Deidara huffed. "What, are there bad men that are going to snatch me away, Tobi?" he asked sarcastically.

"No. But there are wolves." Tobi didn't think Earth Country, where Deidara had grown up, had many wolves, and he hoped that the other man hadn't become familiar with their habits since then. Apparently he hadn't, because instead of protesting that wolves didn't usually attack people, he went a little pale.

"We'll stay here tonight," Tobi told his sempai, "and tomorrow we'll head for the merchant's village. After I've gotten us there safely and we get our money from our accounts, you can leave."

Deidara didn't look happy about the plan, and he muttered something about 'manipulative liars', but he settled down into the blankets anyways. Most ninja foreign to the forest had strange views of wolves, Tobi had learned. Something about the stories they had been told made them unreasonably convinced that the animals were bloodthirsty fiends. Tobi was pretty sure his sempai wouldn't try to sneak away in the night.

"Sempai, I'm giving you first watch," he said. Just because he was pretty sure didn't mean he was going to take chances. It was better for him to sleep while Deidara was still too exhausted to leave. Tobi lay down on his own blankets and wrapped them around himself like a cocoon.

The trip hadn't been hard on him, at least not physically, so sleep was elusive for the dark haired ninja. He wanted to know where Deidara would go when they parted ways. He wanted to know how to make his sempai stay. He wanted Deidara.

Maybe if he had some sort of clue about Deidara's past, he could find a way to convince him to stay. Even though they had been partners for months, he didn't know anything about his colleague before he'd joined Akatsuki.

"I'm sorry I couldn't get your hitai-ate back for you, sempai," he said, hoping to spark a conversation.

"Didn't care about it, un," the blond replied in clipped words.

"But it must have been important to you. It's a symbol of your village," Tobi reasoned. He didn't have a hitai-ate of his own, but he'd always noticed that others seemed to treat theirs with a certain reverence, even long after they'd abandoned the villages themselves.

"It kept my hair up. That's all. My scope would've been more useful to retrieve, un."

"Do you have any family in your village?" Tobi asked a few minutes later.

"No, un."

"So, you're an orphan…?" Tobi prompted. Deidara didn't take the bait. He only nodded his head.

"What about-"

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Deidara interrupted. "If you're going to stay awake, idiot, you can have first watch."

Tobi quieted down and tried to sleep. He wanted to ask Deidara how old he'd been when his parents had died, what it had been like growing up, but his eyelids began to droop and his breathing became heavier and he dreamt of his sempai instead.

…………………………………………………………….

Long after Tobi had curled up and nodded off, Deidara stayed awake, thinking about the last few days. He didn't really understand what Tobi was up to, and he didn't believe for a second that he planned on letting Deidara leave. It would take a few days to reach the village, so maybe he was stalling.

Long, slender artists' fingers traced the invisible lines of the chakra seal. He really should have killed Tobi for putting it on him. He'd made threats, of course, but he hadn't attempted to go through with them, which confused him a little. Sure, there had been a few half-hearted attempts at strangulation, but no serious efforts. If it had been any one but Tobi, he'd have found a way to kill them by now, chakra-less or not.

He guessed there was some truth in what he'd told Tobi. He had grown a little fond of the guy as his partner. When he'd been fighting with Sasuke, he'd been sincere about hoping Tobi would escape. He had known Tobi wasn't ready for death like he was, and he'd made sure to create an opening for Tobi to run away from the battle.

It had been nice to have someone follow him around and respect him. He wondered if that was how Sasori-no-danna had felt about him.

The lingering remnant of that teacher-student relationship was the only reason Deidara could think of that Tobi was still breathing. The artist shook his head to expel the thought. Being soft was getting him nowhere. Tobi had quite clearly violated the bond they'd had when he ruined Deidara's final jutsu. If he wanted his chakra and his artistic dream back, he'd have to stop letting Tobi lead him around and take things into his own hands.

……………………………………………………..

Tobi whirled around and saw Deidara. The blond looked up at him mournfully from beneath his bangs. Without his hair tie and his hitai-ate, the rebellious strands framed his face with gold.

"I'm sorry about those things I said earlier, Tobi," Deidara whispered. "I didn't mean them."

Tobi reached out boldly and tucked a lock of Deidara's hair behind his ear. "I know, sempai," he breathed.

"I know that you're only taking care of me." The artist's lips curled into an exquisite smile. Tobi nodded and let one of his fingers trace the curve of Deidara's cheek.

The smile became larger, more predatory. "But why don't you let me take care of you tonight?"

……………………………………………………..

As Tobi slumbered with a huge grin plastered on his goofy face, Deidara searched carefully through the supplies the taller man had stolen. He fumbled around quietly until he found what he was looking for. Then, he crept over to Tobi's blanket cocoon and leaned over him.

He whispered something in Tobi's ear.

………………………………………………………….

"_Mmmh, Tobi, put your hands up, un."_ Deidara whispered. Tobi gulped.

"Like this, sempai?" he asked, raising his hands above his head.

Deidara stood on his tiptoes and reached up. He pinned Tobi's wrists together and held them with one hand. "_No, like this_," he said.

Tobi blushed, but couldn't help but grin. He had been standing, but suddenly he was flat on his back, with Deidara straddling him. Oh, Deidara was a bad boy. It drove Tobi wild.

"_Tobi," _Deidara breathed hot into his ear. "_It's time to wake up now."_

'No, I like this dream,' his mind protested, but his body was already starting to wake up. He groaned and opened his eyes, and wondered if he was having one of those dreams-within-a-dream. Deidara was above him, straddling him and pinning his wrists to the ground, hair cascading down and eyes shining wildly.

Only, in his normal dreams, Deidara usually didn't hold a kunai to his throat…

………………………………………………………………………..

AN: Uh-oh, cliffie! That's what Tobi gets for having pervy dreams (that bad boy!!).

And I promise that there's more action in the next chapter. I didn't mean for this one to be so dialogue-centric, but it had to be done.

Oh, an announcement. As soon as I post this chapter, I'm going to get started on the side story for this story, 'What Deidara didn't tell Tobi'. I need to tell my version of Deidara's past to explain some of his reactions and motivations, but the guy just won't share them in this story (it's too 'Tobi-centric', he insists), so he'd gotta have his own little story. It's kinda darker than this one, and might not appear in full on but I'll make more announcements about it after I get the first chapter written. I don't think you'll have to have read one to read the other, but reading both will get you the full experience. Sorry for any inconvenience.


	6. Chapter 6

Sculpting for Dummies

AN: Once again, sorry for the delays. I had hoped to get another chapter out before moving back into my dorm room, but I got to go on an unexpected beach trip with a friend, so this chapter had to wait until after moving day. Sorry. At least I've had plenty of time to brainstorm, un?

Oh, random happiness. My spell-check thinks 'Iwa,' Deidara's home village, is 'Iowa'. Hah!

Chapter 6:

The shift on Tobi's face from a drowsy grin to a startled jaw drop was more satisfying than Deidara had imagined. It felt good to finally be free from that blanket of helplessness that had enveloped him since the artist had woken up in Sasuke's lair. He should have taken matters into his hands from the start. 'I won't make that mistake again,' he promised himself.

The tip of the kunai dug into the pale skin of Tobi's throat. A tiny red bead of blood welled up against the metal point, then rolled down his neck, painting a crimson stripe.

"…sempai?" Tobi whispered. The maskless man at least had the since to keep still.

The blond kept one hand firmly gripping Tobi's captured wrists as he leaned down to look the brunet straight in the eyes.

"I'm not playing your games anymore, Tobi. Release this jutsu or I'll kill you, un," he told his partner. Beneath him, Tobi sighed. Deidara had seen his share of scared, threatened people in his lifetime, and typically, their reactions weren't sighs. He pressed the kunai in a little deeper.

"I mean it, you idiot! Do it or you die," he warned.

The edges of Tobi's lips wrinkled into a frown. "You know that won't work, sempai," he said gently.

"I'll do it, Tobi! I'll slit your throat and watch you choke on blood and I'll _laugh_ at your last pathetic moments of life!" There was desperation in his voice, even to his own ears. Why wouldn't Tobi just listen to him?

"That's not true. You won't kill me because you need me to undo the jutsu," Tobi reasoned. "But the problem is, even if you catch me and have a kunai to my throat, you have to release my hands so I can release the seal. And if my hands are free, I can use my chakra to escape." The captured man paused and gave the blond an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Deidara-sempai, but that seal is going to stay in place until I'm sure that you won't kill anyone when you get your chakra back."

For a brief, irrational moment, Deidara thought about shoving the kunai down and killing the lying bastard just to spite him. He stayed his hand because, like it or not, he needed Tobi to get him to the Market village. Instead, he brought up his knee and jabbed it into Tobi's groin. The taller man screeched and rolled on the ground in agony.

Deidara laid out on his blanket and closed his eyes. "It's your watch," he said, and fell asleep and dreamt dreams about kicking Tobi's ass with his reclaimed chakra.

………………………………………………………….

The next day's travel was slow and quiet. Tobi was still angry with Deidara, Deidara was angry with Tobi, Tobi was limping, and Deidara was trying to kill his partner every opportunity that presented itself. The normally hyper man found himself shrugging out of headlocks, dodging rocks thrown at the back of his head, spitting out food laced with poisoned herbs, and reclaiming stolen weaponry from his sempai every time he let his guard drop just a little.

Tobi really missed the old times, when the most he had to worry about from his sempai was the occasional exploding bird when he fell asleep during Deidara's lectures. Usually when they traveled together, the artist would talk nonstop, about art (and Tobi's lack of artistic abilities), or Akatsuki business (and Tobi's lack of Akatsuki-like qualities), or anything else that popped into mind. Tobi would follow along, doing cartwheels and summersaults. Occasionally he'd pop up right in front of Deidara and do an impression of another Akatsuki member. His 'blind Itachi stumbling over a rock' always made Deidara laugh, no matter how much the blond tried to hide it.

'Blind Itachi' wasn't going to help in this situation, though. Tobi wondered if he'd ever be able to joke around with his sempai again, or if their brief companionship was beyond recall. As things stood at the moment, they could barely talk to one another. Could they have even a temporary alliance?

"Truce, sempai?" Tobi asked suddenly. Deidara dropped the acorn he'd been about to lob at Tobi's head.

"Are you kidding, un? A truce, with you?" Deidara snorted, then laughed outright. "Shit, you're serious! My god, Tobi, with a brain _that_ small, I'm surprised it doesn't fall out when you tilt your head, un!" His sempai continued chortling.

Tobi's pale cheeks burned red. He was used to the Akatsuki members laughing at him, but it always felt different with Deidara. Strange, how it made his heart soar to make his sempai chuckle at him impressions, yet it hurt so badly being laughed at like this. He swallowed the lump in his throat and pretended like he didn't care that Deidara was mocking him. It was much harder without his mask to hide behind, but he made an effort.

"Your trying to kill me is slowing us down, sempai," he explained in a monotone voice. "The more you do it, the longer it'll take us to get to Market. So, if you'll stop throwing things at me and poisoning my food, I'll be quiet and try not to get on your nerves, and we'll both reach Market village faster. Truce?" Tobi asked. He held out a hand to Deidara and waited.

The artist eyed the hand like it was covered in mud, but he growled and took it anyways. A few joints in Tobi's hands cracked at the tight squeeze Deidara gave them, but without chakra, Deidara lacked the physical strength to actually break anything.

"Should we stop here for the night, sempai?" Tobi ventured when the blond released his hand. Deidara scowled at him.

"I'm not camping here, dumbass. We're in a valley, and it's going to rain. We need to move up to higher ground or we'll get soaked, un." The artist looked down at his bare feet, then at Tobi.

"We'll take a break if you're tired," he told Tobi, who nodded eagerly.

"I can't take another step until we stop to eat," Tobi lied. Anything to get Deidara to stop when the blond needed rest.

Deidara sat down and left Tobi to do the chores once again. The taller man spread one of their blankets out and laid out a picnic of their stolen food. Tobi dug into his share with vigor, shoveling it into his mouth with minimal pausing for breathing. Deidara huffed, just like he always did, and mumbled to himself, "fucking moron can't chew his food properly. Disgusting."

Their hurried dinner was almost like the meals they used to share. Deidara picked at his food and complained about Tobi's black hole of a mouth. Tobi looked up when his food had been demolished and smiled at his sempai. He wiped the crumbs from his mouth with the back of his hand, but he could feel some still clinging to his face. Usually, Deidara would tell him where it was, get frustrated when Tobi couldn't brush off the crumbs on his own, and eventually lean over and wipe Tobi's face clean himself.

Now, Deidara merely kept picking at his food, and told his former partner to 'go wash his fucking face.'

………………………………………………………..

Deidara had finished only half of his meal when Tobi started fumbling through his pockets. The pale man pulled out a kunai, a sewing kit, and a second blanket.

The kunai ripped through the frayed old blanket with ease, cutting a square out of one corner. Tobi cut the square into a couple oddly shaped pieces and sewed them together. Deidara turned his attention back to his food when Tobi looked up and caught him staring.

"Do you want to know what I'm doing, sempai?" he asked in that whiney tone he loved to use. Deidara took another bite of his dinner and ignored the other man. Tobi continued talking anyways.

"I'm making this for you, sempai." He held up his pieces of cloth, mostly sewn together now and in the vague shape of a doll. "I know you're still angry at me, and it's not healthy to bottle up your feelings." Tobi scampered up and into the foliage, and started stuffing leaves and dried grass into the doll. He sewed up the last side and held up his creation for observation. "You can pretend it's me, and take your anger out on it without slowing us down."

The doll didn't look anything like Tobi. It didn't really even look anything like a human. It was lumpy and misshapen and made of blue fabric. But when he looked at it, it reminded Deidara of Tobi's stupid ideas and his idiotic smile as he told them, pretending like he was _so_ helpful. Deidara snatched up the offered doll and ripped one of its arms off, just to wipe that smile off of Tobi's pale, goofy face.

……………………………………………………………..

Tobi really hadn't expected the Tobi-doll to last long, but he'd thought it would get them through the night at least. Deidara had destroyed it before they even stopped to set up their camp site. Its limbs had been ripped off one by one, its stuffing pulled out, and then its head wrenched off and shredded into ribbons. Deidara hadn't even had a kunai to work with, only his bare hands. The artist could be very scary when he wanted to be.

The second doll, sewed hastily before lying down to sleep, didn't survive through Deidara's night watch. By the time he'd shaken Tobi awake and settled down for the night, the poor fabric creation had been left dangling by one leg on a branch over a stream. Its cloth head was submerged, and when Tobi untied the doll, he found it had been weighted with rocks.

In preparation for the last two days of the trip to the Market village, Tobi spent his watch shift cutting up the rest of the blanket and sewing as many Tobi-dolls as he could. One was burned at the stake in their next campfire; one found itself coated in honey gathered from a hive and pinned on top of a fire-ants' nest with sharpened sticks. They had to pass by a steep cliff, so a third Tobi-doll was weighted with rocks and tossed down. Tobi shivered every time another one of his little effigies was destroyed or maimed, but at least Deidara was directing his violence towards them instead of him. And it was fun, in a morbid kind of way, seeing what brutal method his sempai would use next. The artist was nothing if not creative. At one point, the blond even managed to coax a rabid-looking badger out of its burrow to feed it a doll.

Since he'd spent most of the day relieving his anger on the Tobi-dolls, Tobi hoped that Deidara would talk to him that night as they camped. He wanted to help his sempai, and he couldn't do that if he didn't understand what motivated him.

"Did you have a dream when you were little, sempai?" he asked when Deidara lay down.

"I had lots of dreams, moron. Everyone has dreams and nightmares too, un."

If he was trying to dodge the question, there might be something important about it. Tobi pressed him further.

"Not sleeping dreams, sempai. Goals. Aspirations. What did you want to do when you grew up?" Tobi sat up and looked at Deidara expectantly. Deidara was a naturally talkative person, and he usually couldn't resist talking about his artistic visions and things like that.

"I've told you that before. I want to perfect my art, un," Deidara proclaimed. He looked down and frowned at the invisible chakra seal.

Tobi snorted. "So, you were born wanting to blow yourself up?" he asked sarcastically. Deidara's eyes narrowed.

"My artistic dream is to make the perfect explosion, the most radiant, transient show of beauty this world has ever known, un. If I get caught in the blast, so much the better; people aren't meant to outlive their dreams."

The look on Deidara's face was so serious it made Tobi's stomach twirl. "Sempai," Tobi tried to explain, "when you achieve your dream, you aren't supposed to kill yourself! You make a new goal! There's always something else to strive for."

The Iwa ninja shook his head like Tobi was a whiny child that needed to be humored. "Maybe for you there is, Tobi. But my art is the only thing I've ever had."

"Sempai, that can't be true!" Tobi protested. "Isn't there anything else you ever wanted?"

Deidara paused for a moment, lost in memory. Then he spoke again. "There was one thing…" he began.

…………………………………………………

Deidara hadn't thought about it in years. He'd blocked most of his childhood memories from his thoughts so he could concentrate fully on his art.

"I was six… or I might have been seven," he guessed. Age hadn't made much difference back in the Iwa orphanage. No one there celebrated birthdays, so one year just faded into the next. "Someone told me a story about a place up in the clouds. She said that her parents lived there, and that it was perfect, un."

"Sempai…" Tobi whispered. Deidara could tell he was trying to think of a gentle way to say that the place didn't exist. As if Deidara didn't already know! Did Tobi think he was that naïve?

"So, when I was nine, I made a clay bird, filled it with my chakra, and flew up there, un. Up above the clouds."

Tobi gasped. "Oh, what was it like, sempai? Was it amazing? Could you see the stars?" He could be just like a small child sometimes.

"You want to know what its like above the clouds, Tobi, hmm?" Tobi nodded. "There's no air to breath up there. I got dizzy and started choking. And it's cold. My bird's joints froze up and I fell back to earth. If I hadn't had the clay to cushion my fall, I would've died. And do you know what I saw up there, Tobi?"

"What, sempai?" he asked obediently, horrified yet captivated by his story.

"Nothing. No paradise. Nothing but emptiness. So, tell me, Tobi, what's left to achieve of that dream, un?" Deidara waited. Tobi didn't say anything.

"That's what I thought, un," he stated, and turned away from Tobi to sleep.

…………………………………………….

The next morning, Tobi still didn't know what to say to his sempai. He wanted to tell him something comforting, but how could he help Deidara with the demons of his past when Tobi couldn't even remember his own youth.

Deidara seemed gloomy as well that morning. He picked at the seams in his hands where his palm-mouths were growing closed more than he had the day before, and he kept his eyes trained to the ground. Tobi knew there _had_ to be something profound to say that could drain away the tension and offer new hope to his hurting sempai. There was something right to say in a moment like this, but Tobi didn't know what it was.

In the end, there was only one thing he could think to do. He put on a mock serious face and called to Deidara, "Guess who I am?" He walked directly into a tree. "Kisame, is that you?" he said in his best Itachi-voice.

He couldn't see the blond because his eyes were watering (he'd hit his nose pretty hard on the tree), but he thought he heard a quiet chuckle. When his eyes cleared and he looked over at his sempai, Deidara pulled out another Tobi-doll, ripped open its side, and turned it inside out.

…………………………………………………………………..

They reached the Market village early the next evening. By then, Deidara had artistically destroyed two dozen crudely made dolls. They stopped at the village's gate and looked at each other.

"Maybe it would be better if you let me speak with Kakuzu-san's bankers, sempai," Tobi offered. Deidara was immediately mistrustful.

"Why shouldn't I speak with them, Tobi? You're trying to get my money so I'll stay with you, aren't you, un?" Tobi had proven time and again he wasn't to be trusted. Deidara wasn't about to let the little rat get a hold on his money.

"Of course not, sempai. It's just, the leader and the others probably think we're dead. If you go into the bank, people will recognize you and we might not want Akatsuki knowing we're still alive yet. No one is going to recognize me without my mask, so I'll be safe going inside."

Deidara disemboweled his twenty-fifth Tobi-doll. Tobi read the message in his action: 'I'm not happy about it, so do it quick and know that I'll kill you when I get my chakra back, un'. He scampered off quickly.

Since it wasn't a hidden village, Market had a lax defense. Deidara was free to walk around the outer walls without notice. Did Akatsuki really think he was dead? Well, probably. For a little while, Deidara himself thought he was dead. Just, the leader had always come across as all-knowing.

One thing was certain, though; the leader was no financial planner. Kakuzu had taken care of Akatsuki's finances because he loved money, and the rest of the organization had let him because they were useless at managing it. Had Kakuzu still been alive, he would have closed the emergency bank accounts for Tobi and Deidara at the first mention of their deaths and pocketed the money for himself. Deidara doubted any of the other members had even thought about the accounts. With any luck, the money would still be there, without any instructions to apprehend them or alert the Akatsuki when it was withdrawn.

And surely no one had tampered with the lock boxes. Each Akatsuki pair had a bank account and a lock box in every major country, so that no matter what the circumstances, they wouldn't be without their tools. Deidara's contained a change of clothes, a second scope, a kunai kit, and most importantly, a sealed jar of his exploding clay. It would be useless to him until he got his chakra back, but it would be comforting to have it by his side, and he'd certainly be making use of it when the seal was removed…

As he paced around the walls, Deidara looks for flaws in the structure out of habit. Identifying weak points that would crumble under the pressure of one of his bombs was second nature to him. The thought of blowing up the wall was tempting. Seeing the pieces of aged stone fly in every direction, hearing the stillness boom with sound, smelling the smoke wafting in the air, feeling the warmth of the pure energy soak into his skin, and knowing that the beauty and the art of the moment was his alone to witness; that was the perfect of his art. Many were subjected to it, but few lived to remember it. The world had denied Deidara joy, so he took it for himself, and he didn't share.

He walked along and appraised the wall until Tobi, wearing his normal black clothes and balancing more bags than he could really carry in his arms. He dropped the load at Deidara's feet, and opened one up to reveal an orange and black swirled mask, identical to the one Sasuke's group had confiscated. Tobi tugged it on, and once again every inch of his skin was hidden from sight. It was no wonder the man was so pale.

Deidara sifted through the other bags. To his delight, some of them were filled with money, and one thankfully held his usual black mesh outfit. He tied back his hair with a hair tie, and while it was still more in his face than usual because of the absent hitai-ate, he at least had the weight of it off of his neck. He slipped into his clothes (Tobi was blushing furiously behind his mask, Deidara could tell) and hooked his bag of clay to his belt. Damn, it felt good.

With his sandals on his feet and his half of the money flung over his shoulder, Deidara turned to Tobi. "Bye Tobi, un," he said casually, and walked into the village with a spring in his step.

………………………………………………..

An hour later, Deidara's step wasn't so springy. His plan to pay a rogue ninja to unseal his chakra was unhinged by the fact that the rogue ninja in the village were completely incompetent.

"Five Element Seal? I thought there were four elements," said the most promising-looking ninja Deidara asked.

"Well, there's water, fire, wind, ice, earth, and thunder, right?" his companion replied. Deidara bit back a frustrated groan.

"But, that makes six," the third man in their group whined. Deidara didn't think it was worth it explaining that water and ice were basically the same, and that the last element was lightning, not thunder. There was no helping some people.

"Are there any…other unaffiliated ninja around here, un?" Deidara asked them. He made sure to keep his distance in case their stupidity was contagious.

"Un-a-what-tiated?" They asked together. Amazing. Deidara had never met a group with the collective brain matter of a rock.

"Are there any more rogue shinobi, un?" Deidara rephrased.

"Rose ninja?"

"Are there any other ninja here that don't belong to a hidden village?" the blond asked slowly.

"Oh! Nope, we're the only other ones," Incompetent ninja number one answered.

Deidara sighed. "I'm probably going to regret this, un," he murmured to himself. He turned to the rogues. "I'd like to hire your services. I need you to escort me to the nearest hidden village and make sure no one hinders me while I'm there." He explained the job very deliberately, hoping that the main ideas would penetrate their thick skulls even if the finer details couldn't. The amount of money he was offering as a down payment seemed to get through to them just fine.

"Yeah, we can do that," Rogue Two said with a smirk. "Just give us a half hour and we'll be ready to roll."

……………………………………………………..

Tobi wandered through the Market village in a depressed stupor. Usually he enjoyed visits to Market. There were so many street vendors with food and drinks and shiny trinkets to sell. Now he trudged along, dragging his feet because he lacked the motivation to lift them up properly. Deidara was gone, and Tobi would never see him again…

Unless he decided to hunt Tobi down and kill him for that seal. If Deidara were there, Tobi would've taken the seal off himself. If his sempai were going to get it off anyways, he might as well be the one to do it.

But it was no use now. Deidara had left, and he would soon be free and blow himself up because he thought it was art. His sempai didn't understand that the art was Deidara himself, with his golden hair and blue eyes and fierce, beautiful smile.

Maybe sake would help. He'd heard that it made these sorts of situations seem less bleak. Tobi headed toward a bar already half-full with the evening crowd. He waved to the bartender for a drink. He sat down in a shaded corner that he didn't mind having to take off his mask in.

The alcohol burned on the way down, so Tobi tilted his little glass up and gulped it down quickly. He didn't normally drink, so it didn't take long before he started to feel a buzz. He waved for another drink. The bartender looked him in the eye, and must have seen something about Tobi's miserable existence, because he plopped the whole bottle down in front of Tobi.

A second drink made his vision start to swim, and a third had him swaying in his chair. Drink number four almost made him forget about his sempai, until he heard voices at the table behind him.

"…bounty's gonna be huge!" someone exclaimed. The others at the table hushed him.

"And Rai's willing to let us in on it?" someone else whispered.

"He figures that this guy's big. Real big. He thinks the three of them might not be enough."

"More than three? Just how big is this guy?"

"Word is, he's Akatsuki." The first ninja whistled in surprise. "That's why he wants us as back-up. Between the down payment this guy offered and the bounty on his head, we can score a nice cut, even as backup," The third man explained.

Tobi swayed closer on his bar stool. Did they mean sempai? They couldn't.

"Akatsuki? I don't know, man," the second ninja wondered, "do you think six of us is gonna be enough?"

The third man laughed. "That's the best part! Rai thinks he can't defend himself. He came around asking about some chakra seal, and he needs an escort to a village. Rai thinks this guy isn't gonna be able to defend himself at all!"

The three ninja laughed. Tobi slammed his glass down and pushed it away from him.

"So you're in?" The men nodded. "Good. They've already left, and they're camping at the gorge tonight. We'll meet them there for the ambush." The ninja nodded and left their table.

"Crap, I-I've got to s-save sempai!" Tobi slurred. He stood up unsteadily, tossed some coins mostly in the bartender's direction, and staggered out of the bar. "Don't worry, Deidara-sempai, I'm on my way!" he yelled before tripping over the threshold.

……………………………………………………

AN: Ok, suspense! Oh, and I must mention the side story. The first chapter is up, and it is entitled "What Deidara didn't tell Tobi." It talks about Deidara's past, and there will be a second chapter corresponding to details in this chapter which will be up in the next couple of days (I have to start classes, but I will strive to get it written for you, believe it!). To find it easiest, you can click on my penname, and it'll be there.


	7. Chapter 7

Sculpting for Dummies

Chapter 7

…………………….

Subtlety was a lost art among the rogue ninja of Market village. As was stealth…and intelligence, apparently. There was no helping such hopeless people, except perhaps with a C-2 exploding bird. Hell, they weren't worthy of a C-2. A C-1 centipede would be more fitting for incompetence of this caliber.

Deidara's escorts, who called one another Rai, Genji, and Carl (Deidara refused to refer to them except as 'hey you' or 'idiot'), were making him miss Tobi. At least Tobi didn't pretend that he wasn't the moron he was. _Tobi,_ at least, said whatever stupid thing was on his mind, instead of sneaking around and acting like the blond see him, five feet away, whispering with his comrades.

"We're gonna camp here for the night, boss," their little ringleader, idiot one, said. The other two smirked and nodded.

"Yup, right here. Perfect for campin'," the other two chimed in, winking at one another. How had these idiots ever survived being ninja? Wasn't there some level of cunning required, even for the rejects?

Deidara could barely stand to look at their 'campsite' without gagging. It was completely stereotypical. It was an insult to his intelligence! The gorge they'd led him to was narrow and shadowy, and had that back alley feel that his would-be ambushers must have thought he wouldn't notice. If he hadn't already figured out their plans as soon as they left the village, he definitely would have caught on now.

The sheer stupidity of it was painful. Deidara wanted to shout at them, "My chakra's gone, but my _brain_ is still here! Please, at least make an effort to catch me off guard," but he figured he might as well wait until he had some sort of advantage. Akatsuki or not, it was going to be three-against-one. Deidara needed the showdown, when it happened, to be tilted in his favor in every way he could.

Until then, he might as well get his money's worth out of his ninja escort.

"If we're stopping here, why aren't you setting up camp yet? I want my dinner hot, and you'd better be quick about it, un!"

The rogues jumped at his command, and the two looked at their leader Rai, who shrugged and waved them to work. Since they were still playing at being his escorts, they had no choice but to follow Deidara's orders. The artist didn't plan on letting on that he knew about their obvious plan to ambush him and collect the bounty on his head until he had them tired out from serving his every whim.

"Hey, you, I'm thirsy. Go fetch me a drink!" he shouted to Rai, who was halfway through setting up a tent. The ninja dropped his tent poles when he reached for his canteen to offer the blond. Deidara put on a mock frown.

"Oh, too bad. Looks like you'll have to start all over again, un," he said, shaking his head slowly. Rai snarled, and his hands shook with the urge to attack Deidara.

The Iwa ninja just laid back and smirked. "The ground is rocky. I assume one of you had a pillow for me to sit on, un?"

………………………………………………………………..

"Ground, stop sp-spinning! I need to hic track Deidara-sempaiiiiiiii."

The ground was being very uncooperative. It refused to stop spinning, and when Tobi glared at it further through the eyehole of his mask, it started rocking as well. It was all Tobi could do to keep his footing.

"If you won't talk, hic I'll make yoooou!" Tobi threatened. He pulled out a kunai and…oops, it was a slippery one. It dropped out of his hand. Tobi drew a second one. It fell as well. "Allllllright, who shwitched my kunai pouch with schlippery ones?"

"So, we wait until dark, and then we go in and help capture the Akatsuki, right?" Tobi heard a voice from behind a tree say.

"Yeah. I already explained that."

"But, do we mean dusk, or until it's pitch-black, or what? 'Dark' is a pretty ambiguous specification of time."

Tobi snuck nearer. A twig snapped beneath his sandals, and he bent down and pressed his finger to his mask. "Shhh!"

"Dude, why do you always gotta use such big words? Just because _you_ went to night school don't mean you gotta rub it in!"

"Guys, can it for a sec. I thought I heard something."

"It's just a squirrel or somethin'. Or maybe it was the hot air rushin' outta Mr. Brainy's ears here."

"I resent that, you know. Just because I have a vocabulary containing words with more than three syllables doesn't give you the right to bully me."

The arguing ninja from the bar stomped past Tobi, who ducked behind a bush. Oh, he might have tripped, but only because the bush jumped right under his feet. At least they were bickering too loudly to hear his fall.

"They'll l-lead me to sempai!" he whispered to the ground, "Nya nya! I didn't need your help!"

Tobi took to the trees and followed along behind the three ninja. The branches swayed and sometimes even appeared in double, but Tobi was determined and managed to keep his balance as he hopped along.

Up above the lurching trees that tried to trip Tobi up, the sun began to sink into the sky.

……………………………………………………….

"I'm cold," Deidara stated suddenly. "Make me a fire."

The three rogues, who were still washing out their pots and pans from the five-course meal that their employer had demanded, groaned. So far, Deidara had sent them scurrying around on their hands and knees searching for a ring he'd dropped (which turned up later, mysteriously, on Deidara's ring finger), ordered them to clear the campsite of rocks, and made them re-stake his tent five times. He'd sent each member of his entourage running back to the village on separate occasions; Rai to get a pillow for him to sit on, Genji to fetch a bag he'd forgotten, and Carl to buy him a pie from the village bakery, because he had a craving that just demanded satisfaction.

All three of the ninja looked exhausted. Deidara, on the other hand, was feeling more refreshed than he had in days.

The fire would serve two purposes. He could send away two of his escorts, who would be eager to steal away to enact their plan anyways, to get firewood, which would even out the fight to one on one. Advantage- Deidara. Then, when the two came back, they'd be temporarily blinded by the light. Again, advantage- Deidara.

Carl and Genji foraged around the camp for tender, which Rai set ablaze with a quick fire jutsu.

Rai turned toward his companions, keeping his back to Deidara. The artist used the moment to pull a kunai from his pack and tuck it into a hidden pocket in his sleeve.

"Why don't you two _go gather firewood_," the ninja ordered his men. Deidara couldn't see his face, but he was sure the man was winking at them. They gave two over-exaggerated nods.

"Sure thing, boss. _Firewood_." They left. Deidara guessed it would be Rai's job to distract him while the others circled around from behind. The blond wouldn't have much time to dispose of him before his friends got back.

He would have to keep the charade up long enough to get in range, though. Even with his intellect and his superior artistic ability, he would have to be close for a kunai attack to work without chakra.

He sauntered up behind Rai. "You seem pretty eager to get me alone," he purred. "Is there something you want from me?"

Rai flushed as Deidara leaned forward and pressed his chest into Rai's back. The ninja jerked away, but Deidara wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him back in.

"It's ok. I understand. Everyone has needs." Deidara tilted his head up slightly and licked the shell of Rai's ear. The rogue nin tried to wiggle out of Deidara's grasps, but the artist held him firmly. The black sleeved arm that held the hidden kunai slid up the protesting ninja's chest until the hand was pressed against Rai's collar bone.

Deidara nibbled on Rai's neck to distract him as he drew the kunai out of his sleeve. Movement in his peripheral vision made him stop just before the metal tip touched the ninja's throat.

"Hey, boss, when you said- Holy shit!" Genji yelped, and looked away as fast as he could. Carl covered his eyes.

"We didn't mean to interrupt nothin', boss! We'll go get more firewood!" they shouted, and turned back towards the woods.

"This isn't what it looks like!" Rai wailed. His voice sounded an octave higher than usual. The retreating ninja looked at their leader.

"Fuck, he's got a kunai!" Carl yelled in warning. Deidara hissed.

"Get back or I slit his throat!" he growled, pressing the blade into Rai's skin. He used his other arm to pinion Rai's arms to his side. The two rogues backed up. They looked at Deidara, and Deidara looked at them. Rai stood still in his arms, waiting for someone to make a move.

'Great. What do I do now?' Deidara wondered to himself.

…………………………………………………..

The ninja Tobi was following stopped where the sheltered canopy of the forest cut off.

"Whadda we waitin' for?"

"It's imperative that we observe the situation more closely before we go charging in, moron!"

"Shut up, guys! I heard that noise again. Someone's followin' us!"

Tobi looked all around him from his perch in the branches above the ninja's heads. He didn't see anyone following them…Maybe they were _under_ the branch! Tobi was such a smart boy! He leaned forward and down, craning his neck to get a glimpse of the underside of the branch he was on. Whoever was under there gave him a big push, because he tumbled right out of the tree.

'Oof!' At least his fall was cushioned by the ninja. Tobi lay there, sprawled over the three of them until the stars faded away from his vision. He stood up, and only one of the ninja he'd landed on managed to get to his feet with a groan. The other two looked dazed and stayed where they were.

"Yer tryin' ta hurt sempai, aren't ya?" Tobi yelled, and tackled the ninja before he could straighten up. The man's head hit the ground with a dull 'thud', and he didn't try to get up a second time.

Tobi stood back up and staggered in the direction the ninja had been heading before they'd stopped. He had to save sempai!

………………………………………….

There was only one way Deidara knew to get himself out of the situation he'd gotten into. He slid the kunai along Rai's throat, shoved the bleeding man at Carl, and dove at Genji. If the ninja chose to help his boss rather than join in the battle right away, Deidara might still win the battle, even without chakra. His fist connected with Genji's cheekbone and he felt something crack in his hand.

The two ninja rolled around on the ground, Deidara trying to stab and Genji desperately trying to wrestle the kunai away from him. Deidara couldn't afford to look away even for a moment, but he heard someone sneaking up behind him. A sharp jerk of his ponytail wrenched him away from Genji.

Turning his head as far as he could in that position, Deidara saw Rai lying on the ground, holding a wad of bandages to his bleeding throat. Carl's figure behind him cast a shadow over him that leapt with the flickering firelight. Deidara stabbed his kunai through his sandaled foot.

"Shit!" Carl cursed, and released his hair. Deidara spun around and grabbed a second kunai from his belt-pouch. Two against one wasn't the type of battle he'd wanted, but he wouldn't go down without a fight.

"Get away from my sempaiiiiiiii!"

All four ninja, even heavily wounded Rai, looked up when they heard that shout. A flash of orange and black charged in from the shadowy area past the camp.

Deidara was almost glad to see Tobi…until the damned fool tripped over his own feet and tumbled the rest of the way into the battle. He stopped rolling at Genji's feet, and lay there, stunned. Genji snorted with laughter.

While Tobi was struggling to stand up, Deidara struck. Carl's guard was down, and the artist smacked his head with his kunai handle before the other man could even react. The enemy shinobi flopped to the ground.

Genji, incompetent ninja that he was, had all his attention focused on Tobi, who he thought was his opponent for the battle. Deidara circled around behind him and pressed a kunai tip into his spine.

"This is what you get for messing with a true artist, un!" he declared, and shifted his hand to drive his kunai in.

"Sempai, no!" Tobi yelled.

"I don't need your help, Tobi! I've got this situation under control, un! So get lost." Damned Tobi, pretending like Deidara was helpless. He wasn't, even if Tobi had taken away his chakra. And where did he get off showing up and pretending to help when the work was already done? He'd done this with the three-tailed turtle, too, that bastard!

He twisted the kunai again and prepared to force it into Genji's spine.

"Shempai, schtop! Don' kill 'im!" Tobi slurred.

"Why shouldn't …wait, are you _drunk?_" Deidara asked.

" 'M not drunk, 'm Tobi! Tobi's a good boooooy! 's here to shave schempaiiii!" Tobi giggled. Deidara's jaw dropped.

"You're fucking kidding me. You show up to rescue me drunk off your ass? What, I can't possibly take care of myself, but you can just waltz in and fix everything when you can't even fucking stand? I should stab _you_ instead, un!"

God, Tobi pissed him off! Deidara kicked Genji's legs out from under him and pressed a foot to his chest to keep him on the ground.

Tobi crawled over to the prone ninja and stared at him through his mask's tiny eye hole.

"Lishten to me. Yer gonna shtay 'ere with yer buddies, and when they wake up, yer gonna tell 'em ta never mesh with my sempai again. Undershtood?" Tobi asked. Genji stared forward and blinked.

"Understood," he whispered.

"Now go take care of yer friend," the masked ninja ordered. Genji shrugged off Deidara's foot, stood up and complied. His movements were awkward, like he was sleepwalking.

Tobi turned toward Deidara and leaned so close that the artist's nose was touching his mask.

"You smell like sake," Deidara told him, not bothering to mask the disgust in his voice.

"S-sempai!" Tobi squealed, and pounced on him. He draped his body along Deidara's and transported them away with a jutsu.

…………………………………………………………

Tobi's sake-saturated jutsu didn't get them very far. Deidara ended up back at the Market village wall, where he'd parted with Tobi a few hours earlier. He had to hold Tobi up as the masked ninja regained his footing; the man was still wrapped around him, threatening to bring them both down with his teetering balance. God, Tobi was clingy when he was sober, but drunk he was a complete leech.

The artist steadied both of them, but Tobi didn't let go if him and stand on his own. The taller man stayed wrapped around Deidara like a second skin.

"Let go of me, Tobi!" Deidara hissed. What if someone saw them like this?

Tobi snuggled in closer to him and made a satisfied 'hmmm' sound. Deidara wasn't going to allow Tobi to treat him like a human teddy bear! He shoved Tobi away.

He tried to, anyways. Sake apparently gave Tobi the consistency of jell-o, because every time Deidara got a good enough grip on Tobi to push him away, Tobi would just slide past his arm somehow and nuzzle further into Deidara's arms.

Deidara was too tired to keep supporting both their weight, so he let himself sink to the ground with Tobi still attached. He leaned his back against the village wall and stretched his legs out. Tobi settled into his lap the moment his knees were down.

"Get off of me, you unhelpful leech, un," Deidara ordered. He tried to glare at the other man, but with Tobi's head resting on his shoulder, he didn't think the masked man could see.

"'m not un'elpful…" Tobi murmured sleepily. His arms, wrapped around Deidara's waist, squeezed a little tighter.

"I could've dealt with those three on my own, Tobi. I'm not helpless." He thought about telling Tobi that he'd known they would betray him, that he'd only gone along with them because they were taking him in the direction he wanted to go anyways. The idiot was probably too drunk to understand the complexity of his genius plan, though.

" 'elped with th' three in th' forest," Tobi yawned.

"Three in the forest? What the hell are you talking about, Tobi?" Deidara asked. Tobi snored in reply.

"Damn it, Tobi!" the blond growled. What three in the forest was he talking about? Had his enemies had backup?

Tobi slept on his shoulder, still snoring quietly behind his mask. Deidara thought about pushing him away, but he decided it wasn't worth the effort of prying his way out of Tobi's grip. And Tobi's body was keeping him warm against the night air. 'As long as he's not awake and getting any stupid ideas about us, I guess it's ok.'

Deidara couldn't sleep with the stones from the wall digging into his back and Tobi's fat ass crushing his legs, so he rummaged through Tobi's pack and found his sewing kit. He took Tobi's blanket as well, and stretched it over the two of them. He cut a square of material from the corner and tried his hand at making a Tobi doll to punish for his drunken, half-assed rescue attempt.

His stitches were more precise than Tobi's, and by the time the sun rose in the horizon, he had produced three dolls. They looked much more human than Tobi's hastily-sewed monstrosities. He took one and stuffed its cloth head into Tobi's canteen. The water soaked through the fabric as the voodoo Tobi 'drowned'. Deidara thought it was very symbolic.

Sunrise in Market village brought traders streaming in and out of the city. It was easy enough for Deidara to wiggle out of Tobi's death grip, wave down a merchant's kid, and pay him to go into town and bring them back something to eat.

He held out a few coins to the kid, and glanced back to where Tobi was still sleeping off his sake. He wondered...had there really been three ninja in the forest? Six was more than he would've been able to contend with without his clay. If Tobi was right, he might have saved Deidara's life…

No, there probably hadn't been any backup. More than likely, it was the sake talking. Tobi wasn't going to get any gratitude from him. Even if there had been three…

Deidara tossed a few extra coins into the kid's hand. "Bring me back something to take care of a hangover, too, un," he said, and waved the kid off.

…………………………………………….

AN: Dun dun duuuuun! Where will they be off to next? What adventures lay in store for our heroes…villains…whatever they are? You'll find out soon enough (especially if you review, which makes me update faster!!). Stay tuned.

I hope no more characters insist upon getting drunk… I don't like writing drunk-speak. I haven't really had much of a chance to listen to drunken slurs, so I'm not good at it, and it hurts my soul to see so many squiggly red lines from my spell check. Alas.


	8. Chapter 8

Sculpting for Dummies

AN: I shouldn't be writing right now…I should be learning Hiragana for my Japanese 101 class… but I like writing better. Oh well, now is here and exam time is later, ergo I shall write another chapter of fan fiction for your reading pleasure.

Chapter 8 (Holy hell, eight already…how the chapters fly)

A cool wind blowing toward the south rustled the leaves in the trees surrounding Market village. Squirrels chattered, birds sang, and bright rays of sunlight warmed everything it touched.

Tobi awoke to this majestic display of natural beauty. He had just enough presence of mind to rip his mask off before he vomited all over the sun-warmed grass. The retching sounds scared the birds off their perches and made the squirrels mew angrily at him. The pale man ignored them and kept puking his guts out.

'Ok, not my guts,' he rebuked himself when his stomach finished emptying itself for all of Market village to see. He knew his guts were still attached only because he felt them churning even after the throwing up ended.

"Finally woken up, un?" a voice asked from behind. Tobi couldn't find the strength to turn and face it. His arms shook from supporting his weight as it was.

"Sem…pai," the ninja croaked, "please…kill me. Put me…out of my…misery."

Deidara snorted. "Don't tempt me, Tobi, un," he said, and came closer. The Iwa ninja's shadow blocked out the sunlight from Tobi's sensitive eyes. The blond crouched down beside Tobi, and the suffering man flushed with shame when he saw his sempai's nose wrinkle at the awful smell of his vomit. He tried to push Deidara away; he didn't want him to have to _see_ it too.

"Damn, you reek, Tobi. Rinse your mouth out, un!" his sempai reprimanded. He couldn't…his head was throbbing so hard he could barely see, and even thinking about moving made his stomach flip with nausea.

"Pathetic, un," the artist murmured, and pressed something hard against Tobi's lips. Water poured past cracked lips and tasted blessedly cool on Tobi's tongue.

"Spit it out. You can drink in a minute, un," Deidara ordered. Tobi wanted to swallow, but if he didn't listen, sempai would be angry. He swished the water in his mouth and parted his lips. Spitting took too much energy, so he just it trickle from his mouth.

"Again," Deidara ordered. Once again, cool, clean water swirled around his mouth, and he spat it out, even though he was thirstier than he'd ever been. At least most of the vomit taste was gone.

The bottle left his lips, and Tobi whimpered.

"Shh," Deidara whispered, probably disgusted with how pathetic he was acting. Tobi was surprised Deidara hadn't left him while he was passed out. God, his head hurt too much to wonder why.

"Drink," the blond ordered, pressing another bottle to Tobi's mouth. Tobi parted his lips. Deidara tilted the bottle up, and before Tobi could even register the fowl-tasting liquid, the artist clasp a hand over Tobi's mouth and nose and jerked his head so he was facing the sky. The disgusting drink trickled down Tobi's throat, and he had to swallow it or choke.

When the last distasteful drop snaked down his throat, Deidara released him and Tobi curled up on the ground, coughing.

"Sempai…why…did you…do that…?" he panted. Deidara stood up and wiped his hand on Tobi's shirt.

"Quit your whining, idiot. It was medicine, un."

Tobi didn't move for a few minutes, until the forest stopped spinning like a pinwheel. His head didn't pound nearly as hard now. He groaned and crawled over to his canteen. The first sip he took was obstructed by fabric, but he removed whatever it was and tossed it aside. The water wasn't as cool or as clean as Deidara's, but it tasted heavenly to his parched throat.

His vision was still a little hazy, and the sun was shining much too brightly, but he could make out Deidara's shape if he shaded his eyes with his hand. He thought if he could crawl into some dark cave and sleep for a few weeks, he might recover to his normal self.

"Breakfast?" Deidara asked innocently. At the mere thought of food, Tobi nearly gagged, and he knew, he just _knew_ his sempai was smirking at him.

……………………………………………………………………………

Tobi's suffering made Deidara's breakfast taste so much sweeter. The medicine was helping the moron; Deidara could tell because the pale man was finding the energy to roll around and moan and clutch his head melodramatically. He'd be well enough to travel by noon. If he suffered until then, the bastard deserved it for getting himself that drunk in the first place. What had he been thinking? He could have gotten them both killed.

A Tobi doll met its demise by being dragged along the rough stone wall until its cloth face frayed and the stuffing started falling out. Deidara tossed it away and leaned against the wall. He was tired; he'd stayed awake all night because Tobi was too incapacitated to take his watch, and Deidara wasn't going to risk the rogue ninja stumbling onto them unprepared.

Deidara crawled a little ways away and curled up in the grass with what was left of Tobi's blanket. He decided he could risk a few hours of sleep now. Tobi was awake, at least, even though he wasn't in any condition to defend them from an attack.

The blond closed his eyes and basked in the sunlight. The birds sang once more, and their twittering song lulled Deidara into a doze. He sighed, turned over, and wrapped his arms around…

…Tobi?

Deidara's eyes snapped open, and Tobi was there beside him, yawning and burrowing himself further into the artist's side.

"Tobi, get the hell away from me, un!" he hissed, and pushed the masked man away. He turned over so he was facing away from the hung-over ninja and surrendered himself to drowsiness…

…until Tobi wormed his way back to him and plastered himself around Deidara's body. Deidara kicked his leg with a sandaled foot.

"Tobi, get away from me and keep watch!" he ordered. Tobi groaned.

"'m tired, sempai. Head huuuurts. Wanna stay here," he whined, sounding half-asleep.

It took too much energy for Deidara to pry Tobi off of him, especially when he knew the taller man would just come right back, so he just closed his eyes and tried to ignore his partner's presence.

"You can stay, but you'd better stay awake, un," he instructed.

"Yes, sempai," Tobi yawned.

The last thing Deidara heard before he fell asleep was Tobi's snoring.

…………………………………………………………….

"…obi…"

Tobi heard the voice, and sleepily ignored it.

"Tobi." There was a familiar, crackling quality to the voice, a blurriness that couldn't quite mask the flat, arrogant tone. Tobi pulled his mask over his face and rolled over to face the speaker.

A flickering, transparent image of Uchiha Itachi stood at the edge of the forest, beckoning Tobi. The masked man brushed a lock of Deidara's hair tenderly from his face and stood. The walk from the wall to the forest seemed more ominous than it did the last time.

"For shinobi, you both sleep very deeply," the Uchiha remarked. Tobi immediately jumped to Deidara's defense.

"Deidara-sempai had a tiring day yesterday, and he stayed up all night! I'm the one who fell asleep on my watch, not him," Tobi proclaimed. Itachi, either surprised by Tobi's acceptance of the blame or perhaps just by the bold way he spoke, raised an eyebrow.

Remembering himself and his manners, Tobi coughed nervously. "Is there something you need, Itachi-san?"

Itachi's mouth curled into something that might have been a smirk, except that _Uchiha Itachi_ didn't smirk. "You might be interested to know, we had visitors last night. My little brother Sasuke somehow found his way to the Akatsuki lair."

The masked ninja froze. "Oh?"

"And one of his subordinates mentioned learning the location from a 'pumpkin-face' and a 'hot blonde,'" the Akatsuki member continued.

"How strange," Tobi said with a hollow laugh.

"Strange indeed. So strange that the Leader sent me out to retrieve your rings." Itachi let the implications sink in. In asking for their rings, Pein was, in essence, ordering Itachi to confirm whether they were still alive, and if they lived, to finish them off and relieve them of the Akatsuki status.

Tobi backed away. The apparition of Itachi wasn't real, only a projection of his chakra. The ghostly figure couldn't hurt him, but it could lead Itachi to him to do the job.

"Hello, Tobi-kun!" a second shaky voice called. An image of Kisame flickered beside Itachi's. "I'm glad you survived."

Tobi took another step backwards. "T-thank you, Kisame-san, but I d-don't think it's going to make a difference now."

Kisame smiled, showing rows of sharpened teeth. "Oh, Itachi-san is teasing!" he said with a chuckle. Tobi didn't think Itachi was the teasing type.

Itachi glared at Kisame with whirling red eyes. Kisame stopped laughing and looked away, chastised. The Uchiha turned back to Tobi.

"My orders aren't to kill you, Tobi. The leader only said to retrieve the rings."

Tobi blinked. "You…you're letting us go?"

"It's a waste of time to travel all that way to dispose of you," Itachi stated without feeling. "We have better ways to occupy our time."

"Like leading little Sasuke-kun in circles," Kisame clarified. He seemed delighted at the prospect.

"You didn't kill him?" Tobi asked incredulously. Kisame shook his head. Tobi wasn't sure why, but the news made him glad.

"I don't kill without a reason," Itachi murmured, frowning.

"But…your clan…?" Tobi asked.

"I had a reason, and it's none of your concern," the Uchiha stated. "Bring me the rings or I'll come and get them myself."

At that, Tobi nodded his head and held out the ring on his thumb.

"Deidara-kun's too, Tobi-kun," Kisame reminded him. Tobi crept quietly over to Deidara, who slept on, oblivious to the rest of the world. He slid the ring carefully off of his sempai's finger and tiptoed back to the ghostly pair.

He held the rings out to Itachi, who stared at them with transparent eyes. Oh, right. They were illusions. They couldn't hold the rings.

Itachi formed hand seals in rapid succession. With a flare of chakra, he summoned a weasel, which jumped into Tobi's hand and swallowed the rings in a single gulp. The rodent disappeared in a puff of smoke, and another summoning jutsu later, Itachi held to shadowy rings in his immaterial hand.

"You are no longer part of the Akatsuki. You are dead to us," Itachi said. He formed a hand sign that Tobi knew would dissipate the silhouette in front of him.

"Thank you, Itachi-san," Tobi called quickly. And, because it seemed important, "And I'm glad you didn't kill Sasuke-san."

"Why would I kill my little brother?" Itachi asked. Tobi shrugged.

"I thought that was what you did. Uchiha are impossible to understand."

Itachi gave him a strange, unreadable look. Then he released the jutsu and disappeared.

Kisame stayed for a moment. "We won't mention to the leader that you are still alive. He thinks you both died in the explosion."

Tobi nodded. "Thank you, Kisame-san."

The blue man gestured to Deidara. "You two are going to stick together?" he asked.

"I don't know," Tobi admitted. "I hope so."

The shark man nodded. "Good. Deidara needs a good boy like Tobi. The most stable relationship he'd had was with a man who became a puppet so he wouldn't have to feel." Kisame paused for a moment, lost in thought. At last, he leaned close to Tobi and whispered to him, "He needs someone to take care of him."

Tobi nodded. "I can do that, Kisame-san."

"I know, Tobi-kun. Take him far away from here and teach him how to live."

Kisame straightened up and gave Deidara one last look. He turned to Tobi and gave him a toothy smile. "Good luck," he said, and disappeared.

Tobi sat down on the ground right where he stood and held his chin with one hand; but, he couldn't concentrate sitting still. He flipped himself up and did a few handstands and cartwheels. He finished with a summersault. "Aha!" he exclaimed when an idea finally came to him. He grabbed his pouch of emergency money from his pack and ran through the gates of Market village.

………………………………………………………..

AN: OK, this chapter was supposed to be longer, but for the sake of getting it out in a timely manner, I'm breaking it up into a few short intervals. (and Itachi wasn't showing up at all, originally, but he and Kisame wormed their way in. I'm such a sucker for the Akatsuki; I can't say no to any of them!! They'll appear more in the side fic eventually.)

Anyways, next chapter: What does the future hold for our duo? Where will Tobi lead, and will Deidara follow? Find out soon!!


	9. Chapter 9

Sculpting for Dummies:

AN: Get excited, guys! The title is going to have significance soon! And the M rating is going to be coming back within the next few chapters. I hope the story's not gonna be too boring until then…

Oh, and about the latest manga chapter. I have to say, I'm kinda jealous of Pein's little collection. I hope they're still alive, though, cause otherwise that's be yucky…

Oh, and a question for my readers: How old do we think Deidara is? I'm not very good at gauging their ages in this series. Did y'all know that all the sound ninja that attacked Konoha and stole Sasuke were, like 14 or something? Crazy!

Chapter 9

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Deidara woke up alone. Not that it was a problem; far from it… it just wasn't what he'd been expecting. There was a small sinking feeling in his stomach, but that was a mixture of nerves and relief at having been sleeping alone, vulnerable to attack (but not vulnerable to anything else, because what else was there to be vulnerable to?).

Tobi was gone. All that was left of his belongings was an empty canteen and the blanket that was still wrapped around Deidara. It was obvious he'd left for good. It's what Deidara would have done, was planning on doing, as soon as he'd made sure Tobi wasn't going to follow after him. The masked man had beaten Deidara to the chase, that was all. It wasn't anything that Deidara hadn't seen coming: everyone else left eventually, so why not Tobi too?

There wasn't much for Deidara to pack up into his own bag. His emergency funds had been depleted quite a bit by his down payment to the 'escorts' and most of the food he'd bought from the village had been eaten. He stuffed his Tobi voodoo dolls into the bag because he had space to fill, and Tobi's abandoned blanket because he could use its warmth.

His new life neatly packed away in his backpack, Deidara turned towards the road to set out, and realized he didn't have a destination. Where was he supposed to go? Not back to Iwagakure, that was for sure. All Hidden villages were off-limits, as long as he didn't have chakra to defend himself. He didn't even know if he dared to enter Market Village to get supplies. He hadn't been this directionless since he'd left his village and become a missing ninja years ago.

The world outside of the Market village wall was quiet. Deidara had never dealt well with tranquility. His exploding clay pouch was halfway unzipped before he remembered he didn't have the chakra to make an explosion. He couldn't even use the clay to form his figurines. The mouths in his palms relied on his chakra to keep hand muscles and skin morphed into tongues and lips, and bones into teeth. Without the energy necessary to sustain them, the tiny mouths had reverted back to their original forms and grown shut. There was nothing left of them but two barely noticeable lines, one on each palm.

He zipped the pouch closed. His clay was useless now, but he might be able to use it again someday. There was no sense in letting it dry out.

The silence was becoming oppressive. Deidara shuffled his feet through the dirt, snorted, shook his backpack noisily as he hoisted it higher on his shoulders. Anything to make noise.

"I need to get out of here, un," he told himself. "I'll pick a road, and follow it to the end, un."

There was only one road leading out of Market village, a smooth, unpaved dirt road that waved gently over hills and around giant oak trees. It was horribly pastoral, but it would serve until Deidara found another to follow.

Deidara's breath quickened as he approached the golden path. He stopped a step away from it. The first step of a journey was always supposed to be the hardest. 'If taking a step is the hardest part, I'll die of boredom,' Deidara thought.

He lifted one foot and lowered it down over the road. His sandal inched down, just about to touch dirt, when a voice like a bullhorn shouted, "SEMPAI! WAIT UP, SEMPAI!!"

Deidara's head jerked, but he stopped himself and turned slowly, not appearing at all eager to see his partner charging towards him.

"Sempai, wait until you see what I've got!" Tobi chattered. "You'll be so excited!"

The masked man stopped just in front of Deidara and waved a piece of paper. His orange and black mask was firmly in place, but it did little to hide the fact that the man was bouncing with excitement. Deidara waited for Tobi to explain. The dark-haired ninja skipped around the artist in a circle, but said nothing about the paper.

"Tobi, what do you have to show me?" he asked finally.

Tobi shook a gloved finger at him. "No, no, sempai, you'll just have to be patient. We need to get moving now while it's still light." He started skipping down the dirt road, not even pausing to contemplate that first decisive step.

Deidara snorted. "Who says I'm going with you, un?" He stayed where he was, feet firmly planted on the grass beside the road.

Tobi turned around and placed a hand on the bottom sliver of his mask in a thoughtful pose. "Well, no one's saying you _have_ to come. I mean, if you have somewhere _better_ to go, or if you don't want to find out what I've got," he waved the paper enticingly "then you're welcome to stay here," he taunted. Damn it, now Deidara was curious.

The blond stepped out onto the road and took a few tentative steps. Tobi bounced around. "Yay, sempai's coming!" he sang.

"I'm going in the same direction…for now," Deidara said with a frown. It wasn't like he'd agreed to anything. That didn't stop Tobi from dancing and singing, though.

Deidara snorted. At least now he didn't have to worry about his trip being too quiet.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Tobi skipped down the road, humming a tune and flailing his arms around wildly. Oh, he wasn't only a good boy; he was a smart boy! A genius! He was walking and Deidara-sempai was following, by choice!

He'd known that peaking his sempai's curiosity would work. Now that they were away from the village, Deidara would at least consent to travel with him until they reached another town. By then, he hoped to have Deidara ensnared in suspense. The artist was the type of person who wouldn't give up until he discovered whatever it was that seized his curiosity.

Once they reached their destination, Tobi hoped he could convince Deidara to stay…

But that wasn't important right now. He'd worry about that step when he came to it. Right now, all that mattered was that he was walking down a path, and Deidara was walking with him. All was right in the world.

_Riiiip_. Tobi stopped skipping and turned around. A tuft of dried grass stuffing floated past him in the wind. One of sempai's dolls had just met its doom. The head was lying on the ground, the stuffing was floating on the breeze, and the limbs were in the process of being looped around and tied in knots.

"Stop skipping around like a dumbass, Tobi, un," Deidara growled, and threw the mangled doll at his head.

"Oh, sempai, that reminds me! I bought us some new fabric and some real stuffing, so we can make more dolls for you to destroy. I'll get started on them tonight," Tobi offered. Deidara huffed.

"You're an idiot," he said, but didn't elaborate. Tobi didn't mind. He knew he was a genius- Deidara was still here, after all.

……………………………………………………………

It took an hour of walking, but Tobi finally stopped flailing and skipping like a demented rabbit. He was still humming, which was annoying, but at least Deidara didn't have to watch his spastic motions any more.

Tobi stopped mid-step and twirled around to face the artist with the grace of a dancer. "Are you tired yet, sempai? Do you need to take a break?"

Deidara didn't deem the idiot's queries worth answering, so he walked past him and kept going. _He_ didn't need to stop. He had a decent pair of shoes now and enough food in his stomach. Only a weakling would need a break after only an hour of walking with those sorts of conditions. Deidara wasn't weak.

Tobi ran up beside him. He tried to catch Deidara's gaze through the eyehole of his mask.

"You're sure you don't need to stop?" he asked. Deidara glared. "Ok, fine. We'll keep going."

Deidara looked at the mask through the corner of his eye. Why…? No, he didn't care! He definitely didn't want to know…. The artist trained his eyes on the road before him.

A few terse moments passed. The questions welled up in Deidara the way his clay swelled up before it exploded. Deidara's curiosity, like his clay, reached a certain point and then burst.

"God damn it, Tobi! Why do you wear that stupid mask, un?" he yelled. Tobi stopped walking.

"My mask? You don't think it makes me look cool?" Tobi asked.

Deidara hurried ahead. "Liar. I should've known you won't tell me, un," he murmured. Tobi grabbed his wrist.

"Sempai, I know you don't trust me. It's my fault and I'm sorry," he said. Deidara jerked his hand away and kept walking. He didn't want to hear Tobi say stupid, fake things.

"When Zetsu-san first found me, I had scars," Tobi said suddenly. He ran and caught up to Deidara. "I wore this mask so no one would see them. Then they faded, and I kept the mask because I'm not good at hiding my emotions. Now I wear it because I feel exposed without it."

"You must be pretty stupid, ruining your depth perception just to hide scars," Deidara told him. Really, what kind of half-assed ninja was Tobi?

Tobi pointed at his right eye. "This eye is really sharp. I can see almost everything with it." He pulled his mask off and showed Deidara his left eye, the one that was brown and seemed out of focus. "But the vision in this eye is blurry. If I use it, it actually makes things harder to see than if I just keep it closed. So I keep it covered. I'm usually pretty good about calculating distances and things with my good eye."

Tobi didn't move to put the mask back on. "Why are they so different?" Deidara couldn't help but ask.

"My left eye was missing when Zetsu-san found me," Tobi explained. Deidara wondered how an eye went 'missing', but Tobi didn't seem concerned with that part of the story, and let the taller man continue. "He and Kakuzu-san replaced it with one from one of their victims, but it had been dead for a while and the vision deteriorated. It's not great, but it's better than nothing, I guess."

Deidara and Tobi kept walking. Tobi stared at the mask in his hands.

"You can put it back on," Deidara told him. Tobi shook his head.

"I don't need it when it's just us, sempai. I can't expect you to trust me if I don't show trust in you." He slipped the mask into his coat. "You know… if there's anything else you want to know, you just have to ask, sempai." He said.

"Not if you're going to be so fucking sentimental about everything, un. It's sickening." Really, why did Tobi have to go around saying dumb stuff like that? Deidara wasn't going to magically trust him just because he went around without his stupid swirly mask. Dumbass.

……………………………………………………………………

The sun began its slow crawl down the sky and behind the mountains in the distance. Tobi stopped and set up their camp while there was still a fading light to see by. Deidara didn't offer to help.

It seemed strange to be walking around without his mask. Tobi had endured the masklessness during the trip to Market village because he had no choice in the matter. Now, though, his mask was resting in his coat pocket, waiting to be put on. Tobi wanted Deidara to know the real him, he really did. It was just…uncomfortable.

There was a circle of light where Tobi had built a small fire, and their blankets were stretched out in the shadowy outskirts. When he laid down, he would be able to slip his mask back on without Deidara knowing. It wasn't like Deidara would be looking at his face at night anyways… and it would just be while he slept, like a security blanket.

The two men ate their travel rations in silence, then each retreated to their blankets on opposite sides of the fire. "First watch, un," Deidara called.

Tobi turned away from Deidara and slid his mask out of his coat. He held it up to his face and stretched out the black band to slide over his head.

_"Deidara needs a good boy like Tobi."_

Tobi recalled Kisame-san's words, and flushed with guilt. He'd made a promise to Deidara. It wasn't a promise that his sempai seems to care at all about, but it was a promise all the same. He lowered the mask.

But how was he going to sleep with his face exposed to the world? Sempai wouldn't be happy if he was too tired to travel tomorrow. Wearing his mask for a few hours wouldn't _hurt_ anything….

"Tobi, just put on the fucking mask. It's not like I can't see you over there, un," Deidara huffed. Tobi dropped his mask like it burned him.

"No, I don't need to," he said aloud, more to himself that to the blond keeping watch. He placed it deliberately into his bag and pushed it down until it lay at the bottom, underneath everything else he carried with him.

"You're an idiot, un," Deidara told him. Tobi nodded. He probably was. But he was doing his best.

"Rest up, sempai," he advised. "It's a long walk to the Land of Forest."

"What the hell? That's where you're taking us? Damn, you are an idiot, Tobi, un!" Deidara protested. Then he paused. "What's in Forest, un?"

Tobi grinned. "What do you mean, sempai?" he asked innocently.

"What's in Forest? It's an out of the way, hole-in-the-wall disgrace of a country. We wouldn't be going there if there wasn't _something_ worthwhile there. What is it, un?"

Tobi wasn't looking at Deidara, but he could tell the man was tossing and turning, desperate to _know_. Once again, the artist's curiosity was captive.

"I don't know. You'll have to come with me and find out."

Tobi heard the ripping sound of another Tobi doll being mangled. A zipper zipped open and the contents of a pack clanked together as they were rifled through.

"Tobi, I need a needle, un," Deidara proclaimed. He never actually asked for things from Tobi, he just stated his need of them, with the implication that Tobi had better remedy the situation before explosive clay entered the picture. It was part of the collective charm that was his sempai.

The ninja found a needle and crawled around the fire to Deidara. He handed it to the artist, who had already found the new fabric and stuffing he'd bought to make future voodoo dolls.

And Tobi was very glad he wasn't wearing his mask at that moment, because he was able to steal a kiss while Deidara's arms were too full of sewing supplies to stop him. He ran back to his side of the fire before the Iwa ninja could do more than sputter. As he settled down to sleep, Deidara yelling and throwing rocks at him, he traced his lips with a finger. Masklessness certainly held its benefits. He might just be able to live with it.

……………………………………………………………………

The next few days of traveling went by smoothly and unremarkably. Deidara and Tobi walked, rested, ate, repeating as necessary. Inevitably, Tobi did something to get on Deidara's nerves, and would have pieces of his shredded effigy thrown at his (maskless) face. They talked a little, like they'd done before on Akatsuki missions together.

In the middle of their third day of walking, they stopped during the heat of the day for lunch. Tobi bounced around while Deidara sat.

"Sempai, if you're tired of walking, there might be an easier way to there," the dark haired man exclaimed. Deidara looked up. Hell yes, he was tired of walking! It was all he'd done for the last week.

"If you make on of your clay birds, I think I can activate it. We can fly the rest of the way, sempai!" The taller man sounded triumphant.

"What makes you think _you_ could do _my_ jutsu, un?" Deidara growled.

Tobi shrugged. "I've seen you do it a thousand times, sempai. I'm pretty good at copying jutsu."

Deidara glared at him until Tobi's pleased expression wavered. "…or we can keep walking…" he murmured.

"Idiot…trying to steal my artistic jutsu…un," Deidara muttered to himself. They kept walking.

Later, during Deidara's watch that night, the artist rubbed his aching feet and decided that maybe one clay bird wouldn't make a difference; when he regained control of his chakra, he'd make sure Tobi knew who the artist of the group was.

He unzipped his clay pouch and grabbed a handful of pure white clay….

…………………………………………………………..

Tobi woke up the next morning as the sun peaked out from the trees. He knew something was amiss immediately. Deidara hadn't woken him up for his half of the night watch.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he found his sempai at the same place he'd been when he'd fallen asleep. Deidara was sitting on a log, looking pale and shaky. A tense aura hung around him, and the air had that thick, stifling feeling of an oncoming storm.

"Sempai…is something wrong?" he asked gently. Deidara blinked.

"Nothing," he whispered. He stood up and pulled his pack onto his back. "Let's go."

Tobi pulled him back down. "We haven't eaten breakfast yet, sempai."

The rest of the day, the artist stayed in that hazy state. He walked along like he was barely awake, and he didn't destroy any Tobi dolls, even when Tobi threw his arms around the blond and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. He only blinked and said, "Stop that, Tobi, un," in that vague, monotone voice.

Tobi was worried. Scratch that, he was freaked out. Sempai wasn't meant to be like this. Usually, everything about Deidara, his appearance, his temperament, his art, his speech, screamed that he was alive.

He needed to get Deidara to the Land of Forest and enact his plan quickly. He found a fork in the road and veered off course. Deidara didn't question their abrupt turn. He followed languidly. He didn't protest when Tobi stopped and pulled his hair out of its ponytail to hide his face, and said nothing as the taller man slipped his mask back on and let the artist into a bustling civilian trading village.

Ninja didn't trust technology, as a rule. They relied on the power of their bodies where civilians required the aid of machinery. Nonetheless, Tobi led Deidara to the window of a train station, and bought two tickets to the Land of Forest.

They chose a compartment near the back of the train and sat. Deidara stared blankly out the window as the vehicle screeched, spat puffs of smoke into the air, and lurched forward. Once the train was in motion, Tobi didn't have much more of a chance to worry about his sempai.

The train was awful. Tobi could see why ninja would run across countries to avoid riding on them. The clanking noise and scream of the whistle deadened his ears, and the bumping and shaking of the metal cars made detecting enemy motion nearly impossible. The smoke smell eliminated the ability to sniff out an enemy. And worst of all, the high speed and the lurching of the cart made Tobi sick to his stomach. He spent the overnight trip kneeled over a toilet seat, getting reacquainted with the contents of his stomach.

The Land of Forest, out of the way and backwards though it was, was a welcome sight for the masked man. When the train finally slowed and stopped, he wiped his mouth, shouldered his pack, grabbed Deidara's wrists, and was the first person on board to stagger out.

"We're here, sempai!" he sang. 'And now for the hard part,' he thought to himself.

…………………………………………………………….

AN: Next chapter: Find out what's the matter with Deidara, what's in the Land of Forest that Tobi wants Deidara to see, what the title has to do with anything…and yeah, more Tobi dolls will probably die. But that's just life.

There will be another chapter of the side story before chapter 10, so if you're reading along, look out for it. It should be out in a few days.


	10. Chapter 10

Sculpting for Dummies:

AN: I'm almost to the part of the story I'm most excited about writing! There's gonna be angst, and smut, and destruction of household objects… it's gonna be great! Heads up, though: Deidara can be sort of an angst-bucket in this chapter. Don't hate him cause he's gone kinda emo. Hate him because he's too damn sexy!

Chapter 10

……………………

Tobi bounced along the forest path that led from the town with the train station to their destination, Thorn Village. Deidara trudged. The effort to lift his foot and put it back down a little ways in front of him barely seemed worth the trouble.

"Sempai, keep up! We're almost there!" Tobi squealed. Deidara forced one foot to drag forward, then the other. He looked down at his hands. 'Useless.'

The sight of the faint scars of his mouth-palms depressed him. In fact, every aspect of his hand was distasteful now. The slender fingers that he'd thought to be nimble and able to form any shape now seemed emaciated, fragile. 'Useless.' The black polish on his nails was chipping away; the imperfection of his fingers mirrored the larger deficiency of his whole being. The pale band around his right index finger magnified his fall from power.

"Where's my ring, un?" he murmured to himself. He hadn't noticed it missing until now.

Tobi stopped walking and turned. He squirmed in that way that foretold news that Deidara usually didn't want to hear.

"Itachi-san collected our rings a few days ago, sempai. He and Kisame-san sent a summon to fetch them."

Itachi. Deidara was usually pissed off by the mere mention of the Uchiha. Now he couldn't bring himself to care. What did Itachi matter, anyways? What worth was a rival when he had lost his… no. Better not to think of it.

The ring was useless anyways. If he had no chakra, he couldn't be a part of Akatsuki, and if he wasn't a member, a member's ring held no meaning. Useless, just like his old hitai-ate. Useless, like his hands, unable to….

"It's ok if you're angry, sempai," Tobi said. The dark haired ninja had been trying to coax Deidara into responding to him all during the trip. But speaking just wasn't worth it. Nothing was.

………………………………………………..

Deidara and Tobi's entrance into Thorn Village lacked fanfare, and left Tobi feeling a little cheated. He'd expected a little bit of a welcome at least. One of the reasons he'd picked Thorn was because it was secluded, and didn't have very many strangers going in and out. He'd thought it best, since it'd be less likely that someone would recognize his sempai as an S-ranked criminal. Given that, Tobi would've thought that the arrival of two outsiders would have warranted an onlooker or two.

The gate was closed and there wasn't a living person in sight. Tobi pulled the creaking gate open and led Deidara inside the village. The streets were quiet. A few people were visible through glass windows and inside the village's restaurant, but they seemed too skittish to approach. Tobi and Deidara walked by them silently.

The deed, when Tobi pulled it out of his pocket and unfolded it, crinkled slightly in Tobi's gloved hand. The sound was quiet, but in the uneasy hush of the village, it seemed like a grave infraction. He held the paper lightly.

"It should be on the other side of the village, sempai," the ninja whispered to his companion. He motioned in the direction he thought they should go. Tobi wasn't sure it was the right way, but he had the feeling that asking one of the nervous, hidden villagers would be unforgivable.

The two outsiders wandered around silently. As they reached the limit of the village, Tobi consulted the paper. He paused, and turned. There was a small house near the wall.

"I think that's it. Why don't you wait here?" he asked. He left the 'one of us will be less intimidating than both' unsaid.

Tobi left his pack with Deidara, who stood in place like a perfectly sculpted statue. The masked man really, really hoped his plan would work out. He wasn't sure what was causing Deidara's depression, but he wanted to help in any way he could.

Tobi knocked on the door of the house. The wooden door muffled the sound of the residents inside, but the vague noises indicated they stood behind the door for a few moments before opening. It creaked and eased open reluctantly. A middle aged man with a hard face stared into Tobi's visible eye.

"I…I purchased a piece of property in this village. I'm supposed to report here to pick up the key." Tobi waited for the man to respond. The man waited for Tobi to…do something, Tobi figured, but he wasn't sure what.

"Well, can I have my key?"

The man held out an empty hand expectantly. "He wants the deed, un" Deidara called emotionlessly. The artist hadn't moved from the spot where Tobi had left him, but he was watching them, at least. Tobi handed the man the deed.

The strange man looked at the deed, then withdrew into the house, shutting the door before Tobi could even peer inside. He emerged a moment later with two worn brass keys. He pointed down the road to the right and handed the keys to the masked ninja. Before he could retreat and shut the door again, a little head peaked out from behind the man. A little brunette stared up at Tobi.

"Are you a bandit, or a ninja?" she asked solemnly. Tobi tilted his head, confused.

"Daddy told me that the only people who wear masks are bandits and ninja. Which one are you?" The man was desperately trying to usher her back in the house, but the little girl dodged and wiggled her way out of the door frame.

"Well, I was a ninja, but I'm not anymore," Tobi explained. The girl looked suspicious.

"Are you a bandit now?" Tobi shook his head. The girl smiled. "I'm glad. Do you know any tricks?"

Tobi nodded. He slipped the keys and the deed securely into his pocket, then did a summersault. He walked on his hands back and forth along the house's small porch. The girl giggled with delight. The door opened a little wider as more occupants of the house peered out. Tobi found three rocks, and started to juggle. He stopped after two minutes and gave the girl a bow. She applauded.

"Is your friend a ninja too?" she inquired, hungry for more tricks. Tobi paused.

"He's an artist," he said finally. That was safe enough for the villagers to know. If Deidara was going to stay in Thorn (Tobi crossed his fingers), it was better if the villagers didn't know about his past with the Akatsuki and the ninja order in general.

"Oh," she sighed, obviously disappointed. "What does he do?"

Tobi hated it when people misjudged his sempai. Deidara was the single greatest person that Tobi had met in his life. He wondered how to explain Deidara's art to the girl. He fished through another one of his pockets.

"He makes all sorts of things, like this," he explained. He handed her one of his prized possession: one of Deidara's clay birds. It was dried up, so it was useless to Deidara. Back at Akatsuki headquarters, the artist had thrown it away, but Tobi had rescued it from the garbage pile and kept it with his emergency supplies at Market.

"Oh, wow!" she exclaimed. She handed it back to him reluctantly. "Can he make me one?"

"We need to get settled in to our new place first. Maybe after we move in, you can ask him," Tobi said. He didn't think Deidara was in any mood to deal with small children at the moment.

The girl nodded. "My name's Lin," she confided. "Does he make clay puppies?" she asked.

Tobi shrugged. "I bet if you ask him, he can. And my name is Tobi." He stepped back off of the porch and waved to her. "I'll see you later," he called, and walked back over to Deidara. The blond followed him down the road to the right, to their new home.

……………………………………………………….

Dust swirled as Tobi swung open the door he unlocked with the brass key. He pulled Deidara inside by the wrist and explored the building.

"See, this side is a house for us, sempai," he chattered excitedly. "There's a bedroom for each of us, and you can have the big one if you want. Oh, here's the kitchen!" He dragged the blond into the abandoned kitchen. It had a few appliances, all coated with dust. The shelves were bare, but Deidara wasn't very hungry anyways. He tried to block out Tobi's impromptu tour.

Tobi turned and dragged him back out into the hall. "There's the second bedroom. Where is…? Oh, here's the bathroom. Here? No, closet."

The masked man walked on, pulling Deidara behind him. Doors were wrenched open and closed. Finally Tobi found the one he was looking for, at the end of the hall. He opened it and gave Deidara a shove through the threshold.

The room was a studio, wide and empty. It teemed with possibility, yet it seemed desolate. Tobi followed Deidara inside and gestured around.

"It's a studio for your art, sempai. There's a big storage closet there, and a kiln around back. The last owner made pottery to sell at the market, but we don't have to do that if you don't want." Tobi broke off from his rambling and looked at Deidara. He rocked back and forth on the soles of his feet nervously. "Do you like it, sempai?"

Deidara looked around. Like? He didn't like it, not did he dislike it. He didn't feel anything.

"Are you going to give me my chakra back, Tobi, un?"

Tobi looked startled. "Huh? What does that have to do with this?"

"I can't make my art without chakra. Return it to me, un."

Tobi growled when Deidara made his request, and stalked up to him stiffly. He seized Deidara's left wrist in his hand and pulled him towards the back door of the studio. The blond let Tobi pull him along.

They circled around their new house, and Deidara watched uninterested as curious villagers darted back into their houses. They must have come out to investigate when they saw the pair disappear into the building.

The masked man dragged him over to a tree, where two teens were ducking out of sight.

"Excuse me, can you tell me the greatest artist you know of?" he asked. Tobi was still shaking with anger (Deidara wasn't sure why), but he spoke politely to strangers, as always.

One of the teens, a nervous looking boy, shrugged. "It's not anyone you've heard of," he said apologetically.

"It doesn't matter. Who do you think is the greatest?" Tobi pressed.

"Ahh…there's a painter in Forest City named Shizuka. I have one of her paintings in my room."

The second boy coughed. "Askari the glassblower," he mumbled. Tobi nodded and jerked Deidara along down the street. Whenever he found a villager, the masked ninja demanded to know their favorite artist. Most of them answered with men and women that Deidara had never heard of, although one did mention Sasori no danna's puppets.

The road looped around, and Deidara and Tobi ended up back in front of their new house and art studio.

"What was the point of that, un?" Deidara asked. Obscure village artists had nothing to do with his chakra, as far as he could tell.

"Did anyone say _your_ name, sempai?" Tobi hissed. Still angry for no reason, the blond figured. Deidara shook his head.

"Did they mention _explosions_ as the greatest kind of art?" The volume of his voice rose as he spoke. Deidara shook his head again.

"That's because EXPLOSIONS AREN'T ART!" The masked man punctuated each word with a poke to his chest. "Art is about creating, and all you do is destroy."

"Mr. Tobi?" a small voice asked. Tobi ignored it and continued his rant. Deidara stood, frozen in place. 'You don't understand.'

"You don't make anyone happy but yourself, and even you aren't happy because you're trying to get yourself killed!"

"Mr. Tobi!" Tobi and Deidara both turned and saw the little girl they had met while picking up their keys. She tugged on Tobi's shirt to get him to bend down to her height.

"Sorry, Lin-chan. What do you need?" He asked, reigning in the fury he'd been expressing just seconds before.

"I want a clay puppy. Is your friend settled in yet?" She asked innocently. Deidara felt the blood drain from his face. She wanted him to make a figurine for her? He couldn't…

"See, sempai? Lin wants clay, not bombs. You have a talent, and you could be a great artist if you just-"

Deidara couldn't take it any more. "You don't understand anything, un!" he yelled, and fled into the house.

………………………………………………………………

Lin blinked up at Tobi. "Did I do something wrong?" she wailed.

Tobi waved his arms and shook his head. "No, you were fine. It's just…not a good time right now. Maybe you should come back in a few days," he told her. She nodded, and walked off sadly.

Tobi sighed. He had thought Deidara would be angry with his accusations and snap out of his depression. Instead, he had become more sullen. Tobi had to be missing something.

He swung the door open cautiously. "Sempai?" He stepped quietly through the house, listening for Deidara. He stopped in front of the door to the empty studio. Through it, he could hear pacing.

"Sempai?" he called again.

"Don't come in!" Deidara ordered.

Tobi dropped his hand from the doorknob. "What's wrong, sempai?" The pacing stopped, but Deidara didn't answer. Taking the silence as an invitation, the dark haired ninja cracked open the door and slipped inside.

"I told you not to come in," Deidara murmured. He was on the far side of the room, staring out of a small window. Tobi didn't approach him. He wanted to ask what the matter was again, but repeating his queries wasn't going to make Deidara answer if he didn't want to.

Deidara tore his gaze from the window and continued his pacing around the studio. He kept himself turned away from Tobi, and his thick blond hair veiled his face. Was he crying? Tobi stayed where he was by the door so Deidara could move around more freely without being seen.

"Why are you still here, un?" the artist asked suddenly.

"Because there's something upsetting you, sempai, and I want to know how I can help."

Deidara turned and walked the length of the room, still avoiding looking at Tobi. "If you want to help, give me back my God damned chakra, un!" he screamed.

Gloved hands clenched into fists. "I'm not going to let you blow up this town or yourself! I'm trying to make a life for us, and all you want to do is destroy it!" It made Tobi's eye see red when he thought about Deidara's final jutsu, and his death wish, and his idea that watching a city being blown up was a form of entertainment. He wouldn't allow any of that to happen, not again.

Deidara turned toward him, but jerked away quickly before Tobi could look into his face. "That's not why!" he cried.

Tobi stepped toward his and held out his hands. "Then tell me why!"

The artist stalked around the studio again. Tobi sat down on the floor. 'I'm not leaving until you tell me,' the action said.

With Tobi seated in the middle of the room, it was harder for the blond to circle around and still avoid meeting Tobi's gaze. He found the one place he could stay without having to worry about Tobi sneaking up on him or himself accidentally turning around; he sat down on the floor, back to back with the other man.

"Kisame brought Sasori-no-danna a puppet one time," Deidara began, in a voice just above a whisper. "I don't think you were around then, un."

Tobi stayed quiet. The story didn't seem relevant, but his sempai had to have a point he was trying to make. He shifted his head to the side so Deidara could rest his head on Tobi's shoulder. It was nice, being so close to his sempai.

"Headquarters used to be boring between missions; out in the middle of nowhere, nothing to do. So Kisame brought back this puppet when he went out, un. You know, a normal puppet with strings and a stick to control it, un." Tobi nodded. Deidara let his head lean back on Tobi as he continued.

"We all sat around, waiting for Danna to entertain us. But when he tried to make the puppet move, he couldn't. The strings got tangled up and it wouldn't move, un. So Danna cut the strings off and put chakra strings on it, like he did with his battle puppets, and then he could work it, un." Deidara finished his story and stopped speaking. Tobi waited for him to continue, but found only silence.

"Sometimes," Tobi said finally, "when you get used to doing something with chakra, you forget how to do it without it. Is that what happened to Sasori-san?" 'Is that what's happened to you?' he wondered.

He felt the movement of Deidara's head against his shoulder. The artist was nodding. "I tried to make a bird, but I…I couldn't. I can't make my art without my chakra, un." His voice was breaking, and Tobi's shoulder had become suspiciously wet. The masked man was careful not to turn and look at him. Deidara would, he had no doubts, kill Tobi if he witnessed the blond's breakdown.

Tobi sat there for a few minutes, letting Deidara rest against him. When the artist's breathing stopped coming out in sobs, he shifted and stood up. "I'll be right back, sempai," he said, and left through the back door.

A few minutes later he returned and handed Deidara a shopping bag. The blond reached in and pulled out the contents. It was a book. Tobi held his breath while Deidara examined the title.

"'Sculpting for Dummies'?" There was a poignant pause. The temperature in the room dropped a few degrees.

"H…how _dare_ you? An artist of my caliber…." Deidara stuttered. He stood up and whirled to face Tobi. His eyes were red and they narrowed when they caught sight of him. "I'll fucking kill you for this insult, un! You BASTARD!"

Tobi had been tackled by Deidara many times over their partnership, but he each time, he never suspected it and was never ready. As always, Deidara's flying leap caught him off guard, and he tumbled to the ground with his sempai on top, pummeling him with his fists.

Behind his mask, Tobi smiled as Deidara attacked him and screeched obscenities. Finally, his sempai was back to normal.

……………………………………………..

Rediscovering his clay was a slow, ongoing process. Deidara spent a day and a half molding clay before his hands remembered how to make a bird. Another day of self-imposed exile in his new studio yielded a centipede, an owl, and a dog for the annoying little brat that kept pestering him for one.

The victories with the figurines were tempered with defeats. Growing up, Deidara hadn't had access to an artist's tools. He had created his art with only his hands. The tools he found in the studio closet were foreign to him. During his first encounter with a potter's wheel, he pressed the foot petal too quickly and spattered clay all around the room (it had taken Tobi two hours to clean it all up- Deidara, as an artist, was above such menial tasks). Worse than the wheel, Deidara's first attempt to fire his creations in the kiln was a complete disaster.

It wasn't his fault, of course. He designed pieces that were meant to explode. They were made with air bubbles inside, to facilitate combustion. It wasn't a surprise, really, when the entire batch ended up cracked and shattered.

Looking back, Deidara admitted that he might have lost his temper just a little after that first great defeat. Specifically, he'd gone around the house smashing every piece of pottery he could find: ceramic vases, clay potholders, porcelain plates, everything.

Tobi hadn't been very happy when he'd come back from grocery shopping to find his dishes strewn on the floor. He'd flatly refused to buy more to replace them. That evening, he'd served Deidara dinner straight out of the pot he'd cooked it in.

"That's uncivilized. Go get us some plates, un," he'd insisted.

"No. If you want to eat off of a plate, you'll have to make them yourself," Tobi responded.

Deidara had spent two stubborn days refusing to go near the art studio. On the third day, he'd refused to eat his omelet directly out of the pan. He locked himself in his studio and made plate after warped plate. The first batch, much like his figures, exploded in the kiln, and he wasn't even able to enjoy the aesthetics of the blasts. Explosions were fun, yes, and beautiful to create, but he _needed_ to produce plates. The sense of purpose was far greater than any he'd felt before, enough that he even overcame his disgust and resorted to looking in _that book_.

He discovered the problem was the air bubbles he left in the clay, which heated and expanded in the kiln, making cracks. The mistake was easy enough to correct; he had a good feel for his clay, and once he knew what consistency he needed it, actually creating it was no great task. He made sure to replace _that book_ exactly where he'd left it, on the floor of the studio where it had been dropped during Deidara and Tobi's fight. He wasn't about to let Tobi know he'd used it.

The first set of plates was ugly and misshapen, but functioned well enough. Tobi treated each dish as if it were the greatest he'd ever seen. It was sickening enough that Deidara made a second, better set to replace them, and hid the first ones deep in the store room. Tobi, who didn't wear his mask when they were alone together, smiled knowingly when he saw the new dishes. The bastard acted like he'd planned it all along. Deidara hated him so much….

Along with his first attempts at vases and pots, a Tobi doll found itself in Deidara's kiln, being baked to its plush-toy death.

…………………………………………………

Tobi watched Deidara spin his potter's wheel and slowly form a cup out of clay. He was reacting remarkably well to village life. They both were. The artist had been frustrated at first, but a little motivation had been all he needed. Tobi saw the pride in Deidara's eyes every time one of his sculptures came out of the kiln intact. For a man who had spent so many years destroying things, the ability to create lasting artwork must have been a strange transition, but a welcome one for Deidara.

The book he'd bought for his sempai rested in the same position and place on the floor. Only someone with sharp eyes like Tobi's could have noticed the increasing wear on the spine and the displacement of the dust that signaled the book had been picked up, read, and placed back on the floor. Tobi didn't mention the book; Deidara was entitled to his secrets, and it was stupid to piss off a temperamental artist over such a small deception.

As much as Deidara seemed to enjoy his new studio, Tobi enjoyed the village of Thorn. The people were beginning to overcome their fear of newcomers, and Tobi worked hard to win their trust. He waved at them cheerfully and greeted them whenever he met them. He impressed them with his acrobatics, and even once managed to make use of his shinobi skills rescuing a kitten from a tree.

His acquaintance from the first day in the village, Lin, helped greatly in the villagers' acceptance of the two. She showed all her friends her clay puppy, and the next few days every child in the village had stopped by to obtain their own clay figure. With the children of the village singing the praises of Deidara and Tobi, the parents had to accept their presence.

It was nice, being able to skip and not have anyone reprimand him for acting foolish. It was good making a living without having to use violence and force. It was healing, seeing smiling faces every day and not having to wonder if they'd be alive the next day. The village was peaceful and friendly, once the people got used to them. He'd never been part of a real community before, and the feeling of belonging gave Tobi warm feelings in his chest.

The best part of village life, though, was being with Deidara. They had a home together, and Tobi fantasized that they were a real family, instead of being two partners thrown together. He pretended that Deidara was there with him by choice, not by necessity. He cleaned the house and tried to cook (neither man was particularly skilled with cooking, so they ate out more often than not), blissful in the knowledge that he was taking care of Deidara. The blond didn't seem to notice Tobi's domestic efforts, but the ninja didn't let himself become disheartened. He'd waited years to live with Deidara, and even if they slept in separate rooms and Deidara didn't acknowledge his presence on most days except to order him around like a servant, it made him happy.

………………………………………………………..

AN: Once again, this chapter is late in coming because fictionpress is too damned distracting. Seriously. I apologize for the lateness and the lack of action, especially in the second half of this chapter. Don't worry, though. It gets more exciting next chapter. This chapter sets the groundwork for the next parts of the story, so it had to be done.

And a random side note: latest manga chapter (371): Pein's like, a friggin' Deidara cosplayer or something. It made me miss Deidei sooooo much! Deidara, you will live on forever in my heart and in my fanfics! This I swear.

And fun with Microsoft spell-check: Apparently, 'Manga' mange


	11. Chapter 11

Sculpting for Dummies

(Sorry for the long delay and the short chapter. I had two tests and a paper this week, and also spent the weekend goofing off at a convention. Hopefully the next few chapters will be out quickly for your reading pleasure.)

Oh, and latest episode of the anime (29-30): Naruto and his posse are jerks! Seriously, teaming up against poor Deidara, two, then four against one (and I thought team Gai had more honor than that!), all while Deidara doesn't have arms and can't defend themselves. I've lost all respect for the friggin' Konoha ninja. But the good news is, Tobi's gonna be showing up soon! Yay and yayness!

Chapter 11

Two weeks later, Tobi and Deidara's first customer appeared. Tobi heard a knock on the door, so he slid on his mask and let them inside. It was Lin's mother, carrying a plain-looking ceramic plate.

"Lin just dropped one of my plates this morning. Could you make me some replacements?" she asked. Tobi held up one finger and said, "I'll be right back."

He skipped down the hallway to Deidara's studio. The artist had locked himself in there earlier that morning to experiment with various glazes. He looked up sharply when Tobi flung open the door.

"Sempai, we have a customer! Come and see if you can help her out."

Deidara hesitated for a moment, but he wiped the clay off of his hands and followed Tobi back out.

"I need to see the piece, un," he told Lin's mother (really, he never asked anything, Tobi thought; it was pretty rude to act that way to customers), who handed him the plate. The blond examined it with his eyes and his hands, tracing his finger along the edges and inside the grooves.

He nodded to her. "I can make this plate, but I can't replicate the pattern, un." Lin's mother sighed.

"That's a shame. I'll just have to have mismatching plates."

Tobi eyed the simple floral pattern of the plate through the eye hole of his mask. "I could paint it," he offered. "I'm usually pretty good at copying things."

Deidara and the customer both looked at him, surprised. "That would be wonderful," Lin's mother told him.

"Whatever, un." Deidara retreated back into his studio with the plate, leaving Tobi to negotiate a price and a pick-up date for the replacement pieces. Maybe it was better that way… Sempai's people skills left something to be desired.

………………………………………………………………

"Tobi… you damned slave-driver…un," Deidara cursed. He shuffled into the shower and let the layers of wet, partially wet, and dried clay wash off his skin. The lumps of clay clumped up in the drain, but Deidara didn't care. Tobi (that idiot!) would just have to come clean it up, because it was_ his_ fault.

Deidara had only been trying to make a few replica plates. He'd made more than he needed, of course, because you never knew when one would get dropped or blow up in the kiln or somehow get destroyed. It had seemed like a shame to fire up the kiln half-empty, so he'd stayed up that night Lin's mother had come by, making spare plates and bowls and cups. There were probably three complete sets that survived the firing process, and a few odd dishes besides.

Tobi (that bastard!) had been the one to paint them up with designs he'd seen in a fancy catalog. _He_'d been the one to show them off to Lin's mother when she came by the studio to pick up her purchase. She couldn't resist buying one of the sets, because usually nice things were difficult to find in a small village like Thorn, with few professionals.

Once the customer bought the new dishes, she's shown them off to her friends at a get-together she'd planned. The next morning, the women of the village came in droves. The two other completed sets sold instantly, and Tobi (that worm!) took commission after commission to make more.

Deidara turned around underneath the shower's spray and let the water clean the spatters of clay out of his hair. Yes, there was _clay_ in his _hair_, as well as on his face, his neck, and every bit of skin that hadn't been covered by his clothing. He had just spent the last two days barely sleeping, not eating, desperately turning out dish after dish. His hands were so cramped up they couldn't move without little spasms of pain.

Only now that the pieces were firing in the kiln could he get any rest. Once they finished firing, he'd have to go back and glaze them…. He made a mental note to slaughter a Tobi-doll when he finished his shower.

Deidara turned back around (there was a film of mud on the shower floor now that squished as he shifted) and let the warm water cascade over his chest. Damn, it felt good. And now that he was relatively clay-free, he could concentrate on his _other_ problem, which he had been neglecting all day. The problem that was draining the blood out of his head and demanding attention.

It certainly wasn't the first time he'd become aroused while sculpting. What could he say? He found artistic talent (whether his own or someone else's) incredibly sexy. Usually, though, he had those convenient little tongues on his palms to help alleviate such tensions.

He reached down to grip his growing erection, but before he could give it more than a light squeeze, his hand protested. He ignored the pain and tried to go on, but his cramping muscles couldn't give him satisfaction.

Deidara turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. His hands hurt too much to even bother drying himself off properly, so he just wrapped a towel around him and staggered into his bedroom. He flopped down on his bed and groaned. He'd have to wait until his hands could function properly. Damned Tobi.

'Fuck him and his fucking seal and his fucking sales commission!' Deidara thought to himself.

…Fuck Tobi? That sounded….hmmm. Deidara wasn't above using the masked man for personal gain. It _was_ Tobi's fault, after all.

……………………………………………………..

"Tobi! Get your ass in here now, un!" Tobi heard Deidara yell from his bedroom. Tobi marked his place in the book he'd been reading and went to see what the artist needed.

"Sempai, what can I…" Tobi walked through the bedroom door, and froze. His eyes widened. He thought he felt something dripping off his face, but he didn't know if it was drool, or blood from a nosebleed, or maybe just tears of joy.

Deidara was lying sprawled out on his bed, wet, naked, and aroused. Somehow, between walking out of his room, down the hall, and through Deidara's door, Tobi had stepped into some wonderful alternate dimension where dreams came true.

"This is your fault, Tobi, un," the blond told him. He didn't need to point or gesture for Tobi to understand what he meant.

His fault. _His_. Forget alternate dimension- this was Heaven! Deidara was naked and hard, looking at him with a burning, sultry gaze, and it was _his_ fault. _He'd_ done that to him. Tobi's knees buckled.

"So come over here and take some goddamned responsibility, un!" the artist growled. The ninja's legs were still doing their impersonation of jelly, but somehow he made it over to the bed.

"What should I do for you, sempai?" he asked. Oh, how many hours had he spent imagining what he could do for Deidara? Kiss every inch of his skin, run his fingers up and down his spine, caress that pale, tender skin of his thighs. Touch that swelling flesh between the blond's legs. What a bad boy he was becoming…

Deidara brought a hand to the back of his head. Tobi leaned in to kiss him, but his sempai pushed him down instead. Well, if Deidara wanted attention _there_, Tobi wouldn't deny him. He was amazed Deidara was _allowing_ him to touch him.

The artist thrashed beneath him impatiently, but opportunities like this didn't present themselves to Tobi every day. He wanted to savor every second. The pale man kissed his way down Deidara's chest and licked a line across his stomach. The blond shuddered. Ticklish?

"Stop playing around, dumbass, un," Deidara ordered. Tobi ran the tips of his thumbs down the lines where Deidara's legs joined his body. He continued his line of kisses down from Deidara's belly button, until he was tantalizingly close to Deidara's erection. The blond's hips bucked.

Tobi smirked as he descended on Deidara with his mouth. The gasp the artist made, stunned and relieved at the same time, was too beautiful to describe with words. He twisted his tongue and had Deidara arching up underneath him, body begging for more. It wasn't _nice_ to tease his sempai… but _god damn,_ it felt good to be bad!

…………………………………………………………………..

Deidara was sobbing for breath when he finally thrust into Tobi's mouth and shuddered with release. (It wouldn't have taken so long if that moron had done what he was supposed to instead of toying with him; he'd punish him later, when his bones decided to stop being liquid again.)

While he was recovering, Tobi crawled up the length of his body and hovered over Deidara, weight balanced on his arms. The taller man pressed his lips against Deidara's. Tobi's tongue tasted like Deidara's seed. The artist wasn't repulsed by the taste, but he wasn't going to suck faces with Tobi while that flavor was there. He pushed Tobi away.

The idiot didn't seem upset that Deidara didn't want to kiss him. He just nuzzled a pale cheek against Deidara's flushed ones. His erection poked at Deidara's stomach, but Tobi didn't make any move for gratification. The artist couldn't figure out what was going on in Tobi's head, bringing Deidara off but not seeking any relief for himself. He must be planning something…

The dark haired man shifted a little and buried his face into Deidara's neck (if he left a mark, Deidara was going to kill him!). As he moved, his clothed cock brushed against Deidara's inner thigh.

"Don't even think about it, un," he mumbled. Tobi detached his mouth from Deidara's neck and asked, "Don't think about what, sempai?"

Tobi couldn't be that clueless. His penis was right there, ready to go, and he was pretending he didn't know what Deidara was talking about?

"About fucking me, un," the artist clarified. Shit, that was starting to sound appealing, though. It had been months since he'd had someone inside of him, and one blowjob wasn't going to ease all the tension that had build up.

"S-sempai…I-I would _never_… not without your permission…I-I mean…" Tobi stuttered. His normally pale face was bright red.

Well, if he was going to use Tobi, he might as well do it one hundred percent. It was just sex, after all. It didn't mean anything. He wrapped a bare leg around Tobi's waist.

……………………………………………………………

"Sempai!" Tobi yelped. "W-what are you doing?"

Deidara pulled him closer and licked his ear. "I mean it, Tobi. Don't get any…ideas, un." The artist tugged at Tobi's shirt, but it had too many buckles holding it on him for it to surrender that easily. Those slender hands slid down and started unbuttoning his pants instead.

What was going on? Just a moment ago, Deidara had just been lying there, letting Tobi lavish affection on him. He'd thought to himself, 'He's so easygoing now. I'll have to do this more often.' Then, all of a sudden, he was saying no to sex, but acting (oh god, Deidara was sliding his pants down to his knees!), acting like he wanted it. How, how had Deidara gotten Tobi's pants all the way off without unwrapping that leg from his waist?

"Sempai…do you want me to…?"

"No," Deidara confirmed as he divested Tobi of his underwear. The blond once again attacked the shirt, this time working the straps loose and freeing Tobi of its confines.

"But…" he couldn't have sex with Deidara if he said no. Why wouldn't the artist just say what he meant, instead of confusing Tobi so much?

"No buts," he arched up and his groin brushed against Tobi's, "you definitely can't fuck me."

Tobi wiggled against Deidara's grasp on him. "If you mean that, then maybe I should leave," he offered. He tried to stand up.

Deidara grabbed him and pulled him back down. "Leave and I'll fucking kill you, un," he growled. Then, as if nothing had just happened, he leaned forward and captured one of Tobi's fingers in his mouth and sucked.

"Sempai, I'm not going to sleep with you if you keep saying no," he protested. Deidara gave his finger a nip and released it.

"Just do it already, un."

Tobi stared at Deidara, unmoving, until the artist finally said, "I want you to do it, you bastard. Fuck me before I change my mind, un!"

Tobi smiled and gave Deidara a quick peck on the lips before breaking the blond's hold on his waist and leaping off of the bed.

"I'll be right back, sempai!" he called, and ran out of the room. He rifled through his belongings to find something to use as lubricant. Snatching up a bottle of oil from the kitchen, he ran back to Deidara. His sempai glared at him.

"Hurry the hell up, un," he ordered. Tobi kneeled between Deidara's legs and uncapped the bottle. He tried to recall everything Zetsu-san had told him about having sex (getting 'The Talk' from the human plant had been more than traumatizing at the time, but now that he needed a working knowledge of sexual practice, he was thanking his old mentor). He used the oil and started stretching Deidara carefully.

"Just do it already, un," Deidara hissed. But Zetsu-san had advised him not to be impatient. He'd said to go slowly at first.

"I don't want to hurt you, sempai," he told the blond, and continued his gentle ministrations. His erection was throbbing, but he had waited for years to make love to Deidara; he wasn't going to ruin it for the sake of a few minutes.

He kept preparing until he was certain Deidara was ready. He eased himself in with the same painstaking control. Deidara sighed.

"Faster," he ordered. Tobi pulled out and went back in slowly, deliberately. 'Not until I know you're ready,' he thought to himself.

He waited until he found the spot he was looking for and Deidara was distracted with pleasure before he increased his speed. Damn, it felt good. Up until now, he'd thought that the grinding together that they'd done in the basement of Hebi headquarters was the best thing he'd ever experienced. This, this was so much better. He and Deidara were joined together, and it was hard to think anything other than how wonderful it felt to be this close.

"Faster, harder," Deidara gasped. Tobi continued as he'd been doing, but snuck a hand onto Deidara's groin to divert his attention. He wanted to pound into him until he came, but more than that, he wanted Deidara to understand, though the act, that Tobi loved him, which wouldn't happen if Tobi left him torn up and aching. So he proceeded cautiously, from beginning to end. When he finished, he lay beside Deidara and used the blond's post-coital complacency to steal one final kiss. Then he wrapped his arm around his sempai's waist and fell asleep almost instantly.

………………………………………………………………

Deidara stayed awake long after Tobi had fallen asleep. He tried waking Tobi once to kick him out of the bed, but the taller man was dead to the world. Deidara couldn't fall asleep with him there, with his arms entrapping Deidara, and his scent encircling him, and his presence surrounding him. He'd never slept with someone after having sex with them, and he wasn't going to start now. Twisting out of Tobi's arms, Deidara stole out of the room and down the hall.

He thought at first that he might go to Tobi's room and sleep in the empty bed there. He decided against it. Tobi's bed would still smell like him, and Deidara had had enough of Tobi for the night. Besides, if Tobi woke up in the middle of the night and found Deidara lying in his bed, he'd have justification to join him. Instead of Tobi's bedroom, Deidara found himself wandering into his art studio. He sat down and took a deep breath.

It was easier to breathe here, without another person curling around him as if they were a honeymooning couple. Stupid Tobi was acting like they were lovers or something. They weren't. They'd just had sex. It didn't mean anything. It certainly didn't give Tobi permission to latch onto him like that.

Tobi had always been clingy, but it seemed worse now. It felt worse. Tobi's touch made Deidara feel nervous. He wasn't sure what would happen tomorrow. If it were up to Deidara, things wouldn't change (sex wasn't supposed to change things, after all; sex was just a means to an end). But Tobi might think differently. He had been pursing Deidara actively for over a year, and lusting after him since they'd met. When Deidara achieved a goal he'd been pursuing, he moved on and set a new goal. Would Tobi do that?

Now that he'd gotten what he'd wanted, what was stopping Tobi from leaving? There wasn't anything in Thorn Village that would keep him here. It was a hole-in-the-wall village, and what meaning did a house with an art studio have to Tobi, who wouldn't know art if it sucker-punched him? Tobi could just slip away in the night and go start a new life.

Deidara stood up, suddenly needing to know if Tobi was still in Deidara's room. He stopped himself. He didn't need to check. If Tobi left, Deidara wasn't going to be able to stop him. Everyone left eventually, and it was better for Deidara if Tobi did the leaving. Deidara _needed_ this art studio, this home. Tobi could work as a ninja and make his way in the world, which Deidara couldn't do without his chakra. Besides, Deidara liked this place, hick as it was, and _he_ wasn't going to be the one leave. But the deed for the property was in Tobi's name; he could, in theory, kick Deidara out.

It would be better if Deidara convinced Tobi to leave Thorn than to wait around until Tobi got bored with him and forced him out. Better to end it now, the sooner the better. It would hurt less that way.

Deidara decided that the next day, he'd start making Tobi want to leave. He didn't figure it'd be too hard, making the masked man miserable enough to want to leave.

A tiny part of him protested. Maybe Tobi wasn't finished with him. Maybe he'd wanted more than just sex. Deidara remembered that kiss Tobi had given him before he'd fallen asleep. The blond could write off every other kiss Tobi had given him as seduction attempts, but that final one didn't make sense. Deidara couldn't see a clear reason for that kiss. Tobi had already gotten the sex he'd wanted, and he hadn't tried to convince Deidara to do something else for him.

Deidara had never kissed anyone without some kind of motive. What did it mean when someone kissed without a reason? When Tobi had first become Deidara's partner, he had done things for him just because he 'liked him'. Deidara had thought 'liked' meant 'wanted to have sex with.' Had he been wrong? Maybe before he chased Tobi away, he should figure out Tobi's motivations for that kiss. But if he wasted too much time, he might lose his studio…

Deidara fell asleep curled up next to his potter's wheel, still debating with himself how to face Tobi in the morning.

……………………………………………………………………

AN: Hopefully, the next chapter of the side story will be up in the next two to three days, and the next real chapter a couple days after that. Tobi's going to have such an eventful morning-after.

Poor confused Deidara doesn't know what to make of this. If you want to know more about why, that's why the side story's there.

Oh, and thanks to everyone who's been reviewing! It's great fun reading your feedback. It is for all of you that I am typing right now at 1:25 AM, when I should be sleeping so I can get up for morning classes.


	12. Chapter 12

Sculpting for Dummies:

Chapter 12:

Tobi woke up in stages. The first thing he noticed was that he was in Deidara's bed (which was a very good start to his day), the second, that he was alone (which was sad). He remembered what had happened the night before (everything he'd ever dreamed about, except ten times better because it was real). He sat up in bed (Deidara's bed, he thought with a goofy grin) and stretched.

'Should I go find sempai? Maybe he just needs some space. I don't want to put any pressure on him,' the shinobi thought. He decided he'd get dressed and make breakfast. If Deidara didn't appear by then, he'd find him and bring him something to eat. That way he wouldn't be clingy. Deidara was going to have to be eased into the idea of a relationship, and Tobi didn't want to scare him off by rushing things. He had even refrained from telling the blond 'I love you' so Deidara wouldn't get freaked out.

The pale man sang enthusiastically as he showered. How could he help it? Last night, they'd finally, _finally_ made love. Today was their first day as lovers. Maybe, if Deidara was sleeping in Tobi's room, Tobi could find him and serve him breakfast in bed. Then, they could eat it together and talk and giggle and cuddle up together all afternoon. ('Maybe we could do it again,' he speculated, then blushed at the thought.)

The bathroom door opened and the steamy warmth that had built up in the room drained out. Tobi shivered. "Sempai? Could you close the door, please?" he asked (politely, so that maybe Deidara would absorb some of his manners). No one answered. Maybe Deidara wanted to join him in the shower? They could stand under the hot streams of water together, bathing one another. They'd run hands up and down soap-slick limbs and have to lean against one another to rinse the grime away…

The door didn't close, and the warmth from Tobi's shower continued to sneak out of the bathroom and into the hallway. "Sempai?" Tobi asked again. He heard the rustling of clothes. Was the artist really getting undressed to join him? Tobi did a little dance underneath the water. Suddenly, the toilet flushed, and Tobi's warm shower water ran ice-cold. The pale man screeched. He peaked his head out from behind the curtain and saw Deidara running out of the bathroom. (He left the door wide open.)

Tobi turned off the water and got out of the shower, only to find his towel had been stolen. 'What is sempai up to?' he wondered.

……………………………………………………………….

Deidara hid in his studio, staring at the towel he'd stolen until Tobi finished his shower and headed into the kitchen. He'd be a thorn in Tobi's side until the taller man snapped and left. That was the only way Deidara could stay Thorn village. It just wasn't realistic that Tobi would let him stay around forever just because he _liked_ him.

The smell of pancakes wafted in and Deidara realized how hungry he was. Tobi couldn't cook much, but he was an expert when it came to sugary-sweet foods. The masked man made delicious pancakes, and Deidara wanted some. Maybe he could 'accidentally' spill syrup in Tobi's hair while he was getting them. That way he'd still be driving Tobi away, instead of appearing grateful for the food.

Tobi was busy cooking over the stove as Deidara snuck in. A plate stacked high with pancakes was already waiting at Deidara's place at the table. The artist didn't know why Tobi was still trying to take care of him and putting him first- he'd gotten what he'd wanted, hadn't he? The bastard probably existed for the sole purpose of confusing him.

A bottle of thick maple syrup waited on the table beside a bowl of powdered sugar, sprinkles, apple sauce, and anything else Tobi decided might rot his teeth out faster if he shoveled it on top of his breakfast. Deidara uncapped the bottle and tiptoed up behind Tobi. The bastard was humming as he gave the pancake in the skillet a flip. He was wearing an _apron_. Deidara's horrified gasp made Tobi turn around.

"Sempai, you're awake!" he said happily. The taller man looked down and spied the syrup bottle Deidara held. "Is that not the kind you like? I can get you more."

The dark-haired man continued rambling. And damn it, he was tall, and Deidara had to look up to face him, and he was wearing an apron and making pancakes for him! What would it be like to just wait it out, to hope that this strange truce that he and Tobi had in this house would last? He remembered that kiss he'd puzzled over last night. What would it be like, kissing without an agenda? Damn Tobi for making him wonder.

"…and the store here even had strawberry syrup, but I didn't know if you liked strawberries, so I just-" Deidara had to crane his neck a little to reach him, but he pressed his lips to Tobi's and cut off his talking. It was nice, not having Tobi talk. Well, the kiss was nice too. Nothing like the primal pleasure of sex, too chaste to really suit Deidara's tastes, but still…nice.

The artist pulled away and took his plate of pancakes with him as he exited the kitchen. Tobi stared after him, stunned but smiling. The pancake he'd been cooking was burned beyond recognition.

…………………………………………………………..

There was a playground with a seesaw near the only grocery store in Thorn Village. Tobi sat on a bench with his shopping bags and watched as the children playing rocked up and down. 'I know how you feel' he thought to them.

Ever since he and Deidara had slept together a week before, Tobi's life had transformed into a seesaw of misery and bliss. One moment, Deidara would be affectionate, the next he'd push Tobi away angrily. The masked ninja couldn't count the number of 'accidents' the normally graceful artist had had the last few days, usually ending with Tobi being scalded with hot liquid or covered in something nasty, or bleeding from multiple scratches. At times he just wanted to walk out of their house and keep walking. But then, then Deidara would do something completely unexpected, like sneak up when he was cooking and kiss him, and then Tobi would be helplessly in love with him, resigned to whatever suffering Deidara subjected him to.

They had sex, but only at night. There had been one time that Deidara had come in and straddled him while he was trying to paint the patterns on the myriads of plates they were producing, but that hadn't ended well. The blond had kissed him and rocked until Tobi was about to burst…and then he'd just hopped up and left. That night, like the night before, he'd appeared in Tobi's doorway and crawled into Tobi's bed. The artist decided when they would sleep together, and when he didn't show up in Tobi's room, the masked man respected his space and slept alone. He didn't know what else to do. Were all artists this temperamental, or was his special?

The children soared up and plunged back down on the seesaw. They squealed with laughter. Tobi wished his seesaw-life was that amusing. He gathered up his groceries and stood up. They hurt to carry, since he'd burned his hand. Deidara had asked him to unload the kiln for him…and hadn't mentioned that it hadn't had time to cool yet. He'd been angry, until Deidara showed up ten minutes later with burn ointments and bandages and wrapped up his scalded hands without a word.

Tobi didn't know what to make of Deidara's ever-changing actions. It was like the blond's brain had been switched out with a cat's. He walked on with the groceries.

"Tobi! Wait up!" one of the villagers called as he walked past. "I need to talk with you."

Tobi stopped and waited until the man caught up. "You used to be a shinobi, right?" the man asked. Tobi nodded. "Could I hire you to escort me to Forest City?"

The masked man did a quick mental calculation. The villager was a craftsman, so he'd probably be traveling with a wagon filled with goods to sell…the trip there and back would take at least five days. Maybe that was what he and Deidara needed right now- a little space and a little time to get everything figured out. If nothing else, it'd let him get away long enough for his hands to heal before Deidara attacked him again somehow.

"How soon do we leave?" he asked.

……………………………………………………………………….

Deidara had won. Tobi was packing his things and leaving. For such a monumental victory, it felt hollow.

"I should be back before Sunday, but don't start worrying if I'm a day late. I've arranged for Mrs. Kin next door to bring you dinner every night, so remember to answer the door when she comes by." Tobi still acted like he cared, arranging everything so nicely for him. He'd even waited until they'd finished up that monumental order of dish sets before departing. But for all his nice words, Deidara knew the truth.

Tobi wasn't going to come back from this mission. He'd drop of his customer wherever he wanted to go, and then Tobi would keep going. Deidara could see the signs everywhere.

The dark haired ninja packed up all his prized possessions to take with him. Did he really need all those things for a five day escort mission? No, he didn't.

He cringed whenever Deidara picked up something hot or sharp, fearing that Deidara would drop it on him. The artist's plan of scaring him away had worked almost comically well.

Tobi didn't show any indication of wanting him any more. The moron didn't kiss him anymore, didn't try to cuddle up and hold his hand, didn't even bother seeking him out when Deidara didn't throw himself at him. The only time they ever touched each other was when Deidara initiated it. Tobi didn't want him, and it was only a matter of time before someone new caught his eye. Deidara would get rid of Tobi now, before he had to witness it. He had a feeling it would hurt, being replaced. ('I wouldn't care,' he told himself).

No, Tobi was leaving in the morning, and it would be the last time Deidara ever saw him. When the pale man told him, Deidara decided it would be fine if he stopped abusing Tobi so much. There was no need to expend the effort anymore.

That night, Deidara cooked dinner. Tobi was visibly shaken when he saw Deidara standing beside a boiling pot, with sharp knives glinting in his hands. The man didn't have to worry about Deidara hurting him tonight, though. The artist just wanted to do something ni- wanted to practice his cooking. The next-door neighbor wouldn't be cooking for him forever, and he'd have to get used to making meals on his own. He hadn't been completely alone since he'd left Iwa.

The silence hung heavy over the dinner table. Deidara served their plates, and they ate, neither knowing what to say to the other.

"Ah…is there anything you want me to bring you back from Forest City, sempai?" Tobi asked. Deidara snorted. He wished Tobi would just stop pretending.

"Nothing, un," he replied tersely.

"Oh," Tobi said, and kept eating. Deidara couldn't eat, so he abandoned his plate for Tobi to clean up and left the kitchen. He went to his haven, the studio.

Deidara kneaded a lump of clay and sat it on his potter's wheel. The spinning of the wheel and the feel of the clay were soothing to him, but he couldn't form the vase he was envisioning in his mind. His hands were shaking too much. He gave up and put the clay back into storage.

Back on the shelves, he found the box with his Tobi voodoo dolls. There were only two left, and he didn't have the fabric to make more. He took the box out and set it on his workbench. He straddled the bench and pulled out one of the dolls. It had a stupid orange mask and dark hair and a black fabric body (although nowadays, Tobi didn't wear nearly as much black). Deidara felt a flash of anger toward it.

His set of clay-sculpting tools was lined up on the counter. He grabbed the sharpest-looking one and stabbed the doll with it. How dare Tobi leave! He stabbed the doll again. How dare he make Deidara think that there might be another way! The doll's stuffing peaked out of the holes in the fabric as the artist stabbed again and again. How dare Tobi raise Deidara's hopes that they could be happy together!

The doll lay in a mutilated pile of fabric scraps and wisps of stuffing. Deidara kept stabbing until his tool lodged itself in the bench and he couldn't pull it free. He wanted to blow the whole thing up, but he couldn't make explosions anymore. He found a match and lit the remains of Tobi's effigy instead. He left the ashes on the bench and turned his attention to the last Tobi-doll. He picked it up, but placed it back down in the box where he'd found it. He'd probably need it more tomorrow.

He left the studio and took an hour-long shower. Tobi knocked on the door and told him he needed to use the bathroom too, but he never tried to come in. He ran in as soon as Deidara opened the door to leave. The blond went back to his bedroom and brushed his wet hair.

He didn't want to go to Tobi's room tonight. He was still mad at the stupidfuckingbastard, and he didn't want to have Tobi touch him so gently like he cared and then leave in the morning. He didn't want to have to be the one to initiate contact on their last night together.

The bathroom door opened and closed. Deidara stood up to follow Tobi back to his room. He would, of course. He wanted Tobi to come to his room and prove him wrong, but he knew Tobi wouldn't, and he couldn't handle the rejection. He walked over to Tobi's room and let himself in.

…………………………………………………………..

Deidara acted weird the morning Tobi left for his mission. Not 'conspiring to be a pain in your ass' weird like he'd been all week, but weird all the same. He didn't say a word when Tobi made breakfast, or got dressed, or packed his things. He hadn't been acting this strangely last night- he'd come and gone before Tobi fell asleep, as usual. Had Tobi done something wrong? At least the abuse had stopped.

"Sempai…I'm leaving now." Deidara didn't respond. "I'll be back soon. Try not to isolate yourself, ok? The people are really nice here, and they'd like to get to know you more."

Deidara stood up as he headed toward the door. "…Tobi…" he whispered. The taller man paused.

"Bye, sempai."

Deidara stepped forward and pressed him back against the closed door. "…bye Tobi," he said. He pulled away, shook his head, and then closed the distance between them with a kiss. "I hate you," he told Tobi as he stepped back and allowed him to open the door. Tobi pulled his mask on and headed out. He wondered if five days would be enough to time to heal whatever was wrong with Deidara. At times, he wondered if there was any amount of time that could accomplish that.

……………………………………………………………..

Tobi-less life wasn't so hard. It was unnervingly quiet, but Deidara could talk to himself and hear his voice echo off of the walls of his studio. The silence and the emptiness of the house were survivable; he just had to keep busy. He spent his days in the studio, making pots and clay figurines and masks for an upcoming festival. He wouldn't be able to paint designs on them as well as Tobi could have, but there was no helping that. He kept the kiln constantly full of baking clay. At nights, he cleaned the house until he was exhausted enough to fall asleep.

The neighbor, Mrs. Kin, always brought him too much food. It was enough for two, so half of it went uneaten. Sometimes he'd nibble at it for breakfast or lunch, but mostly he found he didn't have an appetite, so it ended up thrown out. He didn't deal with the villagers more than he needed to to take orders and to buy groceries.

On Saturday, he felt too queasy to get anything done in the studio. He spent the whole day straightening up the house, just to give him something to do. He scrubbed the bathroom floor, scoured the oven, even aired out Tobi's bed (it smelled like him, and made Deidara's stomach churn even worse). He couldn't sleep on Saturday night, so on Sunday morning his eyes had circles underneath them. He didn't even try to eat Mrs. Kin's meal.

There was nothing left to clean, so Sunday afternoon, Deidara went outside and began trimming the bushes that grew in front of the house and washing the windows. Villagers walked by and waved. Sometimes Deidara waved back, but mostly he focused on his work. Mrs. Kin wasn't making his meal that evening, so when dinnertime rolled around, he went inside to cook for himself. He didn't know the proportions for a single serving of rice and curry, so he made enough for two. He hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday, so he figured he could eat that much. He set two plates on the table by habit, and served food onto both of them because it would save him the trouble of getting up and walking back over to the stove to get a second serving.

Only a few mouthfuls of rice and a single bite of curry made it to his mouth. He just didn't feel hungry. Deidara waited at the table for a while, in case his appetite returned, but it didn't. At around nine o'clock, he stood up and left the table. He took a shower, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, trimmed his nails… he stayed up until well after midnight. The house was still empty when he finally fell asleep.

The next morning, he stopped kidding himself. He didn't have the energy or the motivation to get out of bed, so he didn't.

………………………………………………………………….

Tuesday morning, Tobi entered through the gates of Thorn Village, pulling behind him a small cart. It'd slowed him down on the return journey, but Tobi hoped it would be worth it. Deidara hadn't seemed like he wanted Tobi to come back in a hurry when he'd left, so he didn't see the harm in it.

He pulled the cart down the street and greeted all the people he saw along the way. He saw Lin and her mother, and stopped to chat with them. They asked if he'd gone to a restaurant that a cousin of theirs owned, and he said he hadn't (but promised he would next time he was there). He also met Mrs. Kin, who looked a little shocked to see him.

"Back so soon, Tobi?" she asked. Beneath his mask, Tobi's forehead wrinkled.

"Yes…why do you say that?" he asked her. She shrugged.

"I thought you would've been gone longer, is all, the way your lad is pining away. I went over yesterday- he was still in his bedclothes, in the middle of the day!- and I asked him when you'd be back, and he said you weren't be around any time soon. Are you planning on surprising him, then?" the little old lady wondered aloud.

Tobi shook his head. "No, I'm actually a little late. I'd better get back to him, then," he said, and pulled his load down the street faster than he'd been going. Deidara was 'pining away'?

Tobi noticed the yard was looking more well-kempt than usual as he left the cart on the grass. The door swung open without a key. It wasn't like Deidara to leave it unlocked. Tobi took off his shoes and walked down the hall.

When he peaked inside, the kitchen was spotless, except for the plates Deidara had left on the table. The bathroom sparkled, and Tobi's room had even been cleaned. Maybe having the house cleaned from top to bottom was Deidara's way of welcoming Tobi home. The ninja would've preferred his sempai just opening the door for him and asking how his mission went.

The door to Deidara's room was closed, so Tobi didn't intrude. He headed to the studio, where Deidara was likely to be. It was empty. The counter and workbench were lined with unfired pieces waiting for their turn in the kiln. Deidara had certainly been busy. Tobi went back to his sempai's bedroom door. He knocked.

A haggard-looking Deidara opened the door and blinked at him. "You…came back…un" he mumbled.

"Of course I did. I said I would, didn't I, sempai?"

"Well, you're two days late! What was I supposed to think, dumbass!" Deidara snapped. The blond glared at him. Tobi looked him up and down, noticing his darkened eyes and paler-than-normal skin. He really had been 'pining', huh?

Their stomachs growled simultaneously, and they both looked in the direction of the kitchen. "That was food I saw on the table, right?" Tobi asked.

"I wouldn't eat that, moron. It's two days old, un," Deidara responded. He stepped out of the doorframe and headed for the kitchen.

"Two days old? Really, sempai, what would you do without me here to take care of you?" Tobi teased. He followed the blond and foraged through the pantry to find something he could heat up and devour with minimal effort.

"It would have been fresh if you'd been here on time."

Tobi looked at the two plates and realized what they meant. Deidara had made dinner for him when he thought he'd be home. Had he sat at the table, watching it cool and wondering where he was? He grabbed the artist from behind and wrapped his arms around him.

"I'm sorry, sempai. I wanted to bring you back supplies, and it took longer than I thought coming back with a cart. I've got everything you'll need to make porcelain, if you wanted to try," he explained. Deidara leaned back a little and relaxed into his arms.

"If…if you want, you can…you can come to my room tonight," Deidara said. Tobi nodded and smiled.

"Food's ready, sempai. Let's eat!" he said.

…………………………………………………………….

Deidara paced around his bedroom, waiting for Tobi to arrive. He didn't know if Tobi would come- if Tobi still wanted him. But…he'd come back, hadn't he? That had to mean something. Deidara watched the clock tick seconds away.

Was Tobi planning on making him wait around all night? Did he not want to come? (If he didn't, he wasn't going to be sleeping on his own bed- Deidara had shoveled a pailfull of sand in between the sheets. He hadn't been sure if Tobi would want to join him tonight, but he wasn't above evening the odds.)

He was being ridiculous; Tobi was going to seek him out. He'd sounded excited that Deidara had given him permission. He would definitely come there.

But it was ten-thirty now, and they usually went to bed around that time (the curse of living in a simple village that got up with the sun was they couldn't stay up late like they usually did, because there was nothing to do).

The knock on his door, when it finally occurred, had Deidara sighing in relief. "Come in," he urged, and Tobi entered his room and joined him on the bed.

And because he was half-convinced that if he let Tobi out of his sight, he'd leave again, Deidara let him stay when they finished. "Are you sure this is ok?" he asked, offering to go back to his room if Deidara didn't feel comfortable. The artist was thrilled that Tobi didn't know about the sand in his bed- that meant he hadn't hesitated about his decision.

"It's fine. You can stay, un," Deidara told him casually. And somehow, even though he'd never _slept_ with a person after sleeping with them, he managed to doze off in Tobi's arms.

"Sempai, is that a Tobi-doll?" Tobi woke him up to ask. It must've been tangled up in the sheets. Deidara had fallen asleep with it the night before.

"Mm-hmm. 't's th' last one. Have t' think of a special way t' kill that one," he yawned.

"You were sleeping with it, weren't you?"

"Shut up 'r I'll send you t' your room, un."

"Ok, sempai. It's sweet that you missed me." Tobi curled up next to him and Deidara was too drowsy and comfortable to kill him right then. He resolved to do it in the morning. (With the grip Deidara had on the other man, he was certain to still be there when he woke up).

……………………………………………………………………….

"Kaka-sensei, this is a waste of time! Sasuke is getting away! We don't have time to go back to the village!" Naruto whined. Kakashi groaned internally.

"Naruto, it's Hokage's orders! Besides, we need to regroup with Team 8," Sakura retorted before Kakashi had to explain. Thank god for one team member that could listen to reason.

Kakashi didn't want to return to Konoha any more than his students did at the moment. He was tired of this whole mess with Sasuke and Akatsuki and Orochimaru…he wanted it over with. But Team 8 had been called back to the village for a special mission that required their talents, and they needed to return in order to meet up with the rest of their Sasuke-hunting squad.

"I'm not sure that the Hokage will allow us to continue our search if we come back empty-handed, though," Yamato mentioned. That was Kakashi's fear as well. Every time they got close to Sasuke, he'd set them on a false track. That was how they had ended up in the tiny Land of Forest in the first place. Without a hard piece of evidence on Sasuke's whereabouts, Tsunade would probably consider their failure the last straw and insist they stay in the village.

"We aren't due back for almost two weeks," he mentioned to his squad. Most of that time would be just traveling back to Konoha, but it left a little bit of leeway. "If we can gather information on Sasuke by that time, Tsunade-sama might let us continue our mission," he said. Naruto clenched his fists.

"I'll find the information we need," he growled. His eyes were glowing red, and Kakashi glanced at Yamato. The younger man shook his head. The seal wasn't leaking too badly. Good.

"Where can we out where Sasuke is, though?" Sakura wondered.

From the back of their entourage, Sai spoke up. "There's a big festival coming up in this country's capital. If there's anyone in the area that knows anything, they'll be there," the young artist explained.

Kakashi nodded. "We'll head there," he agreed. 

………………………………………………………………..

The next morning, Deidara was still asleep when Tobi woke up. The dark haired man slunk out of bed and tiptoed off to make breakfast for them. On the way out, he grabbed the doll he'd found the night before.

When Deidara finally woke up (almost an hour later; he must not have slept well when Tobi was away), Tobi was there, sitting up against the headboard sewing. He pointed out the breakfast he'd made Deidara- toast with jam, which wouldn't taste too bad if it was cold.

"What are you making, un?" he asked when he swallowed the last bite of toast. Tobi held up the nearly finished doll to Deidara.

"That's…me," Deidara pointed out. Tobi nodded. He'd sewn on blond fabric for hair, and stitched little blue eyes and everything.

"I didn't want the Tobi-doll to be lonely anymore. It's almost done. It still needs something of yours, though. A lock of your hair?"

Deidara shook his head. "I'm not cutting off my hair for that stupid doll, un," he protested. He reached under the bed and pulled out one of his pouches of clay instead. The clay in his fingers molded into the shape of a perfect heart, complete with ventricles and atriums. Tobi took the wet clay heart and put it inside the doll's chest with the stuffing. A few stitches later, it was sewn shut.

"It's done. Great, now get it away from me before you make me puke with all you sentimental rubbish, Tobi," Deidara ordered.

"It's not done yet, sempai. It needs one more thing." Tobi threaded his needle with a strong red thread. He poked it through the stumpy plush hand of the Deidara doll, then through the equally stubby hand of the Tobi doll. He tied the thread off in a circle, so that the two dolls were separate but connected by the thread.

"There," he said, handing the linked plushies to his sempai. "So you never forget that I'll always come back to you. You're stuck with me forever, sempai," he said.

"Idiot," Deidara said. But he didn't destroy the dolls.

……………………………………………………………………..

AN: Next chapter: what at least a good chunk of you have been waiting for: Kakashi enters the picture! How suspenseful!


	13. Chapter 13

Sculpting for Dummies

Chapter 13:

"Let's go somewhere today, Sempai," Tobi suggested when they finally crawled out of bed that morning. "You haven't been out of the village since we arrived."

"Where're we supposed to go, idiot? There's nowhere in Forest worth visiting. And I want to get starting making that porcelain, un," Deidara told him. Tobi grabbed him and enveloped him in his arms.

"Come on, sempai. It'll be _fun_. There's a festival in Forest City this week, and there's even an art show going on. Please?" He gave Deidara his best puppy-eyes. The artist looked away with a snort.

"We won't be able to get there by today, dumbass. It's a two-day trip on foot, un," the Iwa ninja pointed out. Tobi smiled.

"On foot, yeah. But if we _flew_…" He brushed Deidara's hair out of his face so he could gauge the blond's reaction. Deidara didn't meet his eyes. He shrugged.

"Whatever. It's your chakra, un," he said. He pushed Tobi away from him. "I'll pack up the pieces I have ready. If I'd had more notice, I could've made something extraordinary," he mentioned pointedly.

"Sorry, sempai. I didn't know about it until I got there a few days ago. But I bet the people of Forest have never seen artwork like yours before." Deidara pretended not to smile, but Tobi caught the twitch of his lips. "You'll _dazzle_ them."

"I guess this year will be a warm-up. Next year, I'll show them true greatness, un," Deidara continued as if he hadn't heard Tobi.

The artist wandered off to his studio, murmuring his plans for the art show next year, and debating about which pieces to bring with him to sell. Tobi returned to his bedroom to pack. They'd stay in Forest two nights at least, probably more to make the journey worthwhile. It wouldn't hurt to take a week or so of vacation- they had just finished up a large order of ceramics, and they had enough of their Akatsuki emergency funds left that they could afford to take it easy for a while.

Tobi hadn't unpacked yet from his mission to Forest City, so he switched out his dirty clothes for clean ones and went into Deidara's room. Knowing his sempai, Deidara would spend all the time before they left getting together his art and forget to pack his bag.

"Sempai, I'm packing your things! What do you want me to bring?" he yelled down the hall. Listening, he heard the crinkling of paper as the artist wrapped up clay pieces to insure they didn't break.

"I don't know- the usual, un," Deidara called back. Tobi rummaged through his doors. There wasn't a large selection. Almost every article of clothing he owned was black.

"Long-sleeves?" he asked. The blond wouldn't admit it, but he didn't like wearing short-sleeves when others could see. The disfiguring scars on his arms made the Iwa shinobi self-conscious, Tobi thought.

"Yeah, un." Deidara agreed. Tobi stuffed a few black long-sleeves into a bag along with pants, socks, underwear, and a raincoat. He found Deidara's brush and toothbrush, and tossed them in too. Before he could zip up the pack, he spotted the linked dolls he'd made that morning. Smiling as he picked them up and held them, he decided he'd bring them too. He liked the thought that he and Deidara were tied together by the red thread of fate.

"Sempai, are you almost ready?" Tobi yelled. Deidara grunted in reply. The pale man carried their packed bags into the studio and sat them down. Deidara was taping closed a cardboard box. Three other boxes were already neatly sealed and stacked by the door.

"Will your bird be able to carry all that and us, sempai?" Tobi asked skeptically. The blond gestured at the boxes. On top of them was a tiny clay bird…sort of shaped like a pelican.

"Don't doubt my art, un," the artist growled. He ripped off a strip of tape and stuck it onto the box. "Activate it," he ordered.

Tobi summoned his chakra like he'd seen Deidara do thousands of times, and channeled it into the tiny bird. It fluttered off of the stacked boxes and onto the empty floor of the studio. The wet white clay rippled and expanded. Empty eye cavities stared straight at Tobi. When the hulking clay bird reached its maximum size, it plodded over to the boxes and scooped them up into its mouth. The two packs followed into the clay cavern.

Tobi manipulated the bird and made it take to the air and take a test flight around the studio. It seemed to bear the weight with no difficulty.

"Told you, un," Deidara said, and stuck his tongue out at the taller man. (Tobi wondered how much trouble he'd be in if he leaned forward and captured it in his mouth.) "I'm going to make a sandwich for the trip, un," he mentioned.

"Ok, thanks. I'll run over to Mrs. Kin and let her know we'll be away."

Tobi slipped out of the back door. "Damn it, Tobi, I'm not making one for you! Make your own damn sandwich!" the blond shouted after him. Tobi smirked and slipped on his mask before he knocked on his neighbor's door.

When he told Mrs. Kin they were going out of town for a few days, she smiled and coughed a cough that sounded suspiciously like 'honeymoon'. "Have a pleasant trip, Tobi," she told him.

When he stepped back into the studio, Deidara was waiting on the giant pelican, with a brown paper bag and a canteen slung over one shoulder. Tobi beckoned the bird out of the door, locked up their house, and climbed on behind Deidara. It was a long-ish trip, so they both sat down. The clay molded to the shape of their bodies comfortably, giving them a steady hold on the vehicle while keeping their hands free.

Tobi knew he wouldn't fall off of the bird, but as it flapped its wings and ascended, he wrapped his arms around his sempai and held on anyways. Yes, he was shameless… but who needed shame when there were sexy blond artists to be cuddled?

Deidara made him a sandwich, Tobi discovered when they opened up the lunch-sack. It was slathered in mustard, which Tobi hated. Tobi threw the mustard-covered slice of bread overboard and ate the other half. He wasn't mad, though, because when his stomach growled an hour later, Deidara had a mustard-free sandwich that he fed Tobi himself.

………………………………………………………………..

Team Kakashi dropped their bags in their hotel room in Forest City and flopped down on the beds.

"What now, Kaka-sensei?" Naruto growled. Kakashi flipped through his favorite book.

"Tenzou and I will take care of the information gathering. Why don't you three go enjoy the festival?" Kakashi suggested.

"What!? I want to gather information too! We've got to find Sasuke," Naruto yelled, pumping his fist in the air. Kakashi sighed.

"You aren't subtle enough for reconnaissance, Naruto. Go have fun at the festival, and keep your eyes open for any information. You might find something."

The blond boy didn't look convinced, but Sakura put her hand on his shoulder and led him to the door. "Come on, Naruto. We need to get dinner anyways, and I think I saw a ramen stand on the way in."

The two left. Kakashi turned to Sai. "Aren't you going too?" he asked the boy.

Sai shook his head. "There's an art show. I'll get food on the way there." The dark boy tucked his scrolls and paint brush into his pockets, pulled off his hitai-ate, and brushed the dust off of his pants. He left the room too.

Kakashi looked at Yamato. The younger man stared at him for a moment. "You don't actually they'll actually find anything here, do you, Kakashi-sempai?" he asked. Behind his mask, Kakashi smiled.

"It'll be a cold day in hell." The two jounin changed into civilian clothes and headed out of their room. "And I don't know if our chances are much better."

……………………………………………………………………..

Sai walked down the crowed street, looking a stand after stand of art displays. Craftsmen from all over Forest used the festival to sell their goods and advertise their business. The young ninja found the booths to be more exciting than the actual art show taking place at the courthouse. When Sai had walked in, the artists and critics had sneered at his shirt like they'd never seen a midriff. The craftspeople, on the other hand, were friendly and eager to share their art. Maybe they had read the same social-interaction books that he was reading.

The young artist bought a new set of calligraphy brushes for his Ink jutsu, and after a moment of hesitation, a beginner's set to give to Sakura. She usually showed an interest in his art, and his book on building relationships mentioned 'thoughtful gifts' as a means of strengthening a bond with a friend. He might have invited his teammates along with him, in fact, except he wasn't sure whether they were on a 'date' or not. After dinner, he'd caught a glimpse of them playing carnival games, which might be considered a romantic outing. 'Better safe than sorry,' he told himself, and he left them alone.

The Root ninja was fine on his own, anyways. There were hundreds of drawings and prints spread out among the various stands to look at and compare styles. After studying them, he thought of a way to modify some of his jutsu. Sai imagined that Naruto would be bored out of his mind if he'd come along. Should he try to find a gift for Naruto too?

The next stand was lined with ceramics: pots, bowls, vases, figurines. They ranged from simple glazed pieces to elaborately colored patterns, but Sai could tell each piece was finely made. There was a line of shoppers waiting to make purchases from the blond sitting behind the stand. Sai wondered if the buyers were all pottery enthusiasts, or if the blond tossing golden locks and smiling at each transaction was the reason for the sales rush. Nonetheless, his teammate Naruto liked ramen, and ramen was served in bowls, and an orange bowl with wavy lines would make the perfect gift for him. Sai picked up the bowl he'd been eyeing and went to the back of the line. If his purchase meant he had to flirt with a hot blond guy too, he didn't mind. Sai rather liked blonds.

"Tobi, I need more newspaper, un!" the blond artist yelled as he wrapped up another vase for a costumer. A tall masked man popped out from behind the stand with an armful of newspapers.

"Here, sempai. Need me to help wrap?" he asked. The line went faster with the two taking money and wrapping up clay pieces. Sai quickly found himself handing over his money to the blond. The buyer behind him handed a set of plates over to the masked man and whistled.

"Boy, the merchandise sure is flying out of this stand! I haven't seen you folk here before. Are you new to the festival?" the customer asked. The masked man nodded.

"Deidara-sempai and I just moved into the area," he confirmed.

The blond looked up from Sai's bowl, which he was packaging. "Next year I'll bring more and be more prepared. We've almost sold everything, un." He handed the bowl and a few coins in change over to Sai.

That name sounded familiar…He'd definitely heard Naruto and Sakura mention it before. He'd have to ask them later.

The artist tucked the bowl into his bag beside his brushes and Sakura's calligraphy set. He wandered along to the next stand, which was lined with carved wood. Maybe he should pick up a set of chopsticks to go with the bowl. He was getting good at this whole 'friendship' deal.

………………………………………………………………….

"You know, sempai," Tobi mentioned to Deidara as their final clay piece disappeared into a satisfied shopper's bag, "when I said you should be friendly, I didn't mean you had to be _that_ friendly."

Deidara tossed his hair over his shoulder and smirked at him. "It sold my art, didn't it? I can't help it if you're _jealous_, un."

Damn. Having Deidara wear his hair down was a mistake. He'd thought when they'd walked into the city that maybe it would keep his sempai from being recognized, not that he really thought anyone in the Land of Forest would know a missing ninja from a courier. When they saw him with his hair down, most people mistook Deidara for a girl, a pretty blond girl who would smile at potential buyers. Their stand, hastily set up in a space on the crowded street, filled up with people looking as much at Deidara as his art.

Not to mention that with his hair down, Deidara could do that sexy, veiled stare that he was directing at Tobi…

The masked ninja stuffed their earnings into his pocket and seized Deidara's wrist. "I'm hungry," he declared. He took off down the street, artist in tow.

"Idiot, the food stands are that way, un," Deidara protested. Tobi turned and leaned close to him.

"They aren't selling what I'm hungry for, _sempai_," he whispered.

"Oh," the artist said, and allowed himself to be led outside of the city limits, and into the isolation of the surrounding forest.

…………………………………………………………………….

Kakashi and Yamato trudged back to their hotel room. They paused in front of the door and listened.

"Sai, you didn't have to get us gifts!"

"Awesome! What'd you get me?"

"I guess the kids are back," Yamato said.

"The brats will be disappointed," Kakashi sighed. Though the two jounin had spent nearly half a day in the seediest pubs and darkest allies in town, they'd found no leads on Sasuke's location. The trail had gone ice cold.

"And we have to leave tomorrow to get back to Konoha by Tsunade's deadline. They aren't going to be happy." Yamato paused. "I think you should be the one to tell them, Kakashi-sempai. They're closer to you."

Kakashi snorted. "They like you more. They call me a lazy pervert."

"Yeah, but I freak them out with my eyes."

"Jan-ken-pon you for it?" the copy ninja offered. Yamato nodded.

"Jan…ken…pon!" Yamato held up scissors triumphantly. Kakashi looked down mournfully at his paper. He was too used to playing with Gai, who was always rock. Yamato opened the door and shoved Kakashi inside.

The kids looked up eagerly as he stumbled in. Sakura sat down a newly unwrapped calligraphy set, and Naruto waved a pair of chopsticks around dangerously.

"Kaka-sensei, did you find out anything?" the orange-clad boy shouted. Kakashi scratched the back of his head.

"Well…about that…you see, I was asking around about Sasuke, but my informant turned out to be a mime, and when he tried to tell me, the mime mafia-"

"LIAR!!" Sakura and Naruto screeched together.

"So you didn't find out anything?" Sai asked. Sarcasm still confused him sometimes.

"Nope. None of you stumbled upon anything of interest, did you?" His subordinates shook their heads. "Then it looks like we'll be returning to Konoha tomorrow."

"But Kaka-sensei…!" Naruto protested.

"We have to return, Naruto. Tsunade-sama has let us stay away for longer than she can spare us, and you know the council doesn't like you out of the village with the Akatsuki still searching for you," Kakashi reasoned.

Naruto growled.

"Akatsuki! That's where I've heard that name!" Sai declared. The rest of the team turned toward him.

"Sai…" Yamato asked quietly. "Please explain."

The artist gestured to an orange bowl on the hotel floor. "The artist I bought that bowl from, his name was Deidara. I knew it sounded familiar. He's in the Akatsuki, right?"

"Are you saying you bought pottery from a missing nin?" Kakashi asked.

Sai nodded. "I think so. Blond hair, blue eyes, good with clay- that's him, isn't it?"

Naruto nodded. "That's him!" he yelled. Sakura frowned.

"Our information says he was killed in that battle with Sasuke, just before we lost Sasuke's trail. How could it be him?" she wondered.

"And he is missing both arms…how could he make pottery?" Yamato wondered. Kakashi took Sai's bowl and examined it with his sharingan.

"It's not explosive. Sai, are you sure he said he was 'Deidara'?" Kakashi asked the artist. Honestly, the craftsman could have been joking and Sai wouldn't have realized it. He was still working to understand the concept of humor.

"His partner said so. They just moved into the area, he said."

Yamato and Kakashi looked at each other. "Maybe it's a coincident, Kakashi-sempai. He can't be the only person in the world named Deidara."

"But if it is him, he's one of the last people we know saw Sasuke before the trail went cold. This could be the intelligence we need, Tenzou," Kakashi pointed out.

The decision was made before Kakashi called for a vote. Sakura and Naruto packed up their things without waiting for an order and waited by the door. So much for resting before setting out tomorrow…

"Alright, Sai, show us where you saw him," Kakashi said. The dark haired artist nodded and led the way.

…………………………………………………………..

Tobi spread a picnic blanket out on the forest floor. Deidara leaned against the trunk of a tree and watched. He never helped his partner set up camp, because he considered the work beneath him (and maybe just a little because of the way Tobi's muscles flexed and showed from underneath his tight black shirt when he lifted their supplies out of the clay bird). With the festival going on, the hotels in the city were filled to maximum capacity. Deidara didn't mind having to camp outside…as long as he didn't have to do the work.

Tobi sprawled on the blanket and tossed his mask to the side. He beckoned Deidara over. "I'll set up the tent later, sempai. Lay with me?"

Deidara eyed the blanket and the bugs crawling along the edge, exploring the new fabric territory. He wasn't going to _lay_ on that. It was hardly better than just lying flat on the dirt!

"Oomp!" Tobi made the funniest noise when the artist sat down on top of him. "Sempai…that's not…what I meant…" he gasped. Tobi didn't make a very comfy couch, though, with his twitching and his bones digging into Deidara's ass. The blond swung around so he was straddling Tobi's waist instead, with his weight in his knees. There, much better.

"Is this what you wanted, un?" Deidara leaned close and whispered into Tobi's lips.

"Yes sempai," the dark-haired man panted. His breath was warm, and they were so close they were breathing the same air. Moments like these made Deidara dread the thought of Tobi ever leaving him. Nothing that Deidara had ever experienced suggested that a relationship could last for a lifetime- but this was the first time he'd wanted one to. Maybe they could do it, just to spite the rest of the world.

"It's us against the world, Tobi, un," he whispered stupidly, sentimentally, hopefully. Luckily, Tobi didn't seem to mind. (Why would he, when the bastard was three times as sappy as Deidara without even making an effort?)

"Us against the world, sempai," he confirmed.

Deidara captured his lips, and then his tongue, before they could start spewing more foolish sentiment.

………………………………………………………………

"Oh, those two? I saw them headed outside of the city a little while ago. They're just the sweetest things, so moonstruck. Did you know that I sold more pieces today than I usually do all week, just because that lovely girl was selling her pots in the stand next to me," the woman selling wooden carvings and utensils next to the Iwa ninja's stand rambled on. Kakashi waited for her to stop singing Deidara's praises.

"Did they mention if they were coming back?" he asked her. The lady sighed. "Deidara-san sold every bit of clay she brought with her, if that's what you wanted. I imagine she'll be back around with that young stud, though. They never got the chance to look around at everything here, too busy. I'm telling you, the _lines _were..." Kakashi tuned her out again.

"They went out of the southern gate, then?" he prompted. The woman nodded.

"Yes, dear, but I wouldn't go looking for them." She paused and blushed. "They way they were looking at each other when they walked off together, they might not want to be _disturbed_ just yet."

Kakashi nodded. "Of course. I'll have to find them when they come back, then. I was hoping to commission a piece. They didn't leave a contact address, by any chance?"

The lady shook her head. Kakashi bought a wooden carving of a dog from her, to thank her for the information, and to keep her busy so she didn't start talking about the blond Akatsuki member.

As he left the stand and walked toward the southern gate, his team fell into step behind him. Four to two: if this blond artist was the ninja they were looking for, he wouldn't stand a chance of escaping them.

……………………………………………………..

Tobi still lay flat on his back with Deidara straddling him, but the blond showed no signs of letting him up. Deidara's loose hair formed a veil around their faces as they kissed.

A warm hand slid up under Tobi's shirt and worked the fabric up to his armpits. Deidara still kept him pinned to the ground. Fingers ghosted up and down his lower stomach, sending shivers through his body.

"Sempai, do you…do you want to be on top?" he asked. So far, Tobi had always been dominant, since the artist had never shown any interest in it. But if Deidara wanted to… 'That would be so, _so_ hot.'

"I am on top, un," the blond noted. He raised his weight up a little and then lowered himself back down deliberately. Oh…oh _wow_. Tobi decided that letting Deidara keep leading was a wonderful idea.

The artist leaned up, and Tobi almost protested the distance and the loss of kisses, until Deidara repeated that up-down motion. Oh _damn it_, that felt good.

…………………………………………………………………

Team Kakashi crept through the forest. Kakashi held a finger up to his lips, then pointed at a clearing up ahead. Pakkun had located their quarry.

He pointed at Yamato and gestured for the jounin to circle around behind them. He looked at the three young ninja. Kakashi wasn't sure he wanted them getting any closer. Naruto was to stealth as Jiraiya was to abstinence, and the copy nin wasn't sure the other two would do any better on this particular mission. Pakkun had confirmed the pair they were seeking was _otherwise engaged_, and with Sakura's fan-girl reaction to Konohamaru's boy's love jutsu and Sai's strange obsession with penises, he didn't trust either of them to assist with the capture.

'Stay here and be my back-up' he signed to them. They nodded. Kakashi pushed his hitai-ate up and revealed his sharingan eye. He was ready to move out.

………………………………………………..

Deidara almost chuckled as he unbuttoned Tobi's pants and fiddled with the zipper. A stray thought wouldn't leave his mind: 'Tobi, I'm going to ride you like a pony,' he kept thinking over and over. As soon as he got Tobi's erection free from his pants, he could get started. What would Tobi's face look like if he took the whole thing inside of him in one go? Not without preparation, of course, but before the pale man was expecting it. Deidara bet he'd scream. 'It's a good thing we didn't get a hotel room after all' he thought.

A discreet cough behind Deidara stopped that train of thought completely. He and Tobi froze guiltily, and Tobi pulled his mask onto his face with lightning speed before he sat up.

The pair turned to face the interrupter. Tobi seemed more concerned with getting his pants back into place, but Deidara paled when he saw who had caught them.

"Tobi, we need to leave, now," he whispered, as he stared straight at Sharingan Kakashi.

……………………………………………………………….

An: Hello. This is a cliff-hanger. It's very pleased to meet you. It's sorry it's so late in coming- I wanted to introduce it earlier, but I've had midterms, and then I had to go to an art show of my own and buy gallons of delicious apple cider. I'll try to be a better authoress (and I have a few days break, so I will actually have time to write!) and get the next chapter up soon.

Next chapter: Deidara and Tobi vs. Team Kakashi! Will our beloved duo escape? Will Kakashi and company find out where Sasuke is? Will Deidara ever get to ride Tobi like a pony? Find out soon. (Don't worry; suspense doesn't kill. It only causes severe discomfort in some individuals.)

And fun with spell-check (not from this chapter, but still fun)- 'Sasori' equals 'Savory'- hell yeah it does! He'd mah puppet bitch!


	14. Chapter 14

Sculpting for Dummies:

Chapter 14:

Last time: _The pair turned to face the interrupter. Tobi seemed more concerned with getting his pants back into place, but Deidara paled when he saw who had caught them. _

"_Tobi, we need to leave, now," he whispered, as he stared straight at Sharingan Kakashi._

Tobi looked from the strange, silver-haired intruder to Deidara. "What's wrong, sempai?" he murmured. "Who is that?"

Deidara took a step backwards. He spoke softly, lips barely moving. "Sharingan Kakashi."

Tobi had heard that name before. That ninja in front of him was the famous Konoha jounin, who'd defeated Deidara and ripped off his arm without getting within a hundred meters of him. Their current situation didn't look good. Tobi drew a kunai from his belt and stepped forward, positioning himself between his sempai and the enemy.

"Tobi, you can't beat him. Get our bird so we can escape, un," Deidara whispered. The blond didn't take his eyes off of Kakashi, who was advancing slowly. Tobi backed up and reached a hand out behind him. He felt the clay pelican, which they still hadn't finished unpacking. He channeled chakra into it. The wings flapped and air rushed by Tobi. Something began to fizzle and crack.

"Tobi!" Deidara yelled in warning. Tobi looked up at the pelican for the first time. It was covered in exploding tags. Deidara plowed into him and knocked them both to the ground moments before the bird exploded. Globs of smoldering clay flew in every direction.

"Fuck! There must be another one behind us, un," Deidara growled.

"That's right. You're surrounded," Sharingan Kakashi chimed in. "Surrender now and we won't have to hurt you."

Deidara and Tobi weren't naïve enough to think that surrender was an option. Maybe a rogue ninja like Sasuke could let them go when he got what he wanted, but a ninja with an affiliation to a Hidden Village would have to bring them back and turn them in. Tobi might get away with only life in prison, but capture for Deidara would mean execution.

Tobi couldn't let the Konoha ninja get their hands on his sempai. Tobi himself wasn't strong enough to fight them, but there was one thing he could do. His fingertips filled with chakra and symbols formed themselves in the air above each finger. If he undid Deidara's chakra seal and got him to his clay, the artist could ensure their escape.

The dirt beneath the two rippled, and a wooden column shot up from the ground, creaking and groaning. It slammed into Tobi's head, and the seal symbols faded away from his fingertips. The dark-haired man looked up with swimming vision and saw three more wooden poles forming a square around himself and Deidara. The air within the square distorted.

"What's going on?" whispered Deidara. Tobi tried to form the counterseal once more…but he couldn't keep a hold on his chakra.

"They're disrupting our charka flow, sempai," Tobi replied. His breath came in quick, panicky bursts. Fuck. He couldn't use his chakra. He couldn't protect Deidara. They were going to die.

Sharingan Kakashi and another, brown-haired ninja lurked outside of the chakra barrier. Deidara reached for Tobi's hand and pried the kunai he was still gripping out of his hands.

"Sempai…we can't surrender," Tobi protested. Deidara stood up and pulled Tobi to his feet.

"You're not going to surrender, Tobi. _You_'re going to escape, un," he said. Before Tobi could correct his mistake, 'we're', not 'you're', Deidara hurled himself at the nearest ninja. Tobi ignored the opening Deidara had just made for him as the kunai the masked man saw glinting in Kakashi's hand buried itself into Deidara's side.

………………………………………………………………………….

Kakashi barely had time to pull the kunai out of the Akatsuki member and shove him aside before the second man was on top of him, flailing and screaming.

"You bastard! I'll kill you!" the masked ninja yelled. His fist connected with Kakashi's nose, and the Copy nin could feel as well as hear the snap of breaking bone. He grabbed his attacker's wrists and held them immobile.

His red sharingan eye swirled. Kakashi flipped the other man so the Copy Ninja was on top, and stared down the single eye-hole of his enemy's orange and black mask.

The struggling attacker didn't fall into the hypnotized, Sharingan-induced sleep. By the way he kept struggling and sobbing, it seemed like the eye jutsu didn't affect him at all. But Kakashi hadn't met anyone but Uchiha who were immune to a direct look from the Sharingan. 'My power must really be low today,' he decided.

"Calm down and stop fighting me," he ordered. The man beneath him renewed his struggles.

"I won't surrender. You killed sempai! I'll kill you!"

Kakashi groaned. "Look, I didn't kill him. I didn't even hit any vital organs. As soon as you stop fighting me and cooperate, I'll have my medical ninja patch him up."

His captive stopped thrashing. "I won't let you kill him," he said. His voice shook, like he was holding back tears. What a crybaby. "If you touch him again, I'll kill you. I don't care how powerful you are or whose eyes you've stolen- I'll find a way to kill you, even if I have to do it with my bare hands." Kakashi nodded.

"Tenzou, bring me the handcuffs and call the brats over here," he called to Yamato. The jounin stepped over the bleeding Akatsuki member and snapped a pair of chakra-suppressing handcuffs onto the wrists that Kakashi still held immobile. The silver-haired man stood and hauled his captive to his feet. The orange-masked man drove his heel into Kakashi's foot and jerked away. Yamato formed a seal, ready to summon up a wooden cage to stop him, but Kakashi placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

The enemy ninja didn't get very far. He only stumbled a foot or so and dropped down beside his bleeding companion. The man held his bound hands to the kunai wound, trying to slow the steady flow of blood.

Kakashi wasn't sure who this strange man was, or what he was doing at art shows with a notorious criminal. It was unexpected, how the Akatsuki member had sacrificed himself for his companion's freedom, and how the masked man had forgone escape twice in order to stay by his side. They had to have something planned, and Kakashi wasn't going to let himself be fooled.

…………………………………………………………………….

"This is taking too long! I'm going to go see if Kaka-sensei needs help," Naruto declared. Sakura slammed a fist down on his head.

"Kaka-sensei told us to stay here, idiot. You'll only get in the way," she told him. Inside, she wanted to join the battle as well, but she trusted her sensei to call for back-up when he needed it.

The healer turned and looked at her other companion. Sai seemed oblivious to the tension in the air. He was painting on a scroll. Sakura leaned over to look at his picture. She blushed.

"Sai! What are you drawing!?!" she gasped. The moving ink figures on the paper seized her eyes and she couldn't look away.

Sai looked up at her blushing face and smiled. "This is what Deidara and Tobi are doing in the woods. See?" he gestured at the humping ink drawings. One did look vaguely like the Akatsuki member she'd seen…although it was difficult to concentrate on the drawing's _face_…

"Those are their penises," Sai pointed out helpfully.

"I…I can see that, Sai," she said weakly.

"What are you guys looking at?" Naruto asked. He peaked at the drawing and gasped. "What the…? Is that even possible?" he yelped.

"Oh, yes. I saw it in this interesting book," Sai explained. He pulled a copy of the Gay Kama Sutra out of his backpack. Sakura grabbed the book from him and began flipping through it.

"But…who can _bend_ like that? Doesn't that hurt?" Naruto wondered to himself.

Sai pulled another scroll out from his pack. "Maybe you'll appreciate this position more, Naruto." He handed the scroll to the blond. Naruto looked at the paper…and dropped it in shock. His face turned bright red.

"But…Sasuke…and me…that's not…we're not…" he stuttered. Sakura took the scroll from him.

"I want to see!" she squealed.

"Team, we need back-up!" Yamato called from the forest. The three ninja, two still blushing, stood and followed the voice. As she walked, Sakura tucked the scroll into her apron to study later.

They met their team leaders in a small clearing. The artist they'd been chasing was on the ground, and there was a pool of blood growing underneath him. His companion (Tobi, Sakura recalled Sai mentioning, which prompted another blush) knelt beside him, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Sakura, bandage him up so we can question him," Kakashi ordered. His voice sounded off, like he had a cold. Sakura looked at him. His black fabric mask was stained dark and his nose was protruding at a strange angle.

"Your nose is broken," she told him. Kakashi nodded.

"I can take care of it myself. You're not getting under my mask that easily, brat," he teased. Sakura sighed.

"It was worth a shot," she mumbled to herself. She walked over to the blond Iwa ninja and nudged his companion. "You need to move so I can get to the wound," she told him. The masked man hesitated.

"If you hurt him, I'll kill you," he threatened.

"I'm going to stop the bleeding and heal the wound. That's all." Sakura had to bite her lip to keep from squealing. His devotion was just _so_ cute! 'Stop sympathizing with the enemy, Sakura!' she scolded herself.

She knelt down in the space that Tobi cleared for her and used her chakra to clot the blood that was leaking out of the artist. Kakashi had said 'bandage', so he didn't want her wasting her chakra to heal him completely. She cleaned the cut and wrapped a bandage around it.

Tobi retook his place by Deidara's side when she stood. He touched his handcuffed, bloodstained hands to the Iwa shinobi's cheek.

"Sempai, I won't let them hurt you again," he swore quietly. Sakura swallowed and forced herself not to look. Damn it, cute boys were her weakness! She had to be strong. These men were criminals; she'd seen Deidara sitting on Gaara's corpse, laughing at Naruto's distress. They needed to be turned over to Tsunade to deal with…

…only, they were really sweet together. It would be easier to remind herself that they were evil when Deidara regained consciousness and started acting like an arrogant jerk again.

……………………………………………………………

Deidara woke up exactly where he thought he'd be: in the hands of the Konoha ninja. His side hurt when he tried to sit up. 'Damn it, Tobi have better escaped,' he cursed to himself. What had he been thinking, getting himself hurt for that loser?

Fuck, Deidara knew exactly what he'd been thinking: I'm going to die, but Tobi doesn't have to. It would hurt less, dying, if he knew Tobi was safe. He was turning into the worst kind of sentimental sap. It was disgusting.

The blond looked around at his surroundings. They were still in the forest. His and Tobi's packs were lying in a pile, all the contents scattered around to be checked for weapons and information. There was only one guard on him at the moment, and his hands were cuffed together with chakra suppressors.

"What the fuck? You came to my stand earlier, un!" Deidara shouted at the kid guarding him. He'd sold his beautiful art to one of those Konoha bastards!

The kid nodded at him. "Yes, you're a very talented artist. And you're pretty, too." His captor smiled, which made him look really creepy. Deidara shuddered.

"What're you planning on doing with me, un?" he asked.

The kid gestured towards the woods with an inked brush. "Our team leaders are having a meeting to figure that out over there. I don't think we're going to torture you, but we have to find out where Sasuke is. You do know Sasuke, right? People say I look like him, except he broods more. I think he broods because he has a small penis. What do you think?"

Deidara wasn't sure if he should laugh or just be creeped out (…more creeped out). He shrugged. "I might have met him, un," he mentioned nonchalantly. Not that he planned on telling the Konoha ninja. Giving them information would mean admitting defeat, and he wouldn't lose to them again.

His guard didn't seem particularly closemouthed, though. Now was as good a time as any to start gathering information about his situation.

"So, I saw Sharingan Kakashi and another jounin, and you…are there any more of you, or is that it, un?" he asked.

The guard waved his brush at the forest again. "Sakura and Naruto are over there guarding your lover. We used to have more in our group, but they had to go home. We're headed back to Konoha to meet up with them."

"My lover…Tobi? He didn't escape? That fucking bastard!" Deidara shook with anger at the Konoha ninja and at Tobi for being stupid enough to get himself caught after Deidara got his liver skewered to save him.

"He's…not hurt, is he, un?"

The guard shook his head. "He's fine. He was worried about you. My book says worrying about someone is a sign of love. Are you worried about him?"

Deidara's jaw dropped. What the hell was this kid, fucking insane? "No! Now take me to him so I can kick his ass for getting himself captured, un!" he growled.

The kid grinned his scary grin again. "The book says that misplaced anger when someone is in danger can also be a sign of love. I have orders to keep you here, so we can't go see him. I can send a message to Sakura to give to him, though."

Deidara thought for a moment. "Tell him I'm gonna kick his fucking ass for not escaping when I told him to, and he'd better not do it again, un," he said.

His captor nodded and wrote the message on one of his scrolls. The ink lifted from the paper and transformed into a bird, which flew into the woods.

"That's an artistic jutsu, un," Deidara remarked. The guard smiled and started explaining his ink jutsu. The blond nodded absentmindedly, too distracted by Tobi's capture to concentrate.

…………………………………………………………………..

Tobi struggled against the charka cuffs that held him. His captors had already taken away his lock-picking tools as well as his weapons, but he might still be able to escape if he broke his thumbs. It'd be hard to form hand seals, but he'd have access to his chakra at least, and he might be able to overcome his child-guards and rescue Deidara.

His two guards, one dressed in orange and the other in pink, had left him sitting with his back to a tree. He worked his thumb in between pieces of bark and braced it against the tree's trunk. All he had to do was push down quickly and it would dislocate it.

"Oh, look, Naruto! A message from Sai. Deidara must've woken up."

The pink girl caught a little black bird in her hand and pressed it against a scroll. The bird melted into a puddle of ink, which spread itself on the paper and began to form words.

Tobi froze as the girl walked over to him. "You're name is Tobi, right? Deidara's woken up and he sent a message to you." She held the paper up for him to see.

_Deidara tells Tobi: I'm gonna kick your fucking ass for not escaping when I told you to, and you'd better not do it again, mmm._ Tobi's portion of the message read.

So his sempai was awake, at least. Tobi had no doubts that the message was from him. But the part "you'd better not do it again" worried him. Was Deidara planning to sacrifice himself again, or did he only mean not to be stupid?

"Can I see him?" he asked the girl. She shook her head.

"Kaka-sensei told us we should stay here until he and Yamato-sensei get back."

Tobi sighed. He'd have to wait until his guards were distracted again before he tried to escape. Hopefully the two jounin would stay away that long…

……………………………………………………………………….

"What are we going to do with them, Kakashi-sempai?" Yamato asked the Copy Ninja as they circled the camp through the cover of the forest.

"We don't do anything. We bring them back to Konoha and let Tsunade-sama and Ibiki deal with them. It'll be enough for the Fifth that we're bringing back an Akatsuki member- she won't expect us to interrogate them too." Kakashi flipped though his copy of Icha Icha Paradise.

"But shouldn't we at least question them beforehand? If they don't know where Sasuke is, it'll be another dead end," Yamato reasoned. Kakashi nodded.

"We can question them, but it probably won't work. I doubt we'll get anything with torture; I saw Deidara lose an arm without even flinching."

"What about the other one? He doesn't seem as strong, and he's pretty concerned with Deidara. We might be able to use that," Yamato noted.

Kakashi remembered how his sharingan hypnosis had failed against the dark-haired man. "I think there's more to him than meets the eye. Don't underestimate him," he cautioned.

"I won't." Yamato paused. "Do you think we'll get a raise for this?" he asked.

"A hefty bonus at least," Kakashi agreed.

Yamato sighed. "I'd rather have some extra vacation time than the extra pay, to be honest. Tsunade runs us ragged!" he complained.

Kakashi chuckled. "Can't keep up, Tenzou?" he teased the younger man. Yamato scowled.

"You're one to talk…every time I turn around, you're in the hospital again, and I get left in charge of the brats. It's your fault I need a break."

"Let's go back to camp then, if you're so tired. We'll figure things out in the morning."

The jounin walked back to Naruto and Sakura, who were looking over a letter. Tobi sat with his back to a tree, watching them. Kakashi studied the masked man. Something about him made the Copy Ninja curious. He wanted to order the man to take off that ridiculous orange and black mask, but his own need for a mask prevented him. Sometimes you needed to hide from the world, and Kakashi respected that.

"Kaka-sensei, can we go back to the camp now?" Naruto asked, bouncing around as usual.

Kakashi's sharp ears caught the sound of clashing metal in the forest clearing. He looked up, and noticed Yamato and Tobi doing the same.

"What's going on?" Sakura asked. Kakashi held up a hand to silence her.

There was no sound for a moment. A black bird broke through the foliage and fluttered in the air in front of the ninja. It exploded, and the ink that had formed it wrote a message that hovered over them: _We're under attack_.

"Shit!" Kakashi cursed. "Naruto, Sakura, you guard-"

A sharp _crack_ behind him made him pause in his orders. The prisoner Tobi stood up and tossed away the chakra cuffs. His thumbs jutted out at unnatural angles.

"I'm coming, sempai," the man whispered, and he formed the seals that only the Fourth Hokage and his protégés should have known. Tobi flickered away, leaving Kakashi to wonder how he knew Yondaime's personal transportation jutsu.

…………………………………………………………………………….

Deidara grasped a stolen kunai in his cuffed hands and concentrated on warding off the flying weaponry that the Sound ninja were throwing at him. 'It _had_ to be Sound ninja to ambush us, didn't it?' he thought to himself exasperatedly. Had it been anyone but Orochimaru's village, he would have been tempted to help them defeat the kid guarding him and take his chances with them instead. The enemy of his enemy would be his friend. But he hated Orochimaru- the snake bastard had no taste in art.

So instead of making a brilliant escape in the fray, Deidara was stumbling around, still handcuffed and chakra-deprived, trying his best to stay out of the way of the kunai and senbon that sailed through the air. When he got a free moment from dodging, he threw a few kunai back at his attackers.

One of the sound shinobi shrieked as a knife dug into his skin. The artist smiled.

The bleeding sound ninja pulled a giant shuriken from his pack and began spinning it. Fuck. He wasn't going to be able to block that with a single kunai with his hands tied. The ninja loosed the spinning star.

"Sempai, watch out!"

Tobi appeared behind him and shoved him roughly to the side. The giant shuriken sailed past, ripping into Tobi's upper arm and continuing until it buried itself deep into a tree trunk. The taller man stood up and charged at him. Deidara noticed he held his kunai by looping his finger though the hole in the handle; his thumbs hung uselessly broken. That explained how he escaped the cuffs, at least.

Deidara's creepy guard took one of the sound shinobi out with an ink tiger he'd brought to life, and Tobi fought a second. The third and fourth circled around to catch Tobi and the Konoha ninja off guard, completely ignoring Deidara now that they'd seen he couldn't use chakra. The bastards would regret that. He didn't care either way about the Konoha kid, but nobody but Deidara was allowed to hurt Tobi.

The closest sound ninja crept up behind Tobi, not even worried that he had his back turned to Deidara. The blond stood, got a running start, and jumped on the unsuspecting shinobi's back. The handcuffs that had been hindering him before now aided him as he looped his hands around the ninja's neck and pulled the chain back to block the man's esophagus.

The chocking ninja stumbled forward, still trying to stab a kunai into Tobi's back. Deidara gave the chain a jerk and sent both of them spiraling to the side.

"Touch him and you die, un" he warned. The man struggled and stabbed blindly at Deidara, but the artist kept a hold on him until he blacked out. It took a few seconds of maneuvering before he freed himself from the unconscious man, and by that time, Tobi and the guard had dealt with the two remaining ninja.

"Tobi, let's get out of here before those Konoha bastards get back, un," he proposed. They could deal with the creepy kid easily enough and escape on a clay bird before the others returned. Tobi shook his head and gestured behind Deidara. The Iwa ninja turned around.

Sharingan Kakashi, the kyuubi jinchuriki, the girl that defeated Sasori-no-danna, and the other Konoha jounin were all standing in the clearing, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Fuck," Deidara cursed to himself.

……………………………………………………………………

AN: yeah, it took forever. Team 7/DeiTobi interactions are hard to write, damn it! At least Sai is fun (mostly because he has Deidara freaked out). And btw, the new closing scene in the anime is crazy Sai-centric. I'm kind of wondering what the anime is going to make of him and his obsession with penises. (And don't even get me started on speculation on what the American version will do to Sai when they get there. I'm sure it will completely ruin everything about his character)

And I was very disappointed with this week's episode. Not only was I sad about the going away of the Hero's Comeback song (I love it, and even have it on my iPod) and the complete lack of Tobi (I was so excited because I thought he would finally make his appearance), but they gave Gaara squealing fangirls that completely ruined the noble and tragic mood of Chiyo's death. I was actually cussing at them as I watched it frustrated me so much.

On a happier note, it made my day yesterday when I found out Dumbledore was gay. Canon Potter Yaoi lives!!!!! Grindelwald/Dumbledore for the win (and all that stuff about it being unrequited…please! They were soooo humping like bunnies that whole summer they spent together. Don't even try to tell me otherwise.)


	15. Chapter 15

Sculpting for Dummies

Chapter 15:

Tobi watched Deidara tense as he spotted their captors. The artist turned back to him stiffly and grabbed one of his sleeves. He slid down to the ground, pulling Tobi down with him.

Tobi's left sleeve was torn and bloodstained where the Sound Ninja's shuriken had cut him. Deidara gave the fabric a quick jerk and it ripped off, sliding down Tobi's blood-streaked arm, revealing the wound.

"Hold still, dumbass, un," Deidara murmured. He struggled for a moment ripping a strip from his shirt (the artist's hands were still bound). He wiped the excess blood away with the mangled sleeve and bandaged the cut with the piece of his shirt.

The pink girl that had been guarding him approached them quietly. "I can do that," she offered.

Deidara growled at her and pulled Tobi a little closer to himself. "You're the bitch that killed Sasori-no-danna. I'm not letting you get my second partner too, un."

Was that who she was? Tobi decided not to mention to Deidara that she had been the one to bandage Deidara's wound when he was unconscious.

The blond tied the strip of cloth a little too tightly. The girl would've healed him more gently, with real supplies rather than makeshift bandages…but Tobi didn't mind that it was Deidara caring for him and not her.

"Thank you, but sempai can take care of it," he told the girl. He didn't see any reason to be impolite to her; she wasn't the one who had captured them and put a knife through Deidara's side. The girl frowned, but backed away to give Deidara room to work.

Deidara reached for one of Tobi's hands. He gripped Tobi's wrist tightly in one hand and his throbbing thumb in the other. Without any warning, with none of a healer's gentleness and all of an artist's impulsiveness, Deidara wrenched the bone back into its socket. Tobi whimpered. 'Fuck, that hurt' he thought. He hesitated to give Deidara his other hand when the blond gestured for it. The artist reached out for it expectantly. It needed to be done, so Tobi readied himself and let Deidara take his hand.

"You shouldn't have hurt yourself, un," Deidara told him as he snapped the thumb back into place. Tobi held the swollen finger up to the blond's face.

"Kiss it and make it better, sempai?" he asked. As soon as Deidara was finished patching him up, the Konoha ninja would separate them again. He wanted his sempai to stay behind him as long as possible.

Deidara batted the hand away. "It's better for you if they don't think we're together, un," he whispered.

Tobi looked from his sempai to his captors and back again. He didn't say what he was thinking: 'I think they already know.'

…………………………………………………………………………………

According to Sai, the Sound Ninja had stumbled onto their camp by accident. The young artist reported that they had almost apologized and left, but had caught sight of Sai's Konoha hitai-ate and decided to engage them.

The young man also added that Deidara had helped him fight off the attackers. Sakura wondered why the Akatsuki member hadn't just sat back and allowed Sai to be killed.

"He's probably trying to win our sympathy," Yamato told her as she wondered aloud. "He'll try to fool us into letting him go. Just remember, he's a dangerous criminal."

"Who knows where Sasuke is!" Naruto added.

Kakashi gave them orders to guard the prisoners while he looked around to make sure there were no other Sound ninja around. He charged Yamato with 'dealing with' the ninja that had been defeated. Sakura averted her eyes and started preparing dinner for her team.

"I'll take a plate over to Deidara and Tobi," Sai offered. Naruto huffed.

"Why're you bein' so friendly with them? Don't you know what that jerk did to Gaara?" Naruto asked. Sai shrugged.

"We need to know what they know, and my book says establishing trust is the best way to get someone to tell you something," the artist explained.

"Oh," Naruto said, and let Sai pass. The dark-haired boy took one of the plates Sakura had prepared and then turned around to the blond.

"Besides, he's pretty hot, don't you think?" he teased. Naruto blanched.

"You…you pervert! You're worse than old man Jiraiya and Kaka-sensei combined!"

Sakura giggled as Naruto fumed.

……………………………………………………………

Deidara strove to stand as his creepy guard approached with a plate of food. It was too late to pretend that Tobi was just his partner, but he could at least keep his captors from thinking the masked man was anything other than a fuck-buddy. The more Tobi looked like he had been taken advantage by Deidara and coerced into a life of crime, the better his chance of survival.

But damned if he hadn't messed up enough all ready. He could pass off his bandaging Tobi to his mistrust of the girl, but he couldn't change what he'd shouted during the battle. Maybe, with any luck, they'd think he thought of Tobi as a possession.

Standing up with cuffed hands was harder than it looked, and when he finally managed to get his weight on his feet, he felt a sharp stab of pain in his wounded side. His black shirt became even darker as it dampened, and when it was soaked, red beads dripped out of the fabric and onto the grass.

"Sempai, you're hurt!" Tobi shouted. The idiot tried to steady him, (was he swaying?) with broken thumbs and a wounded arm. Stupid. The Konoha ninja weren't supposed to know.

"Sakura, we need you over here," the freaky kid yelled to his companion. The pink girl and the kyuubi left their food and came over.

"Damn it, he opened up that cut again. Naruto, bring me my pack. Sai, get his shirt off of him. And you, Tobi, stand back and give me some room," the girl ordered. The boys jumped at her commands…scary bitch. Deidara wondered if his creepy guard only listened to get his hands on Deidara to strip him.

The artist saw black spots in his vision. How much blood had he lost? Not all that much, but added to the amount that had leaked out when he'd first been stabbed….His vision began to tunnel. The girl guided Deidara to sit down, and he didn't protest.

"You're going to be okay, sempai, don't worry," Tobi chattered nervously. What, Tobi was allowed to break his thumbs and put himself in the way of a flying shuriken, but Deidara wasn't allowed to bleed?

A warmth spread through his side through the haze of pain, different from the hot wetness of blood. He could half see the girl placing her hand over the injury.

"Are you supposed to heal him, Sakura-chan?" the kyuubi shouted with his annoying grating voice.

"I'm not going to waste all of my bandages on him if he's going to keep reopening the wound and bleeding on them," she reasoned. The pain faded from a sharp stab to a faint cramping of newly healed muscles. Deidara's vision stopped swimming, although the lightheadedness remained, and would until he ate something and rested.

The blond tried to sit up, but had to steady himself with his arms. The kyuubi came and dropped a pack beside the pink girl. She rifled through it and pulled out a bottle.

"Eww, look at his arms," the kyuubi exclaimed. He prodded the wrinkled flesh of his right forearm. Deidara glared at him.

"Stop that!" Tobi shouted. He swatted the jinchuuriki's hand away.

"What? I was just looking at it," the kid argued.

"You're being rude. Sempai is very sensitive about his arms, and you aren't helping." Stupid Tobi, making assumptions again. Deidara wasn't _sensitive_ about anything. Sensitivity implied that he cared, which he didn't. Idiot. Deidara wasn't _weak_ enough to care.

"Shut up, moron, un," he murmured. He needed sleep. Things would be a whole lot easier if he could just go to sleep and not wake up. Deidara's eyelids slid closed.

"What're you doing?"

"Getting sempai a shirt to wear."

"Kaka-sensei said we can't give you anything from your packs until he's searched them. Sit down before we tie you up again."

"Then he can have mine."

Damn it, why did they have to talk so loudly? He just wanted to sleep. His ears were ringing and his head throbbed with exhaustion.

"Sempai…" Tobi whispered near his ear. Deidara opened an eye. His partner hovered there, too close to convince the Konoha ninja that they weren't together. His mask was still in place, but his shirt was off, revealing his pale, slightly muscled chest. Ugh, it looked so perfect, it made him want to cover up his grotesque arm even more. Deidara hated the imperfection; he was an artist, he was supposed to be beautiful. He'd spent too many years relying on his physical appearance for survival to accept the ugliness of his arm.

Tobi held out his own slightly sweaty black shirt for Deidara to slip into.

"Wait," the pink girl ordered.

…………………………………………………..

Sakura blushed a little when the two prisoners turned and looked at her. They focused on each other so intensely that she felt like she was intruding.

She thought about what Sai had said about winning their trust. If they did something nice for the captives, the captives would be more likely to return the favor. Sakura reached out and placed her palm on the dead skin of Deidara's arm.

"Hold still," she ordered. Charka flowed from her hand to the skin cells, stimulating them into new life. Soon the shriveled flesh was whole and smooth, with only the black stitches and a slight scar to mar the artist's limb.

Deidara, still woozy from blood loss, blinked at the healed skin. "Why…?" he mumbled.

"We need to know where Sasuke is. We can help you if you're willing to help us," she told him.

"We'll see, un," he said. He turned away from her and back to Tobi. The masked man still hadn't put his shirt back on (he had a nice chest, though pale enough to suggest he never went out in the sun).

"If we tell you what you want to know, will you release Deidara-sempai?" the dark-haired man asked. Sakura thought.

"He's an S-ranked criminal…I don't think we can just let him go. We might be able to get him life in jail instead of execution if he cooperates with us," she said honestly.

Behind his mask, Tobi was silent. Deidara's eyes were closed, although Sakura wasn't sure if he was asleep or not.

"Who has the power to authorize his release? Your Hokage?" Tobi prodded. Sakura nodded.

"I guess she would, but she's not likely to…"

"Then we'll wait until we can speak with the Hokage directly. I won't trade away any information that might help save sempai."

Shit. Now Tobi was withholding his information. Sakura just hoped he had intelligence worth sharing. If they dragged him back to Konoha and Tsunade-sama wasted her time interrogating him only to find out he knew nothing, the Hokage would be pissed.

"We'll discuss it more when Kaka-sensei comes back. Do you want me to look at your thumbs?" She asked. Tobi's hands still looked swollen and painful.

The masked man looked at Deidara. The blond didn't stir, so he nodded. Sakura took his hands without a word and prodded a few chakra points to take down the swelling.

"You must really care about him, to break your thumbs for him," she mentioned. She took the bottle she's pulled from her bag and poured a few drops onto the skin above the broken joints. A strong herbal smell filled the air. Tobi's fingers twitched.

"Does it still hurt to move them?" Sakura asked. Tobi wiggled his thumbs.

"A little," he admitted. She nodded.

"Good, then you won't do it again."

He shook his head. "For sempai, I'd cut my thumbs off if that's what it took. I won't let you hurt him."

Sakura wondered why the blond inspired such devotion from Tobi. If he was as evil as Sakura thought he was, why was this masked man willing to sacrifice himself to save him? She hadn't missed the way Deidara had looked at him, either. This situation with the Akatsuki wasn't going to be as black and white as she'd hoped.

……………………………………………………………………….

As he circled the forest and searched for more Sound Ninja, Kakashi kept thinking back to the strange masked shinobi that waited back at camp. What kind of man what is that could resist his sharingan eye and use the Fourth Hokage's personal jutsu? What was he hiding under than orange swirly mask?

He found the Sound Ninja camp easily enough, and none of the signs suggested there were any more around. Kakashi disposed of their supplies and swept leaves over the tracks they'd left to mask their presence. A quick patrol later, he was back with his team, ready to question the mysterious prisoner.

Yamato was still out, disposing of the bodies. Naruto and Sai were arguing amongst themselves (Sai kept flashing inappropriate pictures he'd drawn, and Naruto blushed and growled and tried to destroy them with shadow clones, as usual). Sakura watched the prisoners. Deidara appeared asleep or unconscious, and the other man watched over him. The ninja's shirt was off, covering the blond like a blanket; the man had a pale scar almost straight down the middle. His thumbs were bandaged, but his wrists were free of their cuffs. Kakashi frowned at his team's negligence, and clipped a pair of chakra-cuffs onto him.

He paused before binding the unconscious artist with a second pair of cuffs. Kakashi lifted the shirt up off of Deidara and placed a hand on his stomach.

"What're you doing?" the masked prisoner demanded.

"Confirming a theory. I don't think your friend can use his chakra any more. I think he's helpless," Kakashi said, wanting to hear the man's response.

"Sempai isn't helpless!" the captive shouted. Then, not wanting to confirm what Kakashi already knew, added, "and what makes you think he can't?"

"When you freed yourself, you didn't try to get him out of the cuffs, even though he could've ended the battle with his clay. He hasn't made an attempt to get free either. He didn't try to blow us up when we captured him, while you trying to remove a seal. So correct me if I'm wrong, Deidara's chakra is sealed and he can't access it." Kakashi waited. Tobi didn't respond.

Kakashi let a tendril of chakra flow from his hand to Deidara's stomach. The inky black characters of a Five Element seal stained the warm skin.

"I thought so. Care to tell me who did this?" Kakashi asked.

The masked man met his gaze through his single eye-hole, but said nothing.

"It's Tobi, right? Either you put this seal on him, or you chose to leave it on. Is this man your prisoner? Who are you?"

"I'll tell you anything you want, if you release sempai," Tobi replied. Kakashi shook his head. "Then I won't tell you anything. You won't know anything about us other than what the bingo book says."

Kakashi looked up sharply. "You're not in the bingo book."

"Yes I am," Tobi argued.

Kakashi shook his head again. "I have the newest edition here. I don't see any 'Tobi' in it. Is there another name you go by?"

Tobi gestured for Kakashi to hand the book over. He flipped through it. "Where am I? I have to be in it," he muttered. He flipped to the table of contents. "I don't understand. I'm Akatsuki. How can I not be in the book?" he wailed.

"So you're Akatsuki too? You don't have the ring or the cloak," Kakashi pointed out. If Tobi was distracted enough and started answering his questions, there was no telling what sort of useful information he might get.

"I don't any more. Sempai and I left. But I should still be wanted! I feel so unloved…" He continued flipping through the book in vain.

"Did you leave the organization before you fought Sasuke?" Kakashi casually asked.

The name made Tobi freeze. "I'm not telling you anything about _him_ until you promise to let us go."

Kakashi ignored Tobi. He turned when Yamato walked back into the camp.

"You finished?" he asked. Yamato nodded.

"Why's the prisoner got your bingo book, Kakashi-sempai?" he asked. The jounin sat down beside Kakashi.

"He says he's in it. He claims to be Akatsuki, but he's not in the book. He's probably lying," the Copy Ninja said. He waited for Tobi to react.

"I'm NOT lying! I replaced Sasori-san, and I was Deidara's partner and I caught the three-tailed turtle. This book must be missing pages," the masked man insisted.

Yamato paused. "I think I've heard something about you." He reached into his pack and searched. "There was an article in a magazine some friends gave me. Here it is." He flipped through the pages of a crinkled magazine and showed it to Tobi. A rough sketch of Tobi's masked face was pasted beside the headline, 'Tobi: Newest Akatsuki Member-the Man behind the Mask'.

"Ha!" Tobi proclaimed triumphantly. "I told you."

Kakashi leaned over and read the article aloud. "'The newest addition to the elusive criminal Akatsuki, replacing master puppeteer Sasori of the Red Sands, was spotted yesterday outside of the presumed Akatsuki hideout in the Village of the Hidden Monkeys. But who is this masked man? Tobi, the mysterious dark haired shinobi, is according to reliable sources, the love-child of Otokage Orochimaru and the monkey-king summon, Enma. His mask hides his half-monkey features, and rumors say he has a tail hidden beneath his clothes…' Half monkey, huh?" Kakashi chuckled.

"Wh-what the hell?" Kakashi held up the cover of the magazine for Tobi to see.

"The Ninja Inquirer!" he moaned.

"If you're not Orochimaru's monkey love-child, then who are you?" Yamato pressed.

Tobi shrugged. "I don't know where I'm from. But I'm not a monkey. I don't even grow facial hair. I'm sure I had nice, normal parents."

"But you don't know?" Kakashi asked. Tobi seemed stranger and stranger with every bit of information he discovered about him.

"No, I don't. I don't remember any of my past. Talk quieter or you'll wake sempai," he scolded. The masked man folded his arms defiantly over his chest and refused to say another word.

Kakashi stayed where he was, watching Tobi's every move and wondering why the man seemed so tantalizingly familiar.

……………………………………………………………………….

An: God, this has got to be the slowest moving part of the story (at least, writing wise. I've mentioned before, Kakashi/Tobi confrontations are hell to write). But, Tobi in the anime is inspiring at least…even if he sounds kinda weird. I like the crazy color scheme of his clothes. (And his voice actor did Vahn in Legend of Legaia, and so many other obscure yet awesome voices!!)

Anyways, thanks to everyone who's reviewed! I love reading what you think, and it lets me know that people are actually reading my story, and that I need to stop being lazy and get the next chapter out.

(Next chapter might take a little over the usual week, as I'm stuck doing theatre crew for a dance event all week, efficiently murdering and disposing-of-the-corpse of my evenings and weekend.)


	16. Chapter 16

Sculpting for Dummies

AN: Sorry for the delay. Last week, I was very busy. This week, I was lacking in motivation. I'll try to do better in the future.

Chapter 16:

The sky was dark by the time Deidara awoke. He looked around for Tobi first, automatically. He found him sleeping a few feet away, still shirtless and shivering slightly. The artist took the shirt that was draped over his chest and covered the masked man with it.

The Konoha ninja were sleeping too, all but Sharingan Kakashi. The silver-haired man read his book by firelight. Deidara decided to ignore him, and nibbled at the cold plate of food that had been abandoned earlier when he had collapsed.

The Copy Ninja kept reading. Deidara finished his meal. Neither said a word. Deidara longed for clay to mold in his hands, to keep his mind off of the silence. He hated silence. It made him do stupid things, like blow up a building or trip a village elder or…

"Let Tobi go and I'll tell you what you want." …or say something incredibly stupid.

Kakashi looked up from his book. "What was that?" he asked.

Deidara looked away. He didn't answer.

"I can't just let him go. He says he's Akatsuki," the silver-haired man pointed out.

"He suffers from delusions of grandeur, un," Deidara mumbled.

Kakashi closed the book and slipped it into his vest. "You're saying he's not a member?"

Deidara snorted. "You think we'd let a fuck-up like that join? You're insulting our elite organization, un."

Tobi stirred from his sleep. "That's not very nice, sempai. And you shouldn't lie. I was Akatsuki just like you."

Damn it, how was Deidara supposed to get the Konoha ninja to free Tobi when the moron kept saying things like that? The artist found a rock on the ground and threw it at Tobi's head. It bounced off his mask with a thwunk.

"Sempai!" he whined.

"Shut up, Tobi. I didn't give you permission to speak, un." Deidara turned back to Kakashi, dismissing Tobi completely. "He hasn't committed any crimes. You have no reason to hold him," he argued.

Tobi sat up. "I have to! What about the three-tails? I captured it and gave it to the leader."

There weren't any more rocks around. Deidara threw a pinecone instead. "First of all, all you did was run away from the damned thing. Second, it was a menace. We were doing the costal villages a favor getting rid of it. We could've collected a bounty on it if we'd wanted to, un."

"I helped! And if there was a bounty, why didn't we get it?"

"Because I wanted to spite Kakuzu. Now shut up and go back to sleep. This doesn't concern you, un," the blond hissed.

Kakashi watched their exchange carefully. "I'm authorized to bring Tobi back for questioning because he was traveling with a known S-ranked criminal and because I have reason to suspect he may be involved with the organization. I can't arrest him, but I can detain him for now."

Tobi crawled over to him and looped his cuffed arms around Deidara's neck. "Even if they let me go, I wouldn't leave you. You have to be worse than trash to abandon your friends, sempai," he said.

Kakashi's eye widened. "What did you say?" he asked.

"Stop being an idiot, Tobi. What help are you to me here, un?" Deidara protested. Tobi hugged him tighter.

"I'm helping the Konoha ninja see that you're not bad. If it was up to you, you'd make them think you were evil, just to keep your reputation." Deidara planted his elbow into the masked man's ribs.

Kakashi stood up and walked over to them. "Where did you here that from?" he demanded.

"Huh?" Tobi asked. "Where'd I hear what?"

"You said 'you'd have to be worse than trash to abandon your friends.' Who told you that?" the silver-haired man said. Tobi shrugged.

"I dunno. Nobody, I guess. It's just my opinion," Tobi said warily. "Why do you care?"

Kakashi sat back down, eying Tobi suspiciously. "Someone I used to know said things like that."

"Then that person is an idiot, too. A real ninja focuses on the mission and puts himself first," Deidara argued. He looked through Tobi's eyehole into the jet black eye. He had to convince Tobi to focus on proving his innocence rather than worrying about Deidara. The artist knew what awaited him on Konoha. He'd be interrogated, probably tortured, then either executed outright or extradited to Iwa. Both options were equally distasteful. Deidara planned on ending his life on his own terms long before it came to that. As soon as Tobi was safe, he would make his last escape.

………………………………………………………………..

For the next few days, Kakashi's eyes were never far from Tobi. He took in every gesture, every word, noting each time the masked man moved the way Obito used to, or phrased something exactly the way his old teammate would've said it. Kakashi had thought before that Tobi might be a long-forgotten Uchiha; a sharingan was the only explanation for the man's knowledge of jutsu he had seen, but never should've been able to learn. But as he watched him, Kakashi became more and more convinced that Tobi wasn't _an_ Uchiha; he was _the_ Uchiha, the one that had given an eye to his teammate and been left for dead.

As they passed a trader's caravan, Kakashi bought a bag of rice candies and kept them in Tobi's sight. Obito had had an undeniable sweet-tooth.

"If you aren't going to each those, put them away, un," Deidara snapped after Tobi had been eyeing the candies mournfully for almost an hour.

Kakashi smiled behind his mask. "We'll play a game. If you win, there're yours, Tobi," he smirked. He pulled out three of their travel cups and placed one of the candies underneath the middle one. He shuffled them around and watched Tobi's eye.

"It's on the right," the captive stated. Kakashi lifted the cup and tossed him the candy. The first round was supposed to be deceptively easy.

"Sempai, would you like it?" Tobi asked, holding the confectionary in question out to the artist. Kakashi tried to decide whether this was an Obito-like action or not. His former teammate wouldn't have given up candy for just anyone…but now that Kakashi thought about it, he would've given it to Rin without a second thought. This was probably the same.

"Get that disgusting tooth-decaying crap away from me, un," the blond growled. Tobi shrugged and unwrapped the candy. He reached up under his mask and popped it into his mouth.

"Up for a second round?" Kakashi asked innocently. Tobi nodded.

He placed a candy in the middle cup again, and this time shuffled it with chakra-aided speed, far faster than the average eye could follow. The copy ninja kept his gaze trained on the eyehole of Tobi's mask. He could see flashes of red.

He stopped shuffling the cups. "Left," Tobi proclaimed, with none of the hesitancy of a guess. The silver-haired man handed him the candy beneath the cup. He gave the rest of the bag to his team, who devoured it greedily.

"Kakashi-sempai, why are you playing games with the prisoner?" Yamato murmured to him.

Kakashi pointed to his sharingan eye. The jounin frowned. He looked from Kakashi to Tobi and raised an eyebrow.

"Are Kakashi and Yamato lovers?" Sai asked Sakura suddenly. Yamato's jaw dropped, Sakura and Naruto gasped, and Kakashi stared. Sai blinked. "Well, Tobi calls Deidara 'sempai' and it's a term of endearment. And Yamato calls Kakashi 'sempai', so why doesn't it mean the same thing?"

Sakura led Sai away from the camp to explain to the clueless boy. Naruto stayed behind and eyed his senseis. "It's not true, right?" he asked.

Yamato blanched. "No, Naruto. It's not true."

The blond boy nodded. "Ok then. Got any more candy?"

…………………………………………………………………………..

Sakura didn't know what to do. She wanted to get back to Konoha and see her family, but every step she took toward her hometown made her stomach turn. It was Tobi's fault. He seemed determined to remind her that she was leading Deidara to his death, that she was taking the happiness they shared and shattering it to pieces.

Every time she looked at him, he was touching the artist, hugging or cuddling or guiding him over a rough patch of forest floor. And though Deidara did his best to push Tobi away and keep him at a distance, Sakura saw little clues that suggested he craved the contact as much as the masked man did. When no one else was looking, he'd lean in toward Tobi and his face would become serene.

"Sai, Naruto, what do you think?" she asked as the three gathered firewood to bring back to their camp after a day of travel. "Should we turn Deidara and Tobi in?"

"Do we have a choice?" Sai wondered.

"We could get our information and release them…we wouldn't _lie_ to Tsunade-sama; we just wouldn't mention to her that we'd seen them," the medic reasoned.

"What? You mean just let them go? Don't you remember what they did to Gaara?" Naruto screeched.

"Do you remember what Gaara tried to do to us when we first met him, Naruto? People change. I think Tobi is a good person, and I think Deidara is trying to reform, and I think we're getting in the way. It doesn't seem right," Sakura sighed.

Naruto's brows wrinkled in thought. "You think a member of Akatsuki can change? I guess…Gaara changed, and Deidara didn't _kill_ Gaara…and Gaara isn't dead anymore. I don't know. Does it matter? The most important thing is finding Sasuke. As long as they tell us where to find him, I guess it doesn't matter whether we let them go or not."

Sai nodded. "I don't think we should let Deidara die. He's a talented artist."

"So who should we talk to first: Kakashi-sensei or Yamato-taicho?" Sakura asked her teammates.

"Kaka-sensei. Yamato-taicho would stare at us with his scary eyes," Naruto shuddered.

"But Kakashi has been too fixated on Tobi for the last few days. I think we should talk to Yamato-taicho," Sai argued.

"Talk to me about what?" the jounin asked. He hopped down from a tree branch. "I wondered why it was taking the three of you so long to gather firewood. I thought you might be in trouble."

The three teens shuffled around nervously. "Yamato-taicho, we were thinking…maybe we could not mention that we captured Deidara and Tobi and just say we got our information from an anonymous source? Because…maybe they aren't as bad as we thought they were…and if we turn them in, they'll probably get killed," Sakura faltered. She looked up at the jounin.

"Sakura, you know we can't do that," he said firmly. The pink-haired girl looked away.

"I know," she admitted. "But, they love each other, and they'll be separated, and Deidara will get executed and Tobi will be heartbroken, and it'll be our fault," she rambled. Behind her, Sai and Naruto nodded.

"They are dangerous criminals and it's our duty to turn them in. Kakashi-sempai will agree with me," Yamato said. "We're taking them directly to the Hokage, though, so you'll have a chance to talk with her about any concerns you have before the village knows they're there. But remember what I told you: they're trying to win your sympathy. It could be an act. Be careful what you believe."

"I don't think it's an act," Sakura asserted. "If both of them were playing along, then maybe, but Deidara keeps trying to hide it. Tobi is trying to win us over, I know, but I think Deidara is trying to protect Tobi by pretending not to care." It was heartbreaking and beautiful, she thought, the way they were both trying to save each other at the expense of themselves. It was like something out of a tragic romance novel.

"Think what you want. You can speak to Tsunade-sama tomorrow when we reach Konoha…unless of course you plan on staying out here all night," Yamato teased.

The kids gathered their firewood and followed Yamato back to camp.

………………………………………………………………………………..

Tobi listened to the sound of crickets chirping in the darkness. Night had fallen hours ago, but he couldn't sleep. Tomorrow, they'd be there. He still hadn't found a way to free himself and rescue Deidara. The silver haired jounin had been watching him constantly as they traveled, never giving him a second change to free himself from his handcuffs and unleash Deidara's chakra seal.

The quieter jounin was on watch now. Tobi hadn't seen him in battle, so he couldn't assess his strength, but he still didn't think he'd have much of a chance if he tried to fight him.

"Tobi, you awake, un?" Deidara whispered. Tobi nodded. Remembering that his sempai couldn't see him in the dark, he said, 'yes,' quietly.

"It's fucking ironic, isn't it? I get arrested by Konoha, the one place that has no reason to hate me, but I have every right to hate. Fucking figures, un," the blond murmured.

"Why do you hate Konoha?" Tobi asked.

"The Konoha-Iwa War. That village was my first enemy. The reason I grew up on the streets, un." Tobi didn't remember much about that war. It fell during that blurry part of his past that he couldn't recall. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to hold Deidara's hands, but he didn't want to risk waking up Sharingan Kakashi with the movement.

"I never even blew up anything in the Land of Fire. Never got around to going there. I hated them, and I would've blown them sky high if I'd had the chance, but I didn't, and they're still the ones to capture me. Strange, huh?" Deidara almost laughed.

"Sempai…"

"If it was Suna, or Iwa, or one of the villages I blew to pieces, it'd make sense. But Konoha? Fate is doing this just to spite me, un. All that time I wanted to die, no one could catch me; then, just when I started liking my life, fucking Konoha ninja show up to take it away." The last part was muttered to himself, but Tobi heard it nonetheless.

"Sempai, I won't let them kill you. I have Zetsu-san's jutsu, remember? You have nothing to worry about," he reassured Deidara.

"Worry about yourself, Tobi. I don't need your help."

Tobi was silent for a moment. "Does that mean you have a plan, sempai?"

"Yeah, I guess I do. So get out of Konoha as soon as you can and don't interfere with it, moron," Deidara instructed.

"Is your plan stupid and possibly suicidal?" the masked man asked.

Deidara didn't say anything. "I'm not stupid, sempai. I figured you might try to do something like that. That's why I'm not going to leave you. We'll get back to Thorn together." He looked around. Yamato was facing the woods, giving them privacy, and the rest were sleeping. He lifted his mask and shifted so the faint moonlight illuminated his face. "Remember, sempai? Us against the world," he smiled.

"You're a fucking idiot, un," Deidara replied.

……………………………………………………………………………..

The sun rose in Konoha on Umino Iruka's day off. A hawk tapped at the glass pane of his window, waking him up. He saw the Hokage's message and dressed with a minimal amount of grumbling.

He stole a cup of coffee from the pot in the Hokage's office and nursed the scalding liquid until he felt a little more awake.

Shizune, already awake and working on Tsunade-sama's paperwork, beckoned him to the Hokage's inner office.

"Tsunade-sama says she wants to see both of us," she explained. Iruka nodded.

"What is this about?" he asked. He had classes in two days, so it was unlikely he'd be sent on a mission.

"I don't know. I guess we'll see," the assistant said, and opened the door.

The Hokage was dozing over a huge stack of papers. As Shizune coughed sharply to wake the sannin, Iruka got the impression that Tsunade would've still been in bed if Shizune hadn't dragged her in to work.

"Oh, Iruka-kun, Shizune," she yawned. "I got a message from Team Kakashi."

"Are they ok? Naruto hasn't been hurt, has he?" Iruka gasped. Tsunade shook her head blearily.

"They're fine. I've called both of you to advise me on a very sensitive issue," the Hokage explained. She held up a note that Iruka recognized from Naruto's descriptions of his new teammate Sai's jutsu.

"Team Kakashi will be bringing in two prisoners later today. One of them is Akatsuki," Tsunade paused. "And the other, Kakashi believes may be Uchiha Obito."

……………………………………………………………

AN: We'll get past this boring stuff next chapter, and get to the exciting parts soon. Maybe then I'll have the inspiration I need to get the chapter out in a timely fashion.

Oh, ps: Reviews equal forms of inspiration. Reviews equal happy author, which equals faster updates and better writing. Not that I'm shamelessly begging, or anything…


	17. Chapter 17

Sculpting for Dummies

An: So, this is officially my longest fic, both chapter-wise and word-wise. But the end is coming up in the foreseeable future. And for all of those readers who think I'm going to do the artistic thing and have a beautifully touching tragic ending reverberating with social commentary and beckoning readers to stand up to and fight the circumstances that drove the characters to their demises (war, poverty, etc.), just know that I'm not that artistic. I loves the fluff, and my endings are always happy and fluffy. Have faith, dear readers (and who knows; if ya'll are terribly disappointed, maybe I'll do an alternate ending of the tragic type…we'll see. I've got KakaIru Christmas themes coming up soon, so I'll be busy)

Chapter 17:

Tobi looked up at the looming wall that surrounded the Hidden Village of Konoha. This was it. Soon he'd meet with the Hokage and bargain for his sempai's life. Tobi's stomach churned with nervousness.

"We shouldn't be seen escorting you inside. We'll have to sneak you two in," Yamato told them.

"If you take off your mask, no one will know who you are and we'll only have to worry about getting Deidara in," Kakashi commented.

"I'm not showing you my face for free. Only if you let Deidara go," Tobi declared. He was going to need every bit of bargaining power he had to keep the blond off of the execution block, and Kakashi's fascination with his face was something he was more than willing to exploit.

Kakashi sighed. "Naruto, Sai, wait out here. The prisoners can enter disguised as you. I'll send out shadow clones to tell you when to come back in. You can say you dropped something by the gate and needed to retrieve it."

The two teens nodded. Kakashi approached Tobi while Yamato drew closer to Deidara. The jounin used a jutsu and Tobi saw himself looking at Sai instead of Deidara.

"Why do I have to be the creepy one, un?" his sempai's voice asked from Sai's body.

Tobi looked down at himself. He was clad in orange and black. "Because I'm too hyper to be a convincing Sai, and you wouldn't be able to bounce around like Naruto."

"At least you still look like an artist," Sakura consoled. Deidara/Sai looked away and snorted.

"Let's go. You don't have to stay like that for long. Just keep quiet and don't blow our cover. We won't able to negotiate for anything if the villagers find out you're here. They'll demand an execution," Yamato warned.

Tobi concentrated on walking how he thought Naruto usually walked. He couldn't afford to give them away. Yamato stayed close to Deidara, cutting off any route of escape. Kakashi followed closely behind Tobi. Sakura stayed at a distance, where she wouldn't get caught in the middle if a fight were to break out. The group walked through the gates of Konoha.

…………………………………………………………………………..

Kakashi wished he could have seen Tobi's real face, but he settled for watching his facial reactions projected on Naruto's face by his jutsu. The Copy Ninja monitored his prisoner carefully. Every response Tobi made to Konoha might offer clues to his identity.

Naruto's blue eyes were wide, and they swept across the streets quickly, calculating. They wouldn't find any hope of escape, if that was what they were looking for.

"Have you ever been in Konoha before?" Kakashi asked. Naruto/Tobi hissed at him.

"Shh! I'm supposed to be Naruto!" he whispered sharply. Kakashi looked around. The sun was barely up, and there was no one on the streets on the outskirts of town. They probably wouldn't see a soul until they were in sight of the Hokage's mansion.

"I won't give you away. Besides, Naruto is never that quiet. People will be suspicious if you aren't talking."

"What do I say?" the man asked, trying his hand at a Naruto-like voice. He had the growl down right, but the pitch was too deep. People would probably think he has a cold.

"Whatever you want. No one ever listens to what Naruto says. They hear him talking and ignore him," Kakashi explained.

"So you can just be yourself, un," Deidara snickered.

"At least I won't have to comment on people's penises if they talk to me," Tobi shot back. Deidara/Sai blanched.

"Hurry up and you won't have to talk to anyone," Yamato snapped. The group hurried down the road toward the center of the village.

"There's the Hokage Monument. What do you think of it?" Kakashi asked Tobi. The man looked up at the faces on the mountain and stared for a moment.

"It looks crowded up there," he remarked. Was that what Obito would think? In his time, there had only been three faces carved in the rock…

"That's where we're going," the silver haired man whispered and gestured to the large building that housed the Hokage's offices. "Run a little bit ahead and act impatient."

Tobi followed his orders and flung open the door to the building. He turned and waved at the others to hurry up. The man made a convincing Naruto, all in all.

The three Konoha ninja and two former Akatsuki members entered the building and waited for judgment.

…………………………………………………………………………

Iruka sat on Tsunade's left side. Shizune was on the right. They all sat at a long table, waiting for their audience with the Akatsuki members and the lost Uchiha. Iruka didn't know what to expect of the encounter.

Team Kakashi entered the room, and Iruka noticed that Naruto didn't smile at him and beg for ramen. Something was amiss.

"Tsunade-sama, is this room secure?" Kakashi asked. Beside him, Tsunade nodded. The Copy Ninja made the signs for the dispelling jutsu. Naruto disappeared in a cloud of smoke, leaving a man in an orange mask standing in his place. Yamato did the same with Sai, who morphed into Deidara. He looked…young. Older than his wanted picture, which had been taken a few years ago, but still…too young to be a wanted criminal. Then again, he was probably around Itachi's age.

"I'll send clones to bring back Naruto and Sai," Yamato said. He summoned two shadow clones, which he transformed into the likeness of the two students. The clones hopped out the door and away on their mission.

The two prisoners stood and waited for Tsunade to speak. The sannin leaned forward and rested her chin on her hands.

"State your names," she ordered.

"Deidara, un," the blond stated.

"Tobi," the masked man muttered.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "No last names?" she asked.

"I don't remember. Tobi is the only name Zetsu-san gave me," the dark haired man offered apologetically. The blond huffed.

"My parents never did anything for me. Why should I keep their name, un?" he scoffed. Iruka recognized the anger of the reaction; he'd seen many orphans direct anger at dead loved ones, rather than accept the loss. God, this Akatsuki member was just a child, a hurt child.

"I see," Tsunade replied. "Yamato, Kakashi, escort them to the basement and tell Kotetsu and Izumo to guard them. Tell them it's a code 14, they'll understand. Then return and we'll discuss the prisoner's interrogation." A code 14, Iruka recalled from his training, meant that his chuunin coworkers would stand outside of the room and guard the high-security prisoners without ever seeing their faces or knowing their identities. It was usually used when doing interrogations that the Konoha administration would never acknowledge.

Tobi fidgeted as he was led away, but Deidara walked steadily, with a strange sort of dignity. That young and already resigned to death. Iruka's heart hurt just thinking about it.

"Tsunade-sama," Sakura began when her team leaders ushered the captives out, "if I could have a word with you…"

"Go ahead, Sakura. Shizune and Iruka-kun are my trusted advisors," Tsunade said.

Sakura took a deep breath. "Tsunade-sama, I don't think Deidara and Tobi are evil and they care about each other and if we execute Deidara or put him in prison and they can't see each other any more, it'll ruin both their lives and it wouldn't be fair." She made her entire argument on that single breath, and when she finished, she was flushed.

"Tell me why you think this," the sannin ordered. Sakura explained what she'd seen on the journey home from the Land of Forest. The young medic noted the way they interacted with one another, how they protected each other from harm, and offered her opinions on what should be done with them.

"I'll consider what you've told me. You're dismissed now. If you see Naruto or Sai, send them here. I'll need to hear what they think as well," Tsunade said. Sakura bowed and left the room.

Waiting for Yamato and Kakashi to return and brief them on the Akatsuki's capture, Iruka felt a stab of pride for his former student. Despite the training she had undergone, she hadn't become a heartless tool. Sakura had held on to humanity enough to believe that even an S-ranked criminal could be redeemed. The chuunin hoped that the Iwa ninja wouldn't give her reason to regret the faith she placed in him.

……………………………………………………………………………

"We'll, this basement is considerably nicer than the last one we were in, sempai." Tobi paced the length of their new prison. A futon lay folded in one corner, and there was a single chair pulled up to a desk built into the wall. The accommodations were more fit for a single person than two, but there was light and no immediate threat of splinters.

"Shut the hell up, un," Deidara growled. Tobi shouldn't have been in this basement at all. He should've escaped when Deidara had given him that opening.

"And at least this time you aren't unconscious," Tobi murmured.

Deidara thought he'd spent far too much time unconscious since he and Tobi had left Akatsuki. "When I get my chakra back, I'll make sure _you're_ the one who's knocked out, bastard," he vowed. But he doubted he'd ever get the chance.

"I wonder what they're talking about up there," Tobi mused. He unfolded the futon and flopped down on it.

Deidara snorted. "You haven't figured it out? They're talking about you, idiot. That bastard Sharingan Kakashi has been trying to figure out who you are since he caught us, un."

"Is that what he's been doing?" Tobi asked. Could he be that oblivious?

"You know he has. And you're going to use that, Tobi. Be who they think you are and get your ass out of this basement, un."

Tobi scooted over to the far edge of the futon and patted the space beside him. "Come sit down, sempai," he said.

"They could be watching," Deidara protested. The Konoha ninja could be listening, too, but that couldn't be helped. If he didn't spell it out to Tobi what the masked man needed to do, Tobi would mess it up and get himself killed trying to save Deidara.

"Where are they watching from?" Tobi asked skeptically. Deidara nodded toward the only decoration on the Spartan walls; a small framed mirror.

"It's a two-way mirror. They could be on the other side and see everything that happens in this room, un," the artist explained.

"Don't be paranoid, sempai," Tobi chided. Deidara walked over to the mirror and tried to take the mirror off of the wall. The frame was built into the room. He raised an eyebrow at Tobi. "Ok, maybe it is. But does it really matter? I just want you to sit down so we can talk without me craning my neck," Tobi whined.

Deidara's legs were tired from the walking they'd done all week. The chair looked hard and uncomfortable.

"Fine, un," he said. The artist sat gingerly on the edge of the futon. He tried to keep his body from touching Tobi's, but the taller man latched onto him and made his struggles futile. Deidara let his muscles relax and sink into the cushions.

"Sempai, just let me take care of dealing with the Konoha ninja, ok? I have better…people skills, and if they think I'm someone they know, that'll work in my favor. All you have to do is be polite when they speak to you and stop trying to make them hate you. Can you do that?" Tobi asked. He brushed Deidara's hair out of his eyes and made the artist look straight at him. Deidara frowned and looked away.

"I won't pick any fights, but if those Konoha nins start something, I'm not going to put up with it, un," he growled. Tobi nodded.

"I wouldn't ask you to do that, sempai. If anyone insults you, I'll be the first one to start throwing punches," the dark-haired man smirked. Deidara didn't doubt that he would. And if anyone other than himself did anything to harm Tobi, Deidara wouldn't hesitate to kick their asses. It was strange; before, Deidara had never had anyone who would stand up for him, and he would never have guessed he would risk himself to help another person. He wondered if Tobi even realized how much he had changed Deidara.

"I…I…" Deidara stuttered, realizing after he spoke that he didn't know what he was trying to say. "I'm sorry we didn't get to finish what we started in the forest, un," he settled on.

Tobi's hand slid from its perch on his hair onto his chest and kept heading south. "We could fix that right now, sempai," he murmured into Deidara's ear in a low voice.

Deidara seized Tobi's wrist, still encircled with chakra cuffs, though they weren't linked together, and ceased its movements. "Two way mirror," he reminded his partner.

Tobi sighed. "When we get out of here, then," he promised. He snuggled closer into Deidara's side and began toying with his hair again. And only because he knew his death was inevitable and there wasn't a point in worrying about his pride or what the Konoha ninja thought of him, Deidara let his arms snake around Tobi. This could be the last opportunity, after all. The artist let the masked man's body heat warm him completely.

………………………………………………………………………….

An: short, I know. These chapters are slow to write. I can only take the Konoha/DeiTobi interaction in small amounts. It's draining to write, although I couldn't tell you why.

Fun with spell-check: DeiTobi changes into deltoid.


	18. Chapter 18

Sculpting for Dummies

Chapter 18:

"I'm almost certain he has a sharingan eye under that mask. I saw red when he was concentrating, and the abilities he has only confirms it," Kakashi explained during his briefing. Iruka turned toward the Hokage to hear her reaction.

"I'm not saying he's not an Uchiha, Kakashi. I'm only suggesting that we consider the possibility that he isn't Obito. He could be a bastard fathered while one of the Uchiha was on a mission, or a member of the branch family who escaped the massacre. Why do you think he's Obito?" Tsunade asked. Shizune nodded from the other side of the table. They thought the Copy Ninja's theory was wishful thinking.

Iruka didn't really care who Tobi was. From what he had heard, Tobi wasn't a criminal, and Iruka thought that there were more important issues that needed consideration. An S-ranked criminal was waiting in the basement, and they were arguing about Hatake Kakashi's dead teammate?

"He acts like Obito. He said something to me that Obito told me sixteen years ago. He's the right age, something happened to him to make him lose his memories at the same time Obito disappeared, and he keeps his left eye covered. It can't all be a coincident," Kakashi reasoned.

"Hokage-sama, can't we just run a blood test and move on to more important matters?" Iruka suggested.

Kakashi stared at him after he interrupted. What was he looking at? Did he think Iruka was in the Hokage's office just to look pretty? The chuunin had thought Kakashi had learned that he spoke his mind after their argument at the chuunin exams three years ago. The jounin was apparently a slow learner.

The door to the office flew open. "Tsunade-baa-chan, I'm here!" Naruto cried as he burst into the room. Sai followed behind, without the bouncing and shouting.

"Naruto, Sai, I want your opinions of the prisoners you escorted here," Tsunade ordered.

"What do you mean, Hokage-sama?" the young artist asked. From what Iruka had heard about the boy from Naruto, it was a good thing he took cues from his teachers on how to refer to the Hokage, instead of mimicking Naruto or making up his own 'nickname'.

"If it were up to you, what would you have done with them?" the sannin clarified. "Do you think they should be executed, imprisoned, released, or what?"

The boys were silent for a moment as they thought.

"I think you should let them go. Deidara is a talented artist, and you shouldn't kill artists, especially pretty ones. And you'd have to let Tobi go too, because they have butt-sex together and have a relationship. Those types of bonds shouldn't be broken," Sai proclaimed.

Tsunade blinked. Shizune blushed. Iruka wasn't sure how to react. What kind of line of reasoning was that? Had Kakashi and Yamato allowed the children to see the prisoners having butt-sex together? If they had, Iruka had some strongly worded complaints to give them later…

"Ahem…what do you think, Naruto-kun?" Shizune asked the blond boy. Naruto scratched his head.

"I…I don't know what you should do with them. Deidara tried to kill Gaara, but Gaara's ok, so I guess that doesn't matter so much any more…and Sakura-chan thinks we should let them go, and she's smarter than I am…I don't know. As long as we find out where Sasuke is, I don't care. They don't seem like bad guys any more, though," Naruto added.

"I want an opinion from the whole team, Naruto. If I give you some time, can you come up with an answer?" Tsunade asked the boy.

"Could I talk to them?" Naruto asked. The Hokage nodded her assent.

"Ok, then. I'll talk to them and come back," the boy proclaimed. He ran out of the room without waiting for a dismissal.

"Sai, you can go home now," Shizune told the artist. "We need to speak with your team leaders."

………………………………………………………………………….

"So if this Tobi turns out to be Obito, or even another Uchiha, what are we supposed to do with him?" Tsunade wondered aloud. Kakashi spoke up.

"We make him stay here until his memory returns. Give him the Uchiha mansion, or someplace else to stay if it's too run down. He could stay with me until we find him a house. This is his home. We should welcome him back," he explained.

"And Deidara?" the Hokage prompted. Underneath his mask, Kakashi frowned. Tobi wouldn't remember anything with the artist around; the dark haired man's mind was monopolized by Deidara's presence.

"He couldn't stay here. We send him back to Iwa, or jail. Away from here."

"I'm sure Tobi will appreciate that," Iruka drawled. Kakashi respected the chuunin as his student's old sensei, but did he ever shut up? "Do you honestly think he'll stay here in Konoha if we send his lover to certain death? If he is an Uchiha and want to establish a connection between him and the village, we aren't going to be able to just ship Deidara off to prison. This has to be handled a little more delicately than that," the brunet argued.

"Iruka-san is right. It wouldn't be wise to burn that bridge," Yamato agreed.

Kakashi looked at his teammate with disbelief. "Do you expect me to condone the release of an Akatsuki member? We can't let him go!"

"Are you concerned for the public or are you afraid that when he leaves, Tobi will leave as well?" Iruka asked.

"Once he remembers, Obito will stay in his village," the copy ninja hissed.

"If he is Obito, he might," Iruka responded. Kakashi wished there was a way to shut him up that wouldn't get Kakashi kicked out of the Hokage's office.

The door flung open a second time, and once again, Naruto popped his head in the room. This time, he carried a stunned-looking puppy in his arms. Kakashi winced as he imagined Naruto running through the village with the poor thing.

"Tsunade-baa-chan, where are Deidara and Tobi? I have a plan to figure out if they're evil or not!" he exclaimed. The puppy whimpered as the hyper teen bounced around the room.

"What's your plan, Naruto?" Iruka asked.

The boy held up the puppy for his sensei to inspect. "See how cute it is, Iruka-sensei?" The chuunin nodded. "You like it because you're a good person. Only someone really evil wouldn't like a puppy like this one. So if Deidara doesn't like it, I'll know that he didn't change like Gaara did and he's still bad."

Iruka nodded. Kakashi snorted. Did the chuunin approve of everyone but Kakashi? It pissed him off that he could smile and nod at Naruto's crazy plan. (If Kakashi had asked Naruto what he was planning, he knew the boy wouldn't have told him, which only made him glare harder at the chuunin.)

Tsunade scribbled a note on a scroll and handed it to the boy. "They're in a basement. Give this to Kotetsu and Izumo and they'll let you in to see them," she said. Naruto copied one of Gai's 'nice guy' poses and ran off for the second time.

Shizune, Tsunade, Yamato, Iruka, and Kakashi all stared at the door as it slammed closed behind Naruto.

…………………………………………………………………………………..

The two Akatsuki members jumped and scrambled to untangle their limbs when Naruto flew into their cell with the puppy he'd borrowed from one of Konohamaru's friends. They broke apart from their cuddling and stood to face him.

"What do you-" Deidara stopped abruptly when he saw the puppy Naruto was holding. He frowned and backed away.

"Get that _disgusting beast_ away from me, un," he growled.

Naruto held the dog out toward the criminal. "You don't think it's cute?" he asked. Was Sakura-chan wrong? She was smarter than he was about people, but Deidara couldn't be a good person and not think the cuddly little ball of fur he was carrying was adorable.

"No, it's foul. Get it out, un," the artist replied through gritted teeth.

Well, that answered Naruto's question. Deidara was obviously still a bad guy.

Tobi stepped forward and scratched behind the creature's ears. It yapped and turned its head to allow Tobi a better angle.

"It's not that he doesn't think it's cute; Deidara's allergic," the masked man whispered.

Naruto stole a glance at the artist. His face was turning red, and he kept his mouth tightly shut. He looked like he was trying hard not to breathe.

"So he doesn't hate it?" Naruto asked.

Tobi shrugged. "I don't know. But almost anything with fur makes him sneeze. He was originally supposed to go after the kyuubi, but he had to switch with Itachi-san because he can't fight if he can't breathe. The ichibi was made out of sand, so it didn't bother him," Tobi explained.

"Get that damned animal ou-choo!" Deidara half shouted, hand sneezed. Naruto watched the Iwa ninja struggle for composure for a moment. He turned and left. He could still hear Deidara's sneezes as he walked down the hallway.

…………………………………………………………………….

Tsunade let Kakashi finish telling the group his observations about Tobi and Deidara before she turned to Yamato.

"Do you have anything to add?" she asked the jounin.

"Not really," Yamato admitted. "They were well behaved after we captured them, and more concerned with trading information with you than trying to escape."

The Hokage nodded. "Do you have an opinion on what I should do with them?" she asked him.

"I suggest you see what they want in exchange for their information. If their demands aren't unreasonable, treat them like you would any informant."

Yamato yawned, and Tsunade could see the exhaustion on his face. "I'll consider it. You can go home now, Tenzou," she said. The jounin smiled gratefully.

He opened the door to leave, but had to jump back as Naruto barreled in unannounced for the third time. He still held the frazzled puppy.

"Did you find out what you needed to know, Naruto?" the sannin asked. Naruto nodded.

"Did he like your puppy?" Iruka asked. The chuunin reached out and took the animal from the boy and stroked it. It calmed down and settled into his arms.

"No," Naruto replied.

"So we shouldn't let him go?" Shizune continued.

"No…yes…we should."

"Why do you say that?" Tsunade wondered.

Naruto sighed. "I thought if he didn't like the puppy, he must be bad. And he didn't like it, but that wasn't the reason why. And if I jumped to conclusions about him because he was allergic to animals, then maybe we're jumping to conclusions about him because he's in Akatsuki," the blond explained.

"That's very astute," Iruka told his student. Tsunade nodded. Naruto used a strange logic, but he was usually a good judge of character. He had ways of seeing people that most couldn't understand.

"You can go now, brat. Make sure you knock next time," she ordered. Naruto flushed a little, but collected the puppy from his old sensei and left. Yamato followed him out the door.

"Bring the prisoners up and then you're free to leave, Tenzou," Tsunade called after him. He sighed and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'slave driver'. "We'll find out whether we've been misjudging them or not."

………………………………………………………………………………

Yamato brought the prisoners up to the Hokage's office and took his leave. Iruka watched Tobi shuffle nervously. Deidara's face was flushed and his eyes were watery and red; the allergic reaction Naruto had mentioned, Iruka thought.

"Are you ready to bargain for our information?" the masked man asked the Hokage.

"Not yet. We want to ask you some questions before we decide if we want to bargain with ex-Akatsuki members," Tsunade responded. "Since you're more talkative, we'll start with you. Where do you come from, and why did you join Akatsuki?"

"I'm not going to tell you anything until I have a guarantee of sempai's safety," Tobi protested.

"I can't offer that yet. I can give you my promise that I will do everything in my power to keep him from execution, if that will suffice. We'll make our real bargains later," the sannin offered. Tobi nodded hesitantly.

"I don't know where I came from," the ninja reconfirmed what he had told them before. "Zetsu-san found me when I was about twelve or thirteen, and he took me in as his subordinate. I joined Akatsuki because the two most important people to me were members, and I wanted to be closer to them."

Deidara made a snorting sound at that. More allergies, or a reaction to Tobi's words, Iruka wondered.

"And these two people were…?" Shizune prompted.

"Zetsu-san and Deidara-sempai, of course," Tobi answered.

"What did you do in Akatsuki?" Tsunade inquired.

"I caught the three-tailed turtle," Deidara snorted again, "…with sempai's help," Tobi added. "I scouted with sempai, and I followed him when he fought Uchiha Sasuke. I wasn't in for very long, so I guess that's it."

"Have you ever killed anyone?" Kakashi asked him. Tobi didn't answer for a moment.

"I don't know. I might have, before I can remember…and there was one time with some bandits that kidnapped sempai…I fought them in the dark, and I was drunk. I've never killed on purpose, but I could have accidentally…"

Tsunade turned from Tobi to Deidara. Iruka knew the masked man was innocent in her mind, and if he was Obito, she'd let him stay in the village. Tobi required no more interrogation. Deidara, on the other hand…this interview could affect whether he was sent to the executioner or spared. The young man didn't look nervous, though. His face was still, emotionless.

"And you?" the Hokage asked him. "Have you killed anyone?"

It was an absurd question. Everyone in the room knew about the bombs he'd dropped on Suna, his history of terrorism, his explosive 'art'. But the question would lead to more questions, delving deeper into the artist's past. Iruka didn't envy Deidara.

"Yes."

"Who?" Tsunade challenged.

"A lot of people, un," the blond stated nonchalantly. Beside him, Tobi gestured at him to stop talking.

"Who was the first?"

Deidara paused. His eyes flicked to Tobi and back straight forward. He didn't want to list his crimes in front of his lover. "…my Academy class…" he finally admitted.

Shizune gasped. "All of them?" The medical jounin looked a little queasy. Iruka felt it too. An Academy class…thirty odd students, about nine or ten years old, like the ones he taught every day.

"Why?" he asked. Deidara didn't answer. Tobi tried to make Deidara look at him, but the Iwa ninja kept his gaze pointedly away from him.

"To test my art, un," he said finally. There was a defiant pride in his voice. Maybe he wasn't misunderstood. Maybe he really was evil.

"I don't think that's why you did it. Tell us the real reason," Tsunade demanded.

"If you want to know where Uchiha Sasuke is, either make a deal with me or torture me. I won't play these fucking games with you, un," he growled.

"In due time," the Hokage promised, not saying which she planned to do. Iruka hoped, despite the man's crimes, that it wouldn't be the second. "We'll talk about something else then. Where did you grow up?"

"Iwa." The blond spat out the name with disgust.

"And you were an orphan?"

"…yes…"

"Before the war, or during?"

"Before."

"So you grew up in an orphanage?"

"For a while, un."

"What did your guardians think when you killed your classmates?"

The artist crossed his arms and snorted. "I didn't have any," he declared.

The Hokage raised an eyebrow. "How old were you? Nine, ten?"

"Nine." Beside Deidara, Tobi squirmed. Iruka wondered if he had known about the murders, what he thought about them.

"And you had no one taking care of you?"

"No. Iwa didn't care about the throwaways. They didn't even investigate the explosion that killed them, un."

Tsunade nodded. "So you had to take care of yourself. Is that why you killed your classmates?"

Deidara's head dipped down in a near-imperceptible nod. "I had to stop them from hurting me, un," he whispered.

…………………………………………………………………

"What did they do to you?" the pigtailed woman asked Deidara. The artist shook his head and didn't answer. Tobi wanted to shout at her to stop asking these questions. Couldn't she see it was hurting sempai to remember, to say it out loud. Deidara had never even spoken to Tobi about his past. It wasn't any business of the Konoha ninja.

"Answer me. What did they do?" the Hokage asked again. Deidara looked over at Tobi briefly, but turned forward again before Tobi could give him an encouraging gesture.

"Tell me what they did," the woman demanded. Deidara's body shook, but he stood up straight and looked into her eyes, still not answering. Every inch of him was screaming defiance. The dark-haired woman beside the Hokage sighed impatiently. They wouldn't use really use torture if Deidara wouldn't answer, would they?

"Leave him alone!" Tobi shouted at them. "He doesn't want to talk about it, and it doesn't have anything to do with Sasuke."

"Shut up, Tobi, un," Deidara muttered to him, still watching the Konoha ninja.

The Hokage looked at each of her advisors and communicated silently with each of them. Kakashi stood up and transported himself behind Tobi. The silver haired man placed a hand on his shoulder and turned him to the door.

"Come with me," he ordered. Tobi wrenched out of his grasps and latched on to Deidara.

"I'm not leaving sempai alone with you. Anything you do to him, you do to me," he yelled.

"Just go, idiot. I don't want you here, un," the blond hissed at him. Tobi's arms jerked back like they'd been burned.

"But sempai…I can't protect you if I'm not here," Tobi whimpered. Deidara pushed him toward the door. Kakashi guided him out into the hallway.

"I won't let you people hurt my sempai," Tobi swore. He jabbed a finger into Kakashi's chest. "Do you hear that? If you even touch him, I'll make all of you regret it!"

The Copy Ninja held his hands up concedingly. "We aren't going to hurt him. We're just questioning him."

Tobi huffed. "If they're just questioning him, why did they send me out of the room?" he pointed out. They didn't have him fooled.

Kakashi rubbed his temples. "Do you know what went on in Iwa during the war?" Tobi shook his head. The war fell during that chunk of his childhood that was completely missing in his memory. "It wasn't a place you'd want to be. Deidara didn't want to talk about it with you there. He wouldn't have said anything else as long as you were there listening."

Tobi frowned. "What…what wouldn't sempai have wanted me to know? What happened in Iwa?"

Kakashi didn't answer. Tobi's breathe quickened. What had they done to Deidara, to make him kill his classmates and join the Akatsuki to escape? What had happened to him that Deidara wouldn't tell him about? He couldn't help his sempai if he didn't know what was wrong!

Kakashi grabbed a handful of Tobi's sleeve and pulled him down the hallway. "In here," he murmured, and opened the door to a small room filled with stacks of books. He shuffled through the books until he found the one he was looking for. He handed the slim hardback to Tobi.

'The War Orphans of Iwa: the Silent Victims of the Konoha/Iwa War' the title read. Tobi flipped it open to the introduction with dread.

"You can read that in the basement. I need to get back to the Hokage," Kakashi interrupted him. He led Tobi back to the cell in the basement and left him with the book.

'_Driven out of the orphanages and foster homes during a time of poverty and depression, forced into lives filled with hunger and despair, left alone to become thieves and child prostitutes, Iwa's young war orphans became the forgotten victims of a devastating war,'_ the introduction began.

Tobi blinked back tears of concern for his partner, and turned the page.

…………………………………………………………………………………

AN: God, I've been so busy this last week, and I haven't even started with the papers I have to write. I apologize for the delay with this chapter. I really tried to have it finished by Sunday night, but it keep getting longer and I didn't want to cut this chapter short.

And if you want to know more about Deidara's past and how he got to where he is now, there's a side story that goes along with this one, called 'What Deidara didn't tell Tobi', if you haven't been following along. I'll warn you, though, it's not very happy. If you don't want to read it, you can just use your imaginations.


	19. Chapter 19

Sculpting for Dummies

An: Sorry that this chapter took so long. Classes were ending last week, so I had papers to write. The good news is, the way my exams are falling the next two weeks, I should have plenty of time to get the next couple of chapters written.

Chapter 19:

When Deidara finally finished telling them the story of his life, Iruka didn't know what to say. A thick, stifling silence fell over the Hokage's office. The artist remained standing, but his shoulders sagged with exhaustion. Now that Iruka knew the weight they had borne, he wanted to guide the young blond to a chair and let him rest. His past didn't justify his crimes, but it explained them, and Iruka couldn't honestly convince himself that he would have acted differently under the circumstances. The chuunin's life had been hard enough as an orphan in a loving community; Deidara's abusive and poverty stricken village must have been immeasurably worse…

"Can I go back to my cell now, un?" the Iwa ninja asked shakily. His voice was hoarse from the long history he'd narrated.

Tsunade nodded. "Shizune, escort him to the basement," she ordered. "But give him a minute to collect himself before you put him back in there with Tobi," she added in a whisper.

The medical ninja guided Deidara out of the room and slid the door closed. Tsunade turned to Iruka and Kakashi. "Well," she sighed. "What should I do with them?"

"We can't send him back to Iwa, Hokage-sama. They might have a claim to him, but even he doesn't deserve what they'd do to him. It wouldn't be justice, it'd be cruelty," Iruka exclaimed. She nodded.

"That means we won't be able to extradite him anywhere, though. Wherever we send him, Iwa will hear about it and want to get their hands on him. We won't be able to officially do anything with him," Tsunade pointed out.

"It's a good thing he's not officially here, then," Iruka said.

"You didn't answer my question, though. You've told me what not to do with him, but not what I should do."

Iruka thought for a moment. "I have an idea, but I need to observe the prisoners more before I'll know whether it's plausible."

Tsunade nodded. "You know where the hidden window is. Find out what you need to know and help me figure out what to do with that boy. And you, Kakashi?" she asked the silent Copy Ninja.

"I don't care what you do with him. Just don't hurt Obito in the process," the silver haired ninja said.

"Kakashi, go with Iruka and watch them. See if you can discover Tobi's identity, and come to some sort of agreement with Iruka over what to do with them," she ordered. Iruka frowned. An agreement with Kakashi? The jounin was too stubborn to listen to reason, and all he cared about was fooling himself into believing that his dead friend was still alive.

"Fine," Kakashi agreed. Well, if the Copy Ninja thought he could manipulate Iruka into making a wrong decision about what to do with the prisoners, he was about to find out differently.

……………………………………………………………………

The book had only taken Tobi an hour to read, but he continued staring at it for long after that. There was a timeline in the appendix that detailed the changes in Iwa that pertained to the orphans. Tobi's mind kept reminding him how the entries related to Deidara. The 'orphans removed from village orphanages to make room for clan members' became 'Deidara loses his home', 'budget allotted to care of orphans cut' meant 'Deidara goes hungry'…he had to stop reading. Tobi stuffed the book under the futon.

He wondered how Deidara was doing in the room upstairs. Was this the story he was telling them? (Why hadn't Deidara ever told him?) What was he supposed to do when Deidara came down? Pretend like he didn't know? If Deidara didn't want him knowing, that might be for the best.

Footsteps in the hallway tore Tobi away from his train of thought. The door to his cell opened, and Deidara staggered in, pale and tired. Tobi forgot any thought of the book and whether or not he should know what he knew; he ran to his sempai's side and wrapped his arms around him.

"Are you ok?" he asked. Deidara slumped against him and let his head rest on Tobi's shoulder. Crap, that meant it was bad. He didn't usually lean on Tobi so fully.

"'m fine," the blond murmured. "Stop squirming, un."

Tobi held himself still and supported Deidara's weight. "W-what did they want to know, sempai?" he asked, because the artist would be expecting him to ask something like that, and he didn't want him to be suspicious. Maybe he would confide in Tobi; there was always a faint chance.

"My past, my art, people I killed, un," the artist replied vaguely. He made a strangled chuckle. "Now they're probably gonna execute me, un,"

"Don't laugh about things like that! If you die, I'll die too, sempai!"

Deidara's head moved off of his shoulder and all at once he was shoving Tobi away from him. "So you'd just fucking throw your life away? You god damned moron! Don't say things like that, un," he hissed.

……………………………………………………………………………

Iruka and Kakashi stood side by side, peering into the window that overlooked the basement cell. They could hear the argument that the prisoners were having on the other side, although quieter sounds were lost.

"Sempai, it's true. I won't let you be alone anymore."

Deidara's eyes widened. "You're stupider that I thought, Tobi. Do you think I'd do the same for you? Think I'd die for you? Because I wouldn't! I couldn't care less if you sacrificed yourself for me, as long as I got what I wanted, un," the artist said coldly.

"That's harsh," Iruka muttered to himself.

On the other side of the two-way glass, Tobi shook his head. "That's a lie, sempai. You've been trying to trade your life to save mine ever since we got captured," the masked man revealed.

"Why should I make a sacrifice for you when you're just going to throw it away, un? I'm not stupid like you."

Kakashi moved a little to the side to see Tobi better, and bumped into Iruka. "Sorry," he mumbled without looking at the chuunin.

Iruka groaned, but moved back. He looked at the window from over Kakashi's shoulder.

"So I'm stupid for wanting to save you?" Tobi asked angrily.

"Yes. There's no reason for you to get involved. I'm not afraid of dying," Deidara argued.

Tobi shook his masked head in disbelief. "No reason? Sempai, sometimes I think you're just as dumb as I am." He stepped forward and hugged Deidara once more. The blond didn't return the embrace, but he didn't struggle against it either. He just let Tobi hold him.

………………………………………………………………….

The interrogation with the Konoha ninja had sapped Deidara's energy. He felt like the words had bled out of him rather than been spoken by his reluctant tongue. Now that it had been drained away, he felt empty, like a shell of a person. He let Tobi hold him up because otherwise he wasn't sure he could keep standing.

"I promise I'll protect you, sempai. No one will ever hurt you again," Tobi whispered to him. The words were what he expected from Tobi, but the way he said them sounded…strange.

"Tobi, what's going on, un?" he asked. Tobi's arms tightened around him. Was he acting more clingy than normal? Deidara was too tired to think.

"Nothing," Tobi replied. Deidara nodded. He'd think about it later.

"Sleep, un?" he asked. Tobi half-dragged, half-led him to the futon and lowered him down onto the cushions. The artist lay down on a lump.

"What the hell, un?" he asked sleepily. His hand groped under the futon and found the source of the protrusion.

"A book?" Deidara pulled it out and glanced at the title. His mind woke up immediately.

"Tobi, what the fuck is this?" he growled. Tobi tried to take the book from him.

"It's nothing. Kakashi gave it to me to read. He thought I might want to know more about it," the brunet explained. The same strangeness was there in his voice, only now Deidara could recognize it- pity.

"I'll _kill_ you for reading this, un!" He yelled. Tobi took a step back. He held up his hands imploringly.

"Sempai, please, it's just a book. I just wanted to know more about you," he pleaded. He dodged the punch Deidara threw at him.

"Why? So you could feel disgusted very time you look at me? So you could pity me? There was a reason I never told you Tobi, because I knew it's be like this, un!" Deidara wanted to take off Tobi's mask so he could see Tobi's reaction. He probably was appalled, now that he knew what Deidara had done.

"Sempai, I would never, never be disgusted with you," Tobi whined.

"But you feel sorry for me, un," and that was just as bad. He kicked at Tobi's ankles and tripped him up. He pinned the masked man to the ground with his body.

"Yes," Tobi admitted. "How else am I supposed to feel?" he asked defensively.

Damn it, it didn't matter how he was supposed to feel! But being pitied by Tobi was unthinkable. Deidara could endure scorn or sympathy from anyone else, but not Tobi. He was supposed to be different.

"What makes you think that book is even true, huh?" the artist demanded. He grabbed the book and flipped to the author's bio on the back cover. "See, it was written by a mist journalist. The author wasn't there; how is he supposed to know what happened in Iwa, un?"

Tobi read the page that was shoved in front of his face. "Sempai…"

Deidara took the book back and started scanning the pages. "This isn't accurate at all, Tobi. This is sensationalized nonsense, un," he declared. He ripped out the page he was reading and waved it in Tobi's face. "See this? It's a lie!"

He flipped to the next page. "These numbers are off, and the 'orphan demonstrations' are a complete fabrication, un." He ripped the page out and tossed it in the air.

"'Victims of bullying from those with parents?' They never had anything to do with us. We only beat each other up. Lies, un," he proclaimed. The pages joined the others on the floor.

"This book is a piece of fiction, Tobi," he yelled, ripping out more pages and throwing them around like confetti. "Don't think you know anything about my life, un!"

………………………………………………………………………..

Kakashi watched Deidara deface his book. Tobi cowered a little under the Akatsuki member's anger; Kakashi recalled Obito doing the same when he pissed off their jounin sensei.

"You gave him that book?" Iruka asked from behind him. Kakashi jumped a little when he spoke. He hadn't forgotten that the chuunin was there; much the opposite, he was actively ignoring him and the heat of his body pressed against Kakashi's back as they leaned forward to hear what was being said.

"Yeah," he admitted. He hadn't thought he'd be getting Tobi in trouble with it, though. And now that he'd heard what Deidara had been through, he could understand the reaction. "Maybe we should get Tobi out of there for a while and let Deidara cool off," he suggested. He wasn't averse to spending more time with Tobi. If he could bring the other man to some of the places Kakashi's team used to frequent, maybe they could trigger some of Tobi's forgotten memories.

"No, we should let them work it out. The fight's almost over," Iruka insisted. Had the chuunin always had such a nice physique? Kakashi had never been in close enough proximity to appreciate it if he had. It probably wouldn't hurt to give the prisoners a few more minutes to work out their problems.

………………………………………………………………………..

Tobi picked up the fragments of the book Kakashi had leant him and threw them in the corner. "You're right, sempai. I'll never understand what happened, but I'll always be here to protect you and make sure you never have to be alone again. Whatever happened in the past doesn't matter. What I care about is our future."

Deidara flopped down on the futon and huffed. "You always have to make everything cheesy, un. Just shut up so I can sleep."

"Sorry, sempai," Tobi apologized. He tried to lie down beside Deidara. The artist pushed him away.

"'m still had at you, un," he spat. Blue eyes glared at Tobi until he stood up and walked over to the other side of the room.

…………………………………………………………………………..

Iruka and Kakashi finally tore their eyes away from the two-way glass when Deidara fell asleep and Tobi started making origami out of the torn pages of the book.

"Have you seen what you need to see, Kakashi?" Iruka asked. The silver-haired man shrugged.

"He moves like Obito did when he's scared," he declared.

"I meant about what we should do with Deidara," Iruka said. 'Talk about a one-track mind' he sniggered to himself.

"I don't know. What do you think?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka took a deep breath. "I think we should let him go back to Thorn." He braced himself for Kakashi's reaction.

"What? You actually want to put an S-ranked criminal in that village? They don't even have a militia, let alone a ninja force capable of protecting them from a member of Akatsuki."

"They won't need them. I don't think Deidara is going to hurt them. Up until now, he's only attacked people as a reaction to what's been done to him. He told us himself he was forced into the Akatsuki. I don't think he even wants to be a ninja; it just never occurred to him to stop until now," Iruka explained.

"What do you think he'll do if we let him go free?" Kakashi asked exasperatedly.

"I know exactly what he'll do. He'll go back to his home and make pots, like he was doing before you interfered and brought him here. Don't you see, Kakashi? The first real chance he found to leave the Akatsuki, he did. If he were really a threat to the peace, do you think he would've settled down in a nowhere village like Thorn and started up a pottery shop?"

Kakashi paused. "Why are you fighting for him, Iruka? He killed children. Academy students."

"He was an academy student. People were hurting him, and when he got the chance, he hurt back. I'm not saying he was right, but can you say he was wrong to do it? Would you have done differently? Think about how hard it was for you and me, growing up as orphans, and we had the Third looking out for us. He had no one to help him. No one ever taught him right from wrong, and now we're supposed to kill him for not knowing the difference?"

"If he doesn't know the difference, how do we know he won't do it again?" Kakashi argued.

"He's got Tobi now. He's learning from him." Iruka paused. "That's why you don't want to let Deidara go, isn't it? You're afraid if he leaves, he'll take Tobi with him."

Kakashi shook his head. "It's not like that," he protested.

"If we save his lover from execution, we'd be making an alliance with Tobi. I'm sure that once this is all over, he'll want to know more about his past, and you'll get your opportunity to find out if he's who you think he is," Iruka reasoned.

"You think so?" Kakashi pressed. Iruka nodded.

"Shall we go talk to the Hokage, then?" Iruka asked. Kakashi grunted his affirmation. They walked up the stairs to Tsunade's office together, and Iruka thought to himself that maybe Kakashi wasn't quite as unreasonable as he'd thought.

…………………………………………………………………….

A paper tiger attacked a paper rabbit, quietly though, so as not to wake Deidara. The rabbit crumpled, and Tobi found another torn page to make an origami ram to battle the tiger.

The door to the cell opened quietly, and Kakashi poked his head inside.

"Tobi, we want to speak with you," he said. Tobi put his paper creations down and stood.

"Sempai is going to stay here, right? No one will see him until I get back?"

"No one will disturb him," Kakashi promised. Tobi followed him back to the Hokage's office.

"First off, we have come to the decision that Deidara will neither be killed nor extradited to any other village," the Hokage told him. Tobi breathed a sigh of relief.

"We'll begin negotiations for the information you have about Uchiha Sasuke tomorrow. But for now, we have another matter to settle with you," the pigtailed woman continued.

"What would that be?" Tobi asked.

Kakashi spoke up. "Tobi, we think you might belong in this village."

"We'd like to take a blood sample," the Hokage's assistant told him.

"And take you to a few places that might trigger some memories," Kakashi added.

"After we've finished negotiations," the scarred chuunin asserted, directed more to Kakashi than to Tobi.

"I…do I have family?" Tobi asked.

The Konoha ninja looked at each other. "If you are who we suspect, there are a few surviving members of your clan," the Hokage said.

"We won't say who you are yet, though. It'd be better for you to remember on your own than for us to tell you," the assistant explained. She gave him an apologetic smile.

"Oh," Tobi said. He was overwhelmed. Deidara had told him of the Konoha ninja's suspicions, but to have them confirmed outright…and the possibility of a family…Tobi had given up on his past a long time ago, but now there was a chance to reclaim it.

"You'd better get some rest now. We'll talk more tomorrow," the Hokage said. Kakashi brought him back to the cell. Forgetting that Deidara was mad at him, he flopped down on the futon beside him. A family…

……………………………………………………………

Deidara had woken up when Tobi left the room, and had been too nervous to fall back to sleep. They wouldn't hurt him, would they? Only Deidara was allowed to hurt him.

He was only gone for a few moments, but Deidara could see a change in him when he entered the room. He crashed into the mattress, not even noticing that Deidara was awake.

"Tobi…"

"Oh, sempai…I forgot," he exclaimed, and started to move. Deidara put a hand on his shoulder.

"You're ok, right? They didn't do anything to you, un?"

"I'm fine. They told me they aren't going to execute you or send you away, and we'll get a chance to negotiate tomorrow."

That couldn't be all. "And?"

Tobi was silent for a moment. "They really think they know who I am."

"I know who you are. You're Tobi, un," Deidara said. Did Tobi need more than that? Deidara would've gladly forgotten his past.

"I'm serious, sempai. I might have a family, a home!"

Deidara had to grab Tobi's hand in his own to remind himself that Tobi was there; it felt like he was miles away, and the artist was afraid if he let go, he'd lose Tobi for good.

……………………………………………………………………………

AN: For the people that have asked: yes, there are hints of KakaIru. Before DeiTobi stole my brain, that was what I wrote. I can't help but put a few hints in.


	20. Chapter 20

Sculpting for Dummies

An: Fun with spell-check: Zetsu equals Zesty!

And a special thanks to **4eversleeping **for beta-reading this chapter and helping me fix all the mistakes.

Chapter 20:

Tobi dreamt about finding his family in Konoha until Kakashi came in the next morning to wake him. The silver-haired man shook him awake and dropped something on the floor beside the futon.

"Our packs!" Tobi exclaimed.

"I'll take you to a shower, and you can change clothes before your audience with the Hokage."

"Deidara too?" Tobi asked. He looked beside him, but the space Deidara had slept in was empty. How had he not noticed?

"He's already in the shower. I'll take you to the bathroom as soon as Iruka brings him back," Kakashi said.

Tobi dug through his bag and pulled out a clean outfit. He knew that after days of wearing the same sweat-stained clothes, he'd have to smell pretty foul. It was no wonder the Hokage wanted them cleaned up before she sat down with them again. Selfish motives aside, Tobi was grateful to the Konoha ninja; he couldn't wait to get himself clean.

"Thanks, Kakashi," he said to the jounin. "Did we…used to be friends?" he asked hesitantly. Kakashi nodded.

"We didn't always get along, but I think we were friends," the copy ninja confirmed.

Tobi smiled behind his mask. He'd never really had a friend before. Zetsu-san had been his master, Deidara his partner and lover and center of his being, and the rest of the Akatsuki his coworkers…but none of them were really what he thought you'd refer to as 'friends'. The closest he'd come to friendship was with some of the people he'd met in Thorn: Lin, her mother, the next door neighbors. They smiled and greeted him whenever they saw him, and baked food for him, and were so friendly that Tobi didn't charge them when they needed his shinobi skills.

"Then maybe we can be friends again," he declared. Kakashi's eye curved as he smiled back at Tobi.

……………………………………………………….

Physically, Deidara felt better than he had in days. He was clean and fed, his wounds were healed, and he'd slept well on a soft bed beside Tobi.

Mentally, though, he thought he'd lose his breakfast at any second.

He'd slept, but the only thing he'd dreamed about was the negotiations with the Konoha ninja. His body was healed, but his insides gave a stab of pain every time Tobi mentioned the family he hoped to discover. He'd eaten, but he was too nauseous with anxiety to appreciate the meal. And his body was clean and clothed, but Tobi didn't notice or show any signs of wanting it. Now that his partner had been offered a new life, Deidara wasn't enough for him any more.

"Sempai, do you think I have nieces and nephews?" Tobi asked when he came back from his shower (wearing only a fluffy towel and his mask, which he kept on until Kakashi left). He dressed quickly. "I've always wanted nieces and nephews to spoil. I'd be a good uncle, wouldn't I?"

Tobi didn't even notice (or maybe he didn't care) that Deidara didn't respond. The idiot didn't realize…even if Tobi did find a home, and a family, and his past, he'd lose it all the moment he tried to help Deidara escape. The artist knew, even with the information they held, there was no way he wouldn't go to a maximum security prison. People didn't forgive crimes like his. Tobi would break in and rescue him, and even if everything went as he planned and they escaped with their lives, the brunet would never be able to return to Konoha.

And, because this longing for his past had been opened up, Deidara would no longer be able to fill the empty spaces in Tobi's life. The masked man would go back to Thorn and be miserable there, longing for a family he couldn't have.

"Do you think I have a grandmother somewhere? I hope I do! She could bake me cookies, and tell me long, boring stories that I don't want to hear, and wear little old-lady clothes."

Tobi paced around the room, fantasizing out loud about the home he hoped to rediscover. Deidara didn't want to tell him that some families weren't like that. Some families would hurt you, betray you, and leave you.

Deidara hoped Tobi's family wouldn't be like that…except it didn't matter, did it? Tobi would never get to meet them…and he'd spend the rest of his life wondering about them and longing for them.

Unless…

……………………………………………………………………..

The Hokage followed the set of standard questioning procedures for the negotiations. They would interview the two Akatsuki members separately in order to get the information- it would be harder for them to collaborate to hide facts when they didn't know what the other had said.

Tobi went first. Voluntarily, Iruka thought. The chuunin wasn't sure if his eagerness was to see his sempai out of harm's way, or to find out more about his past. If it was the latter, he put the issue aside as soon as negotiations started.

The man's requests were predictable: to let Deidara go, or if that wasn't possible, to place him in a good room in a prison facility that wouldn't abuse him; extra meal rations and plenty of visiting hours for Tobi.

The information Tobi offered was a little disappointing, but still helpful. He could pinpoint where Sasuke had been hiding out after Deidara's battle, and showed them the location of the Akatsuki hide-out they'd sent him to. After that, however, all he could show them was the myriad of the various locations to which Itachi and Kisame might have led Sasuke's group. With the trail more than two months cold, the Uchiha and his partner might be at any of the indicated bases, spread far across the map.

"We can't search all of them, Tobi. Is there anything else you can tell us?" Tsunade asked. Tobi shook his head.

"Sempai might be able to help. He's much smarter than I am. He usually catches things that I miss," Tobi assured them.

He went back to the cell and Deidara took his place in the interrogation chair. Tsunade slid a copy of Tobi's demands over the table.

"This is what your partner wanted in exchange for information about Sasuke. Do you have anything to add or change or are they satisfactory to you as well?"

Iruka watched as the young blond man swallowed and shook his head shakily. He looked more nervous than the chuunin had ever seen him, even more so than the day he had been forced to narrate his life's story.

"I…I want you…to let Tobi…to let Tobi stay here, in Konoha. Give him back…his family…his home, un."

The room resonated with a shocked silence.

"What about you?" Iruka asked.

The artist shrugged. "You won't be able to tell Tobi where…where you decide to put me. He'd try…to break me out of jail, un. And if he finds me, you have to promise…that you won't kick him out…if he tries to rescue me. That's all," he told them.

"No nice prison-cell with a view? No visiting hours and extra desserts?" Tsunade pressed. Deidara shook his head.

Tsunade nodded. "Ok, we have a deal. Now see if you can add anything to what your partner told us."

The Hokage broke protocol as she handed him a written sheet of what Tobi had told them, but it was faster than listening to the story twice. Maybe she figured Deidara had nothing left to hide.

Deidara flipped through the pages and frowned over a certain paragraph. "Itachi and Kisame? Tobi didn't tell me they were using Leader's jutsu," he murmured to himself. He looked up.

"Is there a map here?" He asked. Shizune flipped through the notes she'd been taking and found the map Tobi had marked the location of the hideouts on.

Deidara examined the map and gestured at the markings. He looked like he wanted to add something, so Iruka took one of his grading pens from his pocket and gave it to the artist.

"The jutsu Itachi and Kisame used to appear to Tobi has limits, un," he explained as he started drawing on the map. "Only the Leader can do it over distances. The rest of us have to be within a certain range. Zetsu is always on location when we met, so Tobi wouldn't know how it works, un."

Tobi had marked a dot over Market Village where they had been when the Akatsuki members had appeared for their rings. The blond man drew a circle around the dot. "That's the range Itachi and Kisame would have. That means they were probably staying here, un," he pointed to a mark on the map. He drew an arrow from the first hide-out to the second.

"With Sasuke's group in pursuit, they wouldn't have gone back this way," he crossed off a few cities that doubled back on the arrow. "I'd say Itachi is probably here," he circled one of the points on the map, "or here. If you find Itachi, you'll find Sasuke, un."

The Hokage stared at the map Deidara had butchered. "Thank you for your cooperation. We'll see to it that Tobi is made welcome here," she told him.

Iruka escorted Deidara back to the cell. He wondered what Tobi would do once he found out what Deidara had traded his chance at freedom for.

…………………………………………………………………

Tsunade turned to Shizune. "Well, you've heard what the others have thought, and you've heard Deidara yourself. What do you think I should do with him?"

Shizune looked up. "I-I think you should let him go," she said. She sounded like her own words surprised her.

"Is that so?" Tsunade asked. Shizune nodded.

"I didn't think we should until just now. I mean, he's an S-ranked criminal. He _should_ spend the rest of his life rotting in some prison cell…"

"But?" the Hokage questioned.

"But…he didn't ask to save himself. He knows he deserves punishment. And he seems to want Tobi to be happy. A criminal wouldn't care about things like that." She paused, and her expression became firm once more. "I wouldn't allow him to set foot outside of his cell until that chakra seal has been reinforced, though. We have to find a way to make sure he never touches his chakra again. And we'll need to keep surveillance on him, carry out random searches every few months. I won't let Thorn Village be put at risk, even if they aren't allied with Konoha."

Kakashi stood up. "I can do all that I've been researching ways to modify seals to help keep the Kyuubi contained, and I'll swing by Thorn village when I'm nearby on missions to make sure he's not getting himself in trouble." Anything to allow Tobi to stay in the village where he belonged. Besides, now that he had seen proof of the artist's feelings for Tobi, the Copy Ninja's opinion of the artist had risen dramatically. He wouldn't mind going out of his way for the surveillance, under the circumstances.

Tsunade cleared her throat. "You aren't forgetting that the final decision lies with me, are you Kakashi?" she asked. Kakashi froze with his hand on the door.

"Of course not, Hokage-sama."

The pigtailed woman sighed. "My best advisors think he should be released. I must take advice from lunatics," she mumbled to herself. "It's less paperwork for me, I suppose. And if we're wrong about him, I can blame the brats." She cleared her throat. "He can't stay in the village, by any means. We'll escort him back to Thorn and make sure he knows he can't return. Have him pack his things, Kakashi. He'll leave this afternoon."

"And Tobi can stay?" he asked.

"Yes, Tobi can stay for as long as he wishes," she confirmed.

"Are the restrictions lifted? I'd like to take him to the bridge, and the memorial stone, and a few other places."

"That's fine," Tsunade waved him off. "Go before you wear a hole in the floor."

……………………………………………………………………………….

Deidara looked kind of ill when he came back from his meeting with the Hokage, so Tobi set about cheering him up. He pulled a pair of pants onto his arms, pushed his legs through the armholes of an old shirt and walked around the cell on his hands.

"Idiot," Deidara muttered. The artist gave his legs a shove. Tobi tumbled down. Deidara gathered his tangled limbs before pulling Tobi into his lap. The masked man kicked out of the shirt and threw off the spare pair of pants so he could curl up around Deidara. The artist pressed his cheek into Tobi's hair.

"It was worth it," he whispered.

"What was, sempai?" Tobi asked. Deidara poked him in the side.

"Nothing. Who said I was talking to you, un?" the blond hissed defensively.

"Oh, I see. You were talking to all those _other_ people in the room. I can't believe I didn't get that," Tobi teased.

"And now I'll tell them how heavy your fat ass is, un," Deidara grunted.

"You're the one who put me on your lap. It's not my fault," he argued.

"You're the one who stayed where I put you. Move, un."

Tobi pushed Deidara down and rolled them over so they were on their sides.

"Better?" he asked. Deidara reached out a hand to touch Tobi's arm, but pulled back before he made contact. He shrugged.

"At least you're not crushing me now," he agreed.

Tobi scooted a little bit closer. "So, did it go ok, sempai?"

"It went fine. I figured out where that kid and his posse are most likely headed. They'll probably send out a squad to catch him soon," Deidara said.

The cell door slid open. "Hopefully Tsunade-sama will give us more of a break than that before she sends us out again," Kakashi exclaimed as he sauntered into the room. Tobi hopped off of the floor.

"What did she say? What's going to happen to us?"

Deidara stood up slowly. Kakashi turned to him. "Pull up your shirt," he ordered. Deidara hesitated, but eventually lifted the hem.

Tobi watched the hand seals that Kakashi formed, deciphering them without effort. The Copy Ninja pressed a new seal around the Five Elemental Seal that was already in place over Deidara's stomach.

"Tsunade-sama has ordered your return to Thorn Village, with the understanding that you will not return to Konoha or tell anyone about your time here. A ninja will arrive this afternoon to escort you home, and you will be kept under surveillance to make sure you do not resume Akatsuki activities. Is this acceptable to you?" Kakashi recited.

Tobi gasped. "Sempai, this is perfect! You're free!"

Deidara nodded his head. He looked surprised, but that was understandable. He was free now! He could return to Thorn!

"I leave this afternoon?" he asked. Tobi froze.

"Yes. You can pack your stuff, eat lunch, and get on the road." Kakashi answered

"It's a good thing we didn't unpack yet, sempai!" Tobi exclaimed with enthusiasm that was fading quickly. He shoved his pants and shirt back into his bag. "We're almost ready to go right now." Almost ready to leave…He had to laugh aloud to mask the panicked sob that the thought extracted from him.

Kakashi hesitated. "Tobi…we'd hope you'd stay for a little while. We haven't taken that blood-test yet, and you wanted to see some of your old hang-outs, didn't you?"

"You mean I'm allowed to stay?" Tobi gasped. For a split second, his heart stopped. When it started again, the beats were erratic, filling Tobi with a flushed warmth.

"You're welcome in Konoha for however long you want."

Tobi danced around the cell excitedly. "This is wonderful! Can we go right now? Can I see where I grew up?"

Kakashi smiled at him. "Of course. Come on, and let me take those cuffs off of you."

Tobi started to walk out of the room with Kakashi, but stopped and turned back toward Deidara.

"Sempai, you don't mind if I stay here for a few more days, do you? I'll be back soon, ok?"

The blond snorted. "Just go," he muttered. Tobi was out the door before Deidara finished speaking.

……………………………………………………………………………

It hurt. The pain came as a surprise to Deidara, although it really shouldn't have. Just…wasn't he supposed to feel warm and happy inside, knowing that, for the first time in his life, he'd done the right thing, put someone else first?

He didn't.

It was no wonder there were so many horribly evil people in the world, when being good left you feeling like someone had stabbed you through the heart with an icicle.

"'I'll be back soon.' Yeah, I've heard that one before, un," he laughed to himself. His chuckles became dry sobs within the span of a second. He wiped his watering eyes.

"I should pack," he told himself. His belongings and Tobi's were mingled within the two backpacks, so he'd have to sort through them unless he wanted to lose his things forever.

"I was starting to think we could last forever. I really thought that, un. I'm so fucking stupid," he told himself. He dumped Tobi's bag onto the futon. Their belongings had become so indistinguishable Deidara could barely tell what was his and what was Tobi's anymore. He set the slightly shorter pants and barely smaller shirts aside for himself. He folded the rest back up and stuffed it back in the bag. He repeated the process with his bag.

"What…what's this?" he saw a cloth head sticking out from beneath a sock. "He packed those?"

Gingerly, Deidara lifted the plush Tobi from the pile. The fabric Deidara dangled from the red thread. Neither plushie had a mouth, but Deidara could see the smiles in their tiny thread eyes, mocking him.

"'Stuck with you forever', huh?" he growled. He snapped the thread with his bare hands. The Deidara-doll fell to the ground.

"If you want to stay here, that's fine, un!" He tore open the doll's stomach and ripped the stuffing out. Small pieces floated through the air like snowflakes.

Deidara searched the room with his eyes and focused his gaze on the shelf that served as a desk. He tore it from the wall with one jerk and tore at the splinters of wood. His bloody fingers came out with two iron nails. He used the board of wood as a hammer and pinned the doll's feet to the ground with the nails.

"Stay here forever! See if I care, un!" he screamed at the sorry piece of fabric. He threw the board down and continued stuffing his clothes into his bag, ignoring the blood dripping on everything he touched. When he finally zipped up the bag, he pulled it so hard it almost broke the zipper. He hurled the bag at the wall beside the door.

He wished his escort would hurry up and get here. He just wanted to go home.

Deidara slid to the ground and held his head in his hands. The blond plush toy watched with unseeing eyes from the floor beside him; Deidara pushed it away with bleeding fingers that left crimson stains on the doll. He thought back to the day Tobi had sewn it for him and remembered the clay heart he'd molded and placed inside. A heart made of clay…had it shriveled up and cracked already, or was it still wet and vulnerable? He should have made it out of something stronger. Clay was too fragile. If it was dry, it could shatter, and if it was wet, it could be smashed.

A knock on the door startled him. The chuunin, Iruka, came in. "I'm supposed to take you back to your village. Would you like to eat before you go?"

Deidara shook his head.

"All right, then, grab your things and we'll leave," the chuunin instructed.

Deidara picked up his bag, but didn't put the plush-doll inside. Instead, he tugged open one of its seams and plucked the heart out of its stuffing-filled chest. The clay was still wet and pliant, and an unconscious squeeze left the right ventricle completely crushed.

Deidara stared at the lopsided sculpture for a moment. He blinked to clear his eyes and fixed a scowl on his face. With no more deliberation, he tossed the heart on the floor and stomped on it.

"I'm ready. Let's go," he said.

…………………………………………………………………………….

AN: Once again, I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. I'll try to get the last few chapters up after the holidays are over. That being said, I hope everyone has/is having a great holiday season!

Oh, and there should be another section of the side story to correspond with this chapter...gosh, I need to get that written up. It might not happen til Christmas, but it'll be there eventually.


	21. Chapter 21

Sculpting for Dummies

An: Meh, updating over breaks is hard. The next chapter or so might take a while. Sorry.

And once again, special thanks to my beta, 4eversleeping, for fixing all the mistakes. (If there's anything grammatically wrong, it's probably from the parts I went back and added more to, so it's completely my fault…hopefully I caught them all, though.)

Chapter 21:

The polished black stone of the Konoha memorial reflected Tobi's orange and black swirled mask back at him, obscuring the names carved into the rock. Tobi held up a gloved hand to block sunlight from hitting the stone; his reflection disappeared and he read the stone.

"Any of the names look familiar?" Kakashi asked behind him. Tobi squinted. His eye scoured the memorial.

"Umm…let's see…" Tobi read the names silently. He knew there must be something important he was supposed to see, but…

"Oh, there's someone with the last name as you- 'Hatake Sakumo'. Hmm, a lot of Uchiha…did Itachi do that, or do they just drop like flies?" he asked. Kakashi's head dropped.

Tobi sat back on his heels and groaned. "Look, I don't know what I'm supposed to be getting out of this, but I don't remember anything. Can't you just tell me why we're here?" Between the morbidity of starting out their search at a graveyard and the frustration still not finding anything, Tobi's previous excitement about his past was starting to fade. His stomach churned with a nervous anxiety.

Kakashi kneeled down beside him and traced Hatake Sakumo's name with his fingers. "I come here every day to remember the fallen warriors. My father: he forfeited the success of a mission for the sake of his teammates, and it took me years to realize he'd made the right choice."

His fingers moved to a different name, 'Namikaze Minato'. "My sensei: they say he was the greatest Hokage we've had, because he placed the lives of every villager before his own. He was only twenty-five when he sacrificed himself to seal the Nine Tailed Fox."

Another name, 'Inuzuka Rin,' "My old teammates. Rin was a medical ninja; before she was thirteen years old, she had saved my life more times than I could count." His fingers stopped over a fourth name.

"Uchiha Obito," Tobi read the name in a whisper.

"My best friend: he was the complete opposite of every other Uchiha I've met, but I don't think I'd be human if I hadn't known him. He wasn't a great ninja like my father and the Fourth, but he never hesitated to help a comrade. On our last mission, we were in Rock Country, and there was a landslide. I had lost an eye, and I…I didn't see a falling rock. He pushed me out of the way…and he got caught in the avalanche instead. The last thing he did was to give me his sharingan eye, so that I could protect the rest of my team." Kakashi traced the names again, his eye drooping sadly.

Tobi winced as his head began to throb with a sharp, sudden pain. "Can we go somewhere else, Kakashi?" he begged. He didn't want to hear stories about the Copy Ninja's dead teammates. It was too easy to imagine what it must have been like: trapped under a rock, feeling the life drain out of you, being scared and alone and _blind _because your eye was gone, knowing that in a few agonizing minutes, you'd be dead…Sometimes Tobi hated his overactive imagination. He didn't _want _to think about Uchiha Obito or any of the other names on the rock.

He staggered away from the stone without waiting to see if the silver-haired man was following.

………………………………………………………………………

"…The view's nice up here. I've never been up this high before…it's nice," the chuunin began to babble. He and Deidara had been sitting in silence for the past hour. Deidara guessed the man wasn't used to such quiet. There was no noise above the clouds, save the wind rushing past their ears.

'An explosion would be nice right now- loud, flashy, destructive.' He clenched his fists, longing for the mouths in his palms and his pouch of exploding clay. Then he could make a centipede and let it crawl into Tobi's ear and blow the bastard's brains out.

He tossed out the fantasy. 'No chakra,' he reminded himself. And if he was honest with himself, he knew killing _Tobi_ wouldn't help. It would be momentarily satisfying, but Tobi's death wouldn't make him come back. It wouldn't make Deidara any less alone. It wouldn't mean he wouldn't have to go back to Thorn and be haunted by Tobi's house, Tobi's things, Tobi's scent on his sheets and his memory echoing through the studio…

"How long have you been flying?" Iruka continued.

Deidara remembered his first flight- soaring through the sky, filled with hope of a new life, then plummeting to the ground, broken. Why hadn't he learned his lesson the first time?

"Since I was nine, un," he answered. Nine years ago? Ten? Eleven? He didn't bother keeping track of his years anymore. What good had come out of them? 'I could've avoided all that shit if I had died then,' he realized. No Akatsuki, no Thorn, no renegade Uchiha in the forest, no Konoha with their interrogations and their partner-stealing Copy Ninjas…

Deidara almost had to laugh when he realized how ridiculous it was that he'd bothered staying alive. Then his brow furrowed. There had to be some reason he'd survived…but he couldn't think of anything.

"That young? Who taught you?" The chuunin smiled at him, glad for conversation. Deidara stared at him blankly. He watched the expressions morph on his escort's face as he recalled what Deidara had told him in the interrogation room. "Oh…right. I'm sorry."

Deidara turned away from the chuunin and watched the earth sailing by underneath them.

'It wouldn't be bad if I let myself fall right now,' he thought. 'If I fell fast enough, it probably wouldn't even hurt.' It might be nice, those moments of freefall before the impact. It might even be the freedom he'd been looking for, that first time he'd flown. As long as nothing obstructed the fall, he'd die instantly. 'It wouldn't hurt at all.' If he lived, on the other hand…

Deidara let his body lean over the edge of the bird. Beneath was a stretch of grassland. At least it wasn't pure rock, like his homeland. It would have to do. He shifted his weight a little more and let himself begin to tumble over the side.

………………………………………………………………….

Tobi sat on the railing of the bridge Kakashi had dragged him to, tossing pebbles into the water below.

"A lot of genin teams use this as a meeting place," the jounin had explained. He backed away and let Tobi explore. Tobi had walked the length of the bridge, surveyed it from every side (even standing on top of the water to see it from below). Then he sat on the railing and started throwing rocks into the stream.

"Nothing?" Kakashi asked sadly. Tobi shook his head. If this place was important, he'd remember it, wouldn't he? Was he not trying hard enough? Maybe Konoha wasn't his village after all. It was starting to feel like a waste of time. 'Sempai will laugh at me when I tell him,' Tobi thought, then remembered that Deidara was probably on his way home now. The sickly sensation in his stomach returned. Tobi tried to ignore it.

"I got stuck waiting here most mornings when I was a genin. My teammate was always showing up late with some stupid excuse," Kakashi reminisced.

"Rin or…Obito?" Tobi asked. He hesitated over the second name. Thinking of it made his aching head pound harder. Stupid Kakashi and his morbid stories, giving him a headache.

"Obito. Sensei and I both used to yell at him for it…but when I became a team leader, I started doing the same thing. Weird, huh?"

Tobi nodded absently. "Yeah, weird," he repeated. He walked off the bridge. He didn't want to hear about the dead boy; he just wanted to find out who he was and get home to Deidara. Being away from him was making Tobi nauseated. He hadn't realized it would feel that way when he'd agreed to stick around in Konoha.

"You know, that board doesn't squeak anymore," Kakashi told him conversationally.

"Huh? What board?" Tobi wondered.

Kakashi's smile made his mask ripple. "The board you keep stepping over. It used to squeak, but they fixed it a long time ago."

"I've been stepping over it?"

The jounin nodded. "That was the third time. You altered your pace so you won't step on it."

Kakashi's smug observation made Tobi's stomach churn. "Oh. Strange. Where next?" he asked. There was something ominous about the implications Kakashi was making, something that made him wonder if he'd be better off not knowing. It wasn't the first time he'd wanted something, only to find out it wasn't what he'd thought it would be.

Kakashi watched his every move so expectantly, like he expected Tobi to suddenly remember everything and magically morph into whoever-he-used-to-be. 'Well, that's not going to happen,' Tobi reassured himself. 'I can't stop being me, not even for a family.'

As he walked across the bridge to the other side, he stepped very deliberately onto the no-longer-squeaky board.

………………………………………………………………….

A hand snatched the back of Deidara's shirt and jerked him back onto the clay bird.

"What the hell are you doing?" Iruka yelled at him. The artist ignored him and tried to throw himself off of the bird again.

Iruka pulled the struggling man into his lap and pinned Deidara's arms to his sides in a bruising hug. "Stop it!" the chuunin demanded.

"That's what I'm trying to do, un," the blond snapped. He hurled his weight to the left, then to the right, trying to escape Iruka's grasp. The other man held him firmly.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked when Deidara stopped struggling. The artist sagged against him.

"It hurts," he whispered.

Iruka guided the clay bird to the ground. When they landed, he relaxed his crushing grip but didn't let Deidara go.

"If you want to talk about it, I'm here and I'm listening," he said gently. Deidara made a few halfhearted escape attempts, but he found his energy was sapped. He leaned his head back against the chuunin.

"We're in the middle of nowhere. No one is going to overhear us, and I promise I won't repeat anything you say," his escort offered.

"Fuck off," Deidara muttered.

"You realize we're not going anywhere until this is resolved, don't you?" Iruka pointed out.

"It'd save you a trip if you let me jump, un."

"I like traveling. I teach, you know, so I don't go on a lot of missions. It's nice to see the world a little," the chuunin exclaimed.

"What about the surveillance? That'll get old quick, un," Deidara argued desperately. He was ready for it to be over, damn it! He was so fucking tired of it all…

"Not a problem. I'll make Kakashi do it," Iruka smirked.

"'s not the only thing he'll be doing," the artist muttered darkly. Deidara had seen the way the jounin stared at Tobi. He didn't doubt for an instant that Kakashi wouldn't make a move, now that Deidara was out of the way. And how long would it take for Tobi to forget about him completely? Two hours? One? He had abandoned Deidara to go explore with Kakashi within a matter of minutes-maybe hours were too charitable. That silver-haired slut was probably fucking him as he spoke.

He gritted his teeth as a rush of hatred poured through him. That man had beaten him in battle, blasted his arm away, forced him out of Forest Village, and stolen Tobi. If he'd been able, Deidara would have destroyed Konoha for the sole purpose of killing him…or better yet, blow it up while he was away, just to see the expression on his face when he returned and found that Deidara had taken away everything _he_ cared about. Wasn't there a saying-'What goes around comes around'?

Iruka's face flushed- he must have interpreted the blond's words some other way. "We're not…he won't…it's not like that," the chuunin sputtered.

Deidara examined Iruka's face. Him and Kakashi? They weren't together, obviously, but there was something there, in the way the scarred man blushed at the implications. How interesting…

Deidara decided he didn't want to kill himself after all. Him, the great artist, give up just because of some piece of shit in a mask? No, there were so many better options- like revenge. And right now, he could hurt Tobi and Kakashi both in one delicious swoop.

Twisting a little more in Iruka's arms, the artist sealed his lips firmly over the chuunin's.

…………………………………………………………………………

Iruka fought his instinct to gasp. If he let his mouth open, even just a little, the tongue that was probing his lips and gliding across his teeth was sure to slip in. The teacher kept his jaws firmly locked as he tried to maneuver Deidara off of his lap.

He still had Deidara's arms pinned to the artist's side. While the position had prevented the blond from jumping off of their vehicle, it did nothing to stop him from assaulting Iruka's lower half.

The chuunin summoned up chakra to propel Deidara off of him and onto the ground. He grabbed the artist's wrists and pinned them above his head before Deidara could react.

"Is this how you like it, sensei?" the blond purred. He winked one half-lidded eye. "I can call you sensei, can't I, un?"

He bucked his hips and squirmed a little, showing Iruka how flexible he could be. The chuunin didn't doubt Deidara was talented. He kept his eyes trained on the blond's face as his body rocked seductively beneath Iruka. He held both of Deidara's wrists with one hand and used the other to push the artist's chest down and keep a little space between the two of them.

"It doesn't matter what you call me, Deidara. I saw the way you tried to protect each other during their interrogations. I heard the way you talk about each other when the other's not around. You and Tobi care about each other too much to be playing games like this," Iruka replied.

Deidara's face tightened with pain, and those bright blue eyes screwed shut. Iruka stopped pushing the blond down and used his freed hand to wipe away the tears that were beading up the corners of his eyes.

Deidara's eyes peeked open, and he turned his head and captured Iruka's finger in his mouth. The artist's tongue caressed it and drew it in deeper until Iruka recovered from shock and pulled it back out.

"If Tobi cared, he wouldn't be in fucking Konoha, would he?" the man spat. "So I can fuck whoever the hell I want, un!" His face flushed red, and more angry tears shone in his eyes.

A slender leg wrapped around Iruka's waist and drew him forward. Iruka reached around behind him and grasped the ankle. Very deliberately, he freed himself from Deidara's hold. The artist glared at him.

"Tobi and your precious Sharingan Kakashi are probably fucking each other unconscious right now, un," he whispered cruelly. His lips turned up into a snarl as he spoke.

As he listened, Iruka's hand squeezed Deidara's wrists hard enough to bruise. His reaction made Deidara snort.

"Yeah, you know it, don't you? You saw how fucking eager he was to get Tobi alone. You saw how excited Tobi was when they left together. I wonder who's fucking who right now. Is Kakashi a top, Iruka… or have you not slept with him yet?" Iruka set his jaw and didn't answer. He didn't have to say anything to an ex-Akatsuki member. Deidara gave him a mock-pout.

"Poor Iruka. Are you gonna go back to him and take Tobi's seconds, or are you gonna show them that you've got a backbone, that you can fuck around just like they can, un?" The artist lay back on the ground and spread his legs open as far as he could with Iruka's knees on either side of him. He ran his tongue over his lips, beckoning.

Iruka swallowed before he spoke. "First of all, Kakashi and I are none of your business, Deidara," he replied shakily. He licked his own dry lips and continued.

"Second, I don't think Tobi would be happy if he came back to Thorn and found you sleeping around. And as much as you pretend otherwise, I don't think you want anyone else. So let's get you back to your village and forget about this whole stop, ok?" Iruka offered. Deidara's legs flailed as they tried to kick him.

"Don't you fucking patronize me! Fucking pretending to take the moral ground. You can't get it up; that's why you don't wanna do it! All you damned Konoha ninja are psychos and limp-dicked fuck-ups, un!" the artist growled. He thrashed and bucked, almost managing to head butt Iruka in his frenzy.

Iruka stood up and pulled Deidara to his feet, still keeping hold of his arms. The clay bird lowered itself helpfully so the chuunin could pull both of them onto its back. Deidara continued struggling as the bird took flight. His legs dug into its white clay sides until they got stuck, and the shifting of weight made the avian creation shake as it flew, but it stayed in the air, pretty much on course.

Iruka kept Deidara restrained, but only to protect himself, not Deidara. The increasingly vulgar curses sounded like music compared to his depressed murmurs earlier. The blond's despair had given way to anger. Iruka was sure Deidara could survive fury. He would be safe until Tobi got back.

Tobi, on the other hand…

……………………………………………………………….

"Kakashi…I don't think this is the way back to the Hokage's place," Tobi pointed out. The part of town they were walking through was completely deserted. Tobi didn't understand how a piece of a large village like Konoha could be such a ghost town.

"We're taking the long way," Kakashi said. He gestured for Tobi to keep walking.

Tobi looked up at the sky. The sun was sinking quickly into the mountains, staining the clouds above with pink and orange.

"Deidara-sempai's left by now, huh?" he asked. He kept his eyes forward as they strolled down the empty street.

"He's probably in Thorn by now, if Iruka managed to work that jutsu," Kakashi corrected.

"So far away," Tobi lamented quietly. No wonder he'd been so unsettled today; they hadn't been this far apart from one another since they'd first become partners. The thought of sleeping alone in that empty cell frightened him, but not as much as the realization that, even if he left right at that moment, he wouldn't be able to reach Deidara before it was time to go to sleep. Thorn seemed impossibly far away, and Tobi felt emptier because of Deidara's absence than he ever had for not knowing his past.

They reached an intersection on the street, and Kakashi pointed to the left. They turned down the left path and continued on. There was still no life on the road. Tobi sped up. Kakashi ambled along behind him, slouched over and care-free.

"You don't have to be in such a hurry," the silver-haired man exclaimed. He stopped and leaned up against a landmark. Tobi turned around and headed back to him.

"Look, we really need to get back. I want to go home in a couple of days, so I need…" the masked man trailed off as his eye scanned the wooden pole Kakashi was lounging on. It joined with two other poles to form a gate. Rough planks of wood were nailed across it to prevent entry. Across the top, faded and tattered, was a frayed banner displaying the Uchiha fan.

"Why did you bring me here?" he whispered to Kakashi. He kept himself perfectly still, as if any movement might stir up the ghosts of the Uchiha clan.

"Do you remember this place?" the jounin asked. He stood up straight.

Tobi understood. He still remembered nothing, but he understood completely what was going on in Hatake Kakashi's head.

"You think I'm _him_!" he accused.

"Who?" Kakashi feigned ignorance.

"Uchiha Obito. Why else would you bring me to the Uchiha complex? Why would you tell me all those stories about your old team? You think I'm an Uchiha! God, I've been letting a madman guide me around the village," he gasped. He'd missed going home with Deidara-sempai for this? Ridiculous!

"Have you ever seen yourself when you get mad or concentrate your chakra?" Kakashi asked him.

Tobi shook his head. What a stupid question. He wore a mask because his face made him uncomfortable- did Kakashi expect him to carry a mirror around and look at it during battles?

The jounin untied his headband and held it up to Tobi's eye-hole. The blurred eye that reflected back at him was red. He could see shaky black tomoe whirling in the imperfect reflection. Tobi batted the headband away.

"No. No. I can't have a sharingan," he stated. "Sempai hates sharingans." How many times had he heard Deidara's rant about Itachi and his goddamned sharingan eyes? The revulsion he'd seen in his sempai's face made him want to gouge out the offending organ. He shut his eyes, hoping he could will the red-and-black swirled orb away. As he waited in darkness, a thought occurred to him. He laughed in spite of himself.

"So, those relatives you were telling me about- they're Itachi and Sasuke, aren't they?"

"Yeah. Sorry," Kakashi confirmed. Tobi shook his head in disappointment. No nieces and nephews to spoil, no grandma to bake cookies with. Uchiha Obito wasn't the identity he had hoped to find. He didn't want to be a dead man with a screwed-up family.

"Well, that's ironic, isn't it? I run into my family when I have no idea who they are, and when I go looking for them, none of them are here." He opened his eye. "Itachi and Sasuke, huh? Sempai'll never let me live this one down."

Kakashi shrugged apologetically. "Maybe we should come back tomorrow. It's getting dark."

Tobi followed behind him this time as they navigated the lifeless streets.

……………………………………………………………………………..

Iruka was reluctant to leave Deidara alone at first. He landed the bird outside of the village walls and insisted on escorting the blond to his door. He seemed okay now- extremely pissed off at numerous people, but not suicidal…but he could change moods in an instant, and Iruka didn't know how long Deidara's defensive anger would protect him from himself.

It was the people of Thorn that gave Iruka the reassurance that he could leave Deidara safely. Before they were through the gate, villagers were there, greeting him.

"Deidara, dear, we're so glad to see you! You didn't tell us you'd be away so long," an older woman cooed. The livid expression Deidara had trained on Iruka melted away as he turned to nod at her. Iruka felt weight lift from his shoulders as he realized the blond's anger wasn't transferring itself to the innocent villagers. As much as he wanted to help Deidara, he wasn't willing to do it at their expense.

"I broke my puppy, Mr. Deidara! Pleasepleaseplease make me a new one!" A little girl begged. Deidara didn't smile at her, but he didn't ignore her either. He patted her head, which seemed to satisfy her.

The villagers eyed Iruka suspiciously. "Where's Tobi?" they asked Deidara quietly. "And who's this fellow?"

The blond said nothing, so Iruka spoke up. "I'm a friend of Tobi's. He had some unfinished business at my village, so I'm escorting Deidara back for him," he explained. The villagers relaxed.

"Ninja business?" they questioned.

"Yes," Iruka agreed. The villagers nodded knowingly and accepted his presence.

"Deidara, are you going to be opening your shop back up tomorrow? My mother's birthday is coming up, and I'd love to give her one of those beautiful vases you make," a woman chattered.

Deidara spoke up for the first time since they had entered the village. "I can do it now. What kind do you want, un?" he asked. They worked out the details of the commission as he walked back to his studio. He spoke lifelessly and trudged along like prisoners Iruka had seen walking to their execution. Iruka followed behind, carrying the pack Deidara had left on the bird.

'I wonder how pissed Tsunade-sama will be if I stay here until Tobi returns. It's not safe to leave him,' he thought to himself. He looked around the village as he walked, noting the location of a convenience store so he could swing by later and pick up some necessities. 'It shouldn't be more than a week, right?'

He peeked into the studio. The woman was filing through a box of paint swatches, debating with herself over the color of the stripes to match her mother's décor, she narrated to Deidara.

The artist kneaded a lump of clay on a paint-stained table. He nodded every once in a while as the woman spoke, but he kept focused on his art. His hands, which had been groping Iruka a few hours before, worked water through the clay until he was satisfied with the consistency.

The tension in his back loosened and the wrinkles in his brow smoothed out as he became more absorbed in his sculpting. The woman finally settled on the colors, and laid the swatches on the bench beside Deidara. She turned and left without another word.

"I didn't plan on him starting right away," she admitted guiltily to Iruka outside. "He's had a long journey, I'm sure, and now I'm keeping him from resting." She frowned and looked distinctly unhappy with herself.

Iruka stopped her." A project to work on is just what he needs. It'll keep him busy until Tobi gets back." He smiled with the realization. Deidara didn't need Iruka; he needed his art.

"Oh, I didn't think of that. He got so mopey last time his Tobi was away," she agreed. "Do you think I should send Lin and her friends over to ask for more figurines, then? They'll run him ragged until Tobi gets here," she offered.

Iruka's smile widened. He didn't know who Lin and her friends were, but the idea sounded solid. "I think that would be for the best," he replied. The chuunin took one more look into the studio and saw the peaceful expression on the artist's face as he formed the lump of clay into a vessel upon his potter's wheel. He set down Deidara's bag inside the house and hurried back to Konoha.

………………………………………………………………………..

"You don't have to stay in this cell anymore," Kakashi pointed out to Tobi as they walked down the basement hall to the familiar doorway of Tobi's room. "There's a hostel that can put you up, or you can stay with me."

Tobi's feet dragged with exhaustion as he took each step. It hadn't been a long day, but so much had happened since he'd woken up that morning, waiting to hear the Hokage's decision. He'd discovered a past he wasn't sure he wanted, a family that was dead or gone missing from the village, and a name that he didn't want to claim as his own. Deidara, who was hundreds of miles away by now, was not going to be happy when he discovered Tobi was part of the clan he hated most.His head still pained him and he didn't trust his stomach to hold food.

He pushed past Kakashi and opened the door to his cell. Bits of fluff wafted in the air. His mask protected him from breathing them in or getting them in his eye, and they soon settled down again, clinging to his black shirt.

"What's that?" Kakashi wondered aloud. Tobi blinked as he looked around the room.

Stuffing in the air, a murdered Tobi-doll on the floor, one set of bags on the futon instead of two. All in all, it wasn't an unusual scene for Tobi. The tangible proof of his sempai's presence comforted the masked man.

"Sempai killed me again. Means he's angry," the brunette explained. He kneeled down and examined his deflated effigy. The stomach was ripped open and the feet pinned to the floor with bloodstained nails. "Where'd he get nails from?" he muttered to himself.

Kakashi held up a broken piece of bookshelf. "Here," he guessed. "But why's he mad?"

Tobi shrugged."He's an artist. They're very temperamental, aren't they?" He tugged at one of the nails; it didn't budge. "I'm guessing that he's pissed because I stayed in Konoha-that's why I'm nailed to the ground. Sempai can be very symbolic."

Kakashi bent down to pick something up off of the floor. Tobi pulled harder at the nails. Maybe if he used a kunai as a lever, he could get them out…

"Then what's he mean by this?" the copy ninja asked. He threw something to Tobi.

"Oh shit," Tobi gasped when he picked up it up. "Shit shit shit shit shit!" The Deidara doll looked ahead, politely ignoring Tobi's language as well as the bloody fingerprints on its cheeks and eyes. Tobi cradled the doll in his arms as he dove onto his pack.

All the neatly folded clothes were tossed aside without thought. Tobi dumped out a bag of toiletries and dug through them. He found the bottle of stain remover he was looking for, and squirted a stream of the cleaner onto the doll. He scrubbed the cheeks and the eyes vigorously until the red spots began to fade.

When the doll was clean again, Tobi sighed with relief. Seeing Deidara's doll covered in blood was almost like seeing _Deidara_ covered in blood. Tobi didn't mind if his sempai regularly disemboweled the plush Tobi, but the Deidara plushie was the closest he had to the real thing until he got back to Thorn; it had to be kept safe.

"Are you going to fix the tear?" the silver-haired man asked, sounding confused.

"Tear?" Tobi squeaked. He looked down at the doll. Stuffing was starting to peek out of a discreet rip in the chest…right over the heart. Tobi had to swallow to keep from throwing up. He pressed a reluctant finger into the hole. 'please be there, please be there,' he prayed.

He felt nothing inside but fluff.

"Fuck!" he yelled. The heart, the heart was gone! Deidara must have gotten angry at Tobi for paling around with Konoha ninja- Deidara's enemies- and now he'd left and taken his heart with him. It had taken months for Tobi to get Deidara to open up to him like he had

He stood and looked straight into the doll's eyes. 'I'll win it back again, sempai,' he promised. 'No matter how long it takes.'

He started re-stuffing his belongings into his bag. He usually folded his clothes nicely and packed them in a certain order, but he couldn't be bothered with that right now. The sooner he got back to Thorn, the sooner he could fix whatever mistake he'd made and get back on Deidara's good side. He balled up his clothes and tossed them in. One of his shoes fell out of the bag, but he didn't bother picking it up. There were shoes in Thorn. God, he had to get back.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi demanded to know. Tobi pushed past him.

"I have to get home and fix this," he said.

"Fix what? What's going on?" Tobi ignored the jounin's questions.

On the way out of the door, he felt something catch onto the sole of his shoe. He lifted his sandal and looked under it. At first he thought that the gooey spot on the floor was from a discarded wad of gum.

When he realized what it was, his knees gave out and he was laughing and crying all at once. He scraped the flattened pancake of a heart off of the cold stone floor and tried to pick out the pieces of dirt with his fingers. He had seen Deidara mold it, but he still didn't have the skill to form it back into its original shape.

"Tobi…are you alright?" Kakashi asked. He placed a hand on Tobi's shoulder and tried to guide him away from the flattened lump of clay and the ripped dolls. "Why don't you come back inside?" he offered

"It's…it's his _heart_!" Tobi wailed. He couldn't get it back to the way it was for the life of him. It was dirty and squished and ruined.

Kakashi leaned over the tiny piece of clay and puzzled over it. "I don't get it. Why would he rip the heart out?" he asked.

"He didn't. It's _symbolic_! He made the Tobi doll, and it shows how he feels about me. When he gets pissed off, he kills it, and in his head, it's what he's doing to me. In sempai's head, the Deidara doll would work the same way. It shows what I want to do to him."

Tobi's voice faltered. He sniffed and coughed before he could force his vocal chords to work again. "He's saying I did it. I ripped his heart out and stepped on it."

Tears and snot rolled freely down his face. Tobi tilted his mask up and dragged his sleeve messily over one half, then the other.

He squeezed the doll in his arms. "I didn't even know I could, sempai. I didn't know you'd let me. You gave it to me and I didn't even realize!" he whispered to the plush toy. One blue eye stared at him accusingly. The other was bleached white from the cleaner and couldn't stare at anything.

"Tobi, it's just a toy," Kakashi tried to tell him. "You can make a new one. Come on, I'll buy you the fabric right now." He reached out and tried to take the battered doll from Tobi.

"It's Deidara. It's my sempai, and I hurt him. I knew he had abandonment issues, I knew it, and I still let him go home alone! How could I be so stupid?" Tobi berated himself. "I had his _heart_."

"What the…? Please don't cry, Tobi! You…you've still got it," the silver haired man pointed out, gesturing to the dirty lump of clay. "That means something, right?"

"He loves me," Tobi whispered. His breath hitched as he spoke. "He probably doesn't know it yet, but he loves me. He's back in Thorn, wondering why it hurts so much and he doesn't even _know why_." Tobi's voice broke as he tried to speak through his tears. He threw himself at Kakashi and buried his half-masked face into the jounin's neck.

"I didn't tell him, Kakashi. I never told him how much I love him! I thought, 'I'd better wait, it'll scare him away. He's not ready for that level of commitment.' Now he thinks I don't care about him, that I'm pinned down in Konoha." He sniffed loudly and felt Kakashi tense. Tobi realized that he was practically blowing his nose on the Copy Ninja's turtleneck, and pulled away.

"Sorry. I wasn't thinking. God, I wasn't thinking. How could I be such an idiot? How do I always manage to mess things up? It's a wonder I managed to save sempai at all!" Tobi choked on his words. He recalled how Deidara had reacted after Tobi saved him from his final explosion…how quickly Deidara's mind had supplied 'suicide' as the answer to his problems. His whole body shook with dread. "He's liable to kill himself! Oh, fuck! Tobi, you fuck-up!"

Tobi scrambled to his feet and grabbed his half-packed bag. Most of his clothes, his toothbrush, and the rest of his toiletries were still on the floor, but he left them. They weren't important. He tucked the pancake heart back into the Deidara doll and placed it lovingly into his pack. The Tobi doll was ripped out of the floor in a hurry, leaving scraps of his feet trapped beneath the nails.

"Sorry, Kakashi," he apologized as he ran past the man and out of the building.

Kakashi chased after him. "What about your past? Don't you want to know who you are?" he called after the masked man.

"I know who I am- I'm Tobi. I'm in love with a man named Deidara, and he needs me! Screw the past!" As soon as he said it, he knew it was true. A past would be nice to have, but he didn't need it. Not like he needed Deidara…

The sun had finished setting and the world outside was dark. As he ran, a gust of wind blew past Tobi's head. He couldn't see what had caused it until a clay bird swooped down from out of the sky and landed beside him. The chuunin from the Hokage's office sat on its back.

"You need to get back to Thorn," the man told him. "You know how to fly this thing, don't you?" Tobi nodded. The chuunin hopped off of the bird and Tobi took his place.

"How is he?" the masked man asked nervously.

The scarred man shrugged. "He's mad at you. He almost jumped off of the bird…while it was in the air. He tried to seduce me, then tried to convince me that Kakashi was seducing you. When I left, he was making pots and the villagers were watching over him."

Tobi sighed with relief. "He should be ok until you get there, but I still suggest that you hurry," the chuunin hinted. Tobi nodded again.

"Thanks," he said. He paused. "You said he _tried_ to seduce you?"

The other man smiled. "Don't worry. It was only a 'try'. Now get going."

Tobi funneled his chakra into the bird. Its wings started flapping and it lifted from the ground.

The sky was dark, but the moon and the stars provided a faint light to navigate by, and Tobi wouldn't let a little thing like impeded vision keep him away from Deidara.

……………………………………………………………………….

An: And because I'm a horrible person and don't say it enough, thank you to everyone who has been reviewing, regularly or not. I really appreciate the feedback, and it lets me know what y'all want to see happen. And I'm sorry I make y'all wait so long to see what will happen to Dei and Tobi- I've been all around with family over break, and now my big brother's moving and I have to help.

Oh, and because we should end this chapter on a happy note, instead of on my shortcomings as an authoress:

Our fun with spell-check moment…sempai's equals sepia's; namikaze equals kamikaze. Happy New Year, everyone.


	22. Chapter 22

Sculpting for Dummies

AN: Yes, it's horribly, horribly late. I've been busy with the beginning of the spring semester and preparations for cosplay in Feb. In most humble apology, I offer you smut. Not particularly detailed, because I both don't wish to get banned and I don't really like writing it, but it's there all the same, for your enjoyment, such that it is.

Special thanks to 4eversleeping for, once again, being my beta.

Chapter 22:

The sun peaked over the trees and painted the sky with pinks and oranges. Tobi ignored the sight. The clay bird's wings flapped wearily from the bird's repeated use and Tobi's faltering chakra, the masked man focusing all of his attention on keeping it in the air.

Tobi's eyelid inched closed. He shook his head and opened it again, but he couldn't manage to open it wider than a sliver. He pinched his nose. The bird, which had been drifting off at an angle, corrected itself.

The brunette tugged his mask off of his face and slapped his cheeks. The cool morning wind chilled the heated skin. His eyes opened all the way.

"'m almost there," he mumbled. "Jus' gotta keep going."

The Thorn Village wall rose up beyond the trees, and Tobi's sleepy eyes opened wide when he saw it. "Home," he cooed.

The bird fluttered down and skidded to a landing. Its feet broke off on impact and became part of a ten foot trail of clay that marked the end of its final flight. The mangled piece of art gave its wings a last pitiful flap as Tobi stepped off of it.

Tobi left the bird and his bags and staggered toward the village gate.

………………………………………………………………………………

The sun shined through Deidara's bedroom window with cheery determination along with the sounds of birds singing and children laughing. Deidara flicked the sun an obscene gesture, buried his head under a pillow, and fell back asleep.

In his defense, he'd only crawled into bed a few hours earlier, after an afternoon and evening devoted to satisfying the village's sudden need for his pottery. The pieces were now baking in the kiln, and Deidara didn't plan on emerging from his pillow-and-blanket cocoon until lunchtime at the earliest.

A crash in the hallway penetrated his cloth-and-down fortress and he emerged just in time to see his bedroom door fling open. Tobi rushed in, bedraggled.

His breath stopped and he was reminded of the time when Tobi used Zetsu's jutsu to escape Sasuke's headquarters and his lungs physically collapsed.

"Sempai," Tobi rasped. He dove onto Deidara's bed and collapsed on the artist. The dead weight on top of him didn't move.

'He better not have fainted,' Deidara thought. He rocked Tobi's body to the left, then the right, getting the momentum to shove him off.

Tobi's arms snaked around him and latched on. "Sempai, I'm so sorry," he whispered again. "I love you so much and I'll never leave you and I'll never even _look_ at Konoha again."

Deidara's body tensed. He stopped trying to push Tobi away. "What did you say, un?" he hissed.

Tobi relinquished his hold on Deidara long enough to pull off his mask. He tossed it away and attached himself again. He met Deidara's gaze with his mismatched eyes.

"I love you, sempai," he said. His eyes brimmed with tears as he spoke. 'If he starts crying, I'll kick his fucking ass,' Deidara swore in disgust. He refused to deal with such pathetic whining when he'd just woken up. His revulsion didn't change the fact that his heart raced and his face burned bright red at Tobi's words

"Shut up," the blond demanded. He narrowed his eyes and set his jaw; Tobi had to know he wasn't kidding around.

"I love you, Deidara," Tobi continued. He wasn't even _trying_ to hide the fact that he was crying! The bastard had no shame. And since when was he allowed to call Deidara by his name? He'd never done that before, and Deidara certainly hadn't given him permission.

"Shut up!" he repeated. The artist jabbed his fist into Tobi's ribs, but, pressed up against him, he couldn't get enough momentum to actually hurt him.

Tobi shut up. He pressed his lips to Deidara's and kissed him…and _damn_, where had he learned to kiss like that? It better not have been in Konoha….

It was more passionate than any of Tobi's other kisses, more passionate than anyone else's Deidara had received. He felt his mind melt away, and he sank into Tobi's arms in a boneless heap. Tobi tilted Deidara's chin up and ran his fingers through his hair. Deidara sighed into Tobi's mouth.

When Tobi finished plundering his mouth, they were both panting for air. Tobi smiled and mouthed "I love you" against Deidara lips.

The Stone ninja remembered he was supposed to push Tobi away. He shoved him off of his bed and sent him tumbling to the floor. "Stay away from me, un!" he growled. What had he been thinking? He'd let that stupid, abandoning idiot hurt him once. He'd almost killed himself for Tobi's sake. It wouldn't happen again. He wasn't dumb enough to be tricked twice.

……………………………………………………………..

Tobi smiled from his tangle on the ground. Deidara was mad, but he had expected that and his sempai's anger never lasted more than a month or so. He'd felt the way Deidara relaxed into his kiss; he'd been angry and tense and embarrassed when Tobi confessed his love, but in the end that kiss had shown his relief. Once his anger ran its course, Deidara would be ready to accept his love.

He really shouldn't be smiling- who knew what sort of hell Deidara would put him through before the inevitable forgiveness? - but his mind skipped over that part and went straight to the fantasies of holding Deidara's hand in public. Of telling him, _'I love you' _every day. And one day, Deidara finally whispering it back…but even in his fantasies, Deidara threatened to disembowel him if he ever told another soul.

Tobi found it endearing.

The brunette curled up on the hard wood floor next to Deidara's bed. Deidara hadn't kicked him out of the room yet; that was proof in Tobi's eyes that the blond wanted him there. "Good night, sempai. I love you," he yawned.

Deidara had wormed his way back into his pillow cave, but the tip of an ear stuck out and flushed at his words. "It's morning, idiot. If you want to sleep, go to your own room, un," his muffled voice demanded.

"I'd rather stay with you," Tobi replied.

Deidara's hand groped for a pillow and threw it blindly in Tobi's direction. It hit Tobi's face with a thunk_'Nice aim.'_ "Thank you, sempai. I love you," he repeated. He didn't care that he was beginning to sound like a broken record- there was so much lost time to make up for. He lay down on the newly acquired pillow and listened to Deidara's restless fumbling underneath the covers. The artist couldn't sleep, but Tobi was too exhausted not to.

……………………………………………………………..

_'It's not real. He doesn't mean it,'_ Deidara reminded himself.

Beside the bed, Tobi snored softly. The blonde couldn't understand why was he sleeping on the floor when he had a perfectly good bed in the room next door?

Deidara peaked his head out of his cocoon and looked his partner over. His clothes were wrinkled and dirty, and Deidara was pretty sure they were the ones Tobi had been wearing when they parted. His eyes had dark rings around them, and his bottom lip was swollen from where he'd been chewing it nervously.

"Tobi, you look like crap, un," he muttered. "Why are you here?"

Tobi tossed in his sleep. "mmm, love you," he murmured.

Deidara turned to face the wall. "Thought you had a family now, un." 'I thought I'd never see you again.' His heart wouldn't stop pounding, and each beat sounded like, _'he's here, he's here_.'

"I'll kill you for making me feel like this, un," he swore. There was no point in trying to sleep now, so he threw back the covers and slid out of bed. He pulled on his clothes and tied back his hair quietly, not wanting Tobi to wake up and see him half-clothed. Once he was presentable, he crossed the room. On the way out, he gave Tobi's head a well-deserved kick.

…………………………………………………………………

The villagers were starting to give Tobi that sympathetic look that crazy people often get when he went out in public. Tobi, sporting bruises and cuts, would only wave happily and hum as he walked on. No amount of abuse from the blond artist could put a damper on his mood.

Strange as it seemed, the villagers were starting to suspect that Tobi's happiness was derived from Deidara's attacks. Every time they saw them together, Tobi would inevitably lean over and whisper something to him, Deidara would react with a punch or a kick or an elbow to the stomach, and Tobi would skip and frolic around.

Needless to say: the villagers were deeply puzzled.

The two had been home for a week when they were spotted walking to the grocery store together.

"Stop following me, un!" Deidara turned around and screamed at the masked man.

"But sempai, you might need help carrying groceries. I love you. What sort of guy would let the man he loved carry groceries all by himself?" Tobi asked.

Deidara growled and stamped his heel into Tobi's foot. The brunette hissed in pain, but continued walking a pace behind Deidara. The artist turned back toward the road and wrinkled his nose.

"Do you have to keep saying that every other sentence?" he asked desperately.

Tobi nodded.

"Until you start believing me," the masked man confirmed. He continued on with a new bounce in his step.

The villagers were confused. They'd thought the two living at the ceramics shop were a happy couple. "Ah, well, everyone has their troubles," they excused.

The clerk at the grocer's tugged Tobi's sleeve as he waited for Deidara to pick a cereal box.

"Tobi…all those bruises…are you alright?" she asked him in a hushed voice.

Tobi looked down at the marks on his arms and legs as if he were noticing them for the first time. "These? They're nothing."

"But they must hurt. How can you be so happy?" she wondered.

The masked man caressed the wounds with his gloved hands. "They're proof that sempai loves me," he sighed.

The clerk blushed. She'd never met a masochist before.

"He's still mad because he's still scared I'll leave, and he's still scared because he loves me _that much_," he happily chattered on. "And once he's finished being mad, he'll admit that he loves me, and then we'll have the best make-up se-"

A flying cereal box thrown by a blood-red Deidara silenced Tobi mid-sentence. When the masked man remembered who he was talking to and what he'd been about to say, he stuttered an apology and ran out of the store.

He waited outside to help his artist carry home their bags. Before they started home, Deidara kicked him roughly in the shin.

"I love you, Deidara," Tobi replied. Deidara gave his other shin a matching bruise.

……………………………………………………………………….

Three weeks after their return from Konoha, Deidara was tired of kicking Tobi's ass. He wished the idiot would stop saying…_it_…so he could stop beating him for it. But the simpleton had taken Deidara's words to heart, and every second sentence, he proclaimed his affections:

_"Sempai, can you pass me the salt? I love you."_

_"Oww, I think you broke my nose! I love you. There are bandages in the bathroom, right?"_

_"But I don't want to sleep in my own room. I want to sleep in here with you, because I love you. I don't mind the floor. I love you _and_ your hard, uncomfortable floor."_

Each time, Deidara felt honor-bound to strike him. It felt less satisfying each time he did it. He wanted Tobi to stop, so they could go back to the way things were before Konoha. He even thought silently to himself, as Tobi's words twisted his stomach in a nauseating knot, that it might have been better if Tobi had just stayed gone.

People didn't love Deidara. They just didn't. They had sex with him, admired his art, but they never loved him. Maybe love worked for some people living in some perfect village with no troubles whatsoever, but not for him. To think he might experience love after all he'd been through, all he'd done, was stupidly optimistic. Only an idiot would subject themselves to such pain.

"An idiot, un," he mumbled to himself.

"What, sempai?" Tobi answered. "I love you," he added a moment later.

Deidara's eyes widened. "You're an idiot, un," he repeated incredulously. He couldn't meet Tobi's eyes. Tobi was just the kind of moron to do something as stupid as fall in love.

The artist's knees buckled as, for the first time, it occurred to him that Tobi was sincere. He crumpled to the ground and stared hard at the floor.

"Sempai, are you alright?"

_'It's not a lie, he lo…he means it,'_ his baffled mind whispered_. 'What a fucking idiot.'_

Tobi knelt beside him and turned Deidara's face to look at him_. "I love you,"_ he affirmed. The blond blinked a couple of times, and slapped the hand away.

"Enough, I get it! You can stop now, un," he pleaded. He was too bewildered to hit Tobi properly. The moron seemed to interpret the non-hitting as permission to pull him into an embrace and cuddle him like he was some sort of oversized teddy bear.

Deidara pinched him and Tobi retreated. His victory was dampened when the brunette leaned forward and gave him a gentle peck of a kiss on the tip of his nose. The simple skin-to-skin contact had electricity running through his body; he didn't retaliate because he was afraid of what he might do if he touched him further.

………………………………………………………………..

Deidara ignored Tobi for three days straight. No matter what Tobi did, it seemed like he didn't exist. Deidara looked through him, not at him, just like during his pre-Akatsuki days. The artist locked his bedroom door every night, so Tobi was forced to sleep outside of the room in the hallway.

His constant smile was beginning to slip.

_'Maybe I should apologize,'_ he speculated. But he didn't know what to apologize for, so he didn't. He made sure not to embarrass his sempai in public anymore, and only said _'I love you'_ one or twice a day.

On the fourth day, a village merchant came by the house to ask Tobi to be his escort to Suna. Tobi turned him down. "I can't leave Deidara-sempai," he explained. He apologized to the man and shut the door. When he turned around, he saw a flash of yellow disappear into the studio.

Tobi leaned his head into the studio. "Need any help, sempai?" he asked. The flying porcelain saucer Deidara threw at him connected solidly with his forehead and left a red bump on Tobi's pale skin. "Guess not. I'll go make dinner then," he offered.

The artist didn't respond to him. He didn't speak with him during the meal, and he got up and walked off after he'd finished as if Tobi wasn't there at all.

But Tobi was pretty sure he'd been forgiven, because that night, Deidara's door was unlocked and left cracked open for him. His smile returned as he slipped inside.

…………………………………………………………………………

He hadn't thought it was possible. He missed Tobi. He missed _Tobi_. The bastard wasn't even gone, but he _missed_ him. He missed hearing his annoying voice, missed seeing his goofy face, missed touching his skin. Deidara couldn't deny the fact that he wanted to talk to him, to sleep with him, to live together like they'd done before. He just wasn't quite sure how to bridge the gap he'd created between them.

Sex seemed a good a start as any. It was something he was familiar with, and it was the only route he could think of that would restore their life together without having to _talk_ about his feelings. He'd rather die than say he forgave Tobi (that implied Tobi had hurt him, which he'd also never admit), but if he could show Tobi that he'd put Konoha behind him, Tobi would figure out the rest eventually. Besides, he still had to finish what they'd started in the Forest village forest.

Deidara stripped off his clothes and prepared himself thoroughly before he opened the door to his room. Tobi snuck inside before he had the chance to lie back down on the bed.

"Strip," the blond ordered. If he didn't act quickly, Tobi would start talking and make everything sappy and emotion-ridden.

Tobi stripped. Deidara pointed to the bed and Tobi lay down on it. The brunette waited for instruction.

The bottle of lubricant he'd used on himself earlier rested on the bedside table. Deidara picked it up and poured it directly onto Tobi's awakening cock. He sniggered as the cold liquid caused the taller man's hips to buck. He warmed up Tobi's erection with his hands, spreading the lube around and watching with amusement the variety of enraptured expressions that made their way across Tobi's face.

Just to keep Tobi on his toes, Deidara hopped onto the bed without warning and straddled the other man. Tobi tried to pull him down for a kiss; the artist pushed up to his knees and reached around for Tobi's erection. The pale man forgot whatever notion he had of kissing Deidara. He took shuddering breaths and watched in fascination as the blond positioned himself and sank down onto Tobi's length in one fluid motion.

They both gasped, Deidara in momentary pain, Tobi in surprise and pure pleasure.

"Oh, _fuuuck_," the brunette moaned. Deidara ignored his discomfort and gave the man beneath him a smug grin. He pushed up and slid down again, tauntingly slow. Tobi writhed beneath him.

"Sempai, please, fast-aaAAHH!" The man's begging broke off into another moan as Deidara clenched his muscles. Tobi arched his back and tangled his hands into the sheets trying to get a grip. Deidara decided he wanted him to scream. The artist increased his speed, not bothering to angle his thrusts to make Tobi hit his prostate; he didn't want to come yet. He had other plans for his own aching erection.

Tobi panted and tossed his head as Deidara rode him. He made small, pleading gasps with each lowering of Deidara's hips. The blond waited until he felt Tobi shuddering on the edge of his climax. He pushed himself down until his ass brushed Tobi's groin and clenched himself around Tobi's cock.

Tobi screamed his name and thrust his hips up. Deidara felt burning seed fill him. He waited until Tobi's climax finished before he lifted himself off of the other man and winced at the mess he'd made.

………………………………………………………..

Tobi slouched back into the bed, unable to form any complete thought, but getting the vague impression that the world was a wonderful, joy-filled place.

"Ahem," Deidara cleared his throat beside him. Tobi cracked open an eye and looked at him. The artist glanced down purposefully; Tobi followed his gaze and froze.

Deidara was still hard.

Tobi burned with shame.

"S-sempai," he stuttered, wondering how he could excuse his horrible neglect of his partner's needs.

Deidara silenced his explanation with a dry look. He reached for the lube once more and poured it into his hands. He gestured for Tobi to roll over, which he did hesitantly. He hadn't really been gay before Deidara, so he'd never been taken before. He wasn't sure he'd like it, but how could he deny Deidara, who he loved, and who had just given him the most mind-blowing orgasm of his life? He tried not to wince as he felt fingers tracing his entrance.

He opened his legs and held back a wince as one of Deidara's nimble fingers slipped inside of him. It wasn't so bad, if he ignored the prodding and the intrusion and the sheer alieness of it. He craned his neck to try and watch what Deidara was doing.

A second finger joined the first and started stretching him. Tobi squirmed. A hand at his hip held him in place as the fingers pressed deeper and brushed up against a bundle of nerves. Pleasure surged through his veins, and he saw fireworks behind his eyelids. Tobi decided he might like bottoming

Deidara scissored his fingers a few times and loosened the ring of muscles. He pulled the digits out and replaced them with something larger. Tobi winced, gasped, bit his lip as he waited for Deidara to move, rocked with the motion of Deidara's hips, and decided, yes, he _really_ might like bottoming.

At first he tried not to make any noise. A few thrusts later, he resolved not to scream. Then Deidara's hand slipped in between his legs and squeezed, and he decided that as long as the neighbors couldn't hear, a little noise couldn't hurt.

………………………………………………………..

Once he awoke from his orgasm-induced haze, Tobi inched over toward Deidara and wrapped himself around the blond. Deidara didn't push him away. When Tobi nibbled his ear, he tilted his head to give him better access, and when Tobi caught his lips in a kiss, Deidara opened his mouth and returned it with the same languid affection that Tobi gave it.

After a few minutes of dazed kissing, Tobi pulled away from him. "Am I allowed to talk now, sempai?" he asked.

Deidara grunted and laid his head on Tobi's chest.

"We're…we're ok now, right? You're not mad anymore?" Tobi questioned hesitantly.

Deidara nuzzled his cheek against Tobi's collarbone. "Hmmm," he replied.

"Sempai…?"

Deidara lifted his head and blinked at him sleepily. "I want an omelet, un," he told the brunette. Tobi's forehead wrinkled with confusion, but he wiggled out from underneath Deidara and sat up. A few certain muscles protested at his movement, slowing him down.

Deidara pulled him back down and draped a boneless hand over Tobi's waist. "Not now. In the morning, make me an omelet, un," he elaborated.

"I don't take food orders," Tobi muttered to himself. He watched Deidara yawn and fall asleep, and thought to himself that he probably would've made the blond breakfast in bed anyways. And, he admitted to himself, they'd probably both be limping tomorrow and want to stay in bed most of the day.

"Guess you've forgiven me, sempai. Omelet it is, then," he whispered as he closed his eyes.

…………………………………………………………………

AN: Yayz! Everything's all better! To give y'all a rough idea of what's next, there will be one or two more chapters (depends on how verbose I end up being with the action as to the length), an epilogue, and an epilogue for the side story (which will actually be happy and might serve to counteract the general angst-ness that is What Deidara didn't tell Tobi. Don't get me wrong, I like the side story (I like the way chapters one and five turned out), but I am more than willing to admit it's depressing and melodramatic.). So yeah, the end is near. Get excited! Get teary-eyed! Get ready to yell at me if I take as long to update as I did last time!


	23. Chapter 23

Sculpting for Dummies

Thanks to 4eversleeping for beta-ing me again! Everyone cheer for her and give her imaginary cookies!

Chapter 23

The sun rose in the sky over Thorn village, and all the responsible villagers began to yawn, stretch, hop out of bed, and get ready to start the new day.

Tobi and Deidara were still fast asleep in bed, bare limbs tangled together, breathing in unconscious unison.

A beam of light shone through the window at just the right angle to land a strip of light across Tobi's eyes. The sun heated his face. He frowned and tried to turn over, but the solid body on one side and the edge of the bed on the other left him no room to maneuver. He groaned and opened his eyes in slits.

As soon as he opened them and saw the bright light, he screwed them shut again. He tried instinctively to raise his right arm to shield his face, but he found his limb was held immobile by a blond head. His arm had fallen asleep under the weight, and he felt pins and needles in his fingers when he moved them, but he didn't try to move Deidara. The artist's arm rested casually on Tobi's chest, and one of his legs was nestled in between Tobi's. The brunet doubted he could free himself from Deidara without waking the other man up.

Tobi didn't mind. He twisted his neck so he could watch the blond sleep without the sun burning out his eyes. Deidara smirked as he dreamt, and every once in a while he let out a half-mumbled cackle. 'Probably dreaming about blowing stuff up,' Tobi decided. He brushed a lock of golden hair out of the artist's face with his free hand. He wondered if Deidara would play with his hair if he ever woke up first.

The pale man didn't want to wake Deidara, so he couldn't go make breakfast yet…he _could_ just pretend to be asleep and wait for Deidara to get up. There was no telling what his sempai's reaction would be when he woke up. He might kick Tobi awake and demand his omelet, or he could just as likely 'wake' Tobi with kisses and gropes. Maybe he'd reveal some affectionate side of himself that he usually hid from Tobi, or cuddle with him and sigh.

Tobi lay his head back down on his pillow, closed his eyes, and waited for Deidara to wake up.

Five minutes later, he started poking Deidara's cheek lightly. If he could stir Deidara gently enough, the blond would think he'd woken up on his own.

Three minutes of poking-in-vain later, Tobi started shifting in his 'sleep'. Deidara mumbled sleepily. The arm on his chest gripped his shoulder and the leg brushed against Tobi's groin.

The ninja gasped at the feel of the contact. He hoped Deidara would wake up soon and take care of the growing problem Tobi now had. He rolled his shoulder again, a little more roughly this time.

Deidara grunted and lifted his head. Tobi stayed still and waited.

The hand on his chest slid down and stopped on his lower stomach. Warm fingers traced nonsensical patterns on the sensitive skin. Tobi bit his tongue to keep from laughing.

"Hmmph," Deidara snorted. His mouth hovered beside Tobi's ear, and he felt each hot, moist breath the artist took.

"I know you're awake," Deidara whispered. "You're smiling, un."

Tobi tried to straighten out his expression. It was impossible to do, now that he was trying. He kept his eyes closed and didn't move. The hand on his stomach slid lower.

"It wasn't nice of you to wake me up, un," the blond muttered. His lips brushed against Tobi's earlobe. "And you don't even have breakfast ready for me."

Deidara's fingers tapped the head of Tobi's erection. "I'm so hungry, I might have to eat this," he murmured.

Tobi felt his smile widen. He stopped trying to hide it.

"But I can't do that while you're sleeping. Too bad. I'll just have to starve, un," the blond lamented.

Tobi's eyes snapped opened. "Good morning. Oh my, sempai, you look famished this morning," he proclaimed. "It must be time to feed you."

Deidara's predatory smile showed off his canine teeth. "Yes, it is, un," he agreed.

…………………………………………….

The Thorn villagers stepped out of their houses, shut their doors, and scurried off to work, or to school, or to the stores to run errands. A few stopped by the pottery studio, but Deidara and Tobi didn't answer the door, so they figured they must still be asleep.

Morning was well underway when a knock came upon the village gate. The old guard posted there peeked over the wall from his post and saw the ninja. Two of them wore Sound Village headbands openly on their foreheads, while the third proudly displayed hers around her waist.

The people of Thorn were simple folk, they'd admit, and even a little too trusting and ready to see the good in people than was good for them. But one thing they were not was stupid. They weren't expecting the arrival of these ninja like they had Tobi's, and they'd heard stories about the Hidden Village of Sound.

"Will you open the gate?" One of the Sound Shinobi asked the guard politely.

"No," the man replied, adding "thank you," for manner's sake.

The ninja scowled. They didn't leave. The guard watched them nervously and waved down a passerby on the inside of the wall.

"Bring the Village Elder," he ordered quietly. "And tell everyone else to keep away from the walls."

………………………………………………………………..

Tobi hobbled into the kitchen, hair disheveled, clad only in boxers, and wearing the most satisfied grin to ever grace his face. He found a carton of eggs in the refrigerator and cracked a few into a bowl.

The omelets were going to have to be for brunch instead of breakfast. Deidara had woken up very hungry, it turned out.

The brunette switched on a burner and placed a pan on the stove to begin heating. He hummed while he beat the eggs. Across the hall, he heard Deidara turn on the water and step into the shower. The image of wet Deidara in his head made Tobi light-headed. He almost burned his hand on the frying pan when he went to pour the eggs in.

When the rapping sound came from the other side of the door, Tobi dropped his spatula in surprise. He'd forgotten there was a world outside of their home.

Tobi turned the heat on the burners down, slipped on his mask, and opened the door.When he saw the grave expressions on the faces of the Village Elder and the leading citizens of Thorn behind him, Tobi almost shut the door again. Nothing good would come from people gathering like that at his door. He kept the door open, but blocked the entrance with his body and gripped a kunai in the hand he had behind the door. If he and Deidara had been found out for Akatsuki members… he thought they could escape without hurting anyone, but he would be ready to defend himself.

"Tobi, we need your help," the elder pleaded. Behind him, the men nodded. Tobi sighed in relief. He tucked the kunai back into its hidden sheath on the wall.

"There are three Sound Ninja at the village gate asking for entrance," the elder elaborated.

"Don't let them in!" Tobi shouted. He'd heard from Zetsu-san what Sound ninja did to small border towns that couldn't defend themselves…

"We haven't. But they are insistent. We've told them to leave, and they will not comply. I don't know how to negotiate with ninja. Will you speak with them?"

Tobi nodded. "Let me get dressed," he murmured. The brunette shut the door and switched the stove off. Hurrying to his room, he dove into the first wrinkled shirt and pants he found crumpled up on the floor. Before his arms were all the way through the armholes, Tobi was pushing past the door and back out to the villagers.

"Is there a back way out of the village?" he asked frankly. He strode out ahead of the group. They had to jog to keep up with him on the way to the gate.

"There's a small path hidden in the woods for emergencies. Should I begin evacuating?" The elder asked. Dissent rose in the ranks.

"Why should we leave? There are only three of them, and a whole village of us?" The butcher complained.

"The wall is the only protection we have. If they find us in the woods, we'll be helpless against them," the doctor protested.

Tobi stopped. He turned to the butcher. "Three ninja of unknown capability could be more than a match for a village. There are some ninja strong enough to destroy a ninja village single-handedly." The masked man raised his voice and addressed the rest of the group.

"Don't set a foot outside of the village until I've checked to make sure it's safe. There could be more of them out there that you can't see. The Sound strategy is to lie in wait and allow the enemy to underestimate them." His steps quickened, leaving the men behind to stare in shocked silence.

Instead of jumping to the top of the wall, Tobi climbed the ladder like a civilian. He kept his body pressed low to the wall as he peered over. His eye swept the scene. A curse slipped from his lips.

Descending the wall as silently as he'd scaled it, Tobi met the elder's eye and shook his head.

"Show me the back path," he ordered. The old man led the way as quickly as his shaky frame would allow. As they walked, Tobi spoke to them.

"There are at least five more ninja out there, hidden in the shadows. The three that spoke to you were distracting you from noticing the rest," Tobi revealed. He winced at the terrified response his news received. Some of the men shivered outright, and even the most capable of the crowd gulped and paled.

The elder guided the men to a back section of wall with a barely noticeable seam. This time, the masked man scaled a tree and scouted out the forest beyond the wall. His sharingan eye immediately caught sight of a branch the swayed slightly against the wind.

Tobi dropped from the branch. "They're out there. I only see two, but there might be more. Keep a guard on this door, but don't let anyone open it," he commanded. The elder nodded to one of three sons, who took his place beside the hidden door.

"What do they want from us?" one of Tobi's neighbors asked.

"If we give them our money, they'll leave, won't they?" another speculated.

"Surely they won't bother us if we comply with them," a third man reasoned.

Tobi snorted. "You think they'd come all the way out here for money?" he snapped. "What they're looking for is a place to conduct their research away from Hidden Villages that would stop them…and in a new research facility, they'll need all new test subjects. They won't let you leave alive even if you cooperate with them."

The men blinked. Tobi wondered if he'd been too blunt.

"You mean…they use… _people_? That's not human!" Someone protested.

"You're kidding us, aren't you, Tobi? They don't really…do they?"

"Of course he's kidding! That's ridiculous. Sound ninja can't expect to just come in and get away with a crime like that," the butcher hissed. His voice shook; he wasn't far from hysterics.

Tobi threaded his fingers through his hair and sighed. He could deal with the villager's fear, but their outright denial of their situation baffled him. How could he help them if they wouldn't work with him?

He turned to the elder to appeal to the wise old man. "Elder-"

"Is there anything we can do, Tobi, or is the village lost?" The leader interrupted. Tobi smiled a faint smile, but it quickly faded.

"You need ninja to fight ninja, Elder. Civilians would be more of a burden than an asset on the battlefield," he said flatly.

"Can you fight them?"

Tobi counted to himself. Eight at the front gate, two at the back. "There are too many for me. I'm not strong enough to deal with ten men."

The elder bowed his head in despair. The other men groaned.

"But there is one person in the village who _is_ strong enough," Tobi continued. He looked down the road in the direction of his house.

………………………………………………………..

Deidara dried his dripping hair with a towel as he plodded into the kitchen. Tobi wasn't there, and neither was his breakfast. The blond scowled.

"I thought I had him better trained, un," he grumbled. He poked a cold, half-cooked pan full of eggs a poke with a spatula. With a disgusted grunt, he tipped the pan into the trashcan and let the egg-mush slump into the trashcan.

The artist dropped the pan in the sink and sank down into a chair. He nibbled on an apple as he waited for Tobi to come back from wherever he was and feed him properly. That masked bastard was going to get punished for making him wait. Deidara had been perfectly clear about his expectations about breakfast, and he hadn't even complained when Tobi put it off until almost lunch time. But leaving Deidara with a half-made omelet and just disappearing, that was unacceptable.

Tobi's punishment would involve handcuffs, Deidara decided. He smirked into his apple. He'd wait until Tobi cooked him his omelet (because he was still hungry, damn it!), then he'd cuff him to the bed and eat it in front of the taller man. Then he'd leave Tobi for an hour or two, see how _he_ liked it.

The handcuffs might come in handy later, too, the lecherous portion of his mind sniggered.

When the door opened, Deidara set down his apple, crossed his arms, raised an eyebrow, and waited for Tobi to come into the kitchen.

Tobi came into the kitchen, but he didn't apologize and beg forgiveness like he was supposed to. The brunet grabbed Deidara's wrist and dragged him to the bedroom.

"What the fuck are you doing, un?" the artist demanded. (He didn't struggle against Tobi's hold, though, because he was curious what it would lead to.)

Tobi didn't answer. He pushed Deidara down on the rumpled bed and knelt down. Deidara took a deep breath…and promptly exhaled when Tobi crawled under the bed and began searching through Deidara's belongings. The man wiggled out covered in dust. His hands clutched Deidara's clay pouch.

"What's going on?" Deidara asked again.

Tobi dropped the pouch in his lap and tugged Deidara's shirt over his head.

"There are Sound ninja at the gate, trying to get in. The village needs you to defend them," Tobi said.

"What?" Deidara gasped. "My chakra is sealed, un. I can't help," he pointed out.

Tobi's hand seals flashed by too rapidly for Deidara's eyes to follow. Even with his power sealed, Deidara felt the chakra like static electricity, sizzling on Tobi's fingertips.

"Sempai, Kakashi's extra seal is clever, but I watched him put it on you. I know how to remove it. Hold still." Deidara's eyes widened. How…he still didn't understand how Tobi could master any jutsu that he saw performed. What an annoying, but useful, ability. At least he could remove the seal.

The first unlocking of the seal felt like nothing more than a poke in the stomach. The second sent him reeling. He didn't _faint_, but he might have blacked out, just for a moment, at the onslaught of chakra rushing through his veins for the first time in months. The intoxicating thrill of power made his eyes water.

Tobi stood over him as he recovered. "Sempai, there are eight at the gate, and two at the back of town. I'll take care of the read guard; you go for the main force." His partner's voice sounded far away and muffled.

Deidara molded chakra in his arms and flexed his muscles. They protested a little under the strain of the surging power flowing through them, but a few months of inactivity couldn't counteract a lifetime of training and conditioning. After a few moments of basic chakra exercises, he felt as if his power had never been sealed.

He'd forgotten how _good_ it felt. He wanted to use his strength, prove the might of his explosion jutsu, reassert his S-rank class. Yeah, he was Akatsuki, feared across the world, and he was going to show those Sound Ninja why. It was time to introduce them to true art.

Momentary pain stabbed in his hands as his palms tore open and tiny mouths appeared. The little orifices dribbled blood and gaped for exploding clay.

"Sempai, are you listening?"

Deidara unzipped the pouch and fed his palms until they couldn't swallow any more. They chewed and molded the clay- how had he managed without them? His fingers seemed so slow, so cumbersome and inefficient now.

His right hand opened and a little bird flew out. Deidara followed it out of the house and filled it with chakra. It grew large enough to hold him and flapped its wings excitedly. Deidara jumped onto its back and lifted into the air.

"Don't bother with the ones in the back," he called to Tobi. "I'll take care of them, too, un." He ordered the bird forward without waiting for a response.

…………………………………………………

Tobi watched Deidara's flight. He listened when the artist tilted his blond head back and laughed at the sky. He gulped.

He ignored the footsteps behind him as his eyes followed Deidara's flight path.

"Tobi?" A feminine voice asked hesitantly. Tobi turned around to face Lin's mother. The woman clutched her arms to her body and rocked nervously as she spoke to him.

"Is it true what they're saying? That there's an army outside? That they'll chop us up and do tests on our bodies?"

Tobi hesitated. It wasn't quite true, but it was a close estimation. Making fine distinctions wouldn't do any good for his neighbor.

"There is a group of ninja at the gate, but Deidara-sempai and I are taking care of them," he reassured her. "They aren't expecting any resistance, or else they would've started their attack by now. We'll catch them off guard."

"Is Deidara-san even a ninja? I thought he was an artist," she said uncertainly.

Tobi patted her shoulder. "You should go back inside now. We'll send word when it's safe to come out. And don't worry," he said firmly. "Sempai is a very powerful ninja. He'll protect the village from the Sound ninja."

Lin's mother retreated to her house as Tobi bid. He waited until the lock on her door clicked into place before he hurried to the gate.

He had no doubts that Deidara could handle the ten Sound ninja. Whether he could protect the village from Deidara, if he needed to, he wasn't so sure.

……………………………………

Deidara circled the sky, cursing himself for forgetting his scope. He wanted to see his masterpieces as they detonated. It was never as thrilling having to observe from afar.

The eight at the front gate would need to be disposed of relatively quietly if he didn't want to alert the two at the back. The first batch of explosions would take skill and stealth. They'd make a nice warm-up. The rear guards could be his grand finale. Something big, flashy, to get him back into practice.

Eager hands dug into the clay pouches on his belt and devoured handfuls of clay. Twin sets of teeth chewed and licked, mixed and molded the medium.

Four earthen centipedes wormed their way out of each palm. Deidara stroked each one lovingly with a finger before he dropped them off of the bird. They fell, silently and gracefully. Each one landed in a different spot and started its journey towards its target.

Those Sound fools finally noticed him flying over their heads, watching him too intently to detect the centipedes crawling up their clothes. Deidara smirked. They hadn't been expecting a fight, had they? These untried ninja had been depending on their reputation to intimidate the villagers into submission.

He swooped lower to watch more closely.

The three ninja that weren't hiding hurled kunai and shuriken at him, but his avian creation dodged them with graceful ease.

The artist's fingers curled into a familiar hand seal. "Katsu!" he yelled. The centipedes enlarged simultaneously and curled around their respective victims, trapping them in their coils.

The ninja struggled against their bonds with growing panic. The centipedes constricted before any of them could use a substitution jutsu. Popping bones and stifled gasps filled the air.

"Let us go! We'll leave quietly!" they wailed. Deidara landed his bird.

"You came all the way to my village. I can't send you away before you've seen my art, un," he responded. The clay constraints tightened again. The ones that didn't lose consciousness screamed in pain.

"Mercy, please!" they sobbed.

Deidara met their eyes with a cold, calculating stare that only another Akatsuki ninja could rival. "You wouldn't have shown mercy to the villagers, un," he retorted. He formed the hand seal a second time. This time, his 'katsu' was drowned out by eight self-contained blasts.

………………………………………………….

Tobi found Deidara standing by the front gate. The artist's smiling face was spattered with blood. Smoldering piles of gore polluted the air with the smell of charred flesh. A centipede bomb looped around the artist's fingers in a figure-eight pattern. Deidara watched in thinly-hidden fascination.

Tobi wiped the drops of blood off of Deidara's cheek with his bare hand. "Sempai, why don't you let me… take care… of the men at the back? You go get cleaned up," he requested. He reached out and took the wiggling centipede from Deidara.

Deidara gave him a funny stare. He shook his head and snatched back his figurine. "No, this is MY show. Besides, you'd get yourself hurt, moron. Just stay out of my way and let the master artist work, un."

He patted Tobi on the head affectionately. He smelled like smoke and blood. The light in his eyes was that of a killer.

'What have I done?' the brunet wondered silently.

"Sempai," he whispered, "please stay here." Deidara waved his arm and his clay bird flapped over to him.

"It'll be over soon, un," the blond promised. He flew off.

Tobi didn't have time to tell him that that was what he was afraid of.

…………………………………………………….

The two Stone shinobi at the emergency exit to Thornhad heard his blasts and sensed danger Deidara found them in the woods, retreating at full speed with no regard for the fate of their companions.

The artist sent his chakra into the earth beneath their feet, which surged up and swallowed the men to their waists. They thrashed, unable to run.

Deidara formed a hand seal. The earth shook. A dirt pillar rose from the ground, carrying one trapped man with it. The earth column stopped when it reached Deidara's height. The ninja stared at the artist on his clay bird. He clutched a single kunai in his hand. The Stone ninja held it in front of him like a shield, not daring to throw it because the rest of his weapons were buried out of his reach.

Deidara held his palm out flat in front of the man. Spiders crept out of his hand and hopped from the clay bird to the earth pillar. Their spindly legs strained as they leapt onto the man.

Deidara detonated each spider individually, in rapid succession that sounded like the crackling of fireworks. The ninja on the ground watched and screamed.

"This is my village, un," Deidara told him. He stepped off of the bird and landed without a sound on the earth beside the terrified man. "Anyone who messes with my village dies, un."

The man in the ground nodded The blood of his companion dripped down his face, and he blinked to keep it out of his eyes. "I-I'll t-tell…I'll t-tell ev-v-v-eryone. N-noone will ever c-come here ag-g-gain," he stuttered.

Deidara stepped closer. His hands spat out a clay snake. It slithered up his arm, down his body, and to the ninja.

"I'll t-tell them…" he repeated hoarsely.

The snake curled around the man's head.

"No," Deidara corrected him, "you won't."

……………………………………………………….

The Village Elder and his sons ventured out of his house in the silence after the final explosion. "Tobi, have the Sound Ninja been defeated?" the Elder asked.

Tobi nodded.

"Wonderful. Boys, go tell everyone that it's safe to come outside! Tell them to prepare a feast for our village heroes!"

"Elder…I don't know if-"

"Don't be modest!" The elder interrupted. "You two saved the village! This is a time for celebration," the old man declared.

All around, men, women, and children began to file out of their houses. They cheered when they saw Tobi.

"I need to go find sempai," he muttered, and ran out.

……………………………………………….

Deidara stood on the branch of the highest tree in the forest overlooking the village. In his arms, he cradled a C-3 clay figurine. He looked out over Thorn and imagined what sort of explosion it'd make.

It was a beautiful village, with little houses spread out in nonsensical patterns, tiny gardens in the backs of yards, a park with a pond and a swing-set. Such beauty should be transient, he thought. It would get boring if he let it continue existing. And the blast would be so big, so loud... the bombs he used against the Sound ninja were too small to really satisfy him.

The blond raised up his arms and held the figurine out toward the village below. He could level Thorn, leave on his bird, and return to his life as a master artist and ninja. No more pot making, no more quaint village life, no more obscurity.

No more Tobi.

Deidara pulled the figurine back to his chest. Maybe…maybe pot making wasn't so bad. He was just starting to master the art of it, and he still needed to prove himself at the Market faire next year. He enjoyed people's appreciation of his art. He liked seeing them line up to purchase his works. Even the commissions he took at the shop earned him praise from his neighbors. Bomb-making never had that kind of reception.

The village was quiet, but he needed a little peace so he could concentrate on his creations. If nothing else, it was a place to return to when he went out into the world. He'd never had a home before, just places he stayed for a while. He belonged more in Thorn than he ever did back in Iwa. No one in Thorn forced him to do anything against his will. He might be able to deal with the rural quiet. He'd managed before he'd gotten his chakra back. The only thing that was different now was that it was _his_ choice, not Tobi's, whether he'd stay or leave.

Speaking of Tobi, he'd sworn to himself months ago that he'd blow the masked man up when he got his chakra back. He'd have to remember to do that.

Deidara cradled his explosive doll to his chest like a child and watched the village come to life. People streamed out of buildings, hurried into others with a sense of purpose. They looked like ants from where Deidara was. He chuckled a little as he watched them. They were so simple-minded, so oblivious to the horrors of the world beyond their walls.

"Pathetic," he muttered, but there was affection in his voice. 'I must be crazy,' he thought, 'to want to stay in a hick place like this.'

He let the chakra drain slowly out of his clay figurine, until the lump in his arms was nothing more harmful than a clump of wet dirt.

…………………………………………………….

Tobi found Deidara perched on a branch, laughing quietly to himself. He drew a kunai.

"Pathetic," the blond murmured to himself as he looked over the city. The fringed arm of a C-3 explosive peaked over his arm.

Tobi pulled his mask off and tossed it to the ground. His eyes watered too much to see with it in place. His fingers fumbled with the kunai.

This was the end. Deidara couldn't cope with the return of his chakra; he'd try to destroy the village. Tobi would've died for him, even would have killed for him, but he wouldn't stand by and allow Deidara to hurt innocent villagers. They didn't deserve death. Tobi had to protect the village, no matter how high the personal cost.

And the cost was high. Tobi knew he wasn't strong enough to stop Deidara. The first seal he'd placed on Deidara had been luck, plain and simple. There was only one way he'd be able to stop Deidara from detonating his explosive, one way to ensure the safety of the village. He had to use his kunai on Deidara, and end his destructive art permanently.

He'd use it on himself when he was done. He couldn't live without Deidara. He didn't deserve to.

Tobi crept closer. He felt an influx of chakra ahead of him.

The kunai slipped from his shaking hands. The blood…even with the quickest of strokes, it would still hurt his sempai; there would still be so much blood. He tried to draw another from his weapon pouch, but he ended up slicing himself on shuriken. A weapon would be useless in his fumbling grip.

"It's a beautiful village. It really would make a perfect explosion, un," Deidara said to him without turning around. 'I don't register as a threat,' he thought with a pang of guilt. If Deidara only knew…

Tobi stood with his chest to Deidara's back and wrapped his arms around him. Deidara leaned back against his chest.

He didn't need a kunai, he realized; he could just activate Zetsu-san's transportation jutsu, bring both of them into the trunk of the tree, and purposefully botch the jutsu. They'd both die instantly, together, with no blood to mar his sempai's beauty, no moment of pain and betrayal.

Tobi tightened his grip and prepared the jutsu. His chakra didn't respond. 'I have to do this,' he declared silently. 'I just need a minute…to say goodbye.'

Tobi buried his face into Deidara's neck and inhaled. The scents of smoke and blood lingered, but there was also the smell of damp earth. Deidara's exploding clay didn't have a scent like that. He looked over the artist's shoulder.

The figure in the blond's arms was made of normal, earthen clay. He prodded it with chakra, but there was nothing inside of the clay other than dirt.

Tobi released Deidara. The artist set the figurine on the branch facing the village, like a little guardian statue watching over Thorn. He turned around.

"What's your problem, un?" he demanded. Tobi wiped his eyes and sniffed.

"Nothing, sempai. They're making a feast for us in the village. I'm supposed to come get you," he replied.

"Hmph. Speaking of food, you never made me my breakfast, asshole, un!"

Tobi smiled. He threw his arms around Deidara again and kissed him soundly. "Tomorrow, I'll make you more omelets that you can eat, sempai," he promised. He let go of the blond and stepped back. "Come on, let's get back and let the villagers pamper us a little."

Deidara hesitated. "There's still one thing I need to do," he said. He reached into his clay bag, molded a weak clay spider, and threw it at Tobi's chest. The explosion knocked him backwards into another tree. His head hit the wood and his vision faded.

"No one messes with my chakra!" the artist proclaimed.

…………………………………………………………….

Tobi woke up stretched out on a wooden bench, with his head lying in someone's lap. He recognized the feel of the body and the smell of his sempai. He didn't open his eyes. Someone, he thought it was Deidara, wiped his brow with a cool washcloth.

"I think he's waking up," someone pointed out. Deidara lifted Tobi's head, slid out from beneath it, and set his head back on the bench gently.

"If any of you mention any of this to him, there will be consequences, un," he growled.

Tobi waited a moment before he stretched and opened his eyes. Deidara was seated across from him at the table, acting as if he hadn't just been nursing him. The villagers winked at Tobi out of Deidara's view, but he would've known even if they hadn't. Tobi didn't need Deidara to tell him he cared for Tobi; he already knew.

……………………………………………..

AN: The end, finally the end is here! So many months of my life spent writing this, and it finally concludes (except for the epilogue and side story epilogue, which I still need to write). I think, once I'm done with those, I'm going to go through withdrawal. Maybe I'll write a one-shot or two, but then I definitely am giving myself a break. I need to play some video games, damn it!, and maybe even do some school work. We'll see. Thanks to everyone who read, everyone who reviewed, and a double thanks to everyone who read AND reviewed!!!


	24. Chapter 24

Sculpting for Dummies

An: Ok, had a little trouble with a plagiarist since last I updated, so I'd like to take a moment to address the issue of copying this fiction, or any of my other works. I don't mind if people print out/save copies, quote lines, or post links to the story. That's cool (and kind of flattering as well. Strokes my ego.). Copying and pasting my story and claiming it at your own work is not cool. Claiming that I'm plagiarizing YOU: really not cool. Don't do it.

And just so people know what's legitimate and what isn't, here are the places where I have my stories under the pen name demonrubberducky

-livejournal, under the pen name demonrubberduck

-aarinfantasy forum, under the pen name llama63

If this fanfiction appears on any other site under any other pen name, chances are it's NOT me, and you might want to be a good fandom citizen and let me know (I'll give you a theoretical internet cookie or something. Not cake, because it's a lie).

I know this seems really tedious and unnecessary, but it's actually been an issue this past week. I apologize for this really long author's note, but I felt it needed to be addressed. Now, without further ado, here's what you've been waiting for: the epilogue.

Thanks once again to **4eversleeping** for beta-reading for me.

Epilogue:

Deidara and Tobi stay in Thorn village. They aren't deliriously happy there, but neither are they miserable. They have their problems, of course.

On some days, Deidara becomes overwhelmed by the monotony of village life. He breaks whatever pieces he is working on, screams, and storms out of his studio. He goes out into the forest and destroys a good chunk of woodland before his frustration is vented. (The villagers, although initially shocked by this phenomenon, nevertheless cope with it. If nothing else, they never have to worry about chopping firewood for the winter, with the debris around.)

Other times, Tobi gets fed up with Deidara's stubbornness and selfishness. He takes a mission, sometimes for a week, other times a full month, and stamps out of the gate in a fury. The artist is quiet and tense during his absence. He snaps at anyone who tries to comfort him, and the villagers learn to give him space. Tobi always returns to Thorn in half of the expected time, throws himself into Deidara's arms, and begs for his sempai's forgiveness. Deidara grants it…eventually.

The mouths in his palms interfere with work on his potter's wheel, so Deidara lets the extra orifices grow shut again. He still uses his chakra for traveling and attacking Tobi, but no longer tries to live as a ninja. He's an artist first and foremost, and he finds he really doesn't miss the way of a shinobi. Clay feels more natural in his hands than kunai and shuriken, and the only person he uses chakra on is Tobi; everyone else who pisses him off can be deterred by a cold glare. The artist likes that he isn't constantly fighting for his life, and that the biggest threat he faces is the persistent romantic advances of his customers at fairs.

Most days, Tobi won't venture out of his home without his mask. Still, he tries not to wear it when interacting with small groups of people. He finds he can't manage in a crowd without it, but he makes progress, and no one seems offended by the covering. For Halloween, a few village children dress up like him (Deidara snorts with laughter when, not being able to see out of the single tiny eye-hole, they stumble or run into walls. "They're getting into character, un," he sniggers.)

Despite the imperfections, the two former Akatsuki stay in Thorn. They make pottery and escort travelers and occasionally give in to the children's pleading for a ride on a clay bird. They fight with each other, then make up with minimal explosions. They travel to art shows and fairs to sell their creations and to take a break from the quietness of the village. And though they sometimes look longingly at the horizon and fantasize about more exciting places and adventurous lives, in the end, they always return home.

…………………………………………………………………..

Sasuke chases Itachi. Naruto chases Sasuke. Others get dragged along on the hunt, but they drift in and out of it, following more in support of their comrades than in pursuit of the one being chased.

Itachi makes sure to stay one step ahead of his little brother. He and Kisame avoid the younger Uchiha rather than engage him. Itachi doesn't reveal to his partner why he takes measures to keep Sasuke alive when it would be so much easier to just kill him; Kisame assumes it's a sibling thing. The blue man thanks the gods he was born an only child.

Sasuke follows his brother. Every once in a while, his Hebi teammates get fed up with running around; they break formation, head to the nearest inn, and declare a vacation. Sasuke doesn't join them. Every time _he_ reaches the breaking point, he looks forward, and thinks about his mission. He looks backwards, and focuses on the blond he knows isn't too far behind him, and finds the strength to keep going. The sooner he defeats Itachi, after all, the sooner he can let Naruto catch him and take him home.

Naruto sees glimpses of Sasuke all the time even when he isn't in sight. Even Sakura and Kakashi are growing weary of the endless quest to find their teammate, but Naruto refuses to give up. He hasn't really lived in Konoha since Sasuke's departure, and he doesn't plan on returning there without the Uchiha beside him. Home wouldn't be home without his rival there to annoy him. The chase is tiring, but lucky for Naruto, he's always had the best stamina of Team Seven.

None of the three men know what will happen when the running stops. To them, if doesn't matter. Knowing that someone is following and having someone to pursue wholeheartedly gives them all the purpose they need. As for the future, they plan to deal with it when it comes. Until then, the chase is everything.

…………………………………………………………………

Kakashi hurries to Thorn Village the first free moment he gets. With him, he carries a sealed envelope with Tobi's blood test results. He greets the two former Akatsuki, gives Deidara a quick look-over, and sensing nothing, drags Tobi out of the house to talk.

When they reach the privacy of the back yard, Kakashi hands him the envelope and tells him what it contains.

"Kakashi, listen," Tobi says to him gently. "I don't know if I was Obito or if I wasn't…but I'm not anymore. I can't be your old teammate." He hands the envelope back, unopened. "But if we can start over, I'd like to be your friend."

The masked man slips off his mask. Kakashi scrutinizes the face underneath. It resembles Obito's face…but it also resembles Sasuke's and Itachi's. An Uchiha face, definitely, but it lacks the baby-fat that Obito carried. An Obito-grin decorates his lips, but Kakashi hasn't seen another Uchiha smile that broadly to know if it is an Uchiha or purely an Obito smile.

Kakashi hesitates, then tugs down his own mask. He bites his lip nervously as Tobi meets his eyes, but the other man doesn't comment. Instead, he extends a hand. Kakashi takes it and shakes

"Hi, I'm Tobi. It's nice to meet you," he says.

"I'm Kakashi. The pleasure's all mine."

………………………………………………………

Kakashi drops in to check on Deidara and Tobi when he can. There is no pattern to the visits because there is no pattern to his irregular schedule. The villagers give Deidara and Tobi warning when they see the Konoha ninja at the gates so the artist has time to mask his chakra before Kakashi ever sees him.

The silver-haired man focuses more on Tobi during his visits anyways. He checks to see that the villagers are safe and healthy, that Deidara isn't rampaging around, then he seizes Tobi. They talk for hours, about Konoha and the Uchiha clan, about the ongoing search for Sasuke, and about the various books they like to read (most start with Icha and end with Paradise, but a few legitimate works of literature worm their way in as well).

Tobi enjoys Kakashi's presence for two reasons. First of all, he enjoys having a friend. Second of all…Deidara never quite gets over his suspicions about Kakashi's motives. Every time he hears Kakashi is in town, he drags Tobi into the bedroom and doesn't let him leave until Tobi is so sated that he couldn't cheat if he tried. Despite Deidara's show of mistrust, Tobi never complains.

………………………………………………………

Kakashi wonders a little why Tobi always seems so content in such a boring village, but he guesses that after Akatsuki, maybe peace and quiet is desirable.

After his first return home from Thorn, Kakashi opens the envelope that Tobi didn't want, and looks at the contents. He doesn't tell anyone else what the results were, but underneath his mask, he smiles. He stops spending three hours at the Memorial Stone every morning; instead, he stops there, says a quick prayer for the departed, and moves on.

The remaining two hours and fifty-five minutes he puts to good use at the Konoha Academy, spying on and pestering a certain chuunin sensei that works there.

……………………………………………………………….

Iruka smiles every morning when Kakashi appears at his workplace, although he hides the expression before the jounin can see it. He won't admit it aloud just yet, but he enjoys the attention the man gives him. Whenever Kakashi finally gets up the courage to ask him out, Iruka plans on saying yes…but until then, he doesn't mind teasing the man a little. It's rather amusing, watching an elite jounin skirt around the issue like a nervous Academy student trying to ask their crush to the end of the year dance.

Iruka finds Kakashi attractive and he's pretty damn sure Kakashi feels the same way about him, and the hesitant flirting they're engaged in is promising; however, there's a line between playing a game and wasting time. The chuunin promises himself that if Kakashi hasn't made an actual move by the New Year, Iruka will pounce on him at the New Year's party.

He has the countdown to New Years marked on his calendar, and every morning when Kakashi comes in, he smirks and crosses off another day.

………………………………………………………………

The villagers aren't stupid. They knew from the start that two ninja settling down in a small border-village like Thorn must have something to hide, and after the Sound attack, putting two and two together isn't very difficult.

They know that Deidara is _that_ Deidara, but they also know that he is the one that saved their lives. Deidara and Tobi are Thorn's private heroes, and the villagers protect them in return.

There isn't much they can do, at first. They send over food, because it is painfully obvious that neither ninja can cook a nutritious meal. They turn a blind eye when they hear blasts and see smoke rising from the clay studio. They send a messenger to tell Deidara and Tobi when the Konoha ninja drops by. It isn't much, but they're happy to do it.

Deidara and Tobi never even know that the hunter ninja arrives one day. He meets with the village elder and asks about a clay-worker who might be 'the dangerous S-ranked criminal'.

The elder shakes his head. "Oh dear," he tells the hunter. "Everyone makes that mistake. It's dreadfully troubling for our Deidara." He guides the ninja to the studio and they peer through the window.

"Deidara is a family name, you understand. That Akatsuki fellow is the black sheep of the family, giving the rest of them- good folk, masters of pottery- a bad reputation," the elder lies.

The ninja observes the artist inside. The man resembles the photo in his Bingo Book, but there are some differences. The artist's hair is pulled into a simple ponytail and his face is older, more serious than the boy the hunter is searching for. The hands, when he washes off the clay covering them, lack the characteristic mouths.

"You can speak with him if you need to, but he finds mention of his horrible cousin terribly upsetting," the man explains. The hunter shakes his head. He's traveled across the continent following the unfounded rumor that the Akatsuki member _might_ have survived the blast that wiped out an entire forest. He saw the destruction of the blast, and he's convinced the man is dead; even if he wasn't, he really doesn't think the self-proclaimed artist would be in a village like Thorn. The elder implies that if the hunter speaks to the potter inside the studio, the wispy blond will become hysteric. The hunter weighs his options, trying to decide if questioning him is worth the headache.

"It's not necessary. Sorry for the trouble." The man leaves, and the villagers breath a sigh of relief.

They never bother finding out the crimes that Deidara was wanted for. What happens outside of the village doesn't bother them, and they don't begrudge their hero a second chance.

If you ask any villager in Thorn who their favorite artist is, every one of them, old or young, replies, "Deidara."

……………………………………………….

Among the piles of paperwork that clutter her office, Tsunade finds a memo that declares Deidara of the Akatsuki officially dead. She reads the details, that he was killed in an explosion during a battle with the missing ninja Uchiha Sasuke.

She flips though the reports that Kakashi has filed, detailing the prosperity of Thorn Village with the trade revenue from Deidara and Tobi's artwork and the general state of wellbeing surrounding them.

Tsunade doesn't _lie_ about the proclamation. She just doesn't bother to correct it. If she did, she'd have to explain how she knew, and that would create entirely too much paperwork. There would be an investigation, which would require overtime, and Shizune keeps the Hokage locked in her office too long as it is.

The pigtailed woman balls the memo up and tosses it in the trash. "To second chances," she murmurs, and takes a swig of sake.

……………………………………………………….

Tobi fixes Deidara doll and the Tobi doll. Both are rather ragged and scarred, but his loving stitches piece them back together. He harasses Deidara until the other molds the heart into the proper shape, and places it inside.

Instead of a thin red thread to bind them, Tobi finds a braided red curtain cord and ties them firmly together.

"Not very subtle, un," Deidara remarks when he sees it.

"Neither am I, sempai," Tobi reasons.

Deidara snatches the dolls from him and shoves them into the back shelf of his storage room. They reveal entirely too much for him to allow anyone else to see them.

"You're a fucking moron, un," he tells Tobi once the dolls are safely hidden.

"I love you too, sempai," Tobi replies.

Deidara smacks the back of his head with his palm. "Shut up, un," he commands.

"I love you, I love you, I loooooove you," Tobi sings. He dodges Deidara's second attack and dances just out of arm's range. Deidara turns to leave.

"I hate you, you loser, un," the artist mutters to himself.

"What was that, sempai? You _hate_ me? You didn't seem to hate me when Kakashi was here last week." Tobi smirks at him. A blush starts to creep across Deidara's face. "I seem to recall _someone_ dragging me into the bedroom and doing naughty things to me before he'd let me go visit."

Deidara keeps his eyes trained on the door. "Che. You think _that_ was naughty?" He whispers. "You haven't seen anything yet."

The blond disappears into his bedroom. He leaves the door cracked open.

"Yet…" Tobi repeats with elation, and follows his sempai inside.

…………………………………………………………….

AN: The end! Finally, finally, the end!

If you read the side story, there's a final chapter of that to be released soon. But other than that, this story is over!!! Thank you everyone for the reviews and the wonderful feedback you've given me. I enjoyed writing this for you.


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